Elsa is it normal to have a crush on someone else while in a relationship? How do I dismiss the feeling so I can focus on my fiancé? I feel like a dirtbag but talking to someone about it will help me I think.
Hi, Gemini. First, I want to let people know that you’re 25-years-old. This is a really good question to ask at your age. This is because you’re pre-Saturn return. You’re still trying to work out what kind of adult you want to be.
It’s definitely normal to feel attracted to other people when you’re in a relationship. As human beings, we are always going to be attracted or tempted by all kinds of things. I like ice cream! Once I get going, I am tempted to get myself a second bowl and then maybe just another scoop… you get the idea.
I can eat the ice cream but it’s going to cost me. I may come crashing down post a sugar high. My pants may felt tight. I may wonder why I’m such a loser, I ate enough ice cream for four people.
Right now, you can decide what you value. Do you value your fiance? Do you want to keep and protect the relationship? If so, knock it off with this other man. In fact, you’re already invested to much if it’s good beyond noticing him and it’s now a “crush”.
If you don’t value your fiance then for Godsakes, don’t marry him. Tell him you’re sorry and say goodbye. But if you do plan to marry him, get in the habit of not playing games with other men.
If this is hard for you, think about how you would feel if he were standing at the alter with you, “crushing” on another woman.
I can tell you that of you choose the relationship, keeping your focus on it will get easier over time. If you have a good marriage, eventually, the idea of going outside it doesn’t even enter your mind. But this is choice.
So you have a choice. Do you want a marriage? Or do you want so be single, shop around and see what’s out there?
You’re not bad by the way. You growing up. And one thing grown-ups do; they don’t get married until and unless they’re ready to love one person and forsake all others.
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