Synastry: What If Love Natures Are Mismatched?

What happens when two people love each other but their love natures are mismatched.
Can this be resolved?

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Synastry: What If Love Natures Are Mismatched? — 120 Comments

  1. The Sound of Music is a beautiful film. My Venus in Leo wants to be loving and outgoing but is square to my Moon in Scorpio. There is always suspicion and jealousy mixed with pure bliss. Like the first pains of new love all the time. The hiatus of passion mixed with the pain of doubt. My husband is the most sincere, loyal, giving, romantic person. Why can’t Scorpio ever enjoy a good thing, always looking for the dirt ?

    • Looking for the dirt preserves their sincerity. I’m not so sure you can have loyalty and sincerity to the scorpio degree and lightness of being. By time sag rolls around its looking for a party. In many ways just a good time. It’s an interesting way to look at the signs moving through the wheel.

  2. That is very true. Maybe we grow up thinking everybody wants love and that love means the same to everyone, brings the same feelings, fulfills the same needs, but it’s not like that.
    And I have to say popular culture has a huge influence on how we see it.
    Your Ex is reminding me of Me, so not a lot more to say on that.

  3. 8th house venus in scorpio as well, square jupiter, opp chiron and sextile saturn. I’ve never heard venus described that way before, what you said about it ending in pain/devastation etc. but that’s been my MO as long as I can remember. But knowing that helps, because I don’t want it to be that way. My parnter has Venus in scorp in the 9th but manifests his completely differently although it aspects saturn as well, but also his asc. in aquarius.

  4. Being a Pisces whose chart is loaded with confusingly contradictory postions & aspects, I’ve never really known WHAT my “story” is in any aspect of my life… except when it comes to marriage, about which I’ve always been as clear as a bell. Maybe it’s the Earth in my husband’s & my chart, along with his Mars conjunct my Sun in Pisces that makes the movie “Two-Family House” our idea of an idealistic, romantic love story. It’s the outlook that love isn’t what you say, it’s what you do, no matter what happens or what anybody says. Not sure how our each having Venus in Aries (his:5th; mine:7th) trine Uranus in Leo (his:8th; mine:11th) fits in with this, though!

  5. Hey this is interesting I never looked at this before.

    I have Venus conjunct the South Node in Gemini, in the 12th or 11th house depending on how you look at it. Square Jupiter and trine Uranus.

    My husband has Venus in Scorpio (don’t know what house), conjunct Jupiter and opposite Saturn. He has a bunch of other planets in Scorpio too.

    You know, this explains a lot in our relationship. Love to him is MERGING but sometimes I find merging stifling (even though I’m a Cancer). He is also fraught with relationship insecurity at times, which I chalk up to the Saturn opposition. Whereas I can recall only one or two times in over a decade of marriage where I’ve felt jealous (my motto is, his penis is his responsibility). His dedication is solid and unwavering, to me and to anything he has an interest in. Really quite amazing and wonderful. I am dedicated to our marriage of course (7th house Capricorn and sun/other planets in Cancer). But I definitely don’t like to be stifled.

    With his Scorpio, he can be secretive about the love he wants, but with my nature, I am not the most romantic person, if he doesn’t tell me what he needs I might not know. Communication and mutual respect is what keeps it together for us.

    I’m glad you brought this up – thanks!

  6. Selkie: sometimes just being grounded and together on the love front can be radical in itself! 🙂

    My Venus is in Aries. Conjunct Mars, opposed Pluto. Part of a Grand Fire Trine with Saturn and Neptune. I’ve never doubted that I would find love in this life. But I didn’t have an ‘ideal love.’ I never said things like ‘I want a husband’ or ‘I want a family’ or anything like that. Just love pure and simple. To feel love and to be love.

    I’ve always been a seeker. I’ve always wanted to merge with Divinity. And I’ve always been profoundly confused when I set my sights on someone and they didn’t love me back (oh that bloody Aries!)

    My SO has Venus conjunct Moon in Scorpio. I’ve discovered over the years that while he has an inordinate amount of love to share, he always keeps a little bit to himself. I really can’t fault him for that. I can play my own Venus/Neptune card but he has the stories (experience) to back his way of thinking. He’s never been idealistic like I have…and I’ve never experienced loss like he has.

    This is very cool. It’s interesting for me to realize while I have Venus opposed Pluto, I fell in love with a person who has Scorpio Venus/Moon, as well as someone who’s had Pluto transit 6 planets in this lifetime already.

  7. Venus in Taurus in the 2nd opposing Mars in Scorpio in the 8th, plus Sun in Aries in the 1st opposing Moon in Libra in the 8th. My love story is the Song of Songs from the Bible.

    “I am my beloved’s
    And my beloved is mine.”

    Mine, mine, mine. There’s the Taurus wanting to possess. But it’s a gorgeous depiction of a deep spiritual bond (Scorpio), a feeling of absolutely belonging together (Libra), a commencement from courtship to consummation (the Aries hunt brought to fruition). And the female in question is the most perfect among women, the most worthy, the most treasured (helllloooooo, Aries). And another thing that’s really beautiful about it is that the man speaks of the woman as an equal. There isn’t any reference to her being chattel or one of many in his stable of wives. It’s a man and a woman searching for each other, coming together, knowing that in the other there is to be found the other half, fully sexual but wholly and perfectly pure.

    And I usually end up with someone whose story is more like, oh, “Weird Science” or “Porky’s.” 🙂

  8. My question is: if you have Venus/Neptune and AMF had Venus/Saturn, what happens with the Soldier since he has Venus/Saturn? NGH! ;/

    I have Venus in Libra in the 12th … opposite Saturn in Aries. I’m inclined to say ‘Haven’t a clue, how would I?’ but then, better I think is This Story Is Unfinished.

    [‘And they want to test different endings at different theaters.’]

