I have a problem. I got involved with a man who left his wife for me back in February last year. He now lives with me, but doesn’t disclose any information about his finances. He says he loves me, but he is not legally separated from his wife. His kids refuse to see me. He calls them like 10-15 times a day, but never in front of me. If his wife calls on his mobile while he is with me, he doesn’t answer the phone.
He works long hours during the week, and on the weekend he plays soccer and spends time with his children. I feel so miserable, I work and go home and do nothing else. But I can’t seem to let him go, as I love him so much.
People have told me they have seen them together on numerous occasions but when I confront him, he says that they are lying. I told him last week that if he wants to be with his wife and kids, I beg him to just leave and never come back. He says that he’s not sure what he wants. Please advise me as I have very few friends here and no family at all apart from my two children from my first marriage.
I wish you a good day and I look forward to your reply.
I actually feel sorry for you, in spite of the fact I loathe what you are doing and what you have done. Because you really do sound completely confused and incapable of comprehending your situation so I’ll start by explaining it to you.
You actually didn’t take this man from his wife and children. You did not “win”. He is still very much with them, although it seems you get to do his laundry now.
And a lot of people probably figure this chaos you’re in is exactly what you deserve. Do you realize that? You don’t seem to. You don’t seem to comprehend that you have erred in any way. If you did, you would readily understand why his kids don’t want anything to do with you. Why would they want to meet and greet the woman who devastated their family?
Further, their father doesn’t seem to want all that much to do with you either, have you noticed? I think you should. I think you should notice that you are his last priority.
So it’s no wonder you feel horrible. What in the world do you have to feel good about? Your exemplary behavior? The way people feel they can trust you? How close you are to your partner? I’m sorry. I really don’t mean to lay into you. It’s just that your only hope is to clean the slate and start over. Seriously.
And love? What’s to love about this guy? He doesn’t love you, that’s for sure. Read your post up there. Does it sound like that guy loves that woman? He likes a mess, that’s for sure. But does he love you? Hell no. If he loved you, he’d be supporting you. If he loved you, he wouldn’t be lying through his teeth.
Look. You have an enormously challenging chart and you don’t need this man. What you need is a decent girlfriend and you’re not going to get one of those until and unless you stop screwing other women’s men. So how about it?
I say kick this guy (with his nebulous finances) out of your house – and then reach out to other women, the way you did when you wrote me. Try to make friends online first, if this is more comfortable for you. Find a message board and post to it. Tell people you are lonely and I bet you will find you have lots of company.
Next thing you know, you’ll be building a friendship. And this will heal you. But your man? I’m sorry, but he’s not your man, is he?