Is it Important To You That Others Agree With You?

Pierre Auguste Cot The StormThere have been two threads in the forum over this last week that deal with conformity on some level. I was the odd man out on both of them.  I’ve thought about this a good deal over the last couple days because a couple people made similar points… go along to get along, basically. The idea is that it’s easier for people to be cohesive as a community, if they agree.

I can’t argue with this logic!  This is why I’ve spent this time mulling it. Why must I be an outcast? Must I be an outcast?  I think the answer is, yes.

Initially, I noted my parents are hardcore Aquarians.  This is true and they certainly made their own rules. MY grandfather, Henry, was always insanely independent. He slept in his front yard on a slanted piece of plywood, nine months a year and that’s not even a drop in his bucket.  Still, there is more too this.  There has always been more to it and recently, I’ve begun to figure it out.

Reading the thread, my first thought was that I was socialized to be the way I am. I wondered if the people who see valuing in agreeing even when you don’t might have been socialized to see things this way. Basically, I have one chip. They have another? Probably. In my mind, you would have to be taught to agree when you don’t agree – it doesn’t seem natural to me.  It’s like being taught to write cursive… or not. If you weren’t taught to write cursive, chances are you print!

Then today, I remembered this post or rather I remembered this conversation I had with double Gemini astrologer, Claire France). She told me that most people preferred to live in a “world of agreement”.  That was her phrase. She added, “that isn’t important to you at all.”

I was interested in what she was saying but it was news (and new) to me so I asked her about it. I verified what she was saying, particularly about the people who are not me, because I am me and I knew she was right on that front.

Thinking of her, I pulled up this post from 2014, where I mentioned her but I think this conversation is from the late nineties if you can believe that.  I guess this means, this really is the way I am.

