How To You Handle Betrayal?

gemini-twin-dolls-2Let’s say you’re betrayed in some way.  My husband and I deal with this, differently. I will flat out tell a person, look. I don’t trust you anymore. I will say those words. I will also say, “I don’t want to deal with you, and I am not going to deal with you.”

That will be it. I will absolutely dump a person and it would be miraculous if they ever heard a word from me again.

My husband doesn’t do this. He continues to deal with a person he no longer trusts. He just doesn’t tell them anything important, or private or sensitive.  He’s like a shell, I guess you could say. He thinks I go too far.

I’ve considered this, but I can’t imagine expending energy to maintain a connection with someone who has lost my trust. I don’t see the point.

I think the difference between my husband and I, is his Gemini vs my Capricorn. He’s got two faces, available. I will fire your ass.

I don’t care what people think of my way. I’m not going to have a life full of people who I don’t like, who don’t like me, just to please someone on the outside.  But I think my husband’s kind is a lot more dangerous. People who will smile at you and pass you the peas, when they think you’re a worm.

How do you deal with situations like this? And how do you feel about how other people deal with them?


Comments

How To You Handle Betrayal? — 86 Comments

  1. Boy, you got a rise out of people on this one! Lots of posts. It made me laugh when your husband said that he wouldn’t take you on patrol with him. I have mars in scorpio, so maybe that’s where I just get mad. I am done with them, but also I don’t forget.

  2. Hi Elsa. great post.
    As I see it, your husband strategizes. having gemini def assists (or he wouldnt be able to pull it off) but, for me, its that mars/saturn thing he has. I do too, as well as gemini. So I relate to his way. Live to fight another day?
    But i wish i could be more like your way. just having too much pluto could do it, but also reinforces the natural inclination of mars/saturn in my case. what do you think?

  3. That would be similar to me and my Aries husband. He cut people off completely (there are enough nice people in this world) and I give them a chance, even silently, not pushing anything. I did see that some of his ‘cutting people off’ was pure projection, he made assumptions that originated in himself. He was also able to see it and change his attitude toward that person, every few years that did happen. The cutting off sounded once and for all – but it wasn’t. It was snap for now. Next year we’ll see. People change, they evolve, they learn. In the end his approach was not much different from mine, he just ‘sounded’ harsh, I went silent. He had an ‘enemy’, I just forgot about the person until they popped up again.

    I don’t know that there is just one way to deal with betrayal. I can’t help thinking that people have reasons to be who they are and do what they do. The concept of ‘born bad’ is unacceptable to me. I am too curious to learn about people, also the mad/bad ones. They turn from people I want to associate with into people who I want to study.

    He needed to make that ‘statement’ of ‘F*k Off’ – I didn’t. Let’s say the person sees the light and comes along and genuinely apologises and makes good. Then he is surprised and happy and enthusiastic about it while I am still quiet and think…let’s see..

  4. Honestly, it depends on the person, the ‘severity’ of the betrayal, the circumstances around it, etc.

    I’m a Libra with Pluto conjunct my Sun and Mercury and Venus in the 8th house, Saturn in my 7th house and 11th house Scorpio. First I want to understand, then I decide on next steps. I have zero issues with amputation but I try not to go there first until I know it is deserved. I’m not scared of difficult conversations or setting boundaries with folks. Sometimes the relationship needs repair and sometimes it needs to be amputated – discernment is the key, but you’ll never get there if you react in the moment from a place of ego. I cut the frenemies out of my life when Saturn moved through Scorpio and I’ve not looked back since.

    After integrating the truth that others’ actions, behaviors, emotions, etc have nothing to do with me personally, I don’t get reactionary as much. It’s a reflection of what’s happening inside of THEM and nothing to do with me. The impact to MY life, however, is something I take into consideration when deciding if they still deserve a place in my life. Also, don’t fuck with my money. I have Cap rising and I will come down on you like a tons of bricks if you even think about fucking with my money LOL

