I have been seeing a guy for 2 months. We clicked instantly (we had been talking online for a few weeks before). A week after we met, he had to leave the country in work and we didn’t know when he would be coming back, whether it would be for 2 weeks or up to 3 months, and I wanted to know where we would stand as far as being faithful to each other. So we became committed very fast, a week after we met in person. The commitment was my suggestion and he seemed very happy to go with it.
He returned 2 weeks after and things have been great <em>half of the time</em>. The problem is he likes to play mind games, and leaving me wondering about whether he is really into me or not. I noticed the inconsistency in his behavior and asked him about this; he said he acts like this because he thinks it is essential to keep a relationship alive and not boring, though he swears he hasn’t been bored yet. But he says he is afraid to lose me, and so I guess this is why he acts like this, not giving me enough attention.
I’ve explained to him that I don’t function like that. I gave myself totally to him and if he doesn’t seem interested enough, I will start to back off because I figure I’ve given all I have – and if that is not enough, I will automatically start preparing for the end instead of becoming more interested like he is expecting me to.
I thought he had understood this. But today I needed him with me, and he knew it, and he didn’t change his plans which weren’t important. I feel he is not making any effort. I didn’t ask him explicitly to change his plans. I gave him hints and he didn’t seem to care enough to notice them. I have been feeling intensely sad and asked him to leave me alone for a few days, because I don’t think he will stop being egocentric and I’m not sure I can be happy this way.
I love him, and I’m afraid I’m being too needy and maybe unfair. Maybe I shouldn’t ask this much of him and be happy with what he is willing to give me, either because he doesn’t love me enough or because he really can’t let go of his stupid mind games. I don’t know what to do. Can you give me some insight on this?
Insight? Yes I have some. You committed prematurely to a man you didn’t really know and don’t even seem to like, most likely because you think this is all you deserve.
Further – rather than recognize the error and cut your losses, you’re spending your time scrutinizing yourself wondering if there is something wrong with you or if there is something you could do differently to make your relationship with this man tolerable. Tolerable?
At best: if you bust your butt, turn inside out and cut off an arm, you might be able to stand this guy. But why, tell me, why would you do that?
I am sorry but I don’t think your relationship is viable. It is a mistake pure and simple and with Saturn transiting your 7th house, it begs you learn from this. And hurry… and I mean that.
I am sorry to hit you so hard but the best thing that could happen is this blog cause you a crisis that ultimately forces you to take a serious look at your behavior in relationships. Because Saturn is at the end of your 7th house not the beginning and if you don’t get hip…. well it will be like graduating from high school illiterate. So here is a crash course:
You met a guy… finally met a guy. Feeling desperate and lonely you pressed for a commitment and if you read through the rest of your post, the whole thing is a bid to control to avoid the doom you are sure is coming! And I ask you, is this any way to live?
Now he is hopeless as far as an honest relationship goes and there is nothing you can do about that, but you can work on yourself and this is what I would do. Get a therapist! And please don’t be insulted by that. I had to get a therapist! And thank God I did, it was the best money I ever spent!
I’ll apologize one more time, but I can’t stress this enough. Forget the guy and get some help. You’re heading into your Saturn return, in the 8th house no less and this stuff needs to be addressed. When? Now. Just get yourself to a therapist and tell them what you just told me and you’ll be on your way.
I know you’re scared but do it anyway – because your life and happiness are at stake and you are worth it. And for the record, you can totally and absolutely heal and pull out of this. You just need the right associations and this guy is not one of them.
Hi. I dont know how is it possible. But the same happened with me. I fell in love with a virgo. We commited to each other. I was completely in love. He used to say exactly the same words mentioned by you. He said he acts like this because he thinks it is essential to keep a relationship alive and not boring. He also said he is afraid to lose me.
As far as you are concerned, i would say “Virgos are straight forward people. They are critical too. This is because they analyse a lot.” “You stop being needy. Enjoy yourself. And your Virgo man would love you for who you are.”
Yes, it’s happened to me too. And we broke up because it was unbearable (AND I saw a therapist.) Elsa hit the nail on the head … if you have to “tolerate” someone you don’t really like whom you *think* you should love because you got along so well online, and if you invest everything to make the relationship work when it simply doesn’t, heck, that’s not a relationship worth having. The guy sounds really insecure to me. (just my two cents.)
Its interesting but yes one needs to control ones emotions to hold on to a virgo man.
They just keep playing with you weather you like it or not.
Yes, I dated a Virgo man briefly and the same crap happened to me. I actually had never before him had a man leave and come back and play games with me. So when it happened I was totally caught off guard and it hurt my feelings. Luckily I knew to never show them in front of him or run after him. Just took it as a lesson learned. The weird thing is, and this still I do not understand to this day, is that after he stopped talking to me for months, he randomly called one day like nothing happened, I was reluctant about seeing again and he begged me for 3 months. I finally said yes and he stood me up. I had never had a man do that to me either. He sent me a text saying “sorry about the weekend”. I never replied. I would never date a virgo man again. Lesson learned.
Welcome V.K. 🙂