Is Your Defense Mechanism Costing You Success & Happiness?

defense mechanismIt’s getting intense. The Jupiter, Saturn, Pluto conjunction in Capricorn will create profound pressure in your life. This goes for everyone, but is you have planets or angles at the late degrees of the Cardinal signs, I’m sure you’re already well aware.

Last week I sent a newsletter about success (and failure) in relationships. When I write things like this, it pisses people off. Invariably, I get nasty mails and a slew of un-subs.

I don’t care. I want to help people. I’ve been here for 20 years, trying to do exactly this. I am a proven quantity. “My aim is true”, nod to Elvis Costello.

The thing is, people have their beliefs or a way they frame things. Their point of view. Their perspective (Jupiter in Capricorn). A person’s point of view tends to favor them, except when it doesn’t.

Some people are a exceedingly harsh on themselves but I’m talking about the people who think everything about them is just dandy!  They’re excellent! If you threaten this belief, in even the slightest way, you’re instantly a bitch of gigantic proportion.  Their defend their belief (Jupiter in Capricorn).

Just to flesh this out a bit, people like this tend to have at least one sycophant around them, but often they have a whole crew of them. You can see a picture in your head. It’s like a celebrity, surrounded by bodyguards.  You may be protected but are you happy? Are you successful, really?  Jupiter in Capricorn.

Over the years, I’ve talked about reality-checking your course or your path in life. Are you climbing the right mountain? Because if you’re not, you are not going to like where you end up.  And here’s the thing about sycophants – they’re not really your friends. Your friends will tell you the truth.

Are you sticking to your story, even though it’s killing you?

Related


Comments

Is Your Defense Mechanism Costing You Success & Happiness? — 18 Comments

  1. Good topic. My defense mechanisms are fucking me in general. It’s not as much opinions about my personality as what I can do. And whether I can hack it. I have a 12th house mars so I can’t speak on it easily when as the transit continues. I’ve been told I have a lot of limiting beliefs.

  2. Timely, as usual.

    I have a few pals who are aware of their propensity to remain in the made-up ideal of themselves and allow others who are not truly honest with them or themselves to reinforce these habits etc. Opportunities pass them because they refuse to let go of something.

    I myself was once a massive self-sabotager. I’d exclude myself for two ironic reasons: feeling outcasted yet special because others just couldn’t “grok me”. Pathetic but true. No longer do I perform this muddy dance.
    I feel supported more than ever before. I’ve learned people do care because for most of my life I was engulfed in a “careless” world, so it seemed.

    • Very smart. I have witnessed at least part of your transformation, reading your posts, over time. You really have emerged, powerfully and undeniably.

      • Thanks Elsa. But I’m aware that there is more ahead. I look forward to the challenges, with a little trepidation. Your compliments, among others that I’ve received lately, truly warm my soul and invigorate me.

  3. “Sycophants aren’t really your friends. Your friends would tell you the truth.” Amen to that. Man, that hits home for me in my work environment. I was so close to walking off the job today. Instead i just said i was sick and left. Seems like no matter how many times i tell them i don’t like how they treat me…it means nothing and is swept under the carpet. Then the same unfair behavior continues. It’s like they feel entitled to do it.

  4. Your post has me questioning myself. Jupiter Pluto and sat are all hovering around my descendant At the moment. I deleted my online dating accounts today cause I’m sick of how unnatural and forced meeting a stranger is and then trying to cultivate a romantic connection from nothing is. I know it works for some people. But for me I find it so tedious and forced. I’d rather just let things be and to happen naturally. But now I’m wondering am I possibly being defensive, is it a numbers game and I just have to stick it out?!

    • No, I think you’re right that it’s absolutely tedious and forced. I’ve struggled with it myself and may never use an online dating account again. Meeting people in person is slower but more authentic, in my opinion.

  5. Brilliant advice. It’s so important to always question the story we are living by. It pays to share it with another once in a while, and welcome objective/constructive feedback. In an ideal world this would be a best friend, partner or family member, but as mentioned this does not always end up in one’s best interest (sycophants etc).This is when a person outside your initial circle may prove handy. This may take the form of a teacher or a psychotherapist.

  6. I think it’s an error to think that every opinion someone has of you, is the true one, to internalize it, even if it’s bad but especially if it’s good. But it’s different from accepting a genuine compliment for a positive trait from actually thinking you’re a hot stove or vilyfing someone because they pointed out a bad trait.

  7. Keeping myself in the dark, as defense has worked until I really WANT to be seen. ZOOM helped the other day. Someone turned on the light, and they others said, “Oh.” A lightbulb moment for us all.
    I see what you’re getting at.

  8. Gosh, I wonder what it’s like to have enough Sycho to get phanted or enough Phant to get sychoed.

    I still have to figure out my story and what is narrating it. I am behind on my homework. Probably some good homework for Mars RX, what it motivating me. That’s all the further I got. Usually I garden and think but had visitors today. We all sat 6 feet apart outside. They collected asparagus and rhubarb and some spring/summer posies. When I hear everything that is going on in other people’s lives, I don’t have much a story. Tour the yard, yup there’s my cabbage, there’s my peppers, there’s my tomatoes, there’s my onions, blah blah blah. Nope no mulberries yet, nope didn’t get the apple tree pruned. More blah blah blah.

    Probably finances like funding my re-roof is keeping me working a job I am not really crazy about. So that will probably be the same old story that changes. As I get older I don’t have as much energy to get everything done I want to get done. So the job is not really killing me, there are just other things I want to be doing.

  9. “… but I’m talking about the people who think everything about them is just dandy! They’re excellent!” (THE FEMALE INLAWS)

    “If you threaten this belief, in even the slightest way, you’re instantly a bitch of gigantic proportion.” (ME)

    “Their defend their belief (Jupiter in Capricorn).” (FIERCELY)

    Amazing how the troops rally when a perceived threat is in company. I don’t play the game anymore, so I am a threat to the dynamic/dysfunction.

    Not sticking to their story, maintaining my integrity, and banking on Karma to help me out when the time comes.

  10. I am going through anxiety treatment – a condition which I just recently realized have been been there my whole life! Thanks, Jupiter transitting the 12th house.

    Self sabotage is practically de facto standard when you have untreated anxiety and just run around quitting first this then that and don’t know why it bothers you so much. I always felt I was ‘different’ in life. Not special per se, but different. I am introvert, but the anxiety has perhaps made that even more profound, cause you just don’t venture out a lot thanks to your anxiety.

    I have Saturn and Pluto in the late degrees of Libra, so anxiety is practically a second nature these days – but with that there is still a need to take action. So that’s what I did when discovering it. It feels empowering to realize how and what have been kicking you in the butt since… Forever.

    My relationships suffers as well – but good news is, the fact that people in my life show their indifference by not seeking any contact is that *I* get to choose whom to invite into my heart 🤔❤️

  11. ‘Are you climbing the right mountain? Because if you’re not, you are not going to like where you end up.’

    I ask myself every day. But before I wasn’t climbing any mountains

  12. I was learning crystal healing and the teacher was exactly as you describe here, and she had Jupiter in Capricorn! It was a 2 year course but I dropped out after a year because I could not take the abuse, power struggles and listening to her tirades of negative beliefs which were affecting my own energy. There were 4 of us at the start and only 2 continued to the end as they were not as emotionally honest and were able to support her. I felt sad that the 2 of us that were more truthful had to leave and it says something about those who thrive as ‘spiritual healers’. Your post touched a nerve in a good way!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *