Lies We Tell Ourselves (And Others)

zodiac coinAstrology is really good at cutting through veneer. It’s pretty common I hear someone make claims that just don’t jibe with their chart.

I’ve done this myself. It usually indicates a person is divorced from some part of their character and it’s possible to live your whole life this way, which has a weird effect.

As an example a person may have a large stellium in the 7th house, but claim they’re happy to be alone and perhaps even believe it. Another person may have a vindictive nature, but kid themselves about that. A third person might have the chart of a strong parent but say they don’t want children.

It easy to see how this can happen. In most families or cultures there is an established standard of behavior. Being human, we try to conform to expectations even if the expectations are that we rebel. This is okay, unless you happen to be designed for something that is not popular in your era.

In the 1950’s a woman was expected to marry, whether she was suited to it or not. I grew up in climate were being a “free spirit” and “doing your own thing” was what was touted or talked up. I followed suit but now realize I am truly cut out to be in the middle of a Walton’s type family. That is what would really “free my spirit”.

Working as an astrologer, I am often the person who tips someone to their true nature.  This can create a huge storm in your life. Just being told something as simple and obvious as you don’t want to be alone, can throw a person for a loop, but it simultaneously  liberates you from from living a lie.

Are you living in accord with your deepest nature?


Lies We Tell Ourselves (And Others) — 50 Comments

  1. I don’t know my deepest nature. I have lots of Leeb, lots of Cappy, and a 1H stellium.

    They all contradict each other. It’s safe to say I want it all.

  2. A certain passage from the Pennywise song “Lies” comes to mind.
    “Lies, words that we use to define our lives. Lies, you can’t face the truth so you wear a disguise. And you can’t deny that we all believe in…lies”.

    I think thus far, I am living according to my astrological chart. Have I fully unlocked the potential of my chart? Probably not. Fortunately, I am more aware.

  3. I am a Cancer.With 4 planets in Cancer.Three of them in my 4th house.I love being married,being A Mom, hopefully a grandmom, a home maker (opposite of what women of my era are supposed to enjoy)–while I am a feminist to the core, MY CHOICE is to be at home a whole lot.I enjoy domestic pursuits, and love to enjoy my craft,art, and writing hobbies here at home.. I have always been unhappy when I work outside the home.

    At almost-60 ,I AM able to be at home a fact we have two homes, one in the burbs and a small cabin in the woods..I am happy as a clam in either one.

    Living true to one’s nature is the healthiest thing ! For mind, body and spirit! It’s worth taking the steps necessary to own your own nature and make it happen, in baby steps if you have to..

  4. Elsa, you told me I did want to be alone and it made me rethink all my past relationships. As it turned out I dated men in the service or otherwise unavailable. When I married, my husband felt I ignored him because I read while he watched tv (a habit I still haven’t developed). That drove me bonkers until he got a job in sales and was gone half the time. I guess it’s good to recognize that I need space. It also gives me an idea what the problem may be in future relationships. Now that it has an identity I can work around it. Thank you, Elsa.

  5. I wonder if the rising sign aids this self-deception. One book I read described the rising as “learned behavior” acquired from your environment.

    ie, I have a 7th house stellium (strong: 5/6 planets in Libra) but my rising is Aries. Raised by a single mom who never got married, the message was always “I don´t need another person in my life to complete me and neither do you.”

    But ultimately, I couldn´t deny my deep longing to be involved with others (romantically and otherwise. It´s been an internal struggle that has become easier to understand with astrology, but still difficult to reconcile.

  6. 🙂 I loved the Waltons growing up (traditional Cappy). The original movie with movie, Spencer’s Mountain, is a must see as well.

    On another note, I think the question “Are you living your deepest nature” would be a great colosseum topic.:)

  7. That is food for thought! But what if you have a ton of squares and incompatible elements, and it’s nearly impossible or very difficult for you to express these different sides of yourself simultaneously or harmoniously. It’s not that I want to ignore parts of myself, but cant find a suitable area of expression for them… so it becomes easier to just ignore it, or try to change/adjust to the circumstances…. tell yourself you’re fine with it.

  8. Hoh boy. This topic hits me squarely. Pluto, Saturn and Scorpio are heavily aspected.”Another person may have a vindictive nature, but kid themselves about that.” In the middle of the night after watching old films (John LeCaree) of spies questioning how to deal with all that Pluto-Saturn-Scorpio energy while Pluto parks over my Capricorn moon.