Here is the original post. I just wonder what people think of this.

~~~~
Years ago, a friend told me that most people wanted to live in a “world of agreement”. I wrote about this at the time. She thought it was remarkable that I could get along with people I did not agree with.

I had no idea that people wanted people to agree with them all the time. It seems strange even today.

This morning, my husband informed me that he agrees with me about thirteen percent of what I do.  Can you believe that?  It seems low to me.

“Thirteen percent? Is that all? I was surprised. I also can’t believe that people who think in terms like that – thirteen percent agreement.”

“Well, I think like that! It’s thirteen percent! I don’t care about this notion that says we all have to agree all the time.”

If someone told you that they agreed with thirteen percent of what you say or do, how would you take this?  Would it change how you interacted with them?  

~~
Here are the posts from the forum:
The Asch Experiment
Ethics & Astrology

 

You may also like


Comments

Is it Important To You That Others Agree With You? — 41 Comments

  1. To my Aquarius ex, as I grew older and away from some of the things I believed in youth, it was definitely a deal breaker, so I think it depends on the stars. To me, Virgo, Libra rising, Aquarius moon, I can just let it slide for the sake of the relationship, focus on the positive, work around it.
    I think it depends on whether there is contempt for the person you disagree with and their thoughts and beliefs. There is no relationship with contempt and disrespect.

  2. Actually, I love when people who don’t agree with me, but are willing to put personalities aside, tell me why they believe what they believe and I do the same and we discuss. The problem comes from taking it all too personally. As far as not liking anyone who disagrees with you, I’ve had that happen to me, but I embrace all differences. If I like you, I like you. Sadly, I see more and more people who are unwilling to befriend. I don’t think ANYONE believes 100% the same as anyone else. 13% may be low, I don’t know, but at least there is common ground and you can always build on that.

  3. It made me think…

    As far as philosophy, we agree on most things. It’s how we run our business / spend or don’t spend our money, that we don’t agree on.

    For example, I have not balanced my checkbook for 25 years.

    He will spend three hours looking for three cents. 🙂

    I’m what he’s call, “grabasstic”. lol.

    • That’s just like my wife and I. Her eyes glaze-over when I try to talk family finances. We agree on a lot of things although I think we come to our conclusions from different angles. Then there’s the air/water philosophical differences. But 13% – really?

  4. And I argue, I sure seem to get a lot done, brain-damaged or no! 🙂

    What happened was I just settled a claim someone had against me. He thought I should tell them to go jump in the lake. But I was in the wrong, legitimately, so will pay $200 for my transgression.

  5. I used to outwardly change my thoughts or opinions in order to seem like-minded. I would not rock the boat, because it did seem expected that I agree with everything everyone said or did. My Mercury is in Cancer, like 7 degrees from Jupiter.

    But then I had that time in my life being on my own, where I didn’t have to answer to anyone or anything except myself, so I became comfortable with people not agreeing with me and me not agreeing with them.

    Now if I don’t agree with you, sometimes I will tell you (depending on the subject and environment) but mostly I will just move away from you and not communicate with you. I am always understanding and respectful that me and the collective you will not always see eye to eye or agree on something, but the problem is when someone tries to force change and make you come around to their side, or get hostile when they find you do not agree in the first place.

    My philosophy now is just respect that we can’t always see the same thing in the same way.

  6. I don’t care. I’m not here to be liked and in my crusty Scorpio stellium, Aquarius Mars, Pisces moon and Sagittarius Saturn mind that’s perfectly fine. It would change how I interact with them depending upon how they told their truth ie with respect or without it. But ah well were not to agree all the time and it’s fine.

  7. I wish I could say I don’t care when others don’t agree with me. But I do. Living in a cave helps. Not much room with a dragon like me. Saturn moving in Sag will shake things up I bettah. And Pluto conjunct my natal Moon for another 10 years will probably have a lot to say about my deep-seeded emoting.
    Philosophically … my husband and I agree on most things, including having the checkbook in his hands, usually a very good thing since like you Elsa, I don’t balance the numbers.

  8. I’m going to be brutally honest. Yes, it’s important at least a group of people agree with me, like ten people. I don’t mind if a lot of people/most people disagree with me but I need a support group. Maybe I have low self worth and don’t even know it fully!

  9. I’m with kiriecat on this one. We can disagree all day long– respectfully, that is. If you belittle or mock me I’m taking my toys and going home. Not that I won’t be disappointed (I’m playing with you because I like you, duh!). I just know when to cut my losses now (thank you Saturn in the 11th!) and sooner than later is easier in the long run.

    • Thanks. I just think when I listen to others, I always learn something. I like to think the other person learns something as well. It is a respect issue. And, I mean, I COULD (cough) be wrong.

