Are you weighing a decision around leaving or trying to maintain a troubled relationship. I wanted elaborate on yesterday’s video – Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Decisions made at this time will have long lasting repercussions. Here are some other things to consider.
Do you own your end when a relationships fails?
I you know, I think I do own my end to a large degree. I’ve got a ton of Libra in my chart, and so I tend to sit around weighing and measuring the whole of it for a long time, and the control-freak part of me wants to take all the blame, if I can, because then I am in charge and I can do something about it. In fact, in my most recently ended friendships, I have felt a lot of guilt, thinking to myself, “Was it really worth ending that friendship over that lack of respect, the negativity, the clear fact that the person didn’t actually like you on some level? Maybe if you’d just been more forgiving….” But then I have to actively remind myself, “Hey, you didn’t do this alone. It isn’t entirely up to *you* to make the moves to fix those friendships. They didn’t email. They didn’t call. They didn’t ask how they could help things, or make any moves at all. In both cases, you made moves toward them that they didn’t reciprocate. How can you take on full responsibility when they ended it just as much, if not more, than you did. Just because you’re not going to chase after them and beg them to be your friends, doesn’t put you in charge of the end. Fact was, they didn’t want to be your friend, and so they ended it just as much as you did. Step back from trying too much of it, Rkkggg. You don’t have to be in control of everything. It isn’t all up to you.”
Uh. I apparently still need to tell myself that. Over and over. I keep feeling, though, like our mutual friends blame *me* for the friendships falling apart, and see me as the instigator of the friendships ending, but maybe that’s just me projecting my own control freak issues on them – 8th house stuff? I’ve got a packed 8th house, all Libra. Gotta love it.
This is such a hard pill to swallow. I swear I didn’t relaize I was so phobic until Saturn Libra. And now that we are at the end I really just want to jump ship even though I KNOW that’s the wrong thing to do. (Libra Moon in 12!) I am so glad you posted this.
Ahhh! That was potent. Thank you, Elsa.
Also: totally what AddyB said!
@ Bananas….I swear every other week I change my mind about this. I’m getting the sense that knowing that I am commitment phobic by nature is more important than staying or leaving the situation. This brings me relief…even if its totally wrong. At least now we can operate from a place of truth!
one more thing: i just googled this and i can’t believe how i’m already feeling the effects of saturn on top of my scorpio moon.
I am going to have a field day with Saturn in Scorpio.
By the way, I appreciate the feedback. 🙂
Thank you for those videos Elsa!
But if you haven’t found a relationship during Libra Saturn, does it mean that you failed?
“But if you haven’t found a relationship during Libra Saturn, does it mean that you failed?”
No, I would not say that!
I want Saturn to go on vacation. I’ve barely recovered from this Libra situation! From a research perspective sweethiez I don’t think you fail if you get the (relationship) lesson. Right?! omg I hope so.
Understanding why you’re unable to form a relationship and spending the next 28 years correcting the matter and get judged when Saturn comes back in Libra is how you see if you really understood your problem is the way to go… right?
“No, I would not say that!”
Glad to hear it cause I dont want to wait 28-30 years for another chance. I just keep telling myself that Im still cleaning up from the last one and what I am to learn will become known as Saturn enters Scorp. In libra its in my 5th until it reaches 4 scorp… hopefully by then I’ll be in even better shape 🙂
For me Saturn in Libra was (is) a test about setting boundaires, not taking all the blame or blaming to other. Is acting (or deciding not to act) because od a reason, and assuming its consequences.
I tend to be very responsible regarding compromises and specially in relationships. I have saturn in libra natally (as well as mars and pluto)
I didn´t partnered up since saturn entered libra. I´d broke a relationship a couple of months before.
Sometimes it has been hard since i also have a lot of neptune (blurring boundaires) and sag/gem (naivete)
So… moving along
The moon at 11 Leo is sitting right on top of my Pluto 11 Leo in the 7th house, as I watch this video, and yesterdays, and am reading this. Yes ma’am, it’s resonating with me…big time. My greatest comfort is that I have begun to own my wants and needs and dark side and the import of what it means to have Pluto in the 7th. My first failed marriage began in 1967 and my 2nd failed marriage ended in 2010. I have living alone, but not lonely, for 15 months now… and I don’t have the slightest interest in dating or meeting men now. That’s a milestone for a Libra, I’m thinking.
It’s crunch time. I’m done waiting for him to climb out of his shell and make a decision. If things don’t work out now then they’ll never work out between us, and I’ve made the decision to go back to being my brooding, lonely self if it happens.
I have this dark cloud hovering over my head that’s telling me he won’t and choose to stay in his comfort zone and not do a thing. I took the plunge into the cold water to make it up to this point (Cappy ascendant says I’m scared as hell of rejection), and the least I could get is that he do the same.
but for once I just want to be proven wrong 🙁 I want him to pull through so badly.
Saturn in Libra is teaching me that I have been commitment-phobic in my approach to relationships, but that I am fully capable of commitment in the relationship that is right for me.
Saturn is trans my 9th. I am hoping I find a new relationship before it leaves Libra. Maybe with a “foreigner” who has decided that he does finally want his own family. I’m not dating yet, so I’d like to get cracking! My Aries Sun is ready to try again, and I know what I want, so now I just have to meet the right guy!
I have decided that if I have to move away from my parents after getting married (9th house), that is A-okay with me.
Just found that tranisting Saturn is in my 10th house, in a chart that’s ruled by Saturn and dominated by Capricorn planets (go figure)
no wonder I’m feeling extra capricorny these days
I see it like, if you aren’t in a Relationship, it means you need to do work on yourself re how you relate etc. To set yourself up better, for the next Relationship that does come along.
Of course, it was always my fault. I must have mistook him for someone else. Boo hoooooo!!!!
I think you are spot on about the shared journey with the partner. Something both want to do together. I just did relationships like it was just one of the things I did. And there really was no glue to hold them together through the bumps. I really don’t have any reason to be in a special relationship that I can see. I wonder if natal saturn in scorpio (shared resources slant) puts the kabosh on that? Perhaps more light will be shed on that when transiting saturn moves to scorp.
my boyfriend and I are in funny place. we’re a year & a half into the relationship and are deciding to work together on his farm and get some animals, etc. but at the same time we’re falling into a kind of domestic stagnation. the puppy love is gone and we’ve become very functional to each other, but also kind of distant. your video really helped me want to stick this out and see what gives as the season changes. at the same time, I can not stay in a place where the love has run dry. is this immature? aquarious sun, aquarious sac. & libra moon. Venus in the 12 th house.
This is really great stuff. Thanks!
@AddyB–your number 6 comment is exactly my situation!
Spot on Elsa, great videos, this is exactly what himself and I are going through. We’ve had a goal since the relationship began 4 years ago but he runs out just as we can realise it. I too have to own some of the commitment phobia. If we don’t make it happen soon, I’m off.
relationships are _work_. and there seems to be a steep learning curve. been in this one four years, when my previous record was three months so… maybe i’m finally learning. the biggest thing for me was… finding someone i trust enough to make an effort to work with me. who wouldn’t undermine me. it’s made a huge difference…