Dear Elsa,
I have known a guy for five years. We met online and instantly became friends. Because I was married, I stopped talking to him after 2 years when I had more feelings than I should. About 6 months ago my husband and I finally spilt after finding that he had been cheating on me almost our whole ten year marriage. I went right back to this online relationship.
He was so happy to hear from me and came on very strong! He was saying I love you within the second week of talking again. Right after our first meeting (which he seemed head over heals), he started to back off. I did the girl thing and pushed him further by bombarding him with questions. He backed away further. Within the last 2 months I backed off and he found out that there are other men interested. He was back on strong! We have only seen each other like 6 times and each time I am with him, he seems so in love! But as soon as he leaves, the next few days are hell! He barely talks to me. I don’t know what to think.
Please help. I don’t want to hurt again.
Deer In Headlights
Unknown
Dear Deer,
Your man is acting out some kind of psychodrama. There is no doubt about that and I would not be holding my breath waiting for him to stop or change his ways, because guess what? These are his ways. But you have ways of your own and on this front, you can have all kinds of affect – and if you take this tack, I think it will be very satisfying for you.
Now I am going to ignore your post for the most part and just tell you what your chart says. And you can writhe around but I think insight into your own nature will be of the most help long term.
You have Venus and Mars in Aries and you like the chase. You like to get out there and conquer. But you have a Capricorn Moon square this conjunction and your “do the right thing” kicks in, which is what happened when you backed off initially while married. I am trying to point out that these two sides of yourself have conflicting agendas. Part of you wants to kick butt, the other part of you clings to security.
This theme continues when you spend time with this man. Your Aries side is brash and confident but then he doesn’t call and you crash into some degree of depression, I imagine. And as for his play, I bet you anything he has a similar script. He also likes the thrill of the case but then reality hits and he’s not so comfortable with it.
I don’t have advice that is specific to this relationship. I would not judge it because I think it is serving a purpose in showing you your own operating system. And if you can look at what you’re being shown and learn to work with it, everything will change. So this would be my recommendation. Study yourself!
Good luck.
I have Venus/Mars in Aries as well as Cap Moon and I can definately relate to this advice. I never became happier once I started analyzing others’ behaviour towards me and looked after my own self.
I have Aries Venus square Cappy Moon too, tho my Taurus Mars is part of a grand earth trine with the moon. So I’m similar, but if anything more schizo, b/c that earthy cautiousness is really strong. I have the same patterns in relationship and have only learned how to handle it better with maturity. Like Kashmiri says, you’ve gotta honor that part of you that wants security, else you’re always going to feel exposed and betrayed when the chase doesn’t work out exactly as planned.
Me too, i’ve got the aries mars/venus/sun conjunction square cappy moon in 7th and I can relate as well. This push/pull thing is so frustrating! 😉 i end up siding with the aries or the cap, and cap always wins this one. I agree with Kashmiri and Stephanie, you’ve got to take care of security first and look after your self first.