  10. Another thought – how boring!! If everybody thought the same and felt the same I’d be bored out of my skull!! Why even bother to talk. Not at all my idea of ideal.

  11. “Come off of that cloud that no one else is on,” the Capricorn ex told me once. Hell, guess I was happy about a song I liked playing on the radio or some such nonsense. I am alien miscreant dopey dreamer lollygagging in LA LA Land. Don’t make me pull out my Mars! 🙂

  12. Just to add I remember having a discussion, maybe even an argument cause I can’t tell the tone of words from just reading, on Facebook with a friend and he said…

    ‘Empress I’m not going to agree with you’

    And I said…

    ‘I don’t care if you agree with me or not. I’m not talking for you to agree, I’m talking to make my point’

    I’m not attached to the agreement. I’m attached to a discussion and a passionate one at that. Mercury in Scorpio RX.

  13. 13%??? I’d wonder why we’re still together. I think he’s not aware that the number is probably much higher. It is a known fact in psychology that people like people whom they perceive are like themselves. This is why salespeople always try to find an area of common interest or ground with a prospect; as soon as someone determines that the other person is “just like me” (at least in some regard) the sales process gets infinitely easier.

    • Ha ha! My husband is a mathematician of the highest order. I am sure this is a precise figure. And we’re extremely happily married.

      In fact, he lost his ring yesterday and was incredibly upset,
      He found it this morning and swears his Guardian angel got it for him!

      I think he was talking about how I run my life. The decisions I make…and how I make them. Stuff like that. I do things differently than he does. 🙂

      • Updating nine years later, my husband no longer has a number but says he’s realized we agree on most things but for different reasons. It’s interesting to see the progression.

        As an example, neither of us intend to vote anymore but for entirely different reasons. This Max be our Mercury opposition.

        • Hi Elsa, I was wondering whether the husband is the same as now. He’s the Taurus with that mars-saturn opposition. I’m really happy to read your update and I must say I already knew he’d come around to be more *openly* agreeable. There is a thing to those aspects which I have. As time goes by, the people who stay in our lives stay not because they are anything like we envision (as in, they are not like ourselves/our mirror) but because they add up without that meaning we ourselves are wrong. People with whom we are bound to learn from how to actually be our self, unapologetically too 🙂 I hope one day I find my male Elsa too 🙂

  14. Right now… My partner and I are 50/50. But we are a young couple, so it will change. Officially.

    If we are really honest, we don’t really agree with a lot with our own personal notions/day-to-day lives. He finds me chaotic and I find him… A square!

    13% does sound right on good days.

  15. It depends on if the person matters to me or not in most cases. Then there are people (family) who are dear enough to me that I accept them as they are, not trying to change them.

  16. Yeah, that’s what I thought, this is the mathematician speaking. I’m glad he found his wedding ring, did he also go looking for parachute cord Elsa? 🙂
    I had a hard time with this agree/disagree thing when I was younger, I used to think I needed a lot more than 13%, to use this percentage as an example. Nowadays, as people mention frequently in this thread, I only care about whether the disagreement is respectful and accepted as a part of being a human being in relationship. And if there’s at least *some* willingness to live and let live, as opposed to forcefully trying to tell people what they should or shouldn’t do or think.
    I do have Libra NN, which for a long time had me scratching me head (Aries Sun, Venus, Mercury), so I’m glad I’m actually starting to feel it!

    • We just have different methods of doing things and different things that motivate us.

      I’m also far more compassionate than he is, in most cases. But when he is rooting for you, there could be no finer support. He’s also tends to be more naturally generous. I give. He gives, tremendously.

  17. My only criterion for a friend is that they are essentially a good person. I have friends from all walks of life: drag queen, Episcopalian minister, philosophy professor, polyamory advocate, hardcore Communist, Republican party officer, nuclear weapons engineer, I mean everyone. I agree with almost nobody I know on major points, but these people are worth knowing, and I have to say that they have made my life richer by expanding my world view. I guess that’s the Aquarius rising in me. I can only really dislike someone if they’re truly an ass.

  18. Well 13 percent…I could accept that provided we agreed on having sex and who gets the popcorn refill at the movies…oh, and letting the dogs out

    • Ha ha, Anita. That’s true! And takes the car in, and deals with a mouse in the garage.

      And stays out of my business, as I stay out of his. It’s quite ideal!

  19. Not even a little bit important!! However, when they disagree in a mean or snarky way it annoys me.. and I tend to cut those people out of my life.I believe in kindness,mostly! Some mean people will say they are just pragmatic, or matter of fact.. I don’t buy it.Mean is mean!!

    I do love an intellectual debate.. and open mindedness.. the goals is not to win someone to your point of view, rather to entertain NEW WAYS OF THINKING … and maybe grow some in a new direction..??

    My Pisces rising likes it to all be friendly,though! Spirited, but nice.

    Diversity is what makes this planet so darned interesting and vital!!

