If you work in counseling, it’s a given that you’re going to attract people who have issues similar to your own. It’s no surprise I work with a lot of people who are afraid to commit.
I am happily married now, but I surely didn’t waltz on up to the alter. On the contrary! I am married to a retired Green Beret who states plainly that marrying me was much harder than anything else he’s ever done!
This was the case, even though I wanted to marry him. I don’t know what to tell you. I just balk at marriage. I revolt. I sabotage. I do anything under the sun to worm out of that, and I’ll tell you how crazy this is.
I finally married my husband (some 25 years after meeting him). I was happy every single day. So then we decided to get married in the church.
Now I am already married, right? This did not stop me from calling the deacon the day before our 2nd wedding and calling it off! How embarrassing, huh?
Well, I did do that. And then we had to call him back and tell him, “Never mind, Elsa is crazy. We’ll be there tomorrow.”
I understand just how panicked a person can be when it comes time to commit. I also know how challenging this is to overcome.
There are three main types of commitment-phobia. I have all three of them! It may have taken me my entire life, but I resolved this now and I can teach you how to overcome it as well.
This is such a common problem that I devoted two sections to it in my Master Class – Finding Love With Astrology:
SECTION 3: Tackling Commitment Phobia, Part 1: Sagittarius
SECTION 4: Tackling Commitment Phobia, Part 2: Aquarius And Virgo
If you want to navigate this with a hard-won map in hand, check it out!
I don’t have any commitment phobia when it comes to people, but I have a lot of commitment issues when it comes to everything else! Because committing means giving up complete freedom and then everything gets stale 🙂 Its the worst with jobs. And schools. And places to live. I went to 5 colleges on my way to graduating! And I want a puppy so badly but that means committing for THIRTEEN YEARS (hopefully) and Jesus Christ! Why?? I would be chained to America the entire time!! I love this country but talk about suffocation. I would have to go home everyday ugh. Elsa you got me all riled up now haha. But with people, with a scorpio and Pluto DC and Venus, it’s commit or get out. It probably also helps that I’m asexual so I can commit to 20 people at once if I want and don’t have to worry about being a “cheater.”
I married at 19 we had been together almost 2 years. By the time we divorced we had been together 20years. This made me think I don’t have commitment phobia. But the last few days I’ve given this some thought. See I’ve pretty much been alone since the divorce 4.5 years ago. I’m lonely but when I think about dating I realize it could lead to marriage. It should lead into growing partnership. My decisions would be shared. My time shared. My rescources shared. My children shared. Me shared. As it is now I share my self and my time freely. Except its as I see fit. If I partnered I’d have to consider how they feel about my time and rescources because it would effect them to. I thought well you did it once you could do it again. But saturn through libra started the process that saturn in Scorpio is showing me. I may have started of sharing with my ex but I quit when he lost my trust. My wall went up. I never truely shared myself after about the first 4 years. Not that there didn’t apear to be a partnership, a commitment. It did apear that way. I shared only with my friends and children. He never got bank in. Rightly so but still … Broke trust with a Scorpio moon. I wonder if this Scorpio moon can learn to trust again to be able to commit?
Thanks for telling your story, Elsa. I am a Virgo and I may have some of the problems with commitment that your course talks about. In any case, I am very interested to hear your advice in this area, so I will be taking your class as soon as I can!
I have some commitment phobia. I’ve been with my SO for almost 10 years now. I have always wanted to be married. But once he started try to pick an estimated date, it felt “too soon.” Yes, it’s still “too soon” when we’ve been together after almost 10 years, lol! I started panicking a little and kept wanting to push it further out.
I also have some commitment phobia when it comes to friendships or groups. I like freedom and at the same time, I have Venus-Saturn fears. I’ve gotten a little better, but sometimes I still get afraid of committing.
I have Venus in Virgo in the 9th, aspecting Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto.
I have this problem not in relationships but with projects/actually people too lol!! That’s so not funny. I joined a band they needed me and before the big concert of 3 of us , I broke up the band. Here comes another promising band, it sounded nice and gravvy , all four of us, until I broke it up because of bla bla bla. I am the worst musician to work with till I cleaned up my act and I figured I am afraid of success and failure. So I will have to let it go and join a band that will take me at this time.. So now I wonder how my life has passed me by well there goes my commitment issues, I need to learn how to fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good post
So… What if a person is a Sag Sun and Mercury, Mars and Venus in Aquarius, plus Jupiter on the 1st house near the Asc, but then has Scorpio Moon, and Cap Asc? Fun huh? Oh yeah.
LOL, WindyBeaches. 🙂
Oh, and having that mars in Aquarius square Saturn…. Oi… Much better. Yap. :-/
In my opinion Sun in Aries, Mars in Aries, Sun in Gemini, and Mars in Gemini are typical placements for commitment phobics, especially in a man’s natal chart.
How about natal Venus square Uranus and Venus square Pluto and Venus square Saturn?
I have found that I have control of my life (or – sort of), I’m much more prone to commit to someone. When I have a job, a steady income, my living situation is stable as well as my friendships and I don’t feel lonely … that’s when I’m ready to commit – yes, I even want it.
The problem is that my chart fosters change and transformation. Usually BIG changes. So, often times things end with a huge blow, forcing me to start all over again.
It’s not stable. It’s Saturn conj Pluto in 8th – close to the aneretic 29th degree, in the via cumbusta path. It’s a four planet stellium in Scorpio 9th house (Sag), opposite the Algol fixed star. It’s Libra 8th house moon square natal mars, AND Uranus on my MC, combined w. Aquarius on the ASC. I love my freedom very much, thank you…
If one day anyone succeed in dragging me to the alter, you can be sure that it’s because they will allow me my freedom as the weird uniqueness of the relationship. And that this relationship will be unusual in ANY way.
I’m not one for infidility, but strangely most of my partners hasn’t been … they all ended our relationship because of the cheating with other women.
….of course my father was an (emotional) cheater. So there.
Knowing it’s my nature to be unhappy, resentful and chronically depressed almost all the time kind of takes the edge off my commitmentphobia in an odd way. I can always find something to rage against or grieve and I don’t believe meeting even a wonderful, compatible partner would change that for me beyond the honeymoon period. But if it makes my life easier in practical ways, why not?
As long as he’s away a lot lol.