The soldier and I watched La Bamba this weekend, a movie I have never seen for some reason. It was striking because the guy who plays Ritchie Valens brother in the movie looks astonishingly similar to the soldier’s old friend, Speedy and acts like his to some extent as well. Then there is the love story of course.
The soldier wound up singing “Oh, Donna” to me all weekend, substituting my name for hers which was both embarrassing and amusing and we talked a lot about men in love… some of these conversations are coming up.
It’s very heartening to hear from a man’s man about men loving women. Turns out they really do love us a lot of time, too bad we don’t register this as well as we might. Because if I had any doubt about what he was saying when I went looking for the song on youtube, I found one man after another after another after another of all sizes, shapes and colors singing this torchy song so apparently they can relate.
Are you aware of men loving women or does it seem otherwise to you?
I’ve been blessed by being loved to death by manly men my whole life (starting with my dad).
the biggest challenge for anyone in love is letting go of your expectations of how that love is expressed.
I consider myself indescribably lucky because I’m married to a man who loves me like crazy. (and vice versa). I used to think they didn’t exist though.
I’ve had almost zero experience with men who love. my dad was a lothario. my other dad is single.
I look on other people’s long-term loves with near reverence, tho.
Are you aware of men loving women or does it seem otherwise to you?
Since I am a man and clearly not entitled to an opinion, I cannot say.
I would say that I have occasionally experienced this here alien emotive complex referred to as love. Unpleasant business really.
max
[‘There’s all this stuff about committment and my bank account.’]
Sometimes. Have yet to believe this ever has or will ever happen to me. I love their music though…men in love make beautiful music.
Oh yeah. I have enjoyed been the object of lovesick men on and off throughout my life. One man presented me with a very large portfolio of poems, journals and insights he had written about his obsession with me after his unrequited love had ebbed. An anonymous fellow slipped a very personal poem about loving me from afar into my inbox at work one Valentine’s Day… I’ll admit it, my Venus in Leo loves this kind of attention.
I like attention. However, I’m a Leo with a lot of Virgo, so whenever someone went over the top, I’d cringe. I’d dive under the bed if someone sang at the top of their lungs!
oh god, yes, i’m aware of men loving women. it seems that sometimes, some women may not register it because they may not express it the same way.
my husband loves the holy hell outta me, and i know it. and i value it, believe you me.
i feel it when he looks at me, and when he touches me, and when he refills the winshield wiper fluid in my car to help make sure i’ve got clear vision when i’m driving or reminds me it’s icy outside or something…in a million ways, he shows me.
Currently watching my grandfather tend to my dying grandmother. This man used to be the silent distant ’50s type of man. But he is gently putting a sponge into his wife’s mouth, so she can drink. He buys her soft blankets for her medical bed. He holds her hand and cries. He loves her so much it is breaking his heart. And my visiting husband watches all of this and looks at me with so much tenderness it makes me blush. Yes yes yes men can love!
of course they do.
some of them, anyway.
a lot of them, probably. more likely the question is how, rather than if.
it’s sort of a strange question, to me.
I obviously never valued the love I received from past boyfriends who went out of there way to cook for me, dote on me with surprises, and leave me sweet messages throughout the day..why? Because I figured they or (him) did that with every girl he was trying to seduce. I never fully trusted his expressions…because love for me wasn’t the mushy kind growing up. It was quiet and serious.
@whosthatlady, I so understand this. lol. my 1st husband didnt cook for me but he was sweet in other ways, and then i realized he was sweet with every woman who was fairly attractive. *smh* when a man commits, and wants to marry and there is “long term” till death do us part – i’m think we are gonna be buried together in the ground. I like that type!
Elisa: my 1st husband didnt cook for me but he was sweet in other ways, and then i realized he was sweet with every woman who was fairly attractive.
Should he have been cruel? Was he mean to women he wasn’t attracted to? Was it insincere?
max
[‘Such a strange subject.’]
Nobody is fkin lovesick about me that’s for sure. .
Realizing I’m slowly getting alienated from men I’d like and culture in general. Though categorically nobody goes for this grandma of thirty anyway.
Kri: Nobody is fkin lovesick about me that’s for sure. Realizing I’m slowly getting alienated from men I’d like and culture in general.
Join the club. In both cases.
Though categorically nobody goes for this grandma of thirty anyway.
That sounds like something patience will cure.
max
[‘When you get old enough, they’ll like grandmas.’]
You’re a cool dude, max
I’ve seen men lovesick about some very particular chicks. Body type of Kylie Jenner I guess. The high maintenance hot kind. At least here their taste is super refined I guess
The most lovesick men I know are with women who are on the cold side. Occasionally I meet a woman who seems to adore her partner as much as he adores her but see the former more often than the latter.
ScottishFoldSoul: The most lovesick men I know are with women who are on the cold side.
That’s probably it.
max
[‘”I have grown older and you have grown colder and nothing is very much fun, anymore…’]
I think it is, Max. For a lot of guys, pursuit makes for better love than actual love. I’ve never seen a woman love a man more than she loves him and be better off for it.
ScottishFoldSoul: For a lot of guys, pursuit makes for better love than actual love.
Hrmm. Might be. Dunno. That seems likely to be true for a lot of people. (Seven year itch et al.) ‘It was fun for awhile and then it wasn’t.’
I’ve never seen a woman love a man more than she loves him and be better off for it.
Um, ‘more than he loves her?’ you mean? I can say I’ve been at both ends of the equation. In the same relationship.
max
[‘All of which begs the question of ‘true love’.’]
I think maybe, yes. Unless they are soulmates I suppose. Like Jessi Klein and her husband I guess, I’m listening to her audiobook for fun
I knew I wrote something wrong there. Yes, I meant to say “more than he loves her.” What was it like when the tables turned? Better, worse?
ScottishFoldSoul: I knew I wrote something wrong there. Yes, I meant to say “more than he loves her.”
Sorry to be annoying. 😉
What was it like when the tables turned? Better, worse?
Oh, way worse. It went from a mutual thing where I was the one looking out for her as I was the way more patient one to a non-mutual thing with me looking out for her and she was coldly detached. But as she was wont to say, she was a coldly vindictive ice queen when she wanted to be – Cap Moon, Venus in Scorpio.
I don’t know what true love is, I’ve never come close to experiencing it.
Bummer. I say I had some true love, certainly on my part (I pretty much went to the wall for her), but not enduring. On her end, at any rate. C’est la vie.
max
[‘No doubt some of it was my fault.’]
I don’t know what true love is, I’ve never come close to experiencing it.