Learning To Be Comfortable In Your Un-Comfort Zone

Some years ago I was dating a lot of men. There was a huge stream of them but I was unable to connect, over and over and over and over and my friend, Ben and I were analyzing the situation.

If you’re a heterosexual woman it’s very good to talk to a gay man about men because nobody understands men better than homosexual man. This is just a fact. They know a zillion men, they are a man and they sleep with men. How are you going to top that?

I asked him what he thought the problem was and he said I got into a man’s un-comfort zone.

“Yeah?” I said, not sure what the he was talking about.

“Yes. You make people very uncomfortable. You make me uncomfortable,” he explained.

“You’re kidding?” I was surprised. Ben and I were close friends and had been for a dozen years.

“No., you make me very uncomfortable at times.” He went on to elaborate. “Anyway, I think this is the problem with these men. They don’t want to be made uncomfortable. They don’t want to be challenged. Some people are like that. Some men are like that. They don’t want anyone challenging them and this is exactly what you do.”

“Yeah? So what do I do? How am I going to fix this?”

“There is nothing you can do. This is who you are, you challenge everyone. That is who Elsa is. Some people are more comfortable in their un-comfort zones than others and these are the people who are going to want to be around you…”

So now it’s all these years later and it’s pretty typical that it takes me 10 years or so to understand something. And what I understand now is that I love to be put in my un-comfort zone because it forces me to become comfortable there and when that happens, it expands my life. I can now be comfortable in a space I previously had to avoid for whatever reason and the net result of that is increased freedom. My world… the space I get to live in is increased and this makes me ultra-gleeful.

How do you react to the stimulation of being challenged?ย Where is Jupiter in your chart?

*pictured… that’s my Jupiter necklace. It was a gift from a reader. Thanks, Lilly.


Comments

Learning To Be Comfortable In Your Un-Comfort Zone — 47 Comments

  1. Jupiter in Sadge in 3rd house. Trine my Pisces Sun. I am rather fond of my Jupiter! It is also the only planet that conjuncts another … Neptune in Sadge! Well, my Aries Merc conjuncts my Sun by 9 degrees, but whatever.

    Problem with a Jupiter in the 3rd house: I am a glutton for bits and pieces of info and it can go overboard. No real system to it and I suspect I am just killing time doing that; for example, I surf the Net too much and am addicted to magazines.

    On the other hand, I thrive in new situations even though I occasionally would get in hot water.

  2. Elsa, I did’nt vote because usually if someone makes me uncomfortable it is because I am reading their energy….and that can be very scary sometimes. No one makes me uncomfortable(unless they are criminally minded) because of divergent belief systems or opinions. I welcome a different perspective everyday and easily become bored with “sheeple”.
    I welcome a debate, and ,as a matter of fact, I don’t think I could live without one!
    My Jupiter is in Pisces in the 5th House. It squares my Mercury/Sun conjunction and opposes a Uranus/Pluto conjunction.
    Where is your Jupiter, Elsa?

  3. I LOVE the necklace! How nice of Lilly to (make it?) give it to you ๐Ÿ˜€

    This topic is really interesting and I’ll have to give it some thought. Having Cancer rising I think I have a lot of un-comfort zones. (“un-comfort zones” reminds me of un-birthdays for some strange Piscean reason ๐Ÿ˜€ )

    My vote: I fight! Quelle surprise! But not always; sometimes I just walk away. It depends upon the topic and the relative “heat” of the challenge – somethings just aren’t worth fighting over, even if I’m right.

    Jupiter is in Taurus in the 11th house opposed by Neptune in Scorpio in the fifth and I’m trying to figure out how Jupiter fits into this… expansion of thought or something?

    Yay! Now I have something new to ponder!

  4. I voted no idea. Jupiter in Capricorn, but conjunct Neptune. I’m not actually sure what my uncomfort zone is… apart from my current living conditions and job..

  5. Jupiter in Gemini in the 5th…I’m all over the place. I voted to escape, but I don’t think it’s because I am scared, but because I want to keep moving.

  6. Jupiter in Gemini, 10th house, trine Venus & Mercury in Aries, 8th house (almost 9th). Hmmm… Trine Saturn in Leo, 12th house as well…

    I had to pick ‘I don’t know’ because none of the others fit. What I do depends on my mood. Sometimes I’m up for the challenge and I enjoy it, sometimes I do battle, and sometimes I’m decidedly NOT up for it and look to escape.

  7. Jupiter in scorpio, conjunct my moon, conjunct pluto. It’s pretty difficult to make me seriously uncomfortable. I try to push the limits for myself and to understand others’ point of view, so that things don’t bother me or make me feel “insecure”. I ask lots of questions (fight?) if I get in a situation that is really bothering me. “Why this, why that, why why why?” If people are obviously trying to challenge me or get a rise out of me, I laugh and congratulate them for their effort towards futility. Nobody and Nothing’s allowed to get under my skin but me.

    /ego trip

  8. Jupiter in Aries, Quincunx Uranus– Aries fights because fighting is such great entertainment….. Then I retreat and think about it. Then I go back and try to fix the broken pieces. If they get fixed, I have a friend.

  9. I don’t know!
    Jupiter in Capricorn, 8th, 9th house very very loose conjunction with Mars. — you would think I would sort of start attacking somebody…. but I don’t know if I actually do that. *stratches head*

  10. Jupiter is in Capricorn in my 11th, and is going thru a whole mess of transits right now which is sooooo utterly liberating! I love my Jupiter, even though it’s the anchor of my T-square…I don’t mind being uncomfortable – in fact, most of the stuff that makes others uncomfortable does nothing to me ๐Ÿ™‚

    (p.s. I’m so happy that you still have that necklace!!

  11. Jupiter in the 7th in Gemini. I voted that I stay until I get comfortable but it isn’t always true. I do alot of wiggling around and going back to things that make me uncomfortable when they are interesting.

    I’m pretty sure I don’t usually stay, now that I think about it.

  12. You do put me in the un-comfort zone, I must confess. I do not know why. Sometime I just visit for the logic and mental expansion, or simply another perspective from people’s stories; but from reading a certain posts, I do get an uncomfortable feeling. Not a bad uncomfortable feeling, it’s just nuetral. It’s as if my insides are sliced up in half.

    Anyway, a lot of people told me this that my first encounter with people, I intimidated them. One scorpio told me this, “I was intimidated by you. You just look like you’re ready. Like ‘WHAT. BRING IT. YOU GOT A PROBLEM? BRING IT.’ Yeah, I sized you up and I did not want to mess with you.”

    I can’t explain everything, and certainly can’t explain that.

    Jupiter in Aries in the 1st house.

  13. Jupiter in Pisces in the 9th, as the focus of a t-square with the Sun & Uranus.

    I constantly act to put myself in my un-comfort zone, over and over and over again. When I travel, I go long enough to stay there for a while and learn the language & culture, which is not a fun process, but one that is incredibly rewarding. I take classes in things I know nothing about and read books I disagree with. When I can feel my brain struggling agiainst its boundaries, I know I’m on the right track

  14. Jupiter in Pisces 1st house, square Uranus. I don’t think I’ve learned much about handling discomfort. It is a good thing for, like for Korellyn, your brain to struggle against its boundaries so that you may learn. Or at least for it to struggle at all as I was thinking in class today about all the things I missed. I probably don’t like feeling uncomfortable and need to recuperate for a while because of the Cancer planets. I know I put a lot of people out of their comfort zones and don’t know why, but am sort of pleased that I do. Some people have weird comfort zones (again about not blooming where you are planted) as far as foreign countries even different foods or the types that can’t handle their first year of college. They might so clearly feel that they are a product of where they’re from. I am not one of those. My mom told me about how she couldn’t deal with summer Pioneer Camp because she wanted to go home so badly. But there is way more to the concept of discomfort.

  15. I have Jupiter in Capricorn and I love to be challenged and uncomfortable… I just don’t know it until it starts happening and it takes my breath away…

  16. hmmmmm this is kind of hard.

    I don’t know if anyone’s ever put me in an “uncomfort” zone, but, if they did, I’d probably escape (not physically but by mentally detaching)

    Interesting how others who also have Jupiter in Libra have also mentioned escape.

    In all reality, I think (well, know) I’ve put everyone I’ve ever been with in their “uncomfort” zone.

  17. I also have Jupiter in Libra…. And I think I make people uncomfortable because they misread me. Okay, not all people. Thinking of some people in particular who find me “too serious.” Yet put me with my favorite friends who I see every Tuesday night, and it’s all silly and fun–

    Romantically? I’m sure I make others comfortable, always showing them their shadow and maybe not doing it sensitively enough. No one wants that mirror–

  18. Jupiter in Libra in my 11th house semi-sextile my 12th house sun, semi-square merc, and trine my Chiron. Well it goes on. I think I am my own uncomfort zone!

  19. Jupiter in the 8th. In Libra. I almost crave the uncomfort zone. Eventhough I hate it. I know it expands me as a person. I hate change, but the more I push myself spiritually and emotionally, the more I’ll know the Truth of what this crazy thing we’re all doing (life) is. So I do it. I can’t imagine it any other way.

