How Can I Get More From My Partner?

I speak with a lot of women who are unhappy in their relationships. They hope their man shifts or has a change of heart.

Often times, the man is completely satisfied with the relationship the way it is. He’s happy with his life so there is no impetus for him to change. He has what he has and he offers what he offers. It becomes a question of whether you can be satisfied with what is offered.

It’s math!

A person has control of their energy. They give you A, B, C and D.

You want A, B, C and D, plus E, F, G and H.  So what are you going to do?

I recently had a situation like this.  It’s as if the person wanted $10. I only had $5.
The deal fell through because there was no way to cover that gap.

Sound familiar?

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How Can I Get More From My Partner? — 33 Comments

  1. I was married for 25 years receiving A, B, C.
    I was literally starving for D, E, F.
    I divorced husband #1 and married husband #2.
    I have all the D, E, F I need and could ever want.
    Now, I don’t have any A, B, and C.

  2. Elsa, It may interest you that just this week both husband #1 AND #2 were both hospitalized 2 days apart in the same hospital, same unit. #1 has Sun in Aries April 8, #2 has Sun in Aries April 5. 18 degrees and 15 degrees respectively!

  3. This Thurs. the transiting sun conjunct chiron will be conjunct my natal jupiter 5th house and oppose my natal moon 11th house. Where shall I hide?

  4. I’m in a situation like this and it has really caused me a lot of mental anguish. (Saturn in scorp3rd conj Pluto, opp. Venus) since Saturn crossed natal Saturn, I’m more realistic about what a person can offer. I know now that all my needs will never be fulfilled in a relationship, so I’m a lot more content with what I have. I’m more thankful that I have someone who wants the best for me and who is consistent in his love.

  5. That wasn’t the best wording because it isn’t that my needs “will never be fulfilled”. It’s more like my needs are now more realistic and I know now that what I crave in love is not love. More so Passion I guess which isn’t nessesarily love.

  6. I *just* (last night) posted this quote on facebook…because these issues have been so “heavy” on my mind..”the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it”. This is so relevant to this. And I love Saturn now.

  7. I want more as a matter of routine. I have learned to
    (a) accept this about myself and
    (b) accept that is unreasonable to expect that my needs trump what another is able to give, as well as
    (c) not be so facking uptight about it, lol.

    I have also learned that I don’t deserve every single thing I want (nor does anyone else) and it isn’t the end of the world to be told no. I have Saturn in my 8th natally and I learned all the above when Pluto transited my 12th.

    Really, most the time when I don’t get what I want it is no big deal.

  8. Oh boy. Timely post. I’ve been in my current relationship for 2 years & we have the same argument over and over again. He has a stellium in Scorpio (including Moon, Venus) and I have a stellium in Aquarius (including Sun, Merc, Venus) so maybe you can guess what the problem is. This guy needs soul-bearing conversations nearly every night of the week, and I just can’t deliver. I’m perfectly happy with our level of communication, but he’s constantly begging for more. If I tell him that I’ll try harder to be more communicative & expressive of my feelings for him, he says things like “But I want you to talk to me because you *want* to, not because I need you to”.

    O.O

    This does not compute.

  9. I get so much of A,B,C,D and E…that when I think about not getting F, G, H… I turn it off. I have this great guy. But he is a mess. (the kind of mess that destroys the house and does not pick up a thing after himself)

    I get everything I need from this relationship…except his messy stuff drives me crazy. I knew he was a mess when I married him. I saw his home. It was a science project. He was in mine and saw my OCD cleaning events 🙂 He even said one time when we were loading the trunk of the car after shopping…”you know I am never going to be able to place all the items in the trunk of your car facing NORTH” hahahaha…. and I said oh….I am well aware of this.

    We are Oscar and Felix. I have to overlook this and just clean it up…and he has to smell bleach… that’s just the way it is and has been for 16 years. This is really nothing in the grand scheme of things.

  10. I’m assessing it.
    And feel very similar to Kash.
    It’s all about things being in my highest best interest. If that’s the case then I let things go. So we’ll see if that’s enough. Either way I’m not picking a fight about it with mars in pisces. 😛

  11. Nope, not anymore. Now when I say I need a,b,c he gives it and gives it good to the best of his ability, he may drift and need a reminder (his nature). Why? Well, at some point if you say I have these BASIC things I want and expect to get in a relationship and I don’t get them I’m gone. This takes looking yourself in the mirror and saying if I were to define my basic needs in a relationship what would they be? Often times for men sex is their A,B or C. For women it’s often other things and many women move the ball.

