I wrote to you in February about an issue I was having with my husband concerning our sex life (or complete lack thereof). For a while, things were better. But now we’re worse than where we were before! Instead of once or twice a month, we might — and I stress ‘might’ — have sex once a quarter!
His solution to this problem isn’t counseling or a check-up at the doctors. Instead he’s given me the option of filling that need elsewhere. His only stipulation is that I not become emotionally involved with my lovers.
He is the most anti-Aries I’ve ever met! Not one of my other male Aries friends would even consider sharing their mate with other men. I have quit trying to get him to see sex from my point of view and I’ve accepted that this IS his problem now. I am seriously considering taking him up on this offer.
What the hell is going on with him? And am I just risking the fire by leaping into someone else’s arms?
Fishy in the Sea
Actually you have written me for more than two years with this same issue so I know a few things about you not mentioned in your post. I know you have kids, for example. I know you want to keep your family together. I know you are very comfortable with sex, talking about sex, etc. And I know you have tried everything under the sun and been inordinately patient with your husband considering your fairly strong drives, and now it comes to this!
I have wondered what might underlie your husband’s lack of interest in sex, if anything. I’ve wondered if he had another lover. I have wondered if he had another woman or if he might be a closet homosexual.
But I am guessing this is not the case, based on your close attention to this over an extended period of time. Basically I figure he’s not screwing you and if he were screwing someone else, you’d be on to this by now. So that only leaves one explanation: he is simply not interested.
Now whether he is not interested because he has a low sex drive or due some other reason (drink or drug abuse), I don’t know. But at this point he is making it abundantly clear he does not want to meet your needs (OUCH). And he’s giving you this option and we have to assume he means it.
Now there are indications in his chart he would be comfortable in an open/experimental relationship. And on his Aries… well, Aries in interested in the thrill of the chase, and less interested in what is right there on offer. So I would not be so sure he is atypical. He is also telling you what it’s going to be, which is very alpha. He wants to control the situation! You are not allowed “emotional attachment”.
So there is your Aries Cardinality, but that aside, what it comes down to at this point is what do you want?
I don’t get the idea you want to go outside your marriage for sex. And though I think you have total clearance to do so at this point, I wonder if to do so would be serving yourself… or serving him and sacrificing yourself in typical Pisces fashion. You know. “This is not what I want, but it’s what he wants so I’ll do it…”
So this is what you need to figure out. Do you want to screw this or that guy and then go home and pretend to be married? Or is this just more of the same, where the same from my perspective is this: you are in a marriage where you are oppressed. Your husband withholds sex, which you need quite desperately. He refuses to meet your needs and causes your egregious pain and suffering.
Now he wants to escalate the situation and you get my drift. I’d leave the bastard, because I don’t like his game. But I appreciate the intricacy and delicacy of your situation, having kids involved and so forth. It is some fine pain you’re in.
So to answer your question – I’d say if you want some other guy, by all means have him. If you don’t, then don’t. But don’t do it because he says to! And if you do go out there, personally I hope you get emotionally involved up to your eyeballs! And I hope this helps you get to feeling better about yourself, and heals you to the point where you can leave your husband and spend your life with a man willing to touch you for godsakes.