How can a person tell the difference between an actual external conflict and projection/unprocessed shadow work that we’re reacting to? When do we try to solve things externally and when do we look within to what the situation is revealing about our psyche?
Hi, Dreamland. What a great question!
Every interaction with another person will reveal something about ourselves. It’s impossible you’re always going to be the one standing in the light, though many people believe this about themselves. Discerning is a struggle, but I can think of some clues…
If your reaction to someone is extreme and/or out of bounds in some way, it’s a good bet, you’re triggered. This doesn’t mean the other person is innocent. It means you’re triggered! There is a reason why you’re triggered and ultimately, if you want to live a peaceful life, it’s your issue to resolve.
Secondly, if you constantly meet people who do X to you, this is strong indication of an internal problem. Examples…
“All I ever meet is married men.”
“Everyone betrays me…”
This is very common. It’s common to hear someone complain about another person when their own failings (they are blind to) are gigantic in comparison. It’s also common a person nitpick every person they meet. They literally shake your hand as they try to discern how they’re superior and you’re inferior.
If this is your MO, it’s a strong clue that you need some place to hang your garbage.
Astrology is enormously helpful in illuminating blind spots. I’ve been known to say that astrology would show your own ass. And it will.
How often do you project your negative qualities, or find fault with others to avoid self-examination? Do you struggle with this at all?
Got a question? Ask here! Please mention your location. I think this adds something to these posts.