How To Quit Failing In Love And Relationships!

With Saturn in Libra, people are getting very serious about solving their relationship problems so I am getting called.  Besides spending my life obsessed with getting the boy, I have made a study of human interaction and while this may come off as a rant, it is meant to help because many are stumbling around out there with no idea where to start.

Here’s where to start: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I am forever talking to women who are let down and disappointed in some poor bastard that never had a chance. He didn’t have a chance on guessing what the world might have pleased the woman because guess what – she has no idea herself.

  • She says she wants one thing when she wants something else.
  • She says it’s okay for him to go or to do or say and and when he takes her at a word, she brings the house down.
  • She says she wants him to lead but she micromanages his every breath.

I could go on and on and on and on but ask yourself, do you like this woman?  What would you do if you were the man?  Stand her as long as you could (to get laid) and then get out? That’s what I’d do.

It’s very simple.  You cannot expect someone to figure you out. YOU have to figure you out. THEY have other things to do.  Like go to work for example.  Like figure themselves out. Like walk their dog or drink a beer or go shopping for your ring or whatever the hell else they want to do.

If you won’t spend your time and your energy figuring out what you want, what in the world makes you think someone else should spend their time figuring you out?  If it is not worth your time, it is obviously not going to be worth theirs.

The fact is, your inconsistency is making you miserable, not interesting. If you’re miserable you’re likely to make his life miserable and if you do this the ultimate result is predictable.  He’s out of there, we just don’t know when.

Job one with Saturn in Libra is to define what you want.  Also, if you tell someone who you are, what you like, etc., make sure it matches reality.  Otherwise the man will give you what you said you wanted that you actually don’t want and if he does that, it will be your fault regardless if he is blamed.

Worse, if you don’t figure this out, it is repeat, repeat, repeat into oblivion.

Do you know what you want from a partner? Does your walk (as a partner) match your talk or are you peddlin’ veneer?

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How To Quit Failing In Love And Relationships! — 21 Comments

  1. This has been part of my learning process. The big one I had to learn was that if I don’t say something when he does something I don’t like, I’m basically giving him permission to keep doing it.

    It took me 10+ years to figure it out. For real. And I needed help to do it. Valuable lesson, though.

    As for what I want? I have a laundry list, but I’m guessing I need to boil it down to an essence.

  2. AMEN! You’ve soooo nailed it! I was a slow learner myself, but that truly is the key to a successful relationship (friend/partner/etc)- ‘admitting’ what you (me) really wanted/needed. I say ‘admitting’, because some of the things I want/need sound pretty self-centered- but hey, I was making a list of what ‘I’ want/need, so of course it’s gonna sound sefish! But, just wait ’til you see the list of what I bring to the table. 😉

  3. Ok well my reply went into oblivion…so I am posting again.

    I want intensity. I want a deep and telepathic braniac amour…creativity, fun..romance but not the fuzzy kind with chocolates and stuffed animals. I want a quirky, ingenious romance that comes from the heart and soul of the man I love who knows me and can deliver his quiver of arrows into the vein of my love…I want an unspoken committment that is tattooed on his heart because he has an integral passion to abide by his knowledge of what his heart wants and knows how to keep it…whether I am wearing his ring or not..I want passionate sex…I want a deep and profound friendship that is the foundation of where our love springs and carries us forth. Is that asking too much?

  4. Honestly, I have no idea what I want. (with Venus sq. Saturn, love often feels like a burden, so I avoid it). I plan on being alone until I figure this man/woman shit out. I just don’t know how to make it work, sadly.

  5. Nicole…have saturn square venus too…felt the same way too…until I met HIM…as hard as it has been sometimes, I can’t go back…I have to move forward…Saturn square venus is not a curse…it is a gift…you have to look at it from a different corner..
    I think Dixie had a reading on that particular subject…and it validated me so much you should look for it…

  6. Holy Crow, I’m with Dawn!!! I don’t think that’s asking too much. That really makes me realize that I’ve been settin’ my sights way to low. I mean I was willing to settle for someone that wouldn’t lie, could keep their word, and that maybe shared a few goals in common.

    This really helps me see that by aiming so low, that’s what I’ve been getting. Maybe I should raise my sights a bit, maybe that would help me get something I feel is actually worth giving my energy & devotion to.

    Thanks Dawn, brilliantly put!!! :o)!
    Angie

  7. Do you know what you want from a partner? Does your walk (as a partner) match your talk

    Yes and yes.

    More importantly, I’d like to say that I think you should be on (inter)national TV, Elsa… on a daily basis. The world needs you. 🙂

  8. All I know for now is exactly what I don’t want. Not sure that’s good to define a relationship around that, but then again I haven’t purposefully attempted a relationship since late winter. I tend to go long periods without relationship.

  9. I’m peddling veneer also..due to kids and no independent income – YET (nod to Dixie).

    Steady guy – but no fire or passion or spark, just “steady as she goes”…I have truly tried. I think he’s just wounded from his childhood and I’m not as forthcoming in my wants and needs as I should be.

    Guess that means better communication or I have to leave, ’cause God knows he won’t…*blinks at reflection in mirror*

  10. hi Dawn:) Very well said. In my mid-twenties I lost hope for this and married my husband for practical reasons. The “what if this is as good as it gets?” thing and after 3 years I was working 2 jobs while he went from job to job with lots of unemployed time. I didn’t know that he had an 18 year old girlfriend who was probably in my bed while I was waiting tables and wound up meeting my next husband and Father of my only child.
    Again, I was not together enough or strong enough to state exactly what I wanted. It was a gamble and I lost. He got sick when our son was 2 and died shortly after he turned 9. That was 15 yrs ago and I did not date again until my son was 16.
    I’m in my second relationship since then (w/ a very stubborn taurus) and my point is this. Elsa you are so right on.
    If it’s an exclusive relationship than we should both know what we want from each other. We should love our own selves enough to walk the talk and if we happen to be with somebody who knows exactly what we want and can’t or won’t give it than it’s time to walk away.
    and yes eris it’s really confusing because emotions, bliddy bloody emotions,always,always confuse and can make us fearful of losing the love we so..every freaking one of us.. want so very much.
    I’ll be having the talk w/ my guy this week and am so ready to walk away if we cannot figure out what the hell we want from each other.
    just seems like the time and thank you elsa cuz I this is exactly what i’ve been thinking about all summer.

  11. Q: Do you know what you want from a partner?
    A: Yes, I want someone compatible, who loves me, and attracts me.

    Q: Does your walk (as a partner) match your talk or are you peddlin’ veneer?
    A: I haven’t had a partner.

  12. as a virgo, i totally get this straight-talk (and with mercury in virgo i’m sure we’ll here more of this). i could not agree with you more!

    at the same time, the mind plays tricks (my mercury in libra) and sometimes i am in rationalization hell.

    i turned a corner with my ex and he’s starting to realize i’m not coming back. going forward i need to stay focused on WHAT I WANT so that whole thing (nor any part of it) repeats itself again.

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