    Men can get confused. So reminding him of the A,B, C that was promised and agreed upon gets it for me. I don’t like having to say hey, you need to give me and demand it but there is that ADHD thing again…

    The irony is that he spent a number of years thinking I wanted a zebra when I wanted him. Now he gives of him. Zebras aren’t discussed anymore. 😀

  12. Lately I’ve been getting fed up with my husbands way of speaking to me. He’s really rude. It’s my fault as much because i let t get too far. I’m nice always no matter what. So if he says stupid things I ignore. WRONG!

    Just two days ago I told him that I’ve thought it through, and I will now talk to him in the same way that he speaks to me. He said he didn’t care. But when I cursed his dead fathers balls ( when he cursed my fathers balls) he got upset. I made him realize that our relationship will turn to bickering, ugly words and hurt feelings. I kept telling him that’s my intention until he changes the way he speaks to me, as he didnt care if it hurt my feelings.

    When he told me something, I said something just as hurtful. I’d notice he wouldn’t apologize but hang around me, trying to get me to smile. I would remind him that this is where our relation will be headed until he speaks to me in a way he’s like to be spoken to.

    Day three today. Lets see.

  13. Been there, done that. My husband of 29+ years had 4 planets in Scorpio in 4th house. He was rude, hateful, score-keeping (inaccurately), much more a child than partner. Did the treating him and talking to him same way he treated and talked to me. In my case it didn’t change anything. That progressed for about 7 years, and though I could call him on his behaviour and back him down, he only found other ways to treat me poorly.

    Finally, on his birthday (Nov. 5) he told me he wanted a divorce. Had found someone he obviously thinks will mother him and put up with his constantly simmering anger.

    Funny thing is, she has 1/3 of my chart. Same sun and moon in same sign and house. Same aspect to moon ( biggie – Pluto square Moon). Venus in same sign. But in her case lots of Leo. Long story short, they have a worse chart comparison than he and I did.

    Conclusion. Divorced now. Not the first time he has cheated either physically or emotionally. I moved 800 miles away and am going on with my life. I am still reeling but know that I was never going to get b, c, d, e or any “letters” from him other than financial support. And since he cheated I’m getting that without having to put up with his anger and aggression. I really believe that I will be better off in the long run.

    I certainly hope your partner is smarter than mine was, Nonetheless, and learns what you are trying to show him!

  14. @Mermaid44 — wow, your words rang so true to me — ultimately, it’s about yourself and how happy you are with yourself, and how the other party can add, but never fulfill YOUR needs.
    I agree with you.
    Totally agree with you.

  15. i bent alot to accommodate to what my husband wants needs so i do alot of bending, moving far away from my parents, i even got depressed at first; it was hard, but its worth it. i feel more spoiled so it is better for me. he has alot of control of everything but lets me be free. he is the best man for what he sacrifices too. we both sacrifice alot together to be happy.

  16. i agree with you, you have to give in… if you love, one has to accommodate more; but perspective-wise people can see either sides and see that both sacrifice alot. i think it’s really about sacrifice on both sides.

  17. Requiring everything from a partner is a disaster, and I am struggling less everyday with that type of conditioning. I enjoy the company of a man whom I am learning to accept as is, as I am learning to enjoy myself a whole lot more and better. Oddly his progressed chart exactly mirrored mine this past year – his progressed ascendant came to the degree of my natal one. At one point while waking up he was touching himself, and told me later he thought he’d been touching me. It seemed very revealing. 😛

  18. I know if #1 can only give me A, B, C, and D and someone else has that E, F, G, and H I want, he’ll be lacking in A, B, C, and D. And I’ll miss it! The solution is to stick with #1 and learn how to create E, F, G, and H for myself.

  19. But there are some non-negotiable reasons to leave. You may have to be happy just getting (back) your own self-respect.

  20. This is exactly why I am not in a relationship and haven’t been for more than 25 years. Elsa said it: men have what they have, and offer what they offer.

    The problem is men don’t see the need to see beyond that. Unless there’s a dowry involved. Then they work like hell and fall over backwards and all over themselves to please the woman. (More so before the marriage.) Because it’s all about the money and what the money can do for them.

    I used to be friends with two women whose husbands married them because the women both stood to get a huge inheritance. By the time the parents died and the estates were settled, the money was less than half what was expected. Both couples are still together, but the husbands certainly weren’t happy about the size of the inheritance. They stay together because it’s better than being out there single. Both are 35+ year marriages. I wouldn’t want their marriages. Are they happy? Eh. Reasonably.

    I’m reasonably happy being by myself. And I don’t have to worry about whether some yokel will change, or grow up, or stop his addiction(s), or care about my feelings or stop trying to tell me how to live my life.

    Sounds pretty cynical but it is what it is. Learned my lesson long ago! Women who have men who are worth keeping hold on to them for dear life, because yeah they got a good one. Too few of them.

    And it all boils down to biology. If both sexes were able to bear children we’d have an equal society, but that’s never going to happen so relationships are what they are!

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