Is Beauty A Gift Or A Curse?

I had a gal in one of my classes who readily attracted partners. There were numerous indicators of this in her chart.

I wrote:

“First, it’s not fair is it? There are people out there who are like this. If you date one of them, break up and wish they’d never find another partner – you’re going to want to stay away from with this quality…”

Here’s the question: would you date or marry someone who attracted people in droves?

I suspect that many would not. They just wouldn’t want to feel insecure all the time. If I am right it supports the idea that every gift is a curse in exact proportion.

Are you a person who attracts a lot of partners? Do you think it costs you?

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Is Beauty A Gift Or A Curse? — 43 Comments

  1. Maybe.. I take my cues from how the man interacts with me rather than how the world interacts with him. When in love, some men (the kind I like — I have Venus conjunct Chiron, among other lovelies) are completely into it and everyone else becomes invisible. When that is present, and other key factors are in good standing, I am in. It wouldn’t matter what the rest of the world thought of him.

    If it were someone overly attractive who was lured by the attention he got, forget it. I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole..

  2. My SO is one of those people that gets immediate trust from people. He makes people feel very comfortable. They tell him their life stories at the drop of a hat. I took him to a place on our first date where I knew almost everyone there and by the time we left, so did he. Women flock around him because he makes them feel good. I tease him about being such a flirt, but it is actually one of the characteristics I love best about him – he makes almost everyone smile. In spite of this, I have never felt insecure with him. He lets me know I am number one – always. I tend to be quiet and a little shy, and he has brought me out of my shell. He is Cancer with Leo rising. Leo men have surrounded me all my life – my Father, my ex-husband, even my boyfriend through high school were all Leo suns. So while the Leo rising is very attractive to me, the homeboy stellium in Cancer (Sun, Venus and Uranus) dotes on me, which my Leo Mars appreciates. We also both have Venus conjunct Uranus, which gives us the ability to leave a little space in our relationship without feeling insecure. So I voted yes.

  3. I voted maybe. If you like someone, you like someone. Walking away from someone you like because they get too much attention would probably be just as painful as staying with someone who gets a lot of attention. So I’d probably avoid it ALL TOGETHER. haha. My Leo (ego) can’t handle all the competition!

  4. I would have answered no prior to the current relationship. I had to answer yes because the SO is one of those people. He’s not GQ gorgeous but boy do people LIKE him – women and men alike.

    I was very jealous and upset early on in our relationship because he would go on about these other people and not remember or connect that he needed to compliment me. He now does that. There never has been a question of him wanting someone other than me but he is low on the social skill quotient and so he’s had to learn how to make me feel like I’m number one. Before I was number one but he didn’t know how to express it.

  5. Yes, if they had manners. Meaning: if you got the goods, you best be aware of it…anyone sleepwalking through life is going to get bypassed me, fullstop.

    Unless they are under 12. Then I’ll just buy them an icecream and play monopoly with them or something.

    I think I am this kind of person. It cost me some when I was younger because I was too indiscriminate with my choices in men. This is part of the reason why I was so happy to have to shave my head for medical reasons last year.
    A great experiment.

    One of my good male friends (a Leo) was visibly depressed with me bald. And I wasn’t even dating him, so crap on it! It gave me infinite entertainment to watch all these ideas of “what a woman should look like” come tumbling down.

  6. I’ve done it. It’s not exactly an appealing factor (especially after they dump you), but the two types of guys that go for me are (a) creepy losers, or (b) guys who are not at all particular and will date virtually anybody. In other words, this type. They are so popular everyone loves them. Since I’m not fond of the creepy losers, I’d rather date Mr. Popularity.

    My college ex was the poster boy for this. With one exception, EVERYONE I KNEW had a crush on him. His coupled best friend who was female, my roommate…everyone. All things considered, I wasn’t terribly fazed at the time. He could have had anyone he wanted and he was dating me? Very flattering. On the other hand, it was very annoying that he started dating another friend two days after dumping me. The guy can go through chicks like Kleenex.

  7. Not to be conceited, but I’m one of those people that others are attracted to. I’m a 0 degree Scorpio with a Sadge moon and Gemini asc.
    I also have Venus and Jup. in Sadge. Many men have decided that being with me was to much for them. The funny thing is, initially they are attracted to me because of my personality. Oh well…I view it as a gift, and I don’t want to change it.
    Happy Thanksgiving, Elsa….and all great people on this site!!!

