I like to post things from consultations when they are broadly relevant. In this case, a client (a young woman) is about to lose her love of 7+ years. They’ve hit a rocky patch and the investment on both ends is about to be wiped out.
“Now you may fail but if you do, you absolutely want to know that you did everything humanly possible. This is for your own protection!! If you do everything in your power to stop a course of action that you think is wrong, and you are unable to stop it, you will be able to take some comfort. On the other hand, if you slack or behave like a baby or some kind of punk, you’ll have that to live with. I think this is compelling and I hope you do as well…”
I feel really bad for this gal and anyone else in similar circumstance. It is horrible when relationships between people who actually love each other end, due to over stubbornness, immaturity, lack of experience or lack of support from friends and family who just don’t care enough to help a person keep it together.
At this point in time, there are more forces out there to encourage people to separate than there are forces who will help you keep your love in tact. This might mean the odds are against you but if you know you love the person and you know they love you (regardless of what flies out of people’s mouths at times), it is most definitely worth your while to fight for your love. I don’t care if you have to clutch it up, grow up on the spot, transcend their bullshit or your own or whatever. It is worth doing because as we all know, deep down, real love does not grow on trees.
It is true, you may fail. But at least you won’t have to live with the knowledge that you were a coward or that you stood by and waited for *them* to do something when you could have done something yourself.
I also think it would be nice if people supported their friends and family through a troubled patch in a relationship that is mostly good and worth saving. It should not be against “girl rules” to say, “I think you should keep your husband.” I just can’t believe how easy it is to wind up on a path to misery by trying to avoid short term angst or pressure.
These two are heading into their Saturn returns. If they’d marry, I bet they’d solve 80% of their problems. I hope for this and you can join me if you like because this gal is well-loved around here and none of us want her to suffer.
Have you ever made an error ending a relationship? Have you seen others do it?