The soldier is definitely a hyper-responsible type, I think it’s ridiculous.
“I hurt you,” he said.
“No you didn’t. You never hurt me.”
“When we were kids.”
“What? You never hurt me. I was hurt but not because of you. I was hurt because I was in love with you and we separated but it wasn’t because of anything you did.”
“You don’t think so?”
“No. You told me what you wanted to do. You were completely honest about everything. You said you wanted to get married, have a family and join Special Forces. And you begged me to marry you. You begged.”
“And I said no… repeatedly. So then you go off and manifest the life you want. You do exactly what you said you were going to do… get married and join Special Forces and then I am supposed to cry foul? Come on. That makes no sense.”
“I thought I hurt you.”
“Well you did not. You did exactly what you should have done. People have the right and probably the responsibility to create a life they want to live. That’s what you did and I am glad. I like the way you are, I think it’s the way people should be. For Godsakes run your life and don’t blame other people.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Look. I am going to blame you for my not marrying you? Pullllease. You don’t send the man down the road and then cry when he’s down the road. You said you wanted to be married, I said I wouldn’t marry you so you married someone else. What else did I think was going to happen? You did nothing wrong so just forget about it. I was hurt because I loved you. You love someone, you get hurt sometimes, this is part of the package. I would not change a hair on you. You have never fouled me in your life so lets just forget about the idea you ever hurt me because it’s crap.”
Beautiful–having circumstances brought about in life that hurt, while still knowing someone involved loves us and doesn’t bring harm to us.
I like your outlook, Elsa. It’s very healthy!
Bravo, Elsa!! This is a much needed story of how it REALLY works to accept we are the one in charge of our lives. Sure, circumstances play a role but it’s how we deal with those that counts. I too have few if any regrets about choices I made because I like who I am now . . . bottom line. Besides, fussing about decisions made 20 yrs ago is a total waste of time and energy. 😉
Yeah! Kudos to you, Elsa. That is a good attitude.
I hazard to guess that you and the soldier probably have a better relationship for all your individual experiences that you had while apart.
Yeah, Shaina. We appreciate each other BIG time.
Neith, I kinda got a bone with your comment. I hope you’re monitoring this post! 🙂
Now, granted, I’m only 29, and while I like the person I am today, I still resent some of the circumstances I was thrown into as a kid. I don’t fully believe that those circumstances were my choice – I don’t quite buy that whole “you pick your life before you’re born” line, although I will admit is has a certain charm to it. As an abused child, I sometimes like to think that my suffering had some sort of meaning/purpose, I just can’t hold that faith all the time. *shrug*
Now that I’m in charge of my life, I absolutely stake claim on all my decisions — no one forces me to do jack-shit, my chart is cardinal/fixed! *lol* And I have very few regrets so far. But I can’t stomach taking responsibility for things out of my control that impacted my life growing up.
And maybe I misunderstood what you’re trying to say. Reading your comment again, I’m not sure if I’m grokking you or not. 🙂 Basically, what I’m inferring is that one has to take responsibility for the harm that has happened in one’s life to be “healthy.” (Not really the word I want, but I can’t find the right one.) And while I agree that’s the case if it’s YOUR decisions/actions that cause the harm, I’m not entirely convinced that should be the case if the harm was caused by another’s actions/decisions.
Make sense or is it just Mercury-retch? 😛