  9. I think my love story is …………. hmm. Weird. I have Venus/mars conjunct 2nd house Cancer opposite Jupiter in the 8th in Capricorn … plus 1st Sun/Saturn/Asc in Gemini opposite 7th moon and Neptune in Sag. I’m still not sure what my story is, and I don’t know that I’ll ever settle on *one* story, if that makes sense.

  10. I am a counselor so I see a lot of couples and I have definitely noticed that the differences in ‘love scripts’ is the leading cause of deep dissatisfaction in many relationships. Many people can’t even put their finger on why they are unhappy together and most conventional counseling techniques don’t do a very good job of helping them figure it out. Astrology is really great for these people because it provides a framework that people can use to explore their own personal stories. Great job Elsa for addressing this important and difficult topic!

    My story- Venus in the tenth (Taurus)- love is business, not very romantic I know.
    My partner’s story- Venus in the fifth (Pisces)- love is romance.
    It works because people with a nicely aspected venus/pisces or venus/Neptune are lovers and tend to see their partners in the beautiful hazy light of romantic ideation. So my partner just loves me like I am perfect and can glaze over my many imperfections and still love me in a completely pure way. I really respect that even if I can’t personally love like that.

  11. In reading this I’m thinking of the gent i’m currently getting to know. He has venus conjunct midheaven in aquarius, I have venus in the 12th in libra. So far he plans our dates and I just show up haha and I love it! I have nothing to worry about because he has all the details taken care of. I feel a little silly at times because i’m so relaxed in his presence. But I absolutely love it. And I don’t feel a lethargic relaxation but rather very alert and zen like.
    We made-out/merged on the first date – my love story – but then he asked to be friends first and to take things slower – his love story. I have no problem with it because it gives me a freedom that I love, and a proper courtship period.
    He has his own business, and in my imaginings of being with him I think of him being away working at his business and me alone with plenty of time to just be. Perfect!

  12. Avery – what a beautiful description.

    I’ve got 10th house venus opposed saturn, capricorn moon in the 7th. Love for me takes time, is built slowly and made to last. It also has its share of obstacles, pain, disappointment, it’s just hard work! It’s also about integrity and fair play. When all the steps are laid out correctly over time, things can and do work out.

    The venus scorpio conjunct saturn sounds just like someone I love. He has venus/pluto and venus/saturn with scorpio moon conjunct uranus on the 7th. Love for him is mixed up with fear, pain, devastation and unpredictability. But with venus in cancer and moon in 7th, it is also about merging, security and commitment. He tends to manifest both at different times.

    Our favorite movie is The Graduate, lol 🙂

  13. I’ve got Venus-Mars-Pluto conjunct in Libra/4th, conjunct IC and N. Node, and it hits everything in my chart (although most are minor aspects: semi-squares and such).
    As you would expect from that, love for me is pervasive; it should be something you feel deeply, all the time, touch everything you are and transform you. It’s intense and satisfying and a whole lot of hard work (Capricorn in 7th, although it’s an empty house).
    I can truly understand movies like “Fatal Attraction” where love drives someone insane (or brings out their insanity – six of one, yanno) — not that I advocate that kind of response, but when you feel about love like I do it’s easy to understand how some could be driven off the deep end.
    Lucky for me, I found me a Libra with Mars-Venus-Uranus conjunct in Scorpio — we have the same story! YAY! 😀

    I bet people here get tired of hearing about my chart. It’s so compact. *lol*

  14. I have Scorpio rising, venus square mars, sun conjunct pluto and moon trine pluto. Say hello to my friends: power struggles, sexual intensity, obsessions and emotional extremes. I eat men alive, drain them of their lifeforce and then they leave me…

    Oh well.

  15. I’ve got Venus in Gemini/2nd + Venus opp. Neptune, Venus sq. Saturn, Venus trine Pluto. I always liked that song that goes ‘Bring me a higher love.’

  16. Back with my guy– he’s taurus Venus 11H and I’m Libra Venus 2H. Embarassingly enough, I like thinking of him as husband material. Even gives an erotic boost. Gag. Thought I was done with that. His idea of love is basically a lot of sex. But I guess that’s more the Mars Aries.

  17. Compatibilities between different values of couples in my mind are the hardest to deal with in couples therapy. That is, spritual values, financial values, religious values, values on raising kids, and values determining individual roles in relationships. Competitiveness or disagreement with regard to “values” compatibilities makes for long term couple counselling.

    There are several other kinds of compatibilities in relationships however this particular one can create some problems especially where one person wants more of a “voice” in how the money gets spent or saved, how the children get disciplined, or which church or political party to follow. There is nothing wrong with being different however it helps to have some compatibility in these departments.

    Conenctions between Saturns and luminaries will configure in this one. Sometimes sun/moon midpoint synastry will also have some bearing.

    Interesting blog Elsa and there is much to reconcile for oneself within the astrological synastry of couples.


  18. Max: loved the bit at the end (about different endings)

    Togi, your post reminded me of, “life’s a bitch, and then you die”. I hope it’s not for you…

    Dolce: that was a Steve Winwood song.

    My Venus is in Scorpio, square Jupiter in Leo, trine my Pisces Ascendant, conjunct my Scorpio Sun and semi-square my Virgo Pluto.

    I guess I am just learning about love… I tried to MAKE myself love before, but that didn’t work.
    I don’t know if it is reflected in my chart, but I feel the same way as Sa, that love is pervasive for me. It really does take over. And lately….I’m spending way too much time daydreaming about someone…

    Be lucky if I don’t cut my finger off, or something :o)

  19. Elsa, (I hope you haven’t explained this to me before) but what do you mean about having a “Venus Neptune”? Do you mean having them in the same house?

