I am a single woman at midlife. I am seriously starting to wonder if I will ever find and marry my life companion.
I have built for myself a secure and pleasant life. I enjoy my work, hobbies and small circle of close friends and family. But I can’t shake an increasing sense of sadness that I will never share my life with a soul-mate.
I am a contemplative, somewhat introverted soul by nature. I am just one of those pilgrims who is destined to journey through life alone, without intimacy? Or is there something I’m not currently doing, that I should start doing?
Dear Late Blooming,
I was expecting to see some sort of train wreck in your chart. But as a matter of fact, there is nothing to indicate you’re destined to end up alone, or even that you would have particular trouble manifesting a relationship. I think the problem is your perspective on this.
I always worry when people say ~soul mate~. I don’t know for sure what they mean, but I always wonder if they’re not looking for some sort of ideal that does not exist. You know. Boy meets girl and it all falls in place.
That happens of course, but then the games begin! The games being the ambivalence most of us suffer when we hook up. Because it’s not a panacea. It is NEVER perfect, not even for a day.
Now, you have a lot of Virgo tied up with your relationship profile, which basically means you want things to be clean. But relationships are inherently messy! And I’ll give you an example.
Most people would agree, I have the right man. However, I drive him insane. Every time I come to his place, I mess up his kitchen floor. I’m serious. Blood, mud, I drop a blueberry and step on it~ yesterday I shook salad dressing with the top off, flinging it everywhere. And do you think he likes this? He does not! Every time I come over he has to clean the floor and I come over a lot~ and remain oblivious to my kitchen-flinging habits in spite of his complaints.
So what should he do? Dump me!
Well he’s had to struggle with this, don’t you think? But I love the living shit out of him and in the end he’s decided to just accept this floor thing as part of the deal, and here is my point:
There’s no problem having ideals around relationships, but yours needs an overhaul. Instead of pining for a perfect fit, imagine this as your ideal: someone who can tolerate your quirks as you tolerate theirs. Redefine your idea of ~soul mate~ to include dirty kitchen floors, and other faults and flaws. Try to see the beauty in loving the imperfect – and having them love you.
Go looking for that, and I bet you find it.