How To Settle Longstanding Disagreements

bickeringA significant number of couples have longstanding disagreements which degrade their marriages and their lives in general,  over time. The same can be said for family and other personal relationships.

It seems in the best interest of both parties to hash it out.

It also seems it would not be all the daunting, if both people made an effort.

Why do you think people resist this? How does the chart factor?


Comments

How To Settle Longstanding Disagreements — 12 Comments

  1. In my family, fights were never resolved. Nobody ever changed opinions, everyone just argued the same shit over and over again for years because nothing was resolvable. You couldn’t “hash it out.” Frankly, I would have preferred they just agreed to disagree and shut up about it.

    I just plain do. not. want. to. fight. with. people. It’s exhausting and you never get anywhere. Why try? Why bother?

    I have been debating, for over a year now, as to whether or not to tell a friend that they really badly hurt my feelings and that’s why I’ve let the friendship drift. I doubt the friend has noticed since our lives are going in different directions, and it seems better to just let it quietly drift and die than to have a big ol’ fight and blow up everything socially. But it keeps on bothering me. My old therapist said, “SAY SOMETHING!!!,” new therapist says friend was being cruel (even though they probably didn’t realize it) and it’s better to just let it die. It’s extremely hard for me to be that level of open and honest about anything negative to someone’s face, because of all the fight-fight-fight that went on in my family. I’m not at all sure if being that open and honest would just make things worse and lead to open enemies rather than making things better. I don’t want open warfare under any circumstances.

  2. Well, I have yet to have any of the Fixed sign dominant chart people in my life put their hands up and say, “I see the error of my ways, I am really sorry, and I was wrong to do that. You were right all along. I would love to meet you half way, make amends, and work out a compromise that we can both be happy with”.

    The day that happens, I will be buying a lotto ticket, and I will go to the shops to buy that golden ticket on my unicorn! 🙄😛

    • I am fixed all over the place (Grand sq.and more) Mermaid, but when l am wrong l say so. l really do. But when l am right l don’t budge…but will choose to ‘agree to diagree’ (l have just read Jennifer’s piece. l wont ‘fight’ if l can avoid it). The most annoying thing is not many people say they are wrong– when they are proved to be wrong…out of arrogance or ignorance (Cardinals mostly, in my exp). So saddle that unicorn and buy that ticket,Mermaid. l hope you win. Big time.

    • I don’t agree with this either. Cardinal people have a very hard time giving up control. Virgo has a hard time being wrong and the other mutable signs can squirm like nobodies business.

      • I’m reading this with my fingers and eyes crossed: hoping to draw on ancestral thumbs up as I navigate my way back home. Changing my approach by not being The leader but part of a group in a canoe heading over 2,500 miles. The arguments take place within me—go /no go, so the long/term argument is internal. This may be off track, but it’s kinda valuable to know what and who you are when obstacles/disagrees rise.
        I’m fixed Scorpio square Leo but Uranus and Jupiter play big in my chart so I surprise myself and others.
        My husband is cardinal and he wriggles and howls off key and in a language to distract to maintain his position.
        One last miracle having to do with fixed earth folk. When Pluto transits their 12th the lights go on, perhaps because the final lights out is felt like nothing before.

  3. I think the word triggering is made for family! Those closest to us can most tweak us out and drive us crazy. I had a front row seat to this as a child with parents who argued a lot. As an outside observer reactions would often seem disproportionate but I also knew the deep well from which they sprang. I guess what I’m saying is people don’t handle it because it’s not easy. It can be layers and layers the likes of which years of therapy would be needed

  4. “It can be layers and layers the likes of which years of therapy would be needed.”

    This is exactly what I want to run around. I think it’s possible and I am attempting to prove it.

    • In my Hawaiian culture the process you describe is called Ho’oponopono. Diluted variations on this unique truth telling and very much spiritually grounded tradition of setting things “to rights” are being practiced. But to understand and become a healer in my family…
      For me, an elder who is learning the value and hard work of committing to learning what and how (long) it takes to untangle and tell the truth, in the contemporary world is made clear as I watch my grandchildren and feel “the lights” come on in my heart and gut—training my instincts— as my seafaring ancestors trained in the 1970’s when the canoe Hokulea began restoring the path to “set things right,”
      One of my favorite teachers loves to remind us; “things of value have no fear of time.”
      I’m old to be learning these navigating skills but I persevere…that will be good for those grandchildren to notice

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *