doublecappy writes regarding the 8th house / Scorpio phenomena of being sucked in and repelled at the same time:
“Interesting. I wrote a story about this years ago. How do you solve it? I guess there’s really nothing you can do. Transcend, maybe?”
doublecappy – That may be a way out (escape) but I don’t think it’s the key. The key to becoming comfortable in your un-comfort zone is to expand your zone of comfort! You can do this by facing your demons and owning your own shadow.
For example, I am with a man who has killed a lot of people. If I transcend this fact… well what the hell is that? It’s a joke. If this isn’t clear, just compare it to what I did do.
I stayed in my un-comfort while he told me his stories. I dealt with my deep feelings as they surfaced until I came to understood and integrate everything he is on a deep level.
He did the same when it comes to the shadow in my life (which is comparable to his, don’t doubt it). This is why I write so freely about all this, can you tell?
As my friend and astrologer, Claire-France Perez put it, “I have consumed the shadow… all of it, every single bit of it.” And I’ll tell you how it feels:
I am not attracted or repulsed. I am just there.
A person is only repulsed because they refuse to acknowledge the thing in themselves. They are attracted for the same reason and hence people like me (or the soldier) are considered “magnetic”… which is not our fault – The topic of the day.
Sounds a bith like Lilith going on when you write about replused-attracted circumstances. I like what you write about facing the demon Elsa. I like to think that establishing a “working relationship” with the demon (Lilith) creates less internal hating about the attraction. To find a way to “go along” with Lilithy experiences because this “demon”, perhaps a sexual part of personality that needs to be expressed. In that way, facing the demon seems less scary when one goes along with him, establishes a working relationship rather than confronting it. One could say to self “I am going to allow the attraction part of my feelings towards ‘xyz’ to work tonight”
Well written Elsa!
As a Scorp ASC, Uranus in Scorp in the 12th & Pluto in the 12th I can sooooooo relate.
My attraction to understand, simplify and naturalise the dark side in myself and life has always been strong.
I’ve come to enjoy it; it is what makes me whole.
P.S. I both attract and am magnetically attracted to sun scorps……I love them – more than they love themself haha… because I understand them – more than they understand themself.
My Leo gives them confidence & they make me feel ALIVE…!
doublecappy – those are good questions and I will try to get at them tomorrow if I can and can remember! I have a hair appt (did you see how bad I need one on the vid?) tomorrow… one of those meetings on Thursday and a host of other crap so I am just saying… these are good question and if I wind up ignoring them it was not because they were not good questions! 🙂
Hi doublecappy, relationships are very interesting grounds for learning about ourselves. It is helpfull to explore the feelings that might come up in relation to others we connect with. If we didn’t have the relationship contradictions we wouldn’t be aware of our own feelings. Sometimes its those feelings which maybe associated to elements of our development in life, family of origin, or dissparate parts of personality.
I think there is a fair bit about Lilith on the net. I like to view Lilith as split off parts of personality that seem to emerge in some manner, as a persons “demon” expression.
You guys, I need to get this. Kingsley, who is Lilith?
Elsa, could you give an example from your last post with the older man? How would he own his shadow in that situation?
This is also a really interesting line, “I am not attracted or repulsed. I am just there.”
Elsa – I’m wondering if I can apply this to my current situation, which you know well. The man I’m very attracted to, who makes me feel heartbroken and insecure, and the man who doesn’t make me feel heartbroken and insecure, but who I am not “attracted to.” (Oversimplification of course.)
P.S. That picture is stunning.
The process of understanding these kinds of feelings Midara is half the difficulty. How can one make the unconscious workings in personality become more conscious? Mostly the type of things that Lilith describes in personality and what Elsa writes on her blog about owning ones “shadow” (projections) happens out of ones awareness. In other words we don’t know we do certain things or have these feelings in relation to others.
The feelings and behaviours do however impact greatly on our relationships until we become aware. Thats why I like Elsa’s blog and the way Astrology helps define who we are and the potential sources in our lives which perpetuate those kind of unconscious things. They bubble up in good time, or come out all at once if you have a Pluto to Moon transit.
hope that helps a bit.
I do not think I have ever felt that. If I have, I don’t remember. I am too good at being uncomfortable. I do, though, think that other people feel that way about me. I have Pluto in Scorpio on the Descendant, and when you mix that with 4 planets in Leo and a Gem. Moon, you get a deeply intense person with a considerable shadow who is also sunny and expressive about the whole thing. I think I confound people.
A great post, Elsa. In my own life, I’ve also found that in many cases, the repulsion I feel is based in fear and the fear, especially if it reoccurring, usually has a purpose. Of course, as a Scorpio, I’ve also learned that getting sucked in is never healthy either, so there’s also the source of the repulsion.
The lesson I’ve learned is that you only get repulsion if there’s that desire to rush in before the time is right, instead of just setting course and allowing things to come together naturally. Force always meets with resistance, so it’s just a matter of releasing one and then the other disappears.
yeah, i guess that explains it. but i still don’t quite understand what’s so eighth house shadow about _me_.
maybe that’s the aries speaking. the odd brand of naivetë i can exhibit from time to time.