When we talk about interpreting Lilith in the natal chart, it’s important to stress that it is a process. Myth makes it clear that there is a distinct Lilith journey, and in order to fully come into our power, we must recognize where we are in that journey. We’ve talked already about identifying the wound. That is the first step. In the second step, we begin to grapple with our pain and fury.
For this, we have to understand the value of acknowledging the wound. When we are wounded to the core, we are forced to reckon with the fact that the world had in some ways turned against us. It is almost always knowledge we wish we didn’t have. In fact, one of the best ways to get in touch with this part of ourselves is to ask what it is that we know about the world and about ourselves that we desperately wish we did not know. What it is about the workings of the world that leaves you wracked with fury?
When we are able to pinpoint this, it is essential to let ourselves feel the pain and outrage. To paraphrase Clarissa Pinkola Estes in Women Who Run With the Wolves, when we awaken to our blood loss, it is then that we are truly beginning to live. This can appear in any number of ways. One woman I know very well as Lilith conjunct the nadir on the 3rd house side. As an adolescent, she used to sit outside her parents’ bedroom at night, chest heaving with sobs until she thought her ribs would break, wondering why they didn’t hear her, why no one would come to help. Another woman has Lilith conjunct Neptune in the 2nd house. She spent her entire life trying desperately to build some semblance of self-esteem, to prove her value, and was laid low over and over by the way that it would seem to evaporate every time. It was only when she was able to connect this pain to the childhood abuse she had experienced and really sit with that pain that she was able to begin to heal.
So before we and before we fight like wild animals for our survival, before we whitewash our wounds and try to make Lilith’s presence soft and beautiful, and before we truly come into our power, we must acknowledge our wound. Anything else is avoidance. I know it’s hard. Lilith is meant to make us uncomfortable. She is meant to be unruly and frightening. But when we are finally look that terrifying wounded animal in the eye, we see our own face staring back at us. And then we begin to heal.
How have you come to terms with your wound? Where has that process led you?