    “Who are you really”a topic for the Colloseum: my vote’s in!

  9. I can see how this could happen! Am I living out my true nature? Probably not, though I have plenty of squares so it’s difficult to do so.

    This is another reminder for me to buy a consultation as soon as I have the $ to do so! 🙂

  10. “Are you living in accord with your deepest nature?”

    Excellent post, Elsa. I honestly don’t know. I’m working furiously to figure out what my deepest nature is.

  11. Would it be possible for this to be a mini-reading/consult topic? I know just this kind of insight would be helpful for lots of us with contradictions in our charts 😉 I also think it could be very insightful for both those that know their chart/selves and those that could use a signpost. It is perfectly timed right now (sat. in scorp) just like you said.

  12. @Elsa,
    I agree with music4am that this would be a great consultation topic and I would gladly pay for a report or a telephone consultation on exactly this topic, if you are willing.

  13. I say I don’t want children with Moon Jupiter Venus stellium in 5th. But, the planets are all in Aries. People think I’m full of shit, but for now that’s my answer. My mother always told me never say never…

  14. Also agree with great consultation. Would I be able to be in a colluseum if I don’t know what I am talking about? Did not plan to go further with astrology yet, as want to concentrate on tarot, but my sun placement and stellium in leo just don’t seem to fit me. Was going to just bag the astrology part, but this question is a challenge, need to see if it does not fit, if there is some other explanation.

  15. I never think of it as lies but more like phantom limbs. Just parts waiting to work properly. The worst part is when you are *just* able to use it. Like a hypothermia patient whose nerves just fired up. I can’t make feel their legs, or use them, but I can tell them they have legs and be there when they want help walking. I have unactualized parts of my chart, but astrology is timing and we weren’t born into our actualization. Even as a young girl my mother encouraged the mindset I grow into my chart and not try and marginalize by simple explainations (aka you have a 1h moon). Our charts are organic.

  16. “I never think of it as lies but more like phantom limbs. ”

    ae, that’s interesting. I jotted notes for this post about a week ago. At that time, I wrote it was like finding out you had this twin you didn’t know about…and this new knowledge explained so much.. 🙂

  17. On the people asking about this in other forms of consults, I’ve been thinking about this all day and will post about it tomorrow. 🙂 Thank you.

  18. I think I am.

    The more I looked at my chart with each passing year, the more accepting I become of things I used to deny.

    “I don’t need attention.”
    “I don’t need to express myself.”
    “I’ll just be over here… in the corner.”

    Horror story for a Leo. Neptune was opposing my Leo stellium.

    “I am repulsive for having “morbid” interests, and it’s not ‘normal.'” I like this stuff more than my mom does, and she has a Scorpio Moon! (Whew, it got explained by my chart.)

    I have many inclinations that are supported by my chart. It felt great to have a map, to feel acknowledged, and to accept myself by looking at my chart. It tells me, “This is who you were born to be.” And what the chart shows resonates with my experience.

  19. I don’t understand this. As prefaced with the usual “this might sound aggressive as worded by it’s not my intent to be so”, I have to ask how someone can not be who they are just because a chart says so.

    If someone says they don’t want to be a parent – and they honestly mean that – who cares what their chart suggests?

    When you say “divorced from” do you mean they’re denying they want things they really want but won’t admit, or do you mean that part of their chart is latent and not active in their particular life?

  20. “When you say “divorced from” do you mean they’re denying they want things they really want but won’t admit, or do you mean that part of their chart is latent and not active in their particular life?”


    See, this has happened to me in my life. People have told me things about myself that were latent in me, or denied.

    It could be a partnering thing (might be triggering) but also, people deny their ambition, try to make themselves smaller than they are, women who live through a man…all kinds of variations.

    As mentioned, in one era women pretty much had to marry. In the era, if a woman wants to marry @ 20 and have four kids, she will be discouraged if not outright scorned.

    In reality, some women do not want to marry and have children, but others do. If you are born in a time / family / society that does not support what you are, it’s difficult. It’s very easy to wind up off your true path, that;s for sure. And once you’ve veered off, you can go many years before realizing it and you may actually come to the end of your life before you do.

    This is not my opinion. I think most anyone over 35 or so can tell you how common this is.

    You’re very lucky if what you are is what is in vogue in your time and place…from my perspective.

  21. Okay, so: “A third person might have the chart of a strong parent but say they don’t want children.”

    Are you saying that if someone has a strong parent chart and claims they don’t want kids that they’re a liar or deluding themselves?

    I don’t know. Something about that resonates as wrong to me. I’m uncomfortable telling someone who they are and what they want is wrong or only what “they think” vs what “is true”.

  22. I think I do without thinking about it… I do want a decent chart interpretation to understand my chart more though. That will be my next paycheck splurge!

  23. No I am not saying that. I’m sorry, luci, but I have been up since very early. my wrist hurts and am not going to be able to clarify this tonight,. It was not my intention to state that. It’s not possible for me to cover every potential interpretation of a sentence I write.

    I’m sorry if I offended you with this. I certainly didn’t mean to.

  24. Told my true nature by various astrologers interpreting my chart made all the difference to my life! Mostly because it was so clear I had to grow INTO it. I began a journey TOWARD my true nature which has involved accepting, understanding, and activating my whole chart. Jung’s individuation process of the Whole Self via astrology. It’s like all the parts fall into place around a clear essence/life purpose.

  25. This is what I find so satisfactory about astrology. It eliminates so many questions for this Libra.

    To answer the question, am I living my chart? Not fully, but more so than I was before knowledge of astrology.

  26. We have to be very careful that the correct birth time is being used when looking at anyone’s chart. I just realized I have been told the wrong birth time and have been using the wrong chart for over 20 years. I am still reeling.

    Using the new data, my life and the events in it have made so much more sense. But I’m saddened by the predictions and assumptions made about my life based on the old chart because it’s done a LOT of damage. 🙁

  27. I just posted yesterday,

    “Its been long since my libra is lying in the wardrobe”

    I guess I prompted the HOSTESS 😉

  28. Ater my consult I really took time to digest it. And every word rang true.

    Example: I have tried to wear many hats and had been somewhat unhappy for years. I worked in an office and drove with the traffic in the rat race and had to compete heavily at work. While I was able to hang with the big dogs because tenacity plays such a role here inside me, I was never really happy and quite miserable really. Miserable enough that my body showed outward signs of illness.

    One day I just couldn’t go back to it. It was as if the universe just put the breaks on. I called them and quit. This was a part of our income we really needed. Still, I called the college, went in and started taking classes …trying to find myself or something to do that would allow me to be happy in my work. It took a year. I took classes anyway. It was good to understand how to study again. And when I found my thing…I went for it. I worked hard at it…and today I am doing what I should have been doing all those years ago. But I found the thing I could do to earn money and be happier…not myself.

    Whether I like it or not I was born to be a mother and lucky for my mother …she had me. She was irresponsible when she had me and still needed one…and she gave birth to one. I can remember as a small child, maybe 4, 5, 6 years old thinking to myself what would she do without me? That is heavy for a little girl. But it didn’t feel heavy. I just knew how to do it…like you know how to breathe in and out. It came very easy and natural. I raised my little sisters for her.

    I think I always knew who I was. I displayed it as a child and I tried early in life to play the roll but things came along to cause change. As much as I wanted a white picket fence this was not going to be in the cards for me. Not yet. I had to get banged up and bruised along the way and it was very confusing. But, I would get divorced and get back out there and try again and again.

    Today if asked who are you S&P? The very first thing out of my mouth is I am the co-creator of Libra and Gemini, wife of Pisces, and G-mother to Aries, Sag and Gemini. Before I begin to tell you anything about myself I talk about the cast of characters that surround my life as is they are my life and me. And that is because they are. By finally admitting (and trust me this took too many years so find out if you can right now!) what lies at the core of me I can go on, knowing behind all the layers of what you see on the surface you will find a Mom. That is what I am.

    I could go on to invent something or turn this little business into who knows what but I am happiest in my heart and soul rocking my loves. I have learned what this means and I have learned that in being this what letting go means too. This has been an amazing journey. But it has been filled with unnecessary sadness and misery because I just ‘didn’t know’.

    Stellium/Scorp H4 Cancer Asc. Taurus Moon! Today I am living my chart. It would have been so much easier if I had this information early in life to guide me… but I am not going to complain because I got here.