  8. I’ve had a few problems in this area. I’m very far from model gorgeous, but I AM pretty. Men like me; insecure women feel threatened by me. This is a pattern that’s been playing out since my teen years.

    Attraction/attractive = Venus/Uranus/Pluto conjunction.

    Seen as egotistical = Sun/Mars conjunct in 5th house; Jupiter opposite Aries rising.

    Neptune in 7th = unaware of how I present myself to anyone, even ME. My mom said she would see men looking at me all the time in the mall, and I’d be like, “Huh?” This still persists to this day, and it drives me crazy!

  9. Superattractive is a detriment to a relationship???? I don’t think so. It is all about character. I have several beautiful relatives. My mother in law is still beautiful at 80. Men chased her. Her husband was insanely jealous. He still is. Which is silly. Her character is such that she would never be unfaithful. Likewise, my sister, Patti, has been beautiful since childhood. Yet she really isn’t interested in men who are only responding to her physical beauty.

  10. kashmiri-the leo moon guy was may have just been mourning the loss of your mane! i have leo rising and have felt sad when men i’ve been with have sheared off their hair. it wasn’t about attractiveness, ’cause they always looked fine. and i’d never tell anybody how to wear their hair for goddsakes. that’s kinda control-freakish to me, but i know people have different takes. but i felt sad anyway. i suspect it was missing the mane.

  11. on the poll, i said maybe. never thought of it either way. but i’m less likely to be hooked up with someone everybody is after anyway because i’m drawn to eccentrics. so the oddball genuis that nobody else gets is the guy i’m gonna be dreaming about.

  12. Just for the record… a person does not have to be PHYSICALLY attractive. This is far more pervasive than that.

    By attractive I mean the ATTRACT people rather than they are good looking though they may be that as well.

  13. I voted maybe. I have Venus in Libra, for cheezesakes! *lol*

    I have some insecurity issues, though, that I’m trying to work through, so I’m sure it would be stressfull to me if I was in a relationship like that.
    Come to think of it, my ex was sort-of like this. He’s very charismatic and people gravitate towards him, although he often doesn’t notice it.

  14. My youngest sister was one of those people that everyone loved. She was beautiful, but she was also nurturing, happy, and upbeat. I think that every man that ever met her fell a little in love with her, including my husband. Depending on the nature of the woman, women either hated or love her. Petty, jealous types could not stand her. But most women loved her. I think her widower has no regrets about marrying her. Her ex husband was devastated by her death. Her former sister in law came to the funeral and was in deep mourning.

    Overall, I don’t think people are attracted to bad people. If everyone is attracted to a person, there is probably a good reason.

  15. I’m kind of suspicious of charisma to a point because I have it in spades and can use it to suit myself and I guess I can sniff this out in others…depends on how much substance is there. There are so many attractive talky types who are nice enough people but not very INTERESTING. No one wants to hang around a grumpy face all day but perky princesses are just as grating.

  16. It really depends on the person, and their respect of the relationship. My husband is really handsome, but he is reserved and very committed. I have dated some who were far less attractive but super flirty with everyone. My issue is, can I trust him? If I can, then there’s no problem. Also, it seems like people who get less attention are usually the ones who are the least secure, although not always.

  17. One of my great great buddies is a very VERY attractive guy. I like sitting with him and watching the reactions of girls coming in, they react in so many diffrent ways to his looks! But he’s also a very loyal guy, and a great friend. Never the raving affairs type guy. He’s an Aquarius, venus in Cap. He met a lovely Cap girl (yes, another one, just like me, and alot of you out there) and after a long getting to know you friends period they have been together for a number of years, bought a house, are now working together on her company. I don’t think it matters how attractive people are, it matters how the are as a person, and how they act towards the reaction they get, if you know what I mean.

  18. I go through phases. For the most part I am very low key, but when I dress up, I can look pretty good. Men with rings on their fingers avoid me like the plague, won’t look at me but will talk to the person standing right next to me and blatantly ignore my input to the conversation, and I can always feel the immediate block they put up against me. I am glad for this, though, because it means they love their wives!

    Men without rings will come over to me straight away or will glare at me from a distance. One or the other.