  20. I voted “stay there until I get comfortable.” Jupiter in Capricorn conjunct Venus. I LOVE a challenge. I’m usually optimistic I’ll conquer it and I have a deep need to keep growing. My worst fear is waking up 20 years later and realizing I didn’t push myself hard enough.

  21. Jupiter in Aquarius, 4th house. I fight mightily, but stay in the mix long enough to get used to the discomfort. I have a love/hate relationship with challenge, but always answer the call.

  22. a little over 3 yrs later & I still agree w/my original comment…I like uncomfortable zones…not sure if it’s for the same reasons as you, Elsa, but I welcome them…I often “force” myself through things b/c I know it’s good for me, so I guess it’s similar…

    p.s. on another note, gonna get back into jewelry making ๐Ÿ˜‰ if I make some money at it this time, I’ll finally be able to give you a “real” tip ๐Ÿ˜€ with all these kooky transits I have going on, something’s bound to pay off soon…hehe

    p.p.s. <3 ya, Elsa!! ๐Ÿ˜€

  23. its amazing that however and whenever Im battling some existential question late at night I check Elsa’s blog and her most current post is exactly and totally relavent to what Im thinking about…

    I read the whole putting yourself/allowing yourself to exist in your un-comfort zones as a very cardinal thing. Constantly changing your life/yourself or accepting others’ challenges to do so certainly sounds action-oriented to me and requires one’s desire and consent to “get comfortable” there.

    I have a Jupiter-Uranus conjuction in Sadge in the 11th house.

  24. Thank you so much for this Elsa. You just explained something I’ve been struggling with for years but seems to be slapping me in the face over and over at the moment. Jupiter in pisces opp Pluto in 12th. I spend my life trying to excavate and understand the unknown. Ben is right, most people don’t even want to think about it and are frightened by the energy of people who do. So how did you go about finding men who like a challenge?

  25. I can now be comfortable in a space I previously had to avoid for whatever reason and the net result of that is increased freedom. My worldโ€ฆ the space I get to live in is increased and this makes me ultra-gleeful.

    yes!!!! you said this beautifully! i can soooo relate to that Elsa!!!! more than you can imagine! Just reading this makes me feel free!

    One of my goals in life is to experience as much as i possibly can so that I can find that kind of comfort on a expansive level. I want to experience different things so I can get to know myself better (ie, how i feel and how i react to different things)

    I have sag rising (conjunct saturn), and jupiter is pisces in the 4th (conjuct IC)

    thanks again for this elsa!!

  26. Jupiter in Pisces in fifth ,moon square Jupiter ,also Jupiter in opposition Uranus,i voted fight but that’s after going the staying route

  27. Sure – SOME men are like that. But I have it on good authority from several men that when a woman gives them a challenge, it gives them heights to rise to. They’ve got to adjust, sure, but it’s like they have to kick it into high gear and it’s no longer some boring dating game; they’re being tested. According to these men, it’s a thing they like.

  28. a bit of each? my first reaction was fight – because i was thinking of it in a negative way. but then i thought of this guy who’s now one of my best friends – who made me really uncomfortable at first (he used to joke around constantly so you’d never know what was true or not…which gets old pretty fast). but i kept coming back and now we’re great friends. aaand, thinking over my dating history, i’d say i must really like being uncomfortable!…as long as there’s something _interesting_ in the discomfort. jupiter conjunct merc in leo in the 7th house. i’ll give almost anyone a chance as long as they’re real and interesting.

  29. It’s really weird to read my old comments. I feel like I was smarter, but it was also Pluto in Sagittarius. I know now that I’m not a big fan of my uncomfort zone. Hello Pluto. You put me in my uncomfort zone by talking about 8th house and Plutonian matters. It takes me a long time to understand things too, Elsa (I hope I’m not misunderstanding you, I guess I should take it as a given possibility). It is helpful to put myself in the uncomfort zone. I put people in their uncomfort zone by asking personal questions.

  30. Depends on whether the uncomfort zone is intriguing deep-dive invitation or ego-manifested provocation

    Jupiter in Scorpio Eigth house

    Of course

  31. 6th house Jupiter I am very uncomfortable receiving anything from others, I am way more comfortable giving to others, then receiving from others. Especially love as my Venus is in Capricorn. My Venus is also 135 degrees from Jupiter.

  32. I said that I stay there until I get comfortable. Even if it is extremely uncomfortable at first. I’m always up for a challenge. Jupiter in Aries, 4th house. It is in trine to my ascendant, Saturn, and Uranus all of which are in Sagittarius.

    There are some exceptions to this, like if I just get a bad vibe (lots of Scorpio) about a situation or person, nothing or no one can make me stay. But most of the time I feel it out, then stick it out.

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