If Your Parents Have A Good Marriage, Does This Help Their Children In Love?

Now this is pure speculation but I’m wondering if love can be a legacy, left to you by your parents. Let’s say a person grew up with parents who loved each other deeply.

Do you think this is an advantage to that individual when it comes to finding love and lasting relationship in their own life?

Or do you think the parents love fortune is irrelevant to their descendants?

Can you back your opinion with astrology?

Submit your own open question

Related


Comments

If Your Parents Have A Good Marriage, Does This Help Their Children In Love? — 66 Comments

  1. I cannot back this with astrology per se, but I love this topic. I think the only difference between children who grow up with this and the children who do not is the *awareness* that such love between adults is possible. You could come across that realization another way, at a later time, but I think children who always have this knowledge from the example of their parents may have a slight advantage. It’s consciousness vs. unconsciousness, just as you are better equipped to deal with the energies in your chart if you are aware of them. I say this from my own experience, because I did not have an example of parents who loved each other, and I went down the wrong first path in marriage because I don’t think I was aware that any better was possible. Awareness counts for a lot.

  2. Um, guess I’ll be the first to comment, since this here seems to be my thing. I grew up in with parents in an abusive relationship, very codependent, a depressed Dad, always on edge, subservient mother, no support, father overbearing, critical, mother put up with it all.

    (Dad Pisces Sun, Mom Gemini)

    And my Leo sister went off and found a nice guy and got into a normal relationship (at 30, but not so much before then) and ignored it all as best she could.

    I absorbed it all like a sponge, played it out in all my relationships, tried to fix everyone I was with, criticized myself (Cappy), and was terrified of relationships when all was said and done.

    With lots of therapy and lots of Elsa 🙂 . . . I think I’m finally becoming my own person, separate from my parents “legacy” (which is a good way of putting it).

    So I work extra hard to not be like my dad, and not be in a relationship like my parents, but it’s finally paying off (albeit, at age 36, but better late than never!)

    That’s my story – but I have noticed a general trend toward people whose parents have been f***ed up getting into bad relationships and people with parents who’ve had fairly healthy relationships seeing that modeled for them and knowing how to do it.

    I’m still looking for those models. And finding them in the most unlikely places 🙂

  3. Speaking as someone who came from a loveless marriage, hell yes it affects the child. I am, to this day, genuinely ASTONISHED every time I see a married couple that’s been married for longer than a year that still wants to be together and are happy to see their spouse come home. Every time, it shocks me. I haven’t the faintest idea how to have such a thing myself. (Then again, looking at my astrology, odds are I won’t, so I guess it all ties in.)

    But I do have one set of (not married yet!) childhood sweetheart friends who came from two sets of divorced parents, so I guess that didn’t damage them too much. And I have a friend who came from very loving parents who married a difficult man, so I guess that isn’t a guarantee for everyone that happy parents = happy child.

    But that said, I think having an example of “what you want” versus “what you don’t” is probably good for a child.

  4. I think it’s an advantage in that they have a real, live, close-to-the-soul example and hopefully understanding of what that kind of love is, and can use it as a sort of compass for their own journey in relationship. So many of us play out in our young adult lives what we were exposed to as children, that I hope such an example would be a positive influence.

  5. This reminds me of a while back when you were talking about “love stories” being such a big influence on relationships. And you said that you and the Soldier had the same love story, a movie I don’t remember, and since you shared that your expectations were the same..
    Me and my SO have vastly different love stories, in that he has a picture-perfect family whose parents have been together since high school and rarely fight (and if they do, it’s always behind closed doors), and I, essentially, have none. I have what I’ve seen in movies and on tv and what I read in books. My family life growing up was convoluted, and I spent most of the time living with my single Grandmother.
    It certainly makes things difficult in ways we wouldn’t really expect.. Just different ways of doing the whole “love” thing and only through extensive (and seemingly redundant) communications over the whole thing can we figure out where the discrepencies are… whew, i’m tired just talking about it.

  6. I’d say yes as well. My grandparents on my mother’s side are both a mix of aquarius/pisces (one week apart in age) and are catholic. They both came from abusive families but married young and held their faith throughout their marriage. They have been married over 60 years. Not perfect but they are best friends and raised 10 kids. They were not abusive to their children and showed an example of love, committment, tolerance and humour to their kids which has been passed down. Of the 10, 8 married and have kids of their own, 1 divorced and remarried which is going on 20 years, and one is gay who is about to marry this august. My own parents have been married – for the most part with a similar mix of love, committment and humour for over 35 years. In my 20s I wasn’t successful finding the right relationship but am now much more aware of what I’m looking for. BUT In general I have found myself attracting “good” men and i think it’s partly because I expect it having seen it. I have a very low tolerance for men who cheat because I just don’t get it. I saw happy, loving and committed men in my family. Most of my uncles have some capricorn in them, as well as my father. My brother is also a wonderful man and has a jovial personality and has jupiter in taurus. He’s one to stay and make it work. My father himself holds both capricorn and aquarius so I assume a mixture of being atonomous but being committed as a natural blend. Right now I’m dating someone with a bit of capricorn and aquarius so I naturally expect him to be there when i need him, but to otherwise go do what he wants. LOL. And we both express to each other being very happy with the way we get along.
    He told me “Do you know how many men have affairs out there?” as he recounted a story of a friend who married a woman to be the mother of his kids but routinely cheats on the side. And I told him that I didn’t.. that I know it logically but not otherwise because anything other than committment, love, faith and freedom was not patterned for me to follow. I did mention that my mother told me once that my father once said to her “You know you’ve never said no to me (in the bedroom)” And I think that has something to do with it. We may have catholic blood but there’s a bit of the devil there too ;).

  7. Wow, Liz. This is really really heartening. What a family! What a story! Beautiful stuff.

    I’m also heartened. I’m Cappy and Aqaurius rising and am trying to find the balance between commitment and autonomy, so those guys would definitely be good models for me; in fact, having a man in my life like that would definitely be appealing.

    Thanks for sharing this.

  8. Amazing comments! I cannot back it up with astrology. Mom and Dad have been married for 47 years. I was born six months after they were married. There may have been some family coercion involved. I have been married 27 years this July 10th and have been faithful throughout. We have other examples in our lives, though my family seems to have a lot more couples that stay together. Mom and Dad fight three times more than me and my SO. He is a Capricorn and she is a Libra. They are quite a dynamic couple. I really should look at their charts someday.

  9. My parents are still married (and have been for 47 years) but to me they are just dependent on each other (Father Taurus, mother Sag). Which is very sad, needless to say. Sun/Sat (Aqu) sq Moon (Tau).

    We celebrated my in-laws 50 years of marriage last year and they have lasted solely because my mother-in-law is quite a patient woman (Scorpio) married to a very impatient man (Aries).

    Two Sun quincunx couples…

    On the other hand, I have been very very happily married for the past 15 years. My Aquarian husband is the patient/detached one (he must have learned from his mother). We are very lucky to have found each other because we are not very conventional (very Aquarian but also some Virgo/Cap), for example we didn’t do any wedding ceremony, just went to file the papers. And I think of my parents and their everyday fight and hatred and control issues and I just think what a blessing to live in a comfortable, laughter-filled environment.

  10. I don’t know if this is an astrological backup but I have Venus 1 degree off my DSC. I have been very lucky in my dealing with people so far (even though I am now facing the prospect of having someone wanting me dead and it’s very disconcerting).

  11. i lived with my grandparents every summer until we left state wheni was nine and they loved each other deeply and i do think it’s helped me have clear idea of what kind of connection i’m looking for.

    can’t say the same thing about my parents. except that i’ve an aversion to weak men and i try perhaps too hard not to be a bitch.

  12. There has been some very good scientific research over the years that points towards the development of a child to be more dysfunctional with dysfunctional parents. As to whether Astrology can show this I am not sure. Astrology can show the potential for an individuals development, however most of you would know that siblings can view their same parents in different ways. That is, one may child may develop sensitivities when the other sibling may treat their abusive parents like water off a ducks back.

    Bowlby has gone a long way to research how attachment plays a great role int the development of childeren and personality. Astrology is not static when one works with progressed charts, solar arcs, returns, triplicity rulers and stages of life, Firdaria and other life cycles, are all important turning points in life.