    I avoid the super attractives because I think they’re out of my league. I get all insecure and run away. I can’t control it.

  19. I’m a person who tends to draw people in without really trying. I also tend to be a bit introverted so it’s a bit of an internal push/pull for me. Most of the time my social side wins out and I love having a partner who has a great deal of appeal and charisma.

    In this relationship we are both free to enjoy these traits in one another because we are rock solid as a couple when it comes to outside influences. Meaning that no attack from the outside (or pressure or jealousy) is ever going to divide us and not to say that we don’t have our ups and downs.

  20. I’m this way – and I still think it’s kind of baffling and weird. Though in fairness, I’m pretty outgoing when I want to be, and I can work a room like nobody. (double Gemini 😉 ) Even when I am purposefully keeping to myself, though, people are drawn to me somehow. I think like anything else, it’s got its good points and bad points. It’s definitely cost me, but I’ve also met a lot of interesting people.

  21. goddess, it’s sooooo about the mane!! For this Leo man definitely yes.
    Back up proof meaning one of my girlfriends was trying to nab him, and she admonished him with “I saw you on and you didn’t even notice how awesome my hair looked!”
    And she said he loved, loved loved it and laughed his head off!

  22. I had a boyfriend years ago who was like that. He had Sun and Moon in Aquarius, with Venus at the last degree of Pisces. It was fascinating to watch people react to him — he was a real people magnet, and when we went shopping the sales clerks were falling all over themselves to help him. I brought him to my boss’s Christmas party that year where he elicited the same reactions from my coworkers. Our relationship didn’t work out partly because he was an extreme extrovert, and had to have people around all the time, whereas I am the opposite. But I still have a lot of fond memories of our time together.

  23. I had a friend like this. She was gorgeous. She hated the fact that most men thought she was perfect for them. It was so superficial, she knew that the compatibility was way off and they were only attracted by her looks. Men couldn’t see her for who she really was, and she was actually a darling, humble person.

    • She sounds very self-aware. That’s exactly one of the challenges of being beautiful, you attract too many bees, but it has nothing to do with true compatibility. Some women fall in the trap of thinking that person loves them for who they really are when they are just attracted by the looks. Sooner or later those shallow kinds of relationships fail. The good thing she already knows this.

  24. I am the type that can attract partners (not necessary now as I’m marrying next month.)

    When I was younger it cost me a bit – unwanted attention even when in a relationship; some jealousy from partners and envy from peers.

    My fiance is quite secure in himself (Venus in Aries, Sagittarius rising) so he is okay.

    • Beauty is a gift and a curse was my experience when in my 20s and early 30s. It can help with seizing various opportunities in life yet also can result in being underestimated by others or attacked in various ways.

      Most people develop more the interior with time and also seek that more in others. That happened to me.

      Now 41 beauty is more of a gift as I navigate middle age 🙂

      Of course I notice this and that in my face and my body, the changes and so on. But still beautiful inside and outside.

      Progressed moon in Capricorn now so I am adapting to how my exterior is subtly yet surely changing.

      One of the things I adore in my work is supporting younger women.

      It’s important to know what stage of life one is – it helps with the framing process.

      • I agree beauty did open many doors for me I am sure. Was difficult to have female friends {unless they were attractive also} Men were either drawn to me or intimidated. So many times was considered a bitch or stuck up, but this was by people who did not know me. I was shy.
        I have always been drawn to men with charisma no matter what they looked like. Strong confident men who drew a crowd. Let me just sit back and enjoy the interaction.

  25. I think I’d qualify to some extent and it probably has cost me. I tend to let myself be controlled or contained. I think subconsciously I must believe this is the price I must pay.

  26. I dont think it matters that much. I think a lot of the things that people usually blame on their beauty, are usually just personal issues. I think society holds beautiful people to different standards but only with surface interactions.

    And in general ive found that people with moderate good looks get more attention than straight up beautiful people. Theres a level of attractiveness that is just unapproachable.

    As far as partnership, Ive been with attractive men. You have to be really secure with your own attractiveness and alaways kind of be on the defense when theres other women around. But unattractive can guys cheat too.

  27. For men the grass is always greener. I’ve always been “the cute single woman he desires” and the wife gets threatened if she’s around. The husbands don’t realize I’m exactly like their wife. I just don’t live with him so hey he doesn’t see the other side of me in daily life.

    I’ve always had to battle this. I’m a double Libra with a Mars/Venus conjunction and a Sun/Moon trine. I used to joke that next lifetime I’m going to be a quintuple Aquarius who doens’t give a shit about how I look – the more tomboyish the better. I’ve had to learn to be OK with wanting to present my best self in public. I’m not naturally beautiful but I clean up very well. Never had to diet or exercise until age 51.

    I’ve even made myself uglier in various ways so I don’t attract the attention of frustrated or bored husbands, or flyboys. Even now at my ripe old age, they still ogle on my attractive days, ignore me or don’t even register my existence on my ugly days.

    Sound familiar older ladies?? The fact is women aren’t valued for who they are – it’s sex/money/food (Scorpio/Cancer stuff) when they’re younger, not worth the time of day when older except as friends or mothers/sisters/etc.

    Anyway, rant over!

  28. I have a Sun-Jupiter-Venus conjunction in Scorpio.
    Sometimes I wonder if I oozes sex so much that men think they can treat me like whatever the heck they want, because the only thing they use around me seem to be their “Little Brain” and not the one in their heads!

    Of course this also makes for some pretty weird weight swings, but when I loose weight I use to kinda transform myself. The last time I lost weight I lost 20 pounds, colored my hair flaming red and got all go-getter-ish. That was when Saturn transitted my sun.
    Right now Jupiter is transitting my sun, so my weight is uhm… increasing. Too much of a good thing, eh?!

    No, but seriously. I think attractiveness is better than beauty. Beauty can be lonely. I think a winning smile and a happy laugh and generally a nice “vibe” is better than anything else. And hey! We all look stupid when we’re eating a banana. That’s my Aquarius rising talking. The Scorpio in me wants to attract on a deep level (intimacy, sex, partnering) – and the Moon in Libra 8H wants to partner. Often I get partnering with no sex – or sex without partnering. My Sun-Venus-Jupiter stellium is opposite Chiron. I guess that explains it – pain and heartache seems to follow me wherever I go… *sigh*

  29. My mercury is in Libra and my Venus is in Scorpio. I have a decent face but my weight flucuates so attention comes and goes.
    I find people are attracted to my warmth and bubbly demeanor. My Venus tends to attract men like flies.its my intensity.
    And oh how they love how I make them laugh. I find guys are attracted to my wit and sassy flippant attitude.
    I do like to look beautiful. Im not going to lie. Thing is? I like it for myself. I like to feel good about how I look for myself strange as it sounds.

  30. It all depends on how that person carried themselves, and how they treated me. It’s what makes the distinction between queens and wannabes. If a person shows interest in me, it better be focused and dignified. Yeah, Leo talking.

  31. Beauty is a blessing. Ask anyone who was not born beautiful. Or someone who’s good looks were ruined, by poor health, an acid attack, severe burns etc. Simple.

  32. I actually have this in my current perception. Girls do just like me and if I am close to a group of women they compete over me. I’m not sure it is completely physical looks or what it is about me. Sometimes I look in the mirror and find it unlikely it would be physical looks but… I have also been told my physical looks are good. I have good skin.

    Several people whom are known as attractive have a placement in common with me. Neptune on the MC. (Rihanna, Russel Crowe etc.)

    Because I’m not really that self reflective I would not call it a gift or a curse but to answer, I would say that I feel more comfortable with girls when they are more attractive because they are more direct. They give fair warning before they start acting unpleasant. Whereas those less conventionally attractive (and I consider physical body sexuality within that) I find have a great deal of strange passive aggressive behaviourisms that can destroy any potential relationship even if I badly want them. They do things like imply they couldn’t remember you in some way, or where you were/ have we met etc. Whereas an attractive girl would consider that move too devastating and would not even consider doing that.

  33. I was always told I was attractive.my venus Scorpio helped I suppose. But I also wanted one of those people who people felt comfortable with. People open up to me knowing I hold no judgement. Plus I genuinely like people and they sense it I guess.
    I simply didnt like the attention. It made me uncomfortable. I liked being attractive but I pushed myself to read and educating myself so people would focus on other things.
    Now Im older that has served me well.
    Id rather be called handsome than attractive. I think being a handsome woman (like Judi Dench or Annette Benning) would be just…gorgeous to me. Strong, intelligent, grounded and classy.

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