How Can You Tell Lust From Love?

Dear Elsa,

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what “love” really means and how to separate attraction from something deeper. I’m pretty young but I’ve spent a good amount of time around the opposite sex and have had a few love interests. Recently there has been one person I do feel very different around but I’m hesitant to really put myself out there as that runs the risk of being let down.

I know as a Moon in Pisces that I do and have put on my “rose colored glasses” in the past.

How does one decipher lust from love? Illusion from intuition?

Pisces Moon
United States

Pisces those are really good questions. I think love only distinguishes itself from lust over time. Over time love grows and lust fades. But if you’ve got sufficient imagination (and you certainly do) it is possible to stay in lust for a good long while and ignoring what is lacking in a relationship.
I would not be too distraught over that though, as you have lots of company, myself included. You’ve just got to train yourself to use the “other” glasses or perhaps get a Virgo friend who can tell you what is really there until you can learn to do this for yourself.

As for illusion vs intuition, I take a very humble stance on this. It serves my Saturn / Neptune nature (which we also share). Basically if I have an inkling of something, I note it but wait for more information or support of some kind. If it arrives, I allow the concept to solidify some and then repeat this process until something does (or does not) morph into fact.

In other words I distinguish between what I know, what I think I know or what I might know and what has just occurred to me on a whim. It goes something like this:

I have an intuition…

“Hmm, interesting. Wonder if that’s real?”

See I leave it to the universe to “show me” which is not a challenge but a willingness to let life unfold.

Take a rosebud. It may appear it is going to bloom. But next day you get up and there has been a freeze and all the rosebuds are kaput. Things happen like this in life and if you allow for this you’ll probably be just fine.

In other words, you can see and feel what is around you but never forget something larger is in charge.

Anyone else?

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How Can You Tell Lust From Love? — 14 Comments

  1. wow. I have been waaaaaiting for an answer to this question for ages. What an excellent way of describing it. I tend to be delusional/intuitive (Saturn/Neptune too, very emphasized Neptune) and had a hard time telling them apart. I’m totes taking this to heart.

  2. Elsa,

    Thanks for answering my question!
    I can definitely see what you mean by this, especially the last part. I know I have a good intuition but I also know I can rely on it a little too much and not always incorporate what’s actually in front of me… I’m working on it.
    I think I do have to learn to be a little more patient…my Gemini side wants movement, spark and instant answers but then I forget that I’m a bit of an emotional-sensing Pisces and wind up feeling vulnerable and exposed in some of the situations I put myself in. Playful and airy on the outside, deep on the inside.
    I’ve been going through a crisis/extreme mood dip lately because I think things are changing for me as I’m starting to learn to say “no” to people and take better care of myself. Having Mars in Cancer does not make dealing with these issues easy as I frequently retreat into defensiveness.
    I have faith in myself and know it’s a phase I’ll get through as I’ve gone through lots of “phases.” I think this is just a big one because I’m starting to see ugliness and struggles in myself and others (family included, this hurts the most) that I was once blind to.
    I do find myself surrounded by a lot of people, which is something I’m thankful for but like I said I’ve been struggling with stability and dependence issues.
    I have two close friends with Virgo moon (one is a Virgo stellium as well) and these people do have a special place in my heart and help me to see my blind spots.
    I agree that because of my imagination and optimistic nature I can and do stay in lust longer than most people…but I’m glad you think this is something that can be worked with or overcome (: I hope so…

    I am indeed a bottle of contradictions, but hey- at least I’m not boring. Anyone else feel this?

    Responses welcome!

  3. If you want to cuddle = love
    If you want to hump him = lust

    I get where you’re coming from, Elsa. I’ve got a Neptune/Saturn signature, too. Throw in powerful pluto and strong lunar placement. Usually I seperate it in intuition that is more of dreams/ wishful thinking regarding my future and day to day intuition (like sensing energy). I only take the latter one seriously.

    Hope that makes sense

  4. The two women who have been in my life the longest have major Neptune influences. One has 5 planets conjunct in early Capricorn, Neptune being one of the 5. She’s very delusional about relationships. She cannot be without a partner regardless how non-compatible they are and hasn’t been single since 17. Now she’s 30.
    The other is a Cancer sun, with Venus conjunct Mercury in Cancer and opposes Neptune in Cap. Oh, and Venus & Mercury trining her Pisces Moon. She is freaking delusional more than any person I know. She has this preconceived idea of somewhere before ever truly knowing them, projecting her ideas and wishes onto them, telling people she loves them within a week of dating, and without much notice disappears and creates an argument as a reason to leave. I have no idea how to handle her.

  5. Virgo moon trine Neptune/Saturn conjunction.
    Cancer rising.
    Packed 7th house (Uranus, Venus, Saturn, Neptune).

    I drive myself insane by all the overthinking I do because the evidence does not match my “intuition”.

    I don’t trust myself anymore when it comes to men. I feel that they like me but they’re vague. Overthinking ensues.

    Vicious, vicious cycle.

    • A packed 7th means that many people can enter your life. But it doesn’t mean that they like you. Uranian people, venusian people, saturnian people, and neptunian people enter your life because your 7th is an open door for them. That’s reason enough. Saturn in conjunction with Neptune should actually be very helpful for a realistic point of view.

      • Falkor nice call: “Saturn in conjunction with Neptune” is the combo of my best Gemini pal. My husband has Virgo rising with a Cancer sun. I think it’s so helpful for me with a Scorpio Sun and Neptune in Libra trine to that Sun that has helped in my later years when even now it’s useful to sort ‘lust’ from ‘love’ … of a person, an ideal, a dream.

        • You are correct. Many people do enter my life. A wide variety of types.

          Hmm. Maybe it’s because Pluto was transiting back and forth over my Venus the last couple years. It was a nightmare.

          Realistic point of view, yes, when my rose-coloured glasses aren’t on. Logically I know what is right and wrong for me, but I remain attached. Or it takes me a very long time to leave, though I’m getting better at it now.

          • I have Pluto in 7th natally. It makes people, who don’t respect boundaries, enter my life and ironically their favorite excuse is: ‘Respect my boundaries!’ Really terrible people.
            .
            I also have Uranus in 7th. Makes me meet strange people. It is already enough to walk at my side in order to meet strange people. Once a friend said to me: ‘I’ll go nowhere with you anymore! Always when you’re present, then we meet strange people!’
            .
            So when people enter your life, then that’s just 7th, not a special transit. Usually people with a packed 7th learn to live reclusively.

  6. I input the “love” asteroids in a couples’ synastry chart to verify relationship compatibility: (#433) Eros; (#80) Sappho; (#16) Psyche; (#1221) Amor; (#447) Valentine; (#763) Cupido. The potential for a meaningful relationship is strong if these asteroids positively aspect a partner’s planets.

    • That’s all? Just any of them with any planet? I’d rather expect that we should look at asteroid(/planet) couples like:
      Eros – Psyche;
      Juno (#3) – Jupiter;
      Hera (#103) – Zeus (#5731);
      Poseidon (#4341) – Amphitrite (#29);
      Proserpina (#26) – Pluto;
      Selene (#580) – Endymion (#342);
      Eurydike (#75) – Orpheus (#3361);
      and so on?

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