  20. Snap, it means having Venus and Neptune in aspect together; Venus in Pisces or 12th; or Neptune in Taurus/Libra or 2nd/7th. Any contact between the two planets, although a direct aspect or mutual reception is probably the strongest pairing (I think).

  21. Well that’s for darn sure! I had no idea.

    And sooo many people scoff at the horoscopes in the paper, it gives it a bad name.

    And to think, if my Scorpio Sun guy hadn’t come along (and confused and frustrated the hell outta me) I never would have started checking into it! Thank God for the computer, cause now I have some understanding. (And thank you to Elsa’s bar!)

    Wish I could stick a great big smiley right here, but this will have to do :o)

  22. Dolce, my love is as high as yours: venus cap/2nd, trine pluto, uranus, sextile neptune, cj antivertex.
    Sometimes I consider getting myself into a nunnery… ;P

  23. Haha Bluemarine! I hear you. I think when Venus has this many aspects, etc., it should be called the ‘trickster Venus’ or something like that.

    Snapdragon – I’ve done the same, trying to make myself love someone when deep down I knew I never could, at least not in the way I wanted it in my life. I was looking for that higher love!

  24. I have a rouge Aquarius Venus intercepted in the first house. She has no aspects. So, I love to flirt with everyone and run away before getting caught. With the multiple disastrous marriages, I must blame that silly Cancer Moon of mine for trying in the first place. I defiantly don’t deal with inequality well nor limitations upon me of any sort. Oddly Venus plays the part of 2 Yods in my chart… the Apex with Uranus and the Moon, and as the base with Jupiter with Uranus as the apex. OH! No wonder I can’t get enough of Aquarian men (they like to run away too!)…. Good thing my Capricorn Sun is in the 12th, I give it plenty of reason to flagellate itself.

  25. Dolce: I think it first started to hit me (I finally started to become aware)when we were watching a movie one night. It was a passionate scene- you know, where they’re kissing like mad in the kitchen, and the man uses his arm to sweep everything off the table so he can lay her down on it.

    My ex scoffed at that like, “yeah right, who would do that?!!!”. I don’t know if I said anything, but you bet I was totally thinking, “ME!” I wanted that passion. I wanted to want someone, and be wanted, THAT much. You know, that you just couldn’t wait, that you didn’t care about anything else….

  26. What happens? Can you say roller coaster? You wait all week for a thrilling ride, and like a teenager you want to go again the next day, but the management of the exhibition park keeps changing the hours of operation.

  27. Hi!

    I have Venus in Pisces (9th) square Neptune in Sagittarius (7th). Tell me about IDEALIZATION.
    Actually I´m single for about two months now (can´t stand the lack of romance), but all of my prebious partners had Venus in 12th (all of them)

    Yesterday I saw the movie “Only you” with Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr. And this movie I think represents the configuration I mentioned before so well!!

  28. Venus in Sag T-squaring Pluto and Jupiter. Moon in Scorpio conjunct Neptune, sextile Pluto, square Saturn.I tend to think of my love life (or lack of it currently) as some kind of Mad Max apocalyptic wasteland. See you a power struggle and raise you a tantrum, Togi! Problem is my Cap sun and Saggie Venus just LOVE the Sound of Music, but the plutonian bits would rather be in Bad Timing. Maybe it’s time to write my own script.

  29. Venus in Sag (12th house) exactly conjunct Uranus, square Pisces Moon (3rd House)

    I find myself trying to escape falling in love, or trying my hardest to stay level headed & clear so I don’t slip into that “hooked” feeling… you know the can’t eat, can’t sleep because they’re on your mind. Then I feel weak and want to do break free, and sabotage a little bit to make sure that they’re equally hooked. Such a terribly tangled web. I think love is grand & big, but at the same time soothing & calm. Now to find a nice balance.

  30. Some time ago you posted a link to Anyara Astrology that included the theory of Dwads from the Hindu Astrology. Dwads are 12 subdivisions of each sign that are ruled by the 12 signs in sequential order, so in Aries the first 2.5 degrees are the Dwad Aries/Aries, from 2.5 to 5 degrees it’s Aries/Taurus, and so on. The funny thing is that when I checked my Venus degree in Cancer, it’s the Dwad of Capricorn, so it’s a Cancer Venus with a Capricornian flavor, and it’s true. I love the Capricornian nature and feel very at ease with people with Venus in Capricorn. I also checked many other cases and found it really insightful, especially for chart comparisons. Here is the link again:

    Thank you Elsa!

  31. Liz – I am also seeing someone with a midheaven Venus – in Libra, and mine is 7th house Pisces. He does go off to work and I get time to create in peace. He is very detached, yet passionate when the moment is right. I am contained by him. I have been going through a crisis of adapting to his rules as well as a relationship that is simple and balanced whereas I have always been drawn into desperado deadends. There is no drama unless I create it – and then he carries on as if my instabilities are nothing at all. Very stabilising actually and no space for projection.
    Am interested that so many Scorpio Venus’ respond – their need to investigate and unearth perhaps.?

  32. My film would be Romeo and Juliet even though I don’t like that story very much. They both die in the end. Damn that Scorpion stinger!

    I have Venus and Pluto conjunct in Scorpio, in the 8th house!

  33. wow elsa, i just watched this video the other day while going thru archives and what do you know! I thought this video was GENIUS… and has given me MANY MANY MANY priceless insights so thank you Elsa! So much insight, it really blows my mind 🙂

  34. Okay and i’m going to answer the question now… Venus in Libra… man am i ever idealistic… the whole “soul-mate” idea seems to have been tailor-fitted to Libra Venuses! 🙂 But anyway… i suppose having such lofty ideals of love isn’t always safe in terms of feelings… I know they say that Libra venuses can “possibly” be doormats because they want compromise so badly. I do have Venus-Neptune too… but its a quintile… but my Neptune is really strong ( 12th house ) so I think if you blend the H12 neptune & libra venus together you have someone whose head is always basically up in the clouds. Fairytale romance. Unconditional love ( Neptune ) Fairness.. Kindness.. but most of all… understanding and communication… ( ive also got two sextiles to venus… uranus & saturn )

    I do think that venus signs can be worked out but it all depends on the partner who has to make more concessions… for example i wouldn’t think it’d be easy for anyone to have partnered with Venus-Saturn conj in Scorpio.. hypothetically I guess someone else with a lot of Scorpio in their chart possibly might handle it a bit better just because they are used to the energy… but i’d imagine it’d still be a challenge nonetheless.
    I guess what i’m saying is ( To end on a very “libran” note ) each person is responsible of being aware of their own behavior and keeping it in check… as well as being aware of their partner’s feelings… as long as this is managed well… and it may be tough but it’s possible.. things should go smoothly.

    And i am of the belief that love conquers all…

  35. Have Venus in hard aspect to Neptune too Elsa.

    It’s in opposition…Taurus Venus-Scorpio Neptune

    There’s just nothing love could/can not overcome and it ended up true in a very spiritual sense in a very personal way not related to the other person involved other than he was the vehicle so to speak to tap into a higher love.

    But on the personal level getting there was very hard with the Aquarius Venus party as alot of disillusion was involved which I suppose was the point for my growth.

    But it really stank and we did not stay together. All in all, you’re absolutely right and this difference in Venus’ thing is something I’ve recognized.

    Saw a woman on tv the other day stating she had a near death experience and that when she got to the white light she heard her name and felt immense love.

    She wanted to stay but was asked “do you love the way you feel loved here?”

    She said she didn’t.

    She was told to go back to her earth life because “you can to better”…

    Wow…That’s all it seems to get down to. How much we can love.

  36. I have Venus in Aquarius, square Neptune. I think that for me the idealization part comes not so much in the partner, but in the idea of how a relationship should function. I had a therapist tell me once that a lot of people feel like a relationship is two people climbing into the same boat and heading down a river together, but that it might be more useful to think of two people, in their own boats, rowing alongside one another. That was a huge lightbulb moment. Like, yeah, that’s what I mean!

    And I don’t want a rope tying those boats together, either. If we drift apart a little, going over rapids, fine. We can come back closer together later. Or if I want to head toward the river bank for a minute, or go ahead, or lollygag behind for a minute, wouldja just let me? Feeling tied down, fenced in, on-duty all the time drives me batty. I want a deep connection to sustain the relationship. I want us to be together because we WANT to be, because we have things to talk about, things to share about our day, not because you own me, not because our clothes are in the same closet or we share a bank account!

    Kind of off-topic, but I’m reading this book called “The Gift of Fear,” about how our intuition can protect us from violence. And one of the chapters talks about men who become controlling, abusive, stalkerish, etc…and the signals they give off. The whole point of the book is that our intuition often picks these things up before we consciously do, and I was so “yeah, that explains why I’ve never been in that situation.” I spot that controlling stuff instantly. It never occured to me that it was protecting me from violence. It just makes me run, period. I get immediately claustrophobic and the first date is also the last. Who knew it was my Venus at work? (Besides Elsa, anyway?)

  37. I think love should be tender, different, and unexpected (Venus quincunx Uranus) and BIG (Venus trine Jupiter). Sometimes I think a relationship would be so boring when I play it out in my head, but Saturn is in Libra and I’m getting into it. With my Venus trine Jupiter, I don’t think I can take a downer when it comes to love. I also know shit about love or myself in love.

    I’m waiting until someone has a hand on my waist again or holds my hand. What a feeling. I finally felt like a woman. The small things, I relish and store them, and also to take charge to some degree gently (Venus in Cancer/Mars in Capricorn), I don’t truckle with being babied with chivalry or any stereotype of gender roles including the bullshit genderfuck/postgender idea. Plus every guy that has ever liked me has the sun conjunct my Moon in Cancer so I had to take charge, those freaking guys never make the first move.

    If you were a Gemini, comment eating sounds good! 🙂

  38. Even if your Venus doesn’t have a major aspect to Uranus, but does to your Sun and Jupiter? Does that still mean you don’t want conventional stuff in love? Even if your Venus is in Cancer in the 6th house that is conventional or supposed to be?

  39. Gee, I never thought about this before, but it has a profound impact on my thinking (heh, transit saturn is going into my 7th house, so I gotta do the homework some day).

    Love to me has to be won.
    Love needs to be showcased.
    I have Venus in Aries, conjunct Pisces Ascendant. Venus square Sag Uranus. Venus square MC. Venus square IC. Venus oppose Descendant.
    When something in love doesn’t go well, it feels as if everything in my life is affected because of the angles.

    Here’s what love is to me:
    Love is to be won.
    Love is to be showcased.
    Love is to be unregulated, laizze faire.
    Love is to be reinvented, constantly.
    Love is to never be boring.

  40. I like your comment Commitment Phobic, especially, “When something in love doesn’t go well, it feels as if everything in my life is affected . . . “

  41. well in my natal chart I have Venus at 22 degrees of Scorpio in the 10th house and Saturn at 21 degrees of Scorpio in the 10th house. I personally have always felt that you are granted a certain amount of love but if you want it to grow you must work for it, but it is not a one sided thing the other person must also do the work or it is for not.

    My husbands has Venus at 25 degrees of Pisces in the 7th house conjunct his Sun in Aries and Mercury also in Aries in the 8th house.

    I personally find him to be the most fascinating person I have ever known. He has a very facile mind and I very much enjoy watching it work.

  42. My Pisces Venus in the 4th is my chart ruler and a corner of a grand cross with Mars, Pluto and Jupiter. And trine Neptune which conjuncts my ascendant. There are a couple of minor contacts too. Love touches all facets of my life and I want it all: romance, passion and commitment and trust.
    Husband has Virgo Venus trine Cappy moon and square Uranus. Not all that demonstrative on a daily level which does cause some problems for me, but I understand where he is coming from.
    Love of my life had Sag Venus conjunct Jupiter and MC with a few minor contacts with Pluto and his moon. Put that with his Scorpio sun and it was something great, at least for me!

  43. Hey,
    it stack on my mind, the phrase you used:
    How everyone manifests his reality!!
    And of course, everyone has his own ideas about what love is..

  44. What a revealing post! I have Venus in Sag exactly trine Pluto and square Saturn. I did not want to marry before age 30 because I wanted to travel and have a little fun. I was right: over the decades and through 2 marriages, love has been almost more work than it’s worth (except for love for my son, who was worth every second of single parenting). Partner with Venus in Cancer is sweet but stifling –seems to need (re)parenting.

  45. I have Venus conj Neptune AND Venus sq Saturn. It’s kind of funny actually – it ought to be a comedy sketch on a sitcom!

    But yanno, the Aussie has Venus sq Saturn too. So I get that energy. Nope he doesn’t have Venus/Neptune but that’s okay 🙂

  46. Venus in Virgo sextile Moon and Mercury in Scorpio, square Mars in Scorpio and trine Cap rising. For me romantic love is taking care of eachothers physical needs (sex, health,etc.) Lots of affection. Emotional intimacy. Going to the depths (Scorpio). Communicating (Mercury) about feelings and needs.
    Thanks for this Elsa. I needed to define this for myself. I like seeing your pretty face btw.

  47. The longest relationship of my varied love life was with a younger man. We are totally suited sexually and could never get enough of one another in that respect – My BML in Scorp conjuncts his Saturn! – but we are utterly incompatible emotionally. We want and need totally different things… and this led to innumerable break-ups, stand-offs and tempestuous reconciliations, as we could neither be peaceful together nor call time on the relationship …

    I’m a triple Cap with Sun/Venus/Vesta conjunct in H5, and a H9 fixed Taurus Moon opposing my Scorp BML. I’m a builder – my passions are deep and lasting, and my emotional nature (Pisces H7) craves some kind of reassurance and stability. I want a relationship which grows and deepens, which goes somewhere…

    He’s a Leo Sun/Uranus/Merc plus Pluto, with a Gem Venus and an Aqua Moon. He will not be tied down, second guessed, or questioned about his private life, nor will he countenance anything resembling commitment. For him, variety is the spice of life – not that his Aqua Moon won’t always come back. But nobody ever knows when that might be!

  48. Venus in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 4th, conjunct the IC. It trines Mars, squares Chiron, inconjuncts my Moon.

    Love has to be deep, profound and transformative. I need someone to love me strongly and intensely, otherwise I’m insecure.

  49. Thanks for this Elsa. Somehow tripping over my own feet through life I’ve figured this out. But I didn’t have it nailed down as succinctly as you stated it. Appreciate this.

  50. I have Venus in Capricorn in the 12th house squaring Uranus in Libra and Saturn in Gemini. In my experience love is a synonym for pain. My favorite movie about love is Leaving Las Vegas where Nicholas Cage plays an alcoholic who falls for a prostitute while drinking himself to death.

    • SCF: My favorite movie about love is Leaving Las Vegas where Nicholas Cage plays an alcoholic who falls for a prostitute while drinking himself to death.

      That was a great movie, and wow did I not see that as a movie about love. (Although love had a big guest starring role.)

      I have Venus in Capricorn in the 12th house squaring Uranus in Libra and Saturn in Gemini. In my experience love is a synonym for pain.

      I’ve got Venus in Libra exact opposite Saturn in the 12th and even I don’t think it’s that bad. That sounds more like Moon square Saturn. Venus square Uranus is more likely to get bored and make a change at random.

      [‘Well, that was depressing.’]

        • ScottishFoldSoul: My natal moon opposes Saturn, perceptive observation on your part.

          Not really perceptive – I knew a Sag lady once with a Scorp moon opposite Saturn in Taurus. She spoke of love much as you do, but she did have a long-term relationship. (Which didn’t stop her from being gloomy.)

          So, Venus-Uranus wants lots of variety (perhaps with cold/buttoned-down types) and Moon v. Saturn is very depressed about the whole thing.

          [‘Not much room for the Sag to pop up.’]

  51. The most powerful thing about that movie to me is how starkly it portrays two people with no illusion they’re ever going to change each other’s ways, they’re both damaged beyond belief but just like being together anyway.

    • I remember the movie, very heartbreaking, the scenes where Elizabeth Shue gets assaulted by her clients and then, where she is insulted in the bar; are killing. Its a perfect Pisces movie, Nicolas Cage drinking himself to death and Elizabeth being a puppet in the hands of her sad fate. Sad story of two wounded souls. Makes me think can these kind of wounded souls be healed and repaired if a beautiful love comes in their lives, I think it can but the residue will remain.

  52. Hi Elsa, great video! I always liked your insight on this topic, and as I scrolled down I also found my comment from 8/28/2009 that’s exactly 7 years ago today, what a nice synchronicity. Thanks again.

  53. I find Venus mismatch very devastating. Because they’ll never fully like you. And I usually have this with men. For some reason I had relationships with men with Venus in Gemini or Libra and they realize I’m emo or that I’m not stylish or rational. We never get past the superficial argument of our superficial values matching up. And I wanted to be fully liked. Not just half.

    • Kri: For some reason I had relationships with men with Venus in Gemini or Libra and they realize I’m emo or that I’m not stylish or rational.

      I’d think that’d depend on the kind of emo. (I like emo, or at least gothy, but then I like do like some sugar with my doom and death.)

      [‘Can’t have the Apocalypse without cupcakes, now can we?’]

      • The confessional, neurotic and uncomfortable kind (I have Moon Mercury at a 5 degree orb conjunction and Venus Mars opposed). You know Lou Barlow? (The general song I relate to most is Magnet’s Coil, for relationships its Vampire or Together or Alone) Mountain Goats (Fault Lines/Have to Explode), Morrissey (How Soon is Now) kind of emo. And Liz Phair (Fuck and Run.) Confessing and talking about emotions all the time. Without sometimes knowing it.
        But i havent been with anyone in a year or more so I am especially bitter and negative and difficult to be around. Because I cant turn away from discomfort, I tend to worry at it. At not being checked out or asked out or noticed and wondering if im past my prime. All evidence points in the direction that I look worse than people my age.
        Worried that nobody loves me/im an old maid like you mentioned in another comment.

    • I notice the venus strongly, in performers like Katy Perry (Sagittarius venus) very optimistic happy happy despite her having 5 planets in scorpio, including her rising, moon and sun. there’s a sugary feeling about it. so maybe like what max said, sugar with doom and death. lol

        • @kri, if you mean her music, it’s not my cup of tea either. but she does have Neptune and Uranus in Sag as well. it used to be she was libra rising a long time on the astrotheme sites, but now it’s changed.

  54. Hi..I have Venus in Aries..born 3/30/62..@ 11:34am..east coast..not sure about my other ex SO’s. .born 1/31/62 at 2am. The other born 1/27/70 @ 9:04am….both relationships over.. Heartache, loss ..but great myself now for years..would love some insights…

  55. I have natal Venus in Pisces opposite Pluto, with Moon conjunct Neptune in Scorpio trining Venus. My script is an intensely romantic, deep belief in true and abiding love. The man I loved and lost is a Scorpio with natal Venus in Scorpio conjunct Jupiter and opposite Saturn. I guess it’s true–maybe in his script, love always ends badly, and so becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In synastry my Moon/Neptune conjuncts his Venus/Jupiter/Sun, so I was hoping our beautiful joint story would mitigate his individual one, but as Elsa often says, everyone writes their own movie….

  56. I don’t think it’s a question of right or wrong. It’s what is, and it’s just sad, that’s all. Of course both stories can be right. They’d have to be, for each individual. The problem comes in when two people do love one another but for whatever reason their stories don’t blend. Star-crossed lovers, I guess. Literally, too, if you’re thinking astrologically.

    • Starmaid: It’s what is, and it’s just sad, that’s all.

      Star-crossed lovers, I guess. Literally, too, if you’re thinking astrologically.

      Well, you do have Venus opposite Pluto. 🙁 So the earth opened up and swallowed him whole, so to speak.

      [‘Maybe be more aware at the next go-around?’]

      • More aware of what, Max? Thank you for commenting, but I’m not sure I understand what you mean. Are you saying the earth is going to open up and swallow anyone I might love because I have Pluto opposite Venus? Or just that I picked the wrong person to love, and I need to be more careful with my heart next time (if there is a next time)? Perhaps I did make a mistake, but I’m not sure if love can be that cautious or calculating, can it? Acting on feelings of love (or not) is a choice, I agree, but falling in love itself? I think it’s like a visitation–it happens to you, sometimes against your better judgment. It carries you away–and that’s very Venus-Pluto, I know!

  57. My Venus is in Gemini in the 10th and is heavily aspected. It’s conjunct Moon, sextile Jupiter in Leo, trine Pluto in Libra, square to Saturn in Virgo and opposition to Neptune in Sagittarius.

    With this ongoing Saturn and Neptune square clobbering my Venus, I feel like my love nature has dissolved and needs to be reinvented. I’ve always been lovesick and wanted the fantasy (Neptune) but reality (Saturn) has shown me otherwise. I guess you could say I’m just bitter right now and I no longer believe in everlasting romantic love. I no longer want to fight with somebody because our love natures don’t match. All I want at this point is to show and be shown love in an Aquarian way. That doesn’t fit into my current situation in which my partner is demanding more affection and passion. (All very gross to me right now. Even with a Cancer sun ? )

    • Primrose: With this ongoing Saturn and Neptune square clobbering my Venus, I feel like my love nature has dissolved and needs to be reinvented.

      I think that’s more denied than shut down.

      I guess you could say I’m just bitter right now and I no longer believe in everlasting romantic love.

      I don’t think there’s everlasting romantic love (as opposed to everlasting true love which is a different beast) – romance is merely the fun thing you do, because why the hell not?

      All very gross to me right now. Even with a Cancer sun ?

      Well, ditch the dude, and I’d bet it’ll stop being gross. (Because in short order it’ll be ‘nobody loves me’ or ‘OMG I’m going to be an old maid’ or something like that.) At least if what I’ve seen from people is any guide to go bad.

      [‘You’ve been partnered up constantly as an adult, if I understood that correctly – you aren’t likely to become a nun when it’s all over. Some do, most don’t.’]

  58. Love for me is a bit annoying. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. A quick relationship where I relate to a man Venus sextile Uranus, Venus sq. Mars, Venus inconjunct Jupiter) is best for me, or at least I theorized since a teen. However to avoid any dragging on, I now stay out of trying to put together this ideal. I inevitably get addicted, Venus in Pisces. I’m young so I have yet to learn how to successfully relate to another human in a way that is flowing and perfect and chill . The throws of adolescent hormonal urges are strong, and I really hate being dominated (mars). I’m often embarrassed, but back to the story.

    Yes I used to fantasize a bit in high school, although now I think my fantasy has grown up, and is less about sex and intimacy….. More practical, what am I saying, I have Venus in Pisces….. 7th house, love is perfect, although I have not physically touched it….but I have …..

    So difficult to explain my love story…. Dream shattered

  59. I might be late to this game (comments) which I normally am.

    I’m Saturn-Venus to the core, Venus in Capricorn sextile Saturn. With a guy with Venus in Gemini trine Uranus, it was just terrible for me. He took it as light-hearted fling and I pined for him for years after 😀

    Now I’m with Venus in Capricorn opposite Saturn, and we both understand rejection, being alone for years, feeling unloved and age difference. Awesome compatibility, only it wasn’t Saturn-Venus.

  60. What if the venus conjunct saturn us in Sag with a stellium and exact semi sextile to Neptune? It seems simple but gets confusing when applied.

  61. His Aries Venus is 12th house amplified by Jupiter in Libra opposite in Libra, trine Uranus in Leo and Saturn in 7th house Sag. He loves independent women, however keeps things secret, he retains an unusual love for his roots (where I come in as I live in the house he built all by himself as a 26 year old) and maintains a disciplined yet very inquiring, mind about relationships of all kinds – and the Bachelor nature of Sag remains the basic agenda. I think though that blow it up Jupiter in Libra (conjunction my Sun) has him appreciating and I’d say almost making art of (he’s a photographer) every woman he ever loved. He loves women yet leaves them yearning. I’m not sure he wants to do that or not!
    My Scorpio Venus 4th house is intense about roots, thus we have hometown connectivity. Both our Venuses relate to psychological process. My Venus is trine Chiron in the 9th (Pisces) and I believe in the healing nature of Love. I’m heartened(!) by the compatible signage: Scorpio and Aries both ruled by Mars. His Mars in Pisces (11th) mine in 5th house Scorpio – compatible elements.
    Our mutual favourite: Dr Zhivago.
    I intuit we will remain connected, and the connection may be most often intangible and physically removed.

  62. I have Venus (house 2 conjunct Neptune) in Libra square Uranus in Cancer in house 11.
    And love to be surprised in a positive way. Once, it is more than 40 years ago (and I will never forget this!!) I dated a Scorpio guy and when I saw him for the second time he brought Pink Champagne with him and two beautifull champagne-flutes. I am 62 years old now and have still a smile when I think back at this.
    But honest: I also know the nasty surprises as well.
    And I was born in a small village and people there saw me as a strange hippy with my long hair and wearable art. 🙂 Those where the 60’s !!

  63. 4th house Venus Aries square Saturn, Uranus, neptune and my moon, all in Capricorn, rising. Any takers on writing the first line to this story?

    Sure it could be said there are fairytale princess tones at times, but simultaneously then I am the dragon to be slayed, the knight to save others, the treasure to find (or attempt to jack the box open with a crow bar, which quickly comes to me shutting down on wayward fingers…But it sucks cos that especially happens when said hands are appealling ones, guh)

  64. I have Libra Venus conj Neptune in the 2nd House. My husband, also a soldier, has Scorpio Venus in a wide conj to Saturn in the 5th House, while Venus also squares Leo Pluto in the 3rd. He’s a Realist (capital R intentional), I’m a dreamer. We met when my dream (family, children) were in sync with his reality (family, children). Twenty eight years later my dreamy nature is an irritant to his reality and his reality is stifling my dreams.

    Not going well at the moment.

  65. I’m bored of my Venus in Aquarius today, so I’ll talk about someone else’s Venus.

    My friend has Venus in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in Scorpio. She believes love is like walking through barbed wire. Ouch! Add to that, her Venus and Pluto is in the 12th house. Self sacrifice?

    • Feels ya. I get bored of my Venus too.
      My friend has this combo but i think he doesnt feel this way. Hes had tough experiences and is afraid (had a lot of squares to his sun and pluto aspects) but really values love.

  66. My love nature? I want to bond, and I pine (not for long), but ultimately, I want my space.

    Venus (Virgo) is conjunct Uranus and Pluto and sextile Neptune. Jupiter is exactly conjunct the DSC.

    My husband, Big Cap, has Venus in Sag square Pluto. Our themes are complimentary. We’ll be married 20 years in the fall.

  67. My daughter the Saggie has Venus in Sag, like her dad and two siblings – widely conjunct the Sun, widely opposite Saturn, and closely sextile Neptune (which I also have).

    Her ex’s Venus (and Mercury) was closely square hers. His chart features an unaspected Sun and too wide orbs to be true aspects save for two, Moon in Leo trine Mars in Aries and opposite Uranus in Aquarius. Anger, frustration and drifting through life are the chart themes, very opposite the Saggie. Her chart is dominated by two close, multi-planet oppositions. They’re trying to sort through the wreckage (they both have Moon opposite Uranus) and seeing how they can still “hang out” (their words.)

    • ‘too wide orbs to be true aspects’ I’ve also got some of those. I wondered a long time why I’m quite close to some aspects, but may not have them. For example my Jupiter is seventy degrees from my Ascendant. So the aspect ‘starves’ two degrees before becoming a quintile. It’s only a minor aspect, so why can’t I have that? My Venus is also sixty-nine and a half degree from my Jupiter, another starved quintile. But recently I realized this makes my Jupiter exactly conjunct the Venus/Ascendant midpoint. Now I think that too wide orbs to be true aspects want to guide attention to something, which is often overlooked, like midpoints.

  68. Hi Elsa
    How about writing some stuff about Sagittarius? We read a lot about Scorpio and other signs – but are Saggies not worthy 🙂

      • Wow, you must be really smart! Are you a writer? This seems like a very scholarly stellium to me, with abundant hope, joy, and wisdom ~ thanks to Jupiter. Lucky you! My chart looks like Darth Vader wrote it!

