Long Distance Love With A Married Man

Dear Elsa,

I have been dating this man long-distance for 8 months now. He is married, though he’s been separated for two years and is filing for a divorce.

I have a trust issue with him, because he lied about many things as we got to know each other through the ‘net. Since then, everything he has been telling me was correct. He said he is going to have his divorce final next March. So I am giving him all the benefit of doubts until April, and see what he is going to do.

The problem: he is living abroad, and usually calls me daily. Last Wednesday, he said he was going for a two day business trip and that he would call me. I haven’t heard from him since then, and his mobile has been out of reach.

I am trying to analyze… did he disappear? Was he stuck in meetings with no phones? Maybe his wife and kid joined him and now he is breaking things off with me? I’m wondering how I should proceed from here.

Thanks,
Unsure

Dear Unsure,

In my experience, liars lie. Since your man is a known liar, there is no telling what he is up to even if he expressly tells you.

With Venus part of a stellium in Capricorn, your chart suggests the capacity for love relationship that is stable, supportive and real. That’s the potential but the way you’re playing it is just about as opposite that as you can get.Β  Rather than working to ground a relationship in real life and deriving a sense of self esteem through being a stellar partner, you’re expressing this energy in a wholly negative way, settling for the tiniest of crumbs as if this is all you deserve.

If I were you, I’d get my own man, in my own town, who I could put my hands on and so forth. I would also throw a liar back in two seconds, like some distasteful fish I caught on accident and I would aim him so he landed on his head. But I’m not you. You are you, so what is it that you want?

If you want to be in a relationship with a liar who lives in another country, well then you’ve got it. If you want something else, then lose this bastard like yesterday and fish another line.

Good luck.
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Long Distance Love With A Married Man — 13 Comments

  1. Elsa, I just love the way you are with advice. It’s like “This is the way it is. Now, this is your life, so do whatever you please. But I’m just sayin’.”

    In my own experiences with separation, divorce, and dating, I’ve found that it’s best that the divorce get finalized, and all other ties cut (excluding those involving children) before going forward with a new relationship. It just keeps the energy clean and everything above-ground. I think Venus in Capricorn would appreciate that.

    Of course with transiting Venus in Scorpio, going retrograde, and all these corpses coming back, it might be harder to keep it clean.

    Good luck Unsure!

  2. I also have a stellium in Capricorn including Venus, and this advice is what I should’ve been told a long time ago. I used to have secret affairs with older married/engaged men, but luckily I got sick of it a while ago and am now trying to maintain a healthy, loyal and PUBLIC relationship with someone who also has Cappy Venus. πŸ™‚

  3. It is the best advice – to fish another line after break up, I just can’t find it yet. How long it’s going to take? another 6 month? I’m about to give up. I just don’t understand how all my girlfriends claim that they’ve never been single more then 1 month. Am I an idiot or what?

  4. Venusflytrap – no, I don’t think I have standards at all, I have Venus/Uranus, all my relationships were sudden and electric but I do prefer tall blonds with blue eyes…I’m really thinking about leaving my company, they dragging me down with all these “family” issues.

  5. These situations are ALWAYS complicated!!! I agree that it’s better to have every detail “clean” and “clear” before spending your energy in this relationship…It all depends what you are looking for…good luck!

  6. The daily phone calls are a positive, but since his phone seems to be turned off this weekend, maybe there is company who he doesn’t want to find looking in his phone! I suspect this man is already ‘playing the field’ or is at least open to offers, and that he will have found someone closer to home by next spring.

  7. A–

    Be VERY VERY careful…my ex is a psychologist and had women ALL THE TIME that had similar situations (men living abroad) divorced, widowed, spearated. They will ‘disappear’ for a few days with some horrible situation and need you to bail them out with some outrageous story and a need to part you with your cash….

    just sayin’

  8. Dear Elsa, i really like your style πŸ™‚

    funny thing is, again & again i meet women who share their self-defeating (so-called) “love” relationships with guys… who are married (one of them married to his pregnant wife), who are in a “troubled” relationship they’re about to end, who live elsewhere (in fantasy land of romantic delusion). i don’t understand it. if all indicators scream pain & failure – how comes they don’t run?

    i’m talking about intelligent women, many of them cherishing their (economic) independence.

    some times i’ve found, if we’d go deeper… there’s a history of abuse in family. imho, it’s a mind-pattern to re-create that abuse-situation as being the one that’s “familiar” or “family”.

    who knows?

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