  5. i wouldnt want to be around someone who constantly betrays and degrades, and i know there’s people who have problems and want to project, but they wouldnt betray and degrade. For example, my sister has a “luxury spending” problem, she lives beyond her means because since she’s been divorced, she no longer has the two household income that would give her luxury to live a life of an upper middle class individual. now as a single mother, she still holding on to the luxury items and even renting out two extra units for her “hoarding”. maybe it’s her taurus moon but she can’t let go. And if any of us in the family try to approach her with it, she will project if there’s another human being in the vicinity that is our famiy who has even more problems or problems at the time that stick out so that the focus is away from her. lol Now i’m also taurus dominant in the chart, and i see that my little bits of hoarding is prevalent; maybe its earth dominant that makes hoarding hard but taurus is notorious for hoarding. its hard. totally understand but i dont want control of financial and money, i’m already in control of the financial aspects of paying caretakers and cleaning services and food delivery to my elderly parents. so in family, its more forgiving, but in others who aren’t family who will never be there for you despite hardship and pain, it’s not worth the pain and drama and trauma of abuse with those who will never help you in life, or give you positive affirmation and support. It doesn’t have to be monetary it can be in the form of support and love and encouragement. Even making a dish for you or coming to pick you up when you are stuck. or sitting with you for a day chilling and chatting, its also a form of relief and therapy and just having someone understand. just those little things. thats valuable energy too. Now, if it were in a workplace where that individual is betraying and its awful to be around, i think looking for a new workplace is a good idea OR go to the boss and voice your concerns about the betraying abuse from the other colleague or individual in close proximity. then address confrontational whats the deal. if nothing is resolved, time to look for new workplace because even the boss wont do anything about it. Im not about to go after work and do a rumble behind the trashcans alleyway either. lol

    and then there’s individuals who are sunny day friends/acquaintances. only around when everything is good and happy. i dont blame them, maybe being around sadness and misery and needing to purge gross happenings is just too much for them to be around; now they need to be equipped to be like this, like a therapist. And many people can’t be therapists because they can’t deal with their own and run away. they’ll jolt because maybe these individuals are prone to mental illness too if too much problems. and it will trigger. so its best not to burden them either. so many variables and people really are so many layers. i try to be more understanding but honestly i will try to find ways to get out of the workplace with people who will never redeem. so yeah i think its the capricorn part of me, but also i’m forgiving and forgiving. until there’s a limit. capricorn is saturn and there’s limitations. with family its more boundless love and forgiveness. with strangers, there’s chances given but its time to let go. Weirdly in life, it has happened that people who were not nice had problems in them before and couldnt cope so they project then when i see them later in life, they apologize for being an ass. Its good that they lived long enough to see how bad they were being and recognize that.

  6. I dont handle betrayal well. Why should l? If l let a person close enough to betray me…it probably means l trusted them.Trust doesnt come easy. Once gone. Gone forever.
    An ex friend (Virgo conj. Pluto) once let it slip she yad slept with my boyfriend…tried to back peddle ‘It didn’t mean anything’ she said. She had done this to ‘other’ friends too.

    I have just recently learnt what ‘Minnesota nice’ means. That is what l gave her in a very large dose. Then l sent a letter to someone in power describing in detail ‘how she got the job’ and about how she was not really qualified for this very well paid government position. She got fired. She will never know l had a hand in it and this pleases me to this day.

    • I want to agree with Hades Moon, below about ‘confidences’. But feel the need to add, what l saw as betrayal (Her Virgo sun and Pluto Venus conjuct: my error) went further than that, l had given her so much support over many decades.She knew how much l loved him…if it was about her overwhelming love for him leading to relationship–l think l would have understood. This was low level Pluto/Scorpio/Scorpion for me: she did it beccause she could to serve herself and her vanity.

  7. If someone betrays my confidence I will think very lowly of them, and never share anything personal with them again. I won’t go out of my way to eliminate, I’ll just categorise them as untrustworthy and not actively seek their company. I have different trust levels with different people, and I just adjust what I share, accordingly.

  8. That’s a good one. I had the experience of betrayal by friends and colleagues. I do cut them off or if it’s not possible, keep them at arms length. I don’t get negative feelings because of that like others that can’t get over it but instead I try to understand why I trusted them and if there were any signs I might have overlooked. Gemini Venus in 11H, Scorpio moon..

  9. life is too short to spend energy on people you have to clean up after. i absorb way too much from my environment…
    so, i am definitely more in your camp here.

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