I’m just out of a relationship. The long and the short of it is that she loved me, but out of fear she dumped me for a married man. Now I know I did everything I could in this situation…. in fact, I held on for too long. But in the end, she chose him.
This is of course the edited version. But I keep finding myself in this kind of situation. I keep hearing, “You are wonderful and amazing and fantastic and perfect and someone I would be so happy spending the rest of my life with, BUT…”
Now I happen to think I am all these things. But once you’ve heard this speech a few times, the words start becoming hollow.
I’ve done my best to avoid drama situations. I used to always go for “broken” women… the White Knight syndrome I suppose. I’ve accepted this about myself and have fought to get out of that pattern. Both of my last relationships were with people I thought were, for lack of a better word, “okay”. It was later in the relationship that I found out how damaged they were… and the pattern began again, I suppose.
Any insight you could give would be greatly appreciated.
Left Holding the Bag
So you heal your partner and you wind up wounded, huh? Well, I hate to tell you, but this “White Knight” thing is one of your jobs out there, so I think you’re going to have real trouble getting out of it.
That would be like a Virgo getting out of helping people. Forget about it! It’s not going to happen. But that same Virgo can discriminate. They can decide who they’re going to nurse and who can go begging and you can do similar. So here’s my plan:
Consider giving up on other people’s values. See if you can quit trying to chase down what other people say is ideal as far as relationship. You know. It ought to be this. It ought to be that.
Instead, embrace the idea that sacrificing yourself and “White Knighting” is in your nature. If you can do this, I bet you will find yourself feeling empowered and simply more aligned with everything around you. At that point – Stage Two.
This part is a personal trick. I figured this out one day and thought I was a genius. Since you know you’re going to heal your partner…and it’s going to wound you, what the hell? It seems like you’re hosed, but then I saw the solution! You only need find someone in the same condition as you. They’re out there and this works. Here’s how:
You heal them and become broken, which triggers their tendency to heal their partner. They turn around and care for you – which breaks them, causing you to step in and heal them…
Laugh if you want, but this works. I know, I’m living it. So this is who you’re looking for. Another wounded healer. It goes without saying; you must expose your wound, yes? Which is what you did when you wrote me, so you’re on your way.
Try a personal ad: “White Knight seeks same…”
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