I have Venus in aspect to Neptune. I’ve written about the sensitivity to music and the deception which is perpetrated by the Venus Neptune person. As often as they are preyed upon, they’re usually more comfortable in the victim role then they are owning their side of things. Assuming they can see their side of things! Often they can’t.
Relationships (Venus) can drain (Neptune) a person who has this aspect or energy in their chart. I’m talking about Venus in aspect to Neptune, Venus in Pisces, Neptune in the 7th house or Venus in the 12th. People can really wipe you out. You pray to escape them.
Barring a strong Mars or a streak of candor (I have these), the Venus Neptune person is not likely to tell you how they feel. They conceal things from the other as a matter of routine; particularly things that might be hurtful to you.
Venus Neptune will avoid you. They’ll go into hiding, or they may escape into drink or drugs, all to get away for reasons they may not even be able to define. It is not uncommon to see a normally hearty person, all of the sudden damned near disabled. It’s because the tide went out, that’s why. This is disturbing on both sides of the equation.
If you’re in a relationship with a Venus Neptune person you may have no idea your partner is struggling. The Venus Neptune person struggles to remain an ideal. Meanwhile they’re melting. If this goes on long enough and Venus Neptune is badly drained, he or she may avoid you for days, weeks, months or even years.
With Venus Neptune, you’re dealing with a mermaid of sorts. It’s a struggle to be on land and act like it’s normal. We tend to hang around people who are attuned to nuance because of this. I need people who can see when I’m beginning to fade. They are willing to look the other way while I slip under the water and renew myself.
Who can relate?
Yeah, I relate.
Having a strong 8th house amplifies this for me. The Venus/Neptune drained feeling plus the will to amputate and reform.
I have one friendship I just left out of sheer exhaustion six years ago that I’d like back, but I think it’s too late.
Wow I have mars neptune and venus neptune and I can relate. In fact I’ve been feeling this of late. Im incredibly drained of people and the tide is out for me. My 8th house and scorpio add to this too, similar to kr. Drained then ampute, expel and rejuvenate.
I’ve been recharing from alot relationship/friendships, I havent fully amputed because there is an exchange of energy that is beneficial but for now its out of balance and I needed to form a boundary so I’ve left the scene and taken a step back.
:/ this is exactly how I feel at times and I am working hard to always be honest with myself. I get lost in music, start making crap up in my head and then get mad at people for not living up to what I thought in my head… but on the other end…I’m soooo super sensitive to peoples feelings… i can almost become them (i mimic spontaneously and super well) and i’m left confused because I never know when i am experiencing my feelings or someone else’s feelings. The people I love get upset because I withdraw… I literally feel like I’m drowning in someone else’s feelings and sometimes it so intense that I can’t even get out of bed. Sometimes I really feel like I’m going nuts, how can I start feeling what someone else is feeling from nowhere? It’s so annoying. I have Venus/Moon/Mars (Pisces-11th house) squaring Neptune in the 8th house…
Venus is on my 12th house cusp, but still on the side of my 11th. But this sounds spot on for how I feel most of the time. With my sun, merc & mars all in the same sign and merc/mars in my 1st, I try to work from there to be as straight and seen as me as possible (if that makes any sense). But there’s always a part of me (sun & venus? in 12th) that just is not seen or understood. It’s very taxing and draining, I need private time to just be me,
Yes. I lumped this phenomenon of being drained (neptune) by relationship or love (venus) with abusive situations and being misunderstood, having projections thrown at me even while trying to explain. Never thought of it purely on its own level before. Food for thought for tonight.
Yep, its all true for me as well. Venus oppose Neptune t-squaring to Saturn. I’ve finally come to realize that I’m an empath and need periods of seclusion to recharge. I can only be with people for a very short period of time…..a few hours at most. I need my next partner to support this in me. Judith Orloff writes about this very eloquently in her books, since she is all about emotional empathy and energetic boundaries.