    Once knowing the nature of a relationship, or child personaly and through astrology it is possible to track and treat any anomalies in those relationships however if there is a crisis showing in the individual’s chart at any point, who is to say that the person chooses to go one way or another? LIkewise the developing child may choose a variety of ways to get through developmental times and Astrology in my view can only be used to determine the most likely ways (potentials).

    kingsley

  13. I experience my parent’s drama in my inability to form lasting intimate relationships, yes! My brother left home and for 6 years I had to live with their tyrant/victim dynamic – Scorpio father, Gemini mother – both Cancer moon. When Pluto came onto my Mars Moon conjunction in Scorpio the family split into 4 directions taking many years for each to speak with the other. My brother has married happily, but I seem unable. Even with a good man, I shall wait to find out his dark lurking truth which is, I resume/assume, that he doesn’t love me. A cruel game which I glean I got from my parents and which translates as lack of trust in men. I am Cap Sun with Venus in Pisces in the 7th and I put myself through the strangest relationships to learn to love myself. When will it end???

  14. I know so little about astrology, but the timing of your query, Elsa, is remarkable. My parents will have been married 49 years come August. He’s Leo, and she’s Aquarius. He’s a homebody, always has been, but willingly travels whereever she goes. Has his own friends, but prefers being with her. She on the other hand deeply needs her own friends, causes, etc. But she admires him, and that’s her glue, you know? Anyway, by no means has their relationship been ideal or trauma free, and believe me, like so many I’ve had therapy to deal with the truth of my life as their child! For the past year, my father has been hellbent on spending what little they have on fixing the house he bought for her in 1966. New windows, new furnace, he painted the cellar floor for godsake. And my mother hasn’t cared all that much, just gone on with her business while my father fixes this house. Everybody and I mean everybody has told him it’s a mistake, but no.. and he even topped it off by announcing they would remodel their kitchen. Brand new. It’s the one thing my mother has dreamed of.. And it occured to me just yesterday, while I let go of my own fretting and just let them be, while I was helping Mom pick out a laminate countertop and noted the tears of excitement, that my father is acting out a very important part of his love story with her, and she him. It was such a wonderful realization– it made me feel at peace with all my own love triumphs and mistakes. I’m a single Gem, never married, but have loved deeply and know at least for today, my own love story has another chapter coming.

  15. My Dad had five kids with two wives over 28 years. Three of us have Sun-Pluto oppostions; one has a square. We all have a range of Sun-Moon aspects, sextile, trine, opposition or square. With all of us we really get it that the male female dynamic is a MAJOR TOPIC! Of the five of us, we are two Pisces, two Leos and an Aries. The ones with the most fixed signs in their charts are the most invested and successful in the “lasting” part of relationships. My impression is they have really strong wills when the mission gets nearly impossible.

  16. My parents have been married for 33 years; Mum Aries, Dad Leo. Their relationship is based on mutual respect, and is actually envied by many of the couples in their circle of friends. On the other hand, they have always put their roles as girlfriend and boyfriend before their roles as parents, and my brother and I have both suffered from this.
    What I’ve learned from them that I will take with me into my primary relationship, is that it’s ok to fight as long as you are respectful and never ever resort to name calling. As for future nurturing of children, there are no role models in my life, but I think I’ll do very well. I’ll smother my kids for sure, but they will feel loved for themselves:)

  17. I love all of your stories.
    I think every person processes their experience differently. For instance, I too have a Gemini mom who put up with a lot of crap over the last 27 years. Before I met my husband I had my share of guys who were not good for me. I didn’t feel I deserved anything better. But as I got older, I use my parents story to my advantage by making sure my relationship patterns are different from theirs. Sometimes the insecurities creep up, and I wonder if the future of my marriage is doomed (I honestly have NOT had one good model/example in my personal circle), and it can be quite frightening.
    I have a friend who says her parents NEVER have fought in front of her, and her dad is quite the romantic…yet she doesn’t have much luck in the relationship arena, and she is the one that creates that reality.
    Like I said, I think everyone processes it differently. YOU are who YOU are, no matter who your models were.
    P.S. to add to the fright, I have chiron in the 7th.

  18. I imagine it would be. It would give the child an enormous advantage in knowing how to love and what exactly love was.

    While I can’t back that up astrologically, Myself, my brother, and my sisters, all have various love issues. Speaking for myself and my brother we are both big commitmentphobes and attribute it at least in part to our parents disasterous marriage.

    I’ve got Moon square venus and neptune, and venus in the midpoint of my mars pluto square, in sagittarius, in the 12th house.

    My brother has his moon square pluto and saturn, and venus square mars.

    My brother inherited his moon square saturn/pluto from my dad, and the venus square mars from both our parents.

    I recieved my moon square venus from my mom, and in her chart neptune is opposed her moon so my square echoes that. I also have uranus sextile mars and my mom has uranus trine mars, to which I attribute my limited attention span (Oh god! Suddenly you’re BORING! I have to GOOOOOOOOOO!)