  29. Well, I’m that seventh house stellium example. I am not in denial about it. However, I couldn’t catch a man if I sold my soul to the devil in order to do it. I have NO fish in my sea to choose from–trust me, if you saw the very thin selection I’ve had for the last 9 years, you wouldn’t want me to pick or settle for one of them.

    So what else am I to do? I try to be happy with what I’ve got because I can’t change it on my own. There are some very good reasons in my personality why I can’t partner (I fail at nurturing and self-sacrifice big time) which are probably why God intends me to stay single forever and I’ve known that since age 5.

    I haaaaaaaaaate codependency. My whole life is about NEEDING SOMEONE ELSE and I cannot get someone else no matter how much I need it or whatever the hell I do. So why should I embrace that needy? What good does it to do me to scream, “I need a man!” to the skies if the answer is “No, you can’t have one?”

    I might as well live alone and like it, and learn to like it. And some parts of it, I do like. It’s a good thing because I won’t be getting otherwise.

  30. Jenfullmoon,
    The message to send-out is NOT: ‘I NEED A MAN’ or Woman! Instead, it’s a message to the Cosmos: ‘You want someone to give your love to, to share yourself’.
    Yet, know and be prepared to put your self aside sometimes…it requires sharing of your focus/energy.
    I also have Sun/Moon in 7th House.

  31. Well, if all I wanted was someONE to give love to, I would have gotten a pet and shut up about it long ago! That would probably be a lot easier solution to pull off than requiring a male adult human.

    But…you have a point. I’m not self-sacrificing enough to have a relationship. Which is my own fault.

  32. My Scorpio eighth house is loaded with Moon-Venus-Merc-Uranus conjunction; a Taurean Chiron sits opposite in the second house. The second-eighth house axis is where I look for my lies and deepest nature because its energy is so extreme. The focus is on the eighth but there is a lack of understanding of the second. I feel like there is a deep subconscious drive active in these areas. Sometimes, I’m not even aware of the the ridiculous lies I can tell myself or others. (Lots of projection issues.)

    For clarity around the issues of this house axis, I look to the final dispositor of my chart: 7th house Pluto in Libra and 8th house Venus in Scorpio are in mutual reception.

    I also find my 12th house Pisces South Node is a huge personal blind spot. It is so natural to be expressively Piscean, many times I don’t even recognize it!

  33. Like TomT, really. I suspect the difficulty is inbuilt my chart…if it were 1578 I would probably have a brood of kids, an abusive husband, and go to church every day trying to help others feel better even if I didn’t. I’ve got the Neptune, Cap, Taurus Moon and malefic 7th house, and I’d have no options. That Uranus is my saving grace these days. Although it probably makes me less ‘noble’ of a person, sure.

    One ex and I agreed that had we met in different times we’d be together, but unhappy, so we called it quits even though both of us were responsible enough to keep it going. In this day and age, suffering for appearances wasn’t necessary anymore.

    I have a suspicion I was born to lie, and do it well. Sort of like why strong Moony-Neptunians act so well – we live the “lie” better than our actual lives.

    I don’t, Elsa. deepest natures aren’t always good…? I might be happier, but what would it look like?

  34. I love the concept, but it’s damn near impossible to practice when your chart is nothing BUT a series of contradictions.

    I have a ton of Taurus, a ton of Leo, Capricorn, Saturn, Pluto AND a 12th House Moon…

    I *need* to be admired and adored yet I DON’T want it because it makes me feel weak and vulnerable …

    How the hell is *anyone* able to reconcile all of THAT? o_O

    There are simply so many facets to my nature that I’ve come to accept there’s absolutely no way I’ll EVER be able to satisfy them ALL. So I concede to picking and choosing the basics, my necessities.

    As for the rest, ‘Want for NOTHING.’

  35. I am confused as to how to find this deep nature. It seems as if a stellium would be an obvious rather than hidden nature, no? So are there key factors we look for or some other pathway?

  36. Wow. What an amazing topic. My answer is I don’t know. Uranus on my AC fights for independence, but I can succumb or go with the flow. Sometimes what I fight so hard against is the thing I need the most (either to learn to do or learn to get past). I am often in limbo, flowing with so much mutability and not managing it.

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