Yup. Mermaid struggling on land, alright!
I can relate, and yet that signature Venus-Neptune aspect has never been as clear as now; thanks to your blog here.
I relate to this bit particularly …”Barring a strong Mars or a streak of candor (I have these), the Venus Neptune person is not likely to tell you how they feel. They conceal things from the other, as a matter of routine; particularly things that might be hurtful to you.
Instead, Venus Neptune will avoid you. They will go into hiding, or they may escape into drink or drugs, all to get away from the other for reasons they may not even be able to define.”
I have a strong Scorpio and Mars character to my chart and my life, so I will (eventually) speak of my hurt. But, that might takes years. What you have helped to uncover for me is the grand trine I have between Neptune in the 9th House in Libra with Venus in the 11th House in Sagittarius and Pluto in the 7th House in Leo. My working philosophy (9th House) is intensely affected by my relationships (Pluto in 7th). I am wiped out by hurt and though I do appear steady and hearty with so much Capricorn, the years of long-term chronic illness wiped the illusion (Neptune) beyond doubt. That has been the nature of my life for the past seven years.
Things are changing and thanks to astrology, Elsa P. in particular, I relate to the low, low tides with increased grace. It also helps, I think, to have a newly growing Piscean friendship in my life. Jupiter is offering me buoyancy and a touchstone for luck. Wow, there’s always something and I’m glad to know I can believe that.
Thanks again, Elsa.
Oh wow, this explains so much. Now I have new appreciation for my Saturn/Moon square to my Venus/Neptune conj., because I think without that (and Mars conj. Sun), I would’ve been burned out long, long ago.
I am able to recognize in myself the happy willingness to let someone drain me to the dregs if I can keep believing in the ideal of them. Fortunately, Saturn and Mars will not tolerate such.
I learn something everyday here. Libra rising and Neptune in the first house. I get drained and crawl into a book or sleep to get a rest. This has always been a struggle for me.
“We tend to hang around people who are attuned to nuance because of this. I need people who can see when I’m beginning to fade and who are willing to look the other way while I slip under the water and renew myself.” – 🙂 That made me smile
Such an in depth analysis..thank you!
“It’s a struggle to be on land and act like it’s normal.”
So true!! I go in and out with the tide. Sometimes I wish I was a solid rock, maybe that would make my life easier to manage. I have to tap other aspects of my chart because I am *consistently inconsistent* due Venus-Neptune. It is in fire so you can imagine all the inevitable mood swings. Sometimes I burn up with exuberance and other times I am so dim and dark.
I am in love with a Venus square Neptune man. I can tell when he’s fading and vice versa and we hold each other up that way.
I have a repetitive frustration with getting summoned from the deep and then left high and dry. I need to be met at least half way. If not, I am tending not to surface anymore.
I have a wide forming square natally, and a wide forming conjunction progressed. I wouldn’t change my whacked past relationships, no matter how terribly some ended. But I am too old for that nonsense now.
This describes me to a T, I’m pretty infamous for plain ‘ole *poof* disappearing! Venus in opposition to Neptune with Neptune conjunct my descendant (amongst other such lovely aspects).. I’m there, then I’m just not. It’s hard for people to not take it personally at times but it really is just part of who I am.
Oh wow. I really totally agree on a lot of what you said.
I have Cap Neptune in the 9th Qx Gemini Venus in the 2nd.
I have always tried my best to live up to people’s ideas of me and then I get too overwhelmed and want to break free. I always attributed this to simply being a Gemini, but this makes lots more sense. I really loved this post Elsa!
Amazing description! I always wondered what was wrong with me!!!
Crickey that described my last few years. Actually has disabled me. Trying to get back on top.
Amazes me that those who know how much a person has been through, troubles them with drama over very solvable things. I announced I was going into hiding yesterday great idea. They were still back today with the same sssh…what the?
bingo! 11/1/64, 340pm bklyn ny was just talking about this. i am 47 never married and i have always made bad choices when it came to love 🙁 def have been a wee bit victim-y about it too…i reference my birth data because this year’s solar return was confusing–Venus square Neptune…is love real? sometimes the Venus Neptune square means there is no physical connection…
Venus trine Uranus…a friend becomes a lover? Uranus makes a friend for life, but no sex there, either. as it’s been 3 years since any intimacy, i know it’s time for love but…
enter, adorable wonderful man 20 years my junior but in a relationship. amazing soulmate connection but my timing is awful 🙁 wondering if it could ever work in the future but refuse to live in hope. regardless, it’s absolutely fascinating how this all works!!
“With Venus Neptune, you’re dealing with a mermaid of sorts. It’s a struggle to be on land and act like it’s normal. We tend to hang around people who are attuned to nuance because of this. I need people who can see when I’m beginning to fade and who are willing to look the other way while I slip under the water and renew myself.”
This is beautiful writing Elsa.
“They will go into hiding, or they may escape into drink or drugs… It is not uncommon to see a normally hearty person, all of the sudden damned near disabled. It’s because the tide went out, that’s why.”
Story of my life. I completely isolated when I got sick. Venus in Leo square Neptune in Scorpio.
Oh! Thank you. No, I don’t really think I am. I am able to work with numerous clients in a day, often with pretty intense circumstances and keep my mind sharp. I don’t know how to marry this with the other. They are both true.
Yes, Venus/Neptune conjunct Sun in Scorpio. But hooray me! Today I indelicately told someone off who really deserved it. And I don’t feel much guilt, either. In fact, feeling a bit proud that I stood up for myself when he had tried really hard to just give a speech (without hearing any feedback).
Tune time.. escape into music and avoid any peeps.
Beautifully written Elsa P! Neptune in Libra Venus in the 8th. You can escape any time. We’ll wait for you! The lighthouse is here!
yeah. didn’t help that people saw me and thought “vampiric target!” although i don’t think they do anymore (hard to tell. maybe i just avoid them on sight now.)
you said it! I love the way you write.
these past few posts on your blog have been like a screenplay for the things happening in my life recently.
as for this subject, i can relate. i have sun, mercury, mars and a peregrine venus in 12th, and moon conjunct neptune in 8th. i go under the water very often. especially in a crowd or on a party, i just press the off button.
and just last night i had a conversation with my friend about that habit of mine. he thinks it’s a antisocial behavior, and tries to teach me how to act differently. i don’t know if that is such a good idea. i don’t think i am antisocial, i have friends, i go out, but i do admit it can look strange sometimes. then again – i neeeed it… i do.. i have always had complexes because of this habit of mine, as being different, not the party girl, not the small talk one.. and i guess i still do. it hurt me yesterday to see that my behavior is still not excepted nor understood, not even with my very close friends. so, do we try to fit in (for the sake of avoiding pain of being different) or do we do what we (on the inside) need..?
and a question to all: are complexes (insecurities) created when people compare us to others (why aren’t you more like her?), or is our psychology the exclusive factor that creates those insecurities…?
yeah I can relate to being on the other side of this… but I feel like in my neptune generation this is a very cap trait… It was wonderful reading this as now i understand that it may be a venus neptune conjunction thing going on
I never even thought about Venus/Neptune until reading this blog.
Venus Aquarius 12th Square Neptune Scorpio 9th.
My Mars Leo Trine (mutual reception) Aries Sun makes me very vocal about things. I have learned, the hard way, that I can NOT change people’s opinions of me, or the way they live their lives. I’ll tell you how I feel, and if I see you refuse to change, I leave.
I had to get out of both of my marriages because I did feel like I was dying inside. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t put up with other people’s crap, and here I was trapped both times putting up with people’s crap.
With Neptune having just gone over my Venus, and now Conj my Moon, no wonder I’ve been literally hiding from my Scorpio ex. I can not deal with him any more. I want him to go away, and since he won’t, I’d rather hide than talk to him.
Meeting new people practically sucks the life out of me right now. I’d rather be around trees and animals than people.
Yes I can relate to this. But I also have a Strong Mars and a strong Merc but I often feel like I’m talking and no one is listening. Or I’m talking to them about how I’m drowning and they don’t “hear” what I’m saying or they don’t take it seriously somehow.
I’ve learned how to speak up and believe me I do but it’s as if no one believes me when I tell them.
I don’t often subscribe to posts, but I shall to this one. It really explains a lot in my life: I have Venus/Sun square my Libra Neptune.
People drain me and upset me to dissolution very very quickly. It can be almost instant… and when it happens I do have to get away, right away. I just can’t be in the same room with them. I’ve avoided certain people for years… been know to set out across town to a club and then walk right back out the door if a certain ex is there
It’s why I can’t live with other people – in fact I’m finding it more and more difficult to be with other people at all for more than a few hours, except in my own space/environment. Even then, if I feel upset by a lack of respect or whatever, I can shut down completely. Which is disturbing for everyone, when I have guests …
I’d never associated this with my Venus/Neptune square. Maybe it’s to do with unrealistic expectations of others?
Hey venus/Neptune fellows, the reason we are drained from people may be because we’re empaths. I struggle with this placement and it’s hard for me to open up and actually tell my friends that I don’t see them as they see me as a good friend. Believe it or not, I’ve had to end my relationships – don’t judge me- because I’ve realized that I care deeply about people even if I don’t want to. Partially I’m glad I ended my previously doomed friendships, I had an epiphany that we all have a final straw and even if we cared deeply, we’re losing ourselves for someone who doesnt care deeply as we do. Our friends aren’t our responsibility to take care of, real friends point out mistakes we don’t want them to continue. Do you want your drainers to get the best of you and treat you like crap? No one is judging you when you fight back. And if they are, it’s our prerogative to snap back. By the way, this comes from a Neptune-dominant person.
Venus square conjunction of Neptune and Uranus. I was born in a religious family and it certainly affected my understanding of love.. Until I was 19 my understanding of love was fairy-taylish, I didn’t have thoughts of a beautiful wedding like many do and neither embarrassing details implied. For me love was a feeling heavenly like, when there’s a special person and a friend at the same time., with whom you have a deep connection in a subconscious level and this feeling of a pure nature brings you together whatever happens. Also, for me love was a feeling that gives me knowledge at the same time..leads me, the powerful and undefeatable source which is to rise again and again after it falls. When I was younger and used to like someone I, after some days of doing so and thinking of that creature, did thought of how real my feelings are. I always knew when I was getting into fantasy. Some ppl say of venus-neptune that they’re “deceiving themself”, for me I wasn’t a deceiver neither accepted one. To the point, when I fall in love – I could do anything to benefit the person I loved. Extremely merciful feeling combined with a pathology – which is – “he shouldn’t love me if he does not, but me loving him is enough, my love can serve you and guide you despite of me getting nothing back.” I believed in this because I knew in my soul- he loves me too. Otherwise I would(as I sometimes did) slap myself and reveal myself(again) the truth- this love was made up by my feelings desire to experience one. As I suffered seeing him around without being able to hug him and eat his face- I decided not to see him again, for the sake of my life. It was uneasy for me, I’d rather say two words to him once a week than forget about this magical person. When I “disappeared” for a time, it started to get clear- he has done so much for me beside my back, worried for things I used to experience in not related to any love topics and supported my ideas as I had projects. Lol. He even got to know some of my friends without me knowing it, worried for my family members issue which I told to nobody. He knew so much about me without me knowing it. More than that, I didn’t show my love to him at all, it was only my loyalty and deeds that was seen. No love, except maybe in my eyes and..sometimes when we spoke of a different things, the connection… So, in a day when I was finally to decide whether I should carry on this “love” or renew myself(I felt the mercy to release my pain arrived knocking in my door..) I made a wish., I asked for the revelation…the next day I suddenly met my friend on the street., she was leading to a party and I decided to randomly go with her., and you know what happened??!!! I sat near the mirror in a big hall when he appeared, staring at me and coming up slowly, down my way.. I can’t tell you what I felt, after everything I felt this happening.. When he finally got closer he hugged me and stared at me holding my hands, and then he hugged me again and kissed me. At this moment I realised I don’t love him anymore. Thanks Uranus! :DD and to be more clear, if we got together before the release knocking in my door- love would remain everlasting.