  19. “I think the only difference between children who grow up with this and the children who do not is the *awareness* that such love between adults is possible.”

    Good point, Jessica. This is what gives me an edge in believing that a non-dysfunctional relationship is possible. I think that even if we are not observant, we are used to our family situation and we notice it when something different is thrust before our eyes, aka when we get out into the world, kind of like you don’t know that you are swimming until you come up for air. The bad movies I watch during the summer always have to do with the possibility that relationships will fail as soon as they get going. Miami Rhapsody, Sex and the City, etc. create stereotypes I can recognize. The process of falling in love is a quick montage and suddenly when the couple is together, some threatening music or camera angles tell you that someone is going to cheat. But real relationships around me aren’t like this. It gives me faith.

  20. And vice versa. I have Sun square Moon which often means that the parents did not get along, and they didn’t. The whole thing is actually a T square including an 8th house Saturn. Sure enough, I suk at relationships, apparently.

  21. It totally does have an effect on the kids. My mom never married my dad and they separated before i was born. I never knew him and in conscious memory can only remember seeing him once. I have Sun in 12th conjunct Chiron.
    Mom then married an abusive alcoholic who used to beat both of us and even threatened to kill her on a few occasions. Having Mars conj. Venus opposite Moon conj. Pluto in 5th (4th in equal system), i identified with the pain and the violence very deeply. Its made me fear the intensity of emotion i feel toward relationships to this day.

  22. I have moon vs mars, 10th and 4th.

    Lots of arguing between my parents, but a lot of love, too. I don’t know my stepdad’s birth time, but I bet his cancer sun and my mom’s cancer moon/rising probably didn’t hurt.

    Yes, I can see how we are formed by those parental examples, in looking at my parents, grandparents, and the families I have dated into.

  23. My parents’ relationship was a big influence on me; they worked side-by-side in the family business & I saw that everyday. I have Juno in Libra in the 10th house.

  24. I think we all learn our own lessons from our families, but we all have our own natal charts. Say you have parents wo have a very dysfunctional relationship but you have a natal chart that points to you having a smoother ride. You could reject your parents example, or you’ll come into contact with people who’ll show you your way and learn your own lessons. On the other hand if you parents have a dysfunction relationship and your
    chart points to you experiencing the same, then you’ll probably learn by example.

    In my case, I’m from a culure where its expected that everyone marry. My parents don’t have the most loving, functional relationship but they’re committed to their children and I don’t think either would be happy with splitting up. My chart points to something different. I grew up in another culture and learned a lot of lessons in that. And along the way, I’ve learned a lot about relationships and I now I have a template in my head about relationships that reflects my chart.

  25. It is an advantage. It’s very hard to believe in love when there is no one who models its reality to you.

    As for astrology, my Venus is on my Midheaven and trine Neptune. I think love is a combo of dedicated work (10th house) and spiritual ideals (Neptune).

  26. It’s a huge massive advantage. But it only works if one takes the opp. I have an exact square sun to moon. Zero examples of parental affection but I am learning and unlearning as I go along. I have high hopes for myself. No question there is an advantage tho.

  27. It certainly helps to have a loving couple as role models for our future relationships, BUT it would be interesting to have a look at the charts of Warren Beatty & Shirley Maclaine whose parents were SO in love, they were left out!

  28. I think it does help, but it needn’t be the parental relationship which is the main model. My parents stayed together til death but it wasn’t a very happy marriage. On the other hand I found my grandparents’ marriage very moving and inspiring esp as they married quite late in life, after having an affair for many years (long and somewhat scandalous story, which I took totally for granted as a kid!).

    There were other great marriages around which I could see in action: my best school-friend’s parents for example, were clearly madly in love still: I thought they were very romantic and glamorous (they’d met in the SOE in Eastern Europe, during the war). And my Dad’s sister and her husband, childless sadly, were wonderfully kind people who never had a wrong word between them: he was devastated when she died, in their 70s.

    My sister made a very happy marriage; I didn’t – though it wasn’t so bad… I would never have chosen to leave. Nobody divorced or separated in my family – excepting my youngest cousin, I’m still the only one to divorce, and it made me very ashamed even though it wasn’t my fault, or my choice

  29. Dated a woman whose parents had a respectful, life-long love affair. She was recently divorced and had a text book case of PTSD when I knew her. Maybe her parents set an unrealistic standard.

  30. I believe that it is wonderful to grow up as a child of love znd receive that love. However, I wouldnt call it an advantage per se because a kid having the opposite yearn for this and should have the same opportunities. The child born into this sometimes try to find what their parents had, not sure if to please themselves or their parents.It is a high standard that is becoming more and more unavailable.

  31. What an amazing subject! We all have different predispositions, and life experiences; also most people are very driven by egocentric survival principles, in our new society where almost anything is accepted. It’s a very complicated matter to find the right partner.

    Here are two of my observations on this matter – most girls I know, especially Tauruses, are still single at 40ish, regardless of parental background; and the percentage of ‘not so nice’ people around us is overwhelmingly large. I really don’t believe we ‘draw’ wrong partners, there’s just sooo many of them. Fingers crossed for good luck!

  32. 67 years, till death they did part. Or did they? Woo-woo woo-woo woo.

    All bio sibs that married divorced, but one. Two remarried, two did not. I think they expected that marriage just lasted, and they found out otherwise. The parental units were extra-ordinary folks. I never married.

    And like Jilly’s, they were great business partners. My Juno in cap? It rules the 10th house? It squares my mercury in libra, widley opposes my moon, and trines my sun. I really have no clue.

    I looked at my folks charts a little, they are all tangled up with mine with planets/luminaries conjuncting each others planets/luminaries. A knot I really can’t look at at this time.

  33. It definitely is a gift to have grown up with a sense of the deep interaction, elements of a true relationship, how to build and keep one of deep love, very basic ways to relating to others.

    But it depends on whether the person wants this for themselves in this life, and that’s highly personal and due to experiences or choices. They certainly are very lucky to have seen love in action – most haven’t – but it’s up to them to follow or not…

  34. I watched the entire love affair my mom and dad had. My father passed 2 months after their 50th anniversary. My mom still misses and talks of great love even years later. I dream of having such a love and have been completely unlucky in that department. But I am hopeful at 40 years of age.

  35. My father saw my mother for the first time when she walked into his office as a secretary and he announced, “I’m going to marry that woman” and he did.

    They were a tightly bound couple for 60 years and although they had their squabbles there was never a question of their relationship surviving.

    This made me think that a long term relationship was the ‘normal course” of things.

    I notice among my nephews and nieces whose parents have divorced that there is a real skittishness about commitment. Three of them are in their 40s and have never been married.

    Whereas as my 3 siblings and myself all got married young (19-22) which was the age of my mother at her marriage.

  36. My parents separated when I was 10. Mum went on for a further two marriages, no more kids. Dad was a serial monogomous for a long time, and now has been in a long relationship of 16 years. Us 3 kids never saw abuse, arguments, harm or neglect. Seeing both parents in a variety of relationships and situations over the years, has some advantages.

    I saw them both start over, remake themselves and begin again several times. That resilience to never give up on themselves, despite failed marriages, was awesome to behold.
    I have a sun moon trine, so my parents were harmonious at that time. Yet I have a Saurn (10)opposite Moon (4) which more closely reflects the different roles/influence I perceived of them.

    Both parents, with different partners at different times, were present a their 3 kids various milestones weddings, births, graduations, birthdays etc. and were always respectful with each other and partners.

    When my baby was 9 months old, me and my mum (her hubby stayed at home) travelled together to show my baby to my dad (his partner stayed at home). It was awesome, mature, respectful and heaps fun.

    For me, their experiences showed me one can survive when a relationship ends. They did not stick to a marriage that did not work. They have both had several loves, and so have I

  37. Absolutely its relevant and beneficial. But it can create a blind spot where the person who came from a family where the parent’s marriage was solid and loving doesn’t understand the confusion and pain of the person they are dating because it is rooted in that person’s parents’ bad marriage. So one person had great role models and the other didn’t so they are confused or operating from a dysfunctional role model. The person with the better role model needs to stick with what they know – which is how to love and be happy – and find someone who will create the same or who is very open to change.

    • Absolutely agree, Holly.

      Those whose parents had a good relationship can have a blind spot when dating someone who didn’t have the same formative years. Most of those with parents with happy relationships tend to be patient with those who didn’t yet with time, if there is too much dysfunctionality or insecurity, the relationship tends to falter as the first person goes to find a more balanced exchange.

      If the person is open to change (i.e. trust another person, show vulnerability and with time become more secure in oneself – the attachment style becomes a bit less insecure), the first person stays and the relationship is quite healing.

      My parents had a horrible relationship and my brother and I settled in relationships in our late 30s only.

      My fiance’s parents had a good relationship and he was very patient with me the first years of the relationship – still is. As by then I recognised what a good relationship felt like (ups and downs yet good stuff) from my experience and observing married friends with more secure attachment styles, I was able to be more open.

      It is healing.

      • The astrology?

        All the years of pinning for the wrong guys and falling in love with love – neptune opp moon and neptune sq sun, and sun in pisces.

        The astrology of the hope of finding love eventually? Ruler of my seventh house (venus) in good aspects to moon, jupiter, chiron, mercury and mars.

        Mars is the co-ruler of my ascendant, so 7th and 1st house in good relationship.

        Nice venus-jupiter and venus-moon help definitely.

        But the ‘being exposed to a bad marriage experience’ plus the neptune over-idealism…that took lots and lots of year of relationships and dating experiences that involved denial, self-delusion and suffering (one of neptune’s aspects.)

        In my case my grandparents’ relationship and my godmother’s relationships were the positive love templates that planted a seed that eventually blossomed, once I was ready (I had had enough, and a few relationship books guided me well.)

        This is a subject near to my heart and one I’m passionate about, so hence my talking and talking (moon in gemini too.)

        • One last thing. Six years of good psychotherapy sealed the changes for me as my relationship with my therapist became my first ever long-term relationship.

          After that I stayed longer in jobs and eventually longer in relationships.

          I know it is not for everyone, but therapy with the right person (training and also chemistry) is money well spent if one can afford it.

          (I became a psychotherapist)

  38. Since you’re speaking of legacy, I would look at the Moon and Saturn of the client and the aspects they make. I once had a person with relatonships issues who had Neptune problems with a Saturn aspect.

    And if I had a the charts of the siblings, I’d look at them too, because certain aspects are inherited.

  39. loved both my parents,at this age my memories leave me horrified the way my father treated all 9 children and mama;did she love him blindly, refused to give in to the other woman ,had high tolerance for pain ,stayed afraid of what remained as options?
    did i follow her lead ,did my fears as a child cripple my relationship dynamics,hell yeah
    Here I am, survived it all,this part is for you mama.
    fearless?.;hmmm ,close *much closer

  40. My mom settled for my dad. She was totally clueless at age 21. I have always felt like I should settle because I can’t get anyone I want (which is true), except I can’t stomach settling.

    Mom has finally found true love and only now realized…hoo boy.

  41. I have two cousins, a brother and a sister, whose parents have a good marriage. They were both born with the Moon and the Sun in the same sign (Gemini and Virgo) albeit not conjunct. Can’t remember other aspects. Anyway, the girl has an AWFUL marriage, she forced her husband into marrying her by getting pregnant. Nowadays, he’s not ever at home, I suspect he’s cheating on her (he was cheating on her even while they were dating, he never took the relationship seriously).
    The brother is in a long-term relationship, I don’t see him that often. Once, we vacationed together, and he and his girl seemed into each other, a nice couple, but he did say and keeps saying he never wants to marry or have children. He’s been living with his girlfriend now for 6,7 years.

  42. It is an interesting question.

    I do see some tangential relationship between a persons parents upbringing but whether it is the upbringing or the people involved are responding the same way to their genes I don’t know! So a friend of mine seems to be bothered with an excess of carnality in his relationships and… from what I’ve heard of about his mother, and father when younger this follows. Another friend’s parents are ‘unhappily married’ and he has very long term relationships, but, perhaps significantly, he does not stick around in relationships where he is not happy. Many follow the basic formula except where it is upset by people that cannot get a relationship.

    I personally see far more deeper patterns with my parents and then following through to me. Like an overabundance of intensity and extreme emotional insecurity in the partner. (Leo mother Cancer father).

    I personally do not believe we are doomed to repeat our parents mistakes. But it is perhaps the line of least resistance?

    • Totally, Ann.

      Exceptions happen if the child had some good role model somewhere in their lives, someone modelling good relationship stuff, staying with the child or supporting them through ups and downs. Then there is a seed there and the child becomes an adult with some idea, even vague, of a good relationship.

      Often with time, even in their 30s or 40s, the penny (and life experience) drops and they find a good enough relationship.

