Her Father Died When She Was Four – Fear Of Relationships: Saturn Return

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Dear Elsa,

I have an issue. I have been somewhat afraid to open up in any type of relationship my whole life – especially with a man! My father died when I was 4 years old, and my relationship with my stepdad was… well, there was no relationship with my parents whatsoever. I lived in a very negative household.

I am now a 26-year old single woman and have been single for years. The relationships I have had with men have all left me heart broken to the point of depression. It takes me a very long time to recover and let go of a man, once my heart is broken.

I feel anxiety at times just thinking about a date with a man I actually might have feelings for; sometimes, I back out of the date all together out of fear that I might “fall” for him. I am terrified of getting my heart broken, and I see most men as hungry wolves… while I am perpetually looking for that “knight in shining armor”, although deep down I know he doesn’t exist. And yet I don’t see myself ever settling for anything less.

I would love to meet a great guy and have a fulfilling relationship, but I feel like the situations of my past hold me back. I feel I have lost my ground and do not know how to regain it back. Please help!!


Dear Lost,

Ok, I’ll try. First I’m very sorry you lost your father at such a young age and that your life has been so hard. But I do think you can have a better life and eventually a terrific life if you are willing to do the work, which will take time and be arduous. However, if you look at the big picture and you should… then two or three or even five years of struggle is a drop in the bucket when you get to live the next fifty years, happy.

And whatever you do, you take it slow. It took 26 years to get where you are. You have to expect it’s going to take at least a few to sort through your psyche and realign yourself if this a path you are willing to commit to. And you will probably need a guide. A therapist, or perhaps a doctor who can prescribe something to help you with your anxiety if it’s that pervasive. You get the idea. You need support. You have been lacking support your whole life and this has got to change.

Now astrologically, you are heading into your Saturn Return in a few years and all this Dad stuff is going to come home to roost. In other words, you are seeing just the tip of the iceberg and I don’t want to scare you by saying that. I want to prepare you! And I want to shore you up. Because you say you have no ground. Well, ground is coming. But your initial contact with it may be a thud! When that happens, rejoice. Because this will be the reality you have been seeking.

For example, what if a doctor tells you that you need a drug to control your anxiety? That would be a blow, yes? But ultimately if this is the case, then it’s a piece you need, so you pick up the piece then methodically (a Saturn word) look for the next piece and eventually you get somewhere.

So this is pretty much the scope of what I can offer on an advice blog, other than to give you a hint of what you can and will discover if you decide to get in there and dig yourself out. Those hungry dog men? The wolves that you are afraid of?

Well you are probably as hungry as anyone you could find out there. You have been starved your whole life! And if you can come to understand this, you will probably find it much easier to connect with men and people in general.

See we’re all hungry. We all need to eat. And when you understand that, you can learn to feed someone and allow them to feed you. And this is what you really want, right? To love and be loved. So there is the path, I hope you take it.

Much love and good luck.


Her Father Died When She Was Four – Fear Of Relationships: Saturn Return — 2 Comments

  1. I feel for you, Lost, that you have been unable to open up to men, and relationships in general. Not only does it mean accepting that other humans are less than stellar, it also means accepting the flaws within ourselves.
    And I don’t mean: hey Lost! You ain’t perfect!
    I mean: Please, please go easy on your good self and find a guide who can help you as you make the transition to the world of intimate relationships.
    And bear and mind that even the people who seem to be in relationships with ease may not be having such an easy time with it, at all. It’s amazing what is below the surface. Much of what lies deep within us is worth sharing and examining.

  2. Sorry to weigh in late but this made me so sad!

    “You have been starved your whole life!”

    That made me weepy. And I was there, until I was 30, just starving. And then something in my head and my heart just flipped a switch and the whole world opened up to feed me. I haven’t gone hungry for long since. Be hopeful, take care of yourself, and good luck, Lost! *hugs*

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