  20. I put myself in the path of people I disagree with. How can I learn anything new or grow if I avoid other viewpoints? Not to say I find it pleasant all of the time, but at least I don’t live in an eggshell.

  21. I don’t care as much if they agree with me do long as they have some reason or logic for their POV. For instance when someone is ‘anti-fur’ because of animals being skinned alive when PETA was convicted of paying people to skin animals alive for their videos (in Germany).

  22. I am awful. I prefer people to agree with me. Virgo sun, pluto, mercury, and mars. I was horrible in my younger years and would argue my point into the ground. I was called a bulldog because I would lock on and not let go. Within the past few years, I have isolated myself from others whom I don’t agree with just to keep from attacking them with my point of view. Aquarius Rising at 19* and I recently found out pluto was at that degree at the start of the French Revolution. My husband who knows my chart calls me an Aries. I have strong mercury and mars sits 2* before it. Yes, I confess, I want others to conform/agree with me.

    • Thanks Tonya,I was exactly like you for years,I would diligently research,Mars , Mercury and Jupiter conjunct my ninth house which was Jupiter.
      I also had leo rising conjunct Uranus and Pluto.
      It bothered me if people”didn’t get it ,”
      MORE than if they just didn’t agree.
      If someone calmy told me why I was wrong or could be ,I accepted it.
      I like hearing the truth.

      And I agree with Elsa.
      People have to be brought up to agree
      I was very rebellious as a child as I had a Father who was an A type Virgo ,and wanted everything done his way.
      And being almost Uranus rising I just couldn’t take it.
      I eventually left the table and ate in my room to avoid arguing or agreeing.
      But mostly to avoid food getting sour in my belly.
      Haha
      But over the years , I don’t care if people don’t agree ,or have different views.
      I also stopped BLURTING out as Elsa put it ,with Mars Mercury conjunct with Jupiter.
      I just grew up and didn’t care.
      I like hearing differing views.
      If someone gives me a good enough reason I will change sides.
      And say Ha ! Why didn’t I know that.
      But I simply cannot agree with someone to conform,be liked or part of the group.
      I stand out like a Pink Elephant!!!
      🤣🤣😁

      But I get most people like to conform to be part of the group,or to be accepted and also because they don’t know different or don’t care.

      13% made me laugh out loud.
      But I think he has a sense of humour.
      My father kept Diaries of accounts with dates and time to the EXACT penny , including TIPS he gave.
      I never made accounts.
      I still don’t.
      But I know I will someday.
      I have started doing many things like him now.
      It’s in the blood and bones.
      And we grow up just like our parents in the end .

  23. I don’t care if people agree with me. I naively always expect others to also live and let live but they don’t. Over the last few years I’ve determined that most people have so much garbage, crap, baggage that they judge and condemn anyone who is not just like them. This is part of the reason I enjoy being a hermit. I prefer keeping to myself. I like myself a lot more than I like most people. What I mean by that, is that I know that I will not betray myself. I will always treat myself with compassion. I’m good with my relationship with myself.

    If people disrespect me for my pov then obviously I get hurt. I am human, and I have Leo Rising so a certain amount of pride. I’ve gotten better about detaching as I’ve gotten older and wiser. My 8th house is usually prepared for slights before they occur. And I avoid some topics—I determined a long time ago some topics are not worth discussing with others.

    • Thanks for this! It helped me to pinpoint or make fully conscious, my current situation. Somewhere along the line I learned to keep my dissenting opinion to myself unless I feel that offering it might help someone.

      This has reduced the conflict in my life, significantly.

      • Here’ a saying whose origin I don’t recall, but it’s relevant to the thread and I expect you’ll incorporate it :

        “We find comfort among those we agree with-

        Growth among those who don’t !”

  24. I think it’s all about acceptance. If they agree to disagree, then that to me is an acceptance of you by another person who thinks differently than you do. And we all want to be accepted.

  25. On the topic, I have my merc in Aries in the 12h. I like the banter but arguments must not come with disrespect/devaluing (venus rx conjunct) or I’ll soon cut you off. I do appreciate someone making a good point. Sextile Moon in gemini. I can truly get in your shoes intellectually I guess, but I need the same courtesy/empathy back. This way we can agree to disagree a million times and bring a fresh approach or angle to anything. A new angle might not serve me in that moment but years later! I’m a taurus with gemini moon, I change my mind more than people give me credit for! but don’t force it on me. That’s key. Sometimes I won’t agree with someone just because a) I heard it all before and they read that somewhere (as in, they know what they read, but do they know know?), and b) I really just don’t care for you. if I do, I’ll actually let you make your own mistakes and say nothing, just hold space… and that is VERY tough to do…

  26. All I can see is that the Emperor has no clothes! That’s when the Whack-Mole begins! Aries Sun, Cancer Moon , Mercury Pisces oh and Chiron conjunct Mars opposite Pluto!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.