  43. My first memory was after my parents had already divorced. All my life I heard that I should not be like my father. My mother never remarried. I’ve been in relationships, short-term and long-term, that came to nothing. Right now it appears I only attract – and am attracted to – broken people with huge egos to compensate. I did wonder how much of her energetic makeup I have inherited. My rare (think 1 every six months) current attractions break down in maximum 2 weeks, despite my best efforts. I live alone and it’s a psychological struggle. It’s a lonely road towards the unknown.

  44. Ok XV chin up; we are all on a road; If my sisters would stop saying” you’ll find someone “ it would be nice
    Because I actually smile a lot
    And am thankful I am alone because
    I am pretty darn great alone and I thank my lucky stars I am not hostage to a jerk,anyways chin up
    Smile on towards the great unknown
    I am on the road too?

  45. I didn’t have one good marriage around me. My paternal grandparents seemed okay. I never saw them fight but when I look back at it now, he spent a lot of time in the basement and she in the living room, plus they had separate bedrooms.

    My maternal grandparents had separate beds all the years of my life but in the same room. My maternal grandmother lived a dogs life with my grandpa. He ran around, he cheated on her, he never let her learn to drive and she was trapped with no money and no way out. If she’d had a way she would have left him.

    My mother and step father fought like cats and dogs. It was horrible and embarrassing and really bad.

    There are 5 of us and every one of us have been divorced more than once, with one of us never married at all.

    I think that is proof.

    I did finally find the right person in my late 30’s and we have been together ever since. But, I do attribute some of this to his having a better understanding of what a good marriage looks like. His parents were crazy in love and his father doted on his mother. They held hands and probably still do. They were shitty parents …I mean the WORST…but they loved each other and have been together for almost 50 years.

    He watched two people love each other. I never witnessed it in my life. He is the voice of reason in this home for sure. And he has taught me a lot about what he has lived.

    Now, his parents haven’t spoken to him in almost 10 years, but they are together and still happy

  46. I think the effects of the marriage in the childhood home filter down, good or bad. But, I also think if the chart shows a solid marriage it will be.

  47. My parents have been together for decades and they seem to have a good thing going on but it really hasn’t helped me, my love life has not turned out that well. For what it’s worth, my parents almost never openly expressed affection or discussed this stuff with me. I basically learned about love and sex from TV.

  48. A person’s ability or luck to find love easily, or to form lasting relationships easily depends on many things, and to have parents that have a good relationship is only one of these many things. However, I do think that parents that are fine with each other helps the person to be more loving, more trusting and more open to form relationships in general. I’m not sure about the astrology, but both my mother’s and my father’s Pluto conjuncts my Sun in synastry, they were not only very oppressive and controlling but my father was a very insidious man but my mother was kind of naive and trusted him a lot. When my mother was having her second Saturn return and Pluto was conjuncting her natal Mercury; everywhere was just flooded with what my father was actually doing and thinking. The nervous breakdown of my mother was juust a movie! It’s always disgusting to watch such a thing, and I have a very low opinion of men in general; but it’s backed up by so many other experiences.

    My Capricorn moon is squared by Pluto natally and Pluto is my strongest planet. Maybe a strong Pluto causes such things. I’m not sure. (And I still think family thing should be banned altogether, it’s the mother of all evil to me!)

  49. My parents did not love each other deeply. My first marriage ended in divorce BUT becuase I was a child of divorce, I knew first hand how a child could be affected and that has probably made a huge difference. My husband and I are friends and we are awesome co-parents. We help each other and are constantly communicating about our daughter. We have shared custody and I see him nearly every day. We care about each other but he is more of a Saturn figure to me than a husband. I think that there is a lasting and deep love in my future. I think it’s very possible for someone to find this even though their parents were not an ideal model. I don’t think it’s totally irrevelant but it’s not the determining factor either! No way.

  50. I read somewhere (I forget where, sorry about that – I care about footnotes, citing sources) that if a child is neglected by their parents BUT has one adult that ecourages them, they have a chance for believing in themself.
    My experience, and observation, agrees. Likewise, knowing one strong loving couple increases the sense that a good relationship is possible… and desirable.
    My grandfather was very much in love with his wife, my grandmother, throughout their time together. He set the bar, for me. *Even though I usually couldn’t understand his words…* 🙂

  51. I think the way parents treat each other provides a model for how a person treats them self. And then that informs how people allow others to treat them.

    But I suppose it’s possible to have divorced parents that treat each other respectfully for example.

    I think this one is a possibly.

Leave a Reply to Shan Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *