Now on the (Vidroid) concept of patience in relationships, I want to relate my own experience because I was telling a friend about this the other night in an attempt to support her attempt to keep a relationship with a man together as opposed to allowing it to fail.
I explained that in 2003 when I first got in contact with the soldier… well he was something else. He hit me with all his Special Forces stories for one thing but besides that he was just a pissed off human being. And he was LOUD!
I would be on the phone with him and I could hear him pacing as he ranted into my ear at the top of his lungs. The idea of being in a room with him held little appeal when he was going off like this, I can tell you that for sure. But I loved him of course. And I knew he was a high quality human being so I just let him rant and rant and rant and rant and rant and rant.
Now fast forward 5 years and he is quite calm most the time. He can still get excited and incensed enough to appear as if a heart attack is imminent but these times are rare now, rather than normal. And I want to make this part clear:
This is not necessarily only due change on his end. I have changed as well. What seemed egregious to me in 2003 now seems not only tolerable but in the range of normal behavior.
No doubt this is because the range of what I consider to be normal has expanded and I bet a lot (maybe even most) of you have had a similar experience with me.
You first hit this blog and I am an outrage. I am an abomination but after awhile if you stick around… well, I grow on you. Or maybe you grow, who knows. Point is, a relationship forms so as I was telling my friend the other night…
“The things that are bothering you now are probably not going to be bothering you next year because both of you are going to change and grow…”
This is if the love is there, of course. This is if there is a viable relationship.
I am not talking about things that are authentic deal-breakers. I am talking about a person who is yelling one night or two nights or three nights. I am talking about a person being boring or off their game for a week or two.
People discard people for things like this all the time. God knows it has happened to me a thousand times and I always think it’s a little bit funny. Get a little splinter and you fold the whole hand. ::rolls eyes:: I just can’t believe the standards people impose on each other, in the name of love no less!
I remember last year, the soldier told me he felt if people would expect just a little bit less from their partners they would be a lot happier. This has proved to be one of the better pieces of advice I’ve ever received.
Do you give people half a chance, a whole chance or no chance at all?
A whole chance, for sure. I am friends, good friends and becoming better friends all the time with a woman who attempted to prevent my SO from dating me. I mean, this person SMEARED me like you wouldn’t believe.
However, the cost to her for embarking on her hate campaign was huge. She lost a great friend (my SO) and as he is a bit of a ‘hub’ personality she lost many friends after that. (This was 2001-2, and she is a Sagittarius; Pluto was transiting her Sun at the time and she self-combusted).
I could sense she’d burn out, and she did. However 6 years later I can tell you we’re friends. Huh? Two things: she apologized, and a sincere apology and recognition are things I hold in EXTREMELY high regard.
She also became a single parent and I didn’t want her to feel any more alienation than she already did.
I’m genuinely glad we’re friends. While I don’t hold anything against her I still marvel at our story enough to retell it as I’m always heartened when enemies can become friends.
I forgot to mention I have Sun/Mercury in Taurus with Sag ASC (hence the personal value I place on sincerity).
A whole chance and then some….I’ve always told every boyfriend I’ve ever had that I would love them always…and I do. I still love every single one of them. Has the love changed? Of course it has…but if any of them contacted me again, they would be met with love, period.
What qualifies as an authentic deal-breaker Elsa? Where do you draw the line?
a whole chance.
though it’s hard to explain the deal breakers when it’s “my gut says Nooooo” and i don’t have a logical explanation…
Too many chances (Neptune and Jupiter both in 7th; Neptune is closer to the cusp of the 8th, but Jupiter is RIGHT ON the DSC), but if they push me too far, watch out. (That’s all my Fire. 😉 )
There are people who i should have only given half a chance, but now that they are here, i guess they’ll get a whole chance.
I guess this is what I was saying with the other post. I agree that people sometimes fold the whole hand too soon.
I like the soldiers bit of advice. As someone with high standards, I am really working on myself to try to relax them a bit. I think ultimately it will lead to greater happiness.