Dear Elsa,
I met a lovely Gemini man (Gemini moon/Scorpio Rising) in February. We have been dating ever since and are in love, if not smitten! I’ve never experienced anything like this before and it’s HEAVENLY!
My concern is that he feels the need to be financially stable before entering into a relationship. I don’t know why he feels this need in order to have a girlfriend.. It’s not like we’ve ever even discussed marriage! I just wonder why he feels the need to be able to “support” a girlfriend? Is he full of excuses that he has to get his “mush” in order first?
I have a history of being a doormat. Maybe it’s my Libra Rising. I tend to put other people’s happiness before my own. I let the first and only prior dating “relationship” since my divorce drag for a year and a half with no real substance. See my dilemma? I seem to hope and hope for something that isn’t there and my biggest fear right now is that because I love him, I am going to let this drag on and on without ever having a commitment from him. I have vowed not to let this last more than a year if that’s the case. I’m just afraid of looking like a fool again.
Help! What’s going on? Why is my life a mess? Is it just because of Saturn?
Thank you,
Libra Rising
Dear Libra Rising,
You’ve got a true conundrum here and though I can’t solve it for you, I can define it and you can take it from there.
You say you are in love. You’re very happy and things are heavenly but then you go on to complain and outline your fears. So at first glance a person might think, she’s already happy, isn’t that enough? Someone might wonder, “Does she want to be happy? Or committed?”
Because oddly enough, these men who don’t commit so well (and a double Gemini certainly qualifies) seem to please you on one level. But there is more than one level, isn’t there?
See the Double Gemini (an air sign) is an excellent complement to your Sun and Moon in fire and this is what is so heavenly. With an Aries Moon, and an 11th house Sun, you are quite independent and basically having no problem at all.
But you have a t-square involving Saturn (serious) and Venus (relationship). And this side of you desperately wants a commitment and you go as far as to berate yourself and call yourself a fool when one does not materialize.
And in your current relationship it manifests as fear. Oh no! What if he doesn’t marry me! And you apparently forget the fact that your relationship is excellent and thriving.
So what I would suggest you do is examine your goal. Do you want a marriage or a happy relationship? Because let me clue you in to something disturbing: If you get some stodgy committed guy, you may be married but the fire side of you is going to go feel restricted and go crazy with boredom. Ain’t that a bitch?
But this is who you are so if I were you, I’d be thinking about how I was going manage this, as opposed to chasing something I think will solve all my ills when it won’t.
Good luck.
I feel for Libra Rising because I have the same problem. I’d like to tell a little story that might help her.
In 2001 I met this wonderful guy and we immediatley “dug” each other. We began calling each other and dating when time permitted. I’d been married before (2x) so was in no hurry to run him to the alter. He was everything I ever wanted in a mate and I felt something happening between us on a level that was not openly discernable. This was soul felt.
We moved into together. Things were progressing just like you’d imagine in a serious relationship. We talked about the “M” word but he said that he wanted to wait 2 or three years because that is what they do in Spain. Being a Sagittarius (and from prior experience) I loved the idea of that but my Libra Asc and Scorpio Moon were nagging me for paper.
Long story short. At a core level I KNEW we were going to be together because we inspired great things in each other so I kept my Libra ASC at bay and made her refine her love principles. I learned something very significant through this relationship. How to relate…really relate to someone elses needs. If this guy is HEAVENLY and needs time to pull his life into order then that is what dear Libra Rising should help him do.
If you are meant to be as a couple then there is no time limit on love. If he loves you today….really loves you today then he will love you tomorrow…and the next day….and the next day…and a piece of paper will not change that for better or worse.
Good Luck, Libra Rising Sister.
P.S. Three years later we put it on paper for “technical” reasons….but the commitment was already there from the beginning.
That’s a beautiful story, Jamie. Thanks for sharing it with us!
that was a beautiful story….
Bwah, I’ve got the Saturn/Venus T-square and the commitment drive is scary strong- also combined with a need for freedom! Boy, does that not work. Good advice, Elsa!
That was absolutely lovely. And on my soul level, I know every bit of it is true. Fear is an ugly thing.. and pride doesn’t make it any easier.
I can say that he HAS taught me one thing.. much patience. He always says “patience babydoll”.. because I think even though I haven’t verbalized a need for him to call us “boyfriend/girlfriend” that much, he feels it.
I don’t know if my question was misinterpreted. I wasn’t speaking of marriage or having something “put on paper”.. I was speaking of identifying what we have as a relationship. It’s flourishing though, and all I am doing is enjoying it. 🙂
Thank you again my Libra Rising Sister 😉
Indeed. Thank you very much, Elsa! It only confirms how much conflict I already knew I had. You’re such a great help for all of us trying to understand our conflicts from an outside perspective.
Hi, Libra Rising Sister! “I seem to hope and hope for something that isn’t there and my biggest fear right now is that because I love him, I am going to let this drag on and on without ever having a commitment from him. I have vowed not to let this last more than a year if that’s the case. I’m just afraid of looking like a fool again.”
I suppose what I was trying to say is that if there is commitment on a soul level then it just exists between the both of you without any need for verbalization. ……but having said that AND being a Libra Rising boy do I need to know I’m in an EQUAL relationship. “I feel this way for him does he feel the same way”? Balance is what we are looking for Libra Sister and we do not rest until we see the scales leveled.
You want to know if he feels EQAULY for you what you feel for him.
You could torment yourself with the wonder or just come right out and ask him. I did…and you know what I got for an answer? Nothing he could verbalize. He’s a male raised in a very male dominated culture that frowns upon a male expressing tender feelings. It is no different in our culture either. But I challenge you to do this one thing. Ask him the questions that are important to you, tell him, show him what it is that you need…then do the same for him.
I will not pretend that my relationship is all poetry and moon-light walks. It is not about the illusions we create to sustain an attraction. My relationship is real. It’s gritty and teeth grinding at times but it is always exciting and evolving.
Relationships are like a house. It is all about the integrity of the foundation. What forms the foundation of your relationship with your Gemini guy? Is it built with compassion, understanding and commitment to the needs of the individuals involved in this relationship?
I really wanted to share in my mates happiness when I first met him ( and I still do ) so there was no pressure for him to conform to my wishes or expectations. I just reveled in the presence of his being. That was enough for me. And you know what? Everything progressed naturally and effortlessly. Letting go of your fears is a beautiful thing. Really, what is the worst thing that could happen? You learn something about yourself, about him, and relationships that will carry you forward in your quest for balance.
I wish you Balance and Harmony in your life.
You’ll find it Libra Rising Sister.
another jennifer here with moon in aries, sag sun, venus in capricorn squaring saturn in virgo…the commitment/freedom conundrum is something i’m still working out…i was in a similar situation with a gemini guy (scorpio rising with a moon in leo).
elsa – could you talk a bit about moon opposition pluto and moon trine neptune? lately i’ve come across a number of potential suitors who share both synastry traits with me (in the same chart). seems like star-crossed lovers meets fatal attraction. how to handle? scary…
Verrry interesting article on commitment; some men really don’t need a “paper”, I notice. We have a few friends (couples) who never married but they are living together and a couple of them already bought a home together and have babies. (one of the couples, is a Gemini sun man) and the other couple, the male has Gemini venus/Gemini mars. I wonder if it’s a Taurus thing with Gemini energy. Our friends, one of them has a Taurus moon and the other Taurus cusp/Taurus venus. Probably if they had scorpio, they’d commit right away!