        • Jupiter. There’s already a downside. My Jupiter is in Capricorn, the sign of its detriment, and badly aspected. Opposition Moon, square Chiron, and with wide orbs also square Pluto. Chiron doesn’t sound important, but a Chiron square Jupiter is really terrible.
          My Mercury is retrograde, in exile (probably you’ve overlooked that Sagittarius is Mercury’s exile), conjunct Neptune, inconjunct Moon, and is in the Nineth house, which is ruled by the above described Jupiter. So that’s far from lucky!
          Are writers smart? Is a retrograde, exiled Mercury conjunct Neptune good for writers? Well, I’m definitely scholarly. And a friend of mine says that I write very well, also in English, so that he couldn’t tell that it isn’t my mother tongue if he wouldn’t know it. Graduating from university was the last success in my life. But that was years ago and since then I don’t have any success. Not the smallest. Maybe I should try writing?

          • As I mentioned below, I’m still just an amateur. Fuchur, what IS your mother tongue? I ask because your English is perfect, much more so than most Americans.

            Also, since I am a student of astrology I wonder if you would share your birth information with me, so that I can study your chart. I hope that’s not too intrusive a request.

            I feel as though I am much more of an intuitive astrologer than most of what I read and find in texts. Example: People use words like malefic, and detriment, exiled, and peregrine; which all imply something VERY negative. But I have yet to find out who came up with those terms, in what age they were living in, and why? It’s kind of like the bible, which is almost complete fiction based on true stories that have been mistranslated and bastardized over centuries, for more reasons than I will mention. I use that example because I actually AM a writer, and have studied the evolution of humanity in regard to the Judeo-Christian concept of God for almost 40 yrs, AND I was a good Catholic girl too! Now I am Gnostic.

            One of the first things I ask people, before doing their charts, is; do you believe in past lives, and Karma? The answer determines what level I believe them to be in, and how I approach what I am able to explain to them.

            You asked if writers are smart. The good ones are smart, but the brilliant ones often attribute their work to a Muse.

            I hope you’ll share your birth info with me. I’d love to look at your chart and explain what I see. It sounds like you feel like Darth Vader wrote your chart too.

            I have North Node in Libra in my 7th house, and everything I read says I should expect to have great relationships, meet my soul mate, and have lots of friends. Nothing could be further from the truth!

            Thanks for writing back. Is the name you use real? I can see an interesting pronunciation in it, for English speaking people.

  69. So…2 people walk into a bar, etc. The guy (Sun in Aries 10th H) has Venus in Aries (11th H) square Saturn in Cap (8th H). The girl (Sun in Aries ?H) has Venus in Aries (?H). In the Comparison chart BOTH have Sun conjunct Venus, AND they BOTH also have Sun square Moon. Which is stronger ~ the double Sun sq Moon, or the double Sun conjunct Venus? Btw, the guy’s Venus square Saturn means her Sun is square his Saturn too. Thoughts anyone?

    • Ascendant, Moon, Sun, and Saturn are the strongest factors in every chart. So Sun square Moon should be stronger. The Sun square Saturn is also strong. So, not very promising, although there is initial attraction. Comparing the complete charts could still bring a different result.

      • His: 3-26-61 10:36am Rockford Il
        Hers: 4-18-68 time unknown Rockford Il

        They are acquaintances, but I am an amateur, so don’t know much. She seems to want to make a show of how happy they are, and how much money they have (that part I do believe). I just can’t help wondering if all that glitters is not gold. If you have a moment to look I’d appreciate it. I’m studying astrology, by don’t know what I’m doing yet, so I’d really appreciate your input. Anytime people ask me what I do and I tell them I’m studying astrology, they want me to do their charts. It’s FUN, but I am afraid to be wrong, or tell them something is what it isn’t, especially when they make a show of the opposite of what I am thinking I see in their charts.

        • You have good luck when people want you to do their charts. With more exercise the fear should disappear because then you know when you’re right.
          But what do I know, I’m an amateur too. Most times I have to hide my interest in astrology. I’m never sure whether I hide or show it to the right people. I also don’t have software, which is packed with features and frills. Currently I have to rely on the internet, so I can look only roughly.
          There’s eventually not much more to the two charts. I only found three additional things, for which you probably never look. First her Mars is parallel his Moon. Another indicator for attraction, also pain can be indicated too. Second her Uranus is parallel his Sun. An indicator for only initial attraction, until the strive for freedom takes over. Third his asteroid Eros is conjunct (less than two degrees away) her asteroid Psyche. According to some people this is the ultimate soulmate indicator ( ), at least when mutual. But here it isn’t mutual.
          So I still say a lot of initial attraction, but won’t last. Although I wonder what would make them break. I look again for finding a deal breaker, but I can only find her Neptune contraparallel and inconjunct his Venus. So probably he is projecting something, she is indeed making a show, mainly in order not to disappoint him, until he discovers that something in the relationship is only an illusion and he’ll be even more disappointed. I don’t have much experience in interpreting charts, but according to what I’ve read Neptune Venus is the secondworst combo, meaningless in the best case when they’re only connected through trines.

          • Wow. That gives me a lot to think about. I’ll take a look at their charts again later. Thanks for the info on Eros and Psyche. I’ll definitely make time to look into that. It sounds quite interesting.

            I wish you had a good astrology software program. I love mine. I use Time Passages by Astrograph. It’s written by Henry Seltzer. Sometimes I think he sugar coats things to make them less hard to handle. I’m really direct, so that annoys me. But, otherwise I find the software to be interactive, easy, and fun to use.

            Thanks again. I will consider everything you’ve said. Elsa posted a great piece this morning. I mean it was really good, because she spoke to the fact that against astrological odds two people can stay together because they WANT to, and basically said that’s the make or break of it all ~ rather or not they WANT to. It just made so much sense. Free Will, and all that. It over rules every thing,(Yes, I deliberately separated that word).

            To be continued…

              • Fuchur, have you checked out astrodienist? They do free charts. Still, I’d have Elsa do your chart. If I could afford it I’d have her on retainer, like a lawyer! Her blog is the first thing I go to every morning. Coffee, astrology, Elsa.

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