My husband cheated on me with his niece. I was very hurt and sought counseling. I have passed through several stages of denial, acceptance, grieving and finally moved on.
Because of the children we are still communicating, but his mistress forbids him to see his children and my children are too young to understand. My children ask for their dad but when he spends time with them he has to lie to her. He is so into his mistress at this point that when my daughter got sick at school while I was at work and asked him to pick her up, he said he would, but he didn’t. Then when I called him back, he had turned off his phone.
He is so afraid of his mistress breaking off with him, he is willing to give me full custody of the kids. How am I going to explain to my kids that their dad doesn’t want to spend time with them and that he is going to the US to leave them permanently in Philippines? He has stood them up several times and I don’t know how to stop them from getting hurt.
Your children are being abandoned by their father and there is no way you are going to be able to prevent them from being hurt. All you can do is be the best mother you can and there are limits to that. You have no control whatsoever over his behavior and it seems he will soon be off in another world anyway.
At this point, your job is to pick up the pieces and to do that you are going to have to let the pieces drop. You will have to stop holding up the illusion of “Daddy” when there is no daddy. And I don’t know how old your kids are, but I would say you start by telling them the age-appropriate truth.
See, they can’t have him because he’s not interested in them. They cannot rely on him and you are going have to let them find this out, while simultaneously letting them know that they can rely on you.
I would say, the sooner he is out of the picture the better… and advise you to work on releasing him and all expectations of him while concentrating instead on how your family is going to function without him. And accept that pain is part of life – even for children = and all you can do is try to not be the one who inflicts it.
Much love and good luck.