By the way- I have new planet Eris conjunct Venus. I think there’s something in my love of a nature more than uranus- neptune! Like a pluto nature but the epic theme of it differs. Thank for reading!)
Other aspect to Neptune-Uranus conjunction: trine Sun, Mercury.
My whole life, I’ve gotten lost in daydreams, or tried to find solitude. Or stuck my nose deep into a smartphone so I can escape people through ventures in cyberspace. For a Libra, Venus/Neptune is TOUGH. It’s like wanting to be an extrovert but but being born an introvert instead. WANTING to be more a part of the world out there, and be around other people–but needing an escape route. Frequently. Otherwise, I feel a building urge to scream BONSAIIIII!!!! when I’ve reached my limit.
ETA: When I get the urge to scream “Bonsai” (or “banzai”, whatever), this is followed by the urge to flee from the room. Walk, run, turn into a ghost and spirit my way out, poof.
I have Venus in 10th in gemini, opposing neptune on sagg in 4th both squaring moon in virgo in 1st house. 13degrees. Im married, but when I fall in love it gets drainy.
So accurate. I have to come back tonight and study it again. I have Venus inconjunct Neptune. That Mars has been a life saver (Mars on Ascendent in Leo – I am learning about boundaries). Accurate description of how my Venus can work at times. Thanks for the post.
Spot on, thank you Elsa! All three of us, husband, daughter and I have Venus/Neptune aspects. Not unusual to find us all in separate rooms with headphones on listening to music, watching a show, reading or meditating.
*sigh* this is me, too. Venus opposite Neptune to the minute, with Neptune in the 9th but conjunct Midheaven, square Saturn, square nodes – my grand cross. Now that I’m 54, and burned enough times, I’ve mostly got a handle on the tendency to idealize others. One astrologer years ago put a positive spin on this and told me I have an ability to see situations from different angles, and can use the energy of the septiles and trines in my chart to diffuse conflict. I suppose that’s true, but I can relate to the feeling of the tide going out. Nice to know I’m not alone, thanks Elsa.
Oh yes I can relate!!! And how!
This is the best description I’ve ever read about Venus-Neptune and thanks for re-posting it. (I don’t think I knew this blog in July 2012)
Elsa you are a genius at expressing astrology your way, the content AND the form!
My Cancer Venus is square Neptune in Libra in 12th, and no strong Mars to save me. He’s 9 degrees ahead of Neptune, fleeing, but alas still caught in 12th. Soggy Mars.
I like the association to mermaid very much – half in, half out, very uncomfortable, frustrating, alienating, a strange animal in a strange land. Yeah, my Venus swimming in Cancer, on a looong voyage in 9th. Luckily 9th house is a great place to be. Keeps things idealized and spiritual, but get to learn there, too.
You make this bummer aspect seem almost pretty. (Also love the painting you chose)
Wish to add : the square to Neptune is the ONLY aspect my Venus has… every time she picks up the phone it’s Neptune calling!
Oh hell yes. Venus square Neptune here. One of the reasons I want out of my marriage. Haven’t had much ‘me’ space since 1992. 😛 And it’s not like I haven’t been trying to carve that out for myself.
Interesting…in my experience, I have found that those with a Venus/Neptune conjunction are extremely…slippery, in terms of speaking their language and understanding them. I do believe they have a deep romantic side, but also, I think that they can have almost a snake charmer ability to “capture” someone’s affections (I’m talking about the conjunction specifically, as well as utilizing this energy for negative purposes, like manipulation).
I have always had issues with not being able to read Neptune/Neptunians well if at all, and with Venus combined in the equation…maybe I am completely skewed in my thinking, because I’m going off the synastry and my sensitive points have always hit dead on these individuals’ Venus/Neptune conjunctions and it has been the most confusing and devastating and yet gorgeous type of…interaction I can think of. Purely dissolving, no stabile groundwork to speak of, but it softly infuses your being; not penetrating or sharp, but more like a cloud, like a love potion or something…like in the cartoons when the protagonist gets sprayed with a mysterious concoction and the effect is visible; goofy smile, half closed eyes, etc.
Maybe the trine and even the square are more easy to interpret…
I had my Neptune conjunct another’s Mars-Neptune exactly. Exactly as you described. Being that it was in my 5th house and opposite my Venus, I was deeply and naively in love with him. It felt ethereal and soulmate-y. Crushing disappointment and heartbreak in the end though as I knew what I wanted while he wrestled with his ongoing ambivalence though he admitted his love for me. Still hurts sometime to think of it but it was for the best. I’m in a much better place now.
Yesssss Elsa!! You nailed it!! I have Venus opposite Neptune. People often struggle to understand why one day we’re cheerful and optimistic and the next, an emotional gut punch to the chest and we’re down for awhile. I never thought of myself as a fragile victim of this but it hurts so much when the bubble bursts and I have to go into hermit mode to recover. My saving grace has been the mutual T-square with Saturn, which has, as an asskicker, kept me from going too far off the deep end into the abyss. It’s still an effort to keep my rose-tinted glasses off while trying not to become too much of a cynic either.
Oh yeah, can I ever relate! I have Venus (conjunct Saturn, Chiron & BML) in the 12th house in Pisces, trine Neptune in the 7th house in Scorpio! However, I also have a tight Mars, Sun, Asc conjunction in Taurus, in the 12th house (yes, my 12th house is huge and loaded) LoL I joke all the time about being a mermaid too. >^..^<
Aquarius Venus in 12th exact degree trine to Libra Neptune in the 8th. People drain me too, so my home is my castle. I raise the drawbridge when I come home and rarely have anyone over. Don’t like crowds – too exhausting, as are crowded stores. Currently suffering from sciatica and hip bursitis although on the mend with the help of a great acupuncturist. Family and work – I don’t know which is more draining. I’m a great imposter – the limp has exposed me.
I have Venus and Neptune in aspect. I am “illusive” only to people who apply a logic to all of life (sometimes called cartesian thinkers). Every single person ever born has a Neptune function – ev-er-y- body. Hey paragaster, I appreciate your take on things. Could well be, we concur, and that me, bouncing off those specific words of yours, means similar impressions, with different opinions (or some other, noncontradictory divergence). I suspect, maybe so. ::Venus Neptune, aiming for positive expression of such::
Take me to higher love. Oh yeah!
I can relate. I am very much the introvert and people are a drain so I measure my time. I have Venus in the 12th, trine Neptune in the 4th trine Chiron in the 8th — all in water signs. I do also have Mars in 12th and a Moon in Aries so perhaps I speak up more. However I can see where I was victimized by people and suffered in silence when younger. As I got older I took on a clear voice about boundaries. To this day, however, the energy is there and people are not happy when I will not take the victim role. I have wondered aout ever being rid of that energy. Now when I want time alone, I simply take it and if you get in my way, I tell you calmly at first where you end and I begin and then if ignored, I make my feelings know.
They hurt me. They tell me I’m so wonderful and then they don’t like me anymore