Some months ago, I made an unpopular decision. The decision affected my personal life, it has nothing to do with this blog.
When I say, “unpopular”, I mean my husband, really. My friends supported my decision.
My husband was not against me, but he didn’t understand. He struggles sometimes,to comprehend how people act and feel differently then he does. They act illogically, from his perspective.
Because he questioned me, I’ve questioned myself since. I don’t question myself incessantly. But we do tend to agree on most things. So if he’s confused by a choice I make, I do wonder if there is something I’m missing.
I would like to justify my decision to my husband, in a way that he can understand. Or I’d like to find out that I’ve made the wrong decision…in which case, I would try to un-make it. But enough time has passed, I don’t think either thing will ever happen.
I wrote all this for this reason, that I am sure the Scorpios out there, and people with packed 8th houses like mine, will understand. It’s to say that I’ve come to a point where I’m going to be very cautious who I interact with, closely and personally. Because when I have to break connections, it hurts for a long time. Ten years, at least.
People call Scorpio, “cold”, but they’re anything but. When I break a connection, I will think about it for years and years…decades in some cases. But this doesn’t mean I want to reconnect. I do not want to reconnect. I don’t ever, ever, ever want to reconnect. It’s way too painful. I just can’t take the heartache.
I am old enough now, I think I may go the rest of my life without forming another relationship, where I share myself deeply with another (new) person, over time. I don’t specifically want it to be this way. I just think this is likely.
The older you get, the harder it is for a person to catch up or really come to know you. It’s just a fact. There are also very few people who really want to know another person, so I’m just looking at the odds.
It’s not that I am cut myself off. I am going to continue to meet people in service. I’ll do consultations. I’ll bring communion to the hospital. I’ll teach classes and whatever else I come up with. These interactions are very powerful and they are enough.
This is where Saturn’s transit through Scorpio has taken me. A lot of my intimate connections with others have ended, permanently. With Saturn in Sagittarius, I intend to work on my spirituality. Literally, I am going to God class – it starts in two weeks.
I feel really good about this. I know I’m on track, because it’s textbook astrology, isn’t it? Religious (Sagittarius) formation (Saturn). How cool is that?
Where are you, as Saturn leaves Scorpio for Sagittarius. Where are you headed?
pictured – Jan Lievens – The Young Draftsman, 1630
There is a finality to Saturn in Scorpio. The phrase, “dead as a door nail”, comes to mind.
I remember a similar phase, twenty-eight years ago. I wonder the phrase, “beat a dead horse”, comes from this shift.
I mean, you have to leave the dead horse behind…get on a horse that can take you on in your journey.
Been in this very place this morning, me & my Scorpio Moon and Neptune, absolutely obsessed by the people who hurt me a while back; even wrote an email proposing that the one I’ve cut out of my life come back in, if she’ll only help me by EXPLAINING her actions (i have 5 planets in Aquarius so I NEED TO UNDERSTAND). Instead of sending the email i found a lovely tapping routine online for resentment and hurt, changed my own energy that way. Whatever you think of EFT, it just made me feel soooo much better. I mean i was in tears, pulling out what’s left of my hair – and now I’m smiling at the synchronicity of your excellent post. x
It’s nice to see someone else who uses EFT outside those websites.
I use EFT as well and with pretty good results. I need more practice though….I feel like my wording is off.
It amazes me how my thoughts change as I tap and I find deeper issues at work. What an amazing way to clean house. I just use what feels right in my gut.
I just joined a spiritual group myself.
I agree so strongly with your comment; “When I break a connection, I will think about it for years and years…decades in some cases. But this doesn’t mean I want to reconnect. I do not want to reconnect. I don’t ever, ever, ever want to reconnect. It’s way too painful. I just can’t take the heartache.” This is exactly, exactly how I feel Elsa, but I was never able to put it into the right words! Thanks for laying it out there.
Thank you for this post Elsa. I always value your posts but your plutonic posts always resonate with and always seem to find me at the exact time I need them. I deeply feel the same. I have gone through a terrible period of having to let or cut people that I know is going to hurt for lifetimes. I too, have come to a point where I have decide to be cautious with who a connect with. Sometimes this makes me sad and sometimes I think this could be a detrimental decision, however my gut says otherwise, and my gut instinct has rarely lead me astray. Just know I feel you on this one. As for saturn moving to Sag. I will finish my teaching degree in two weeks and will be deemed a ‘real’ teacher. Seems like I’m on track, bring on teaching the future of world. 🙂
Oh dear me. I wish their was on edit button. Excuses my late night typos. I’m cringing at mistakes in my last post, doh. Tiredness has got the better of me 🙂
My Saturn is 0 Sag. It was conjunct my mother’s sun, in a grand cross. She just passed. So I’ll be having my 2nd Saturn return on top of everything else. But being in this cross I’m fairly used to a major change every 7 years with new people coming, and old people going out of my life permanently. The first 28 years were my childhood. The second my adult. And now I feel like I’m entering my time of wisdom. I feel very serious at times, but I like it. It’s in the 11th house, conjunct my North Node and it’s definitely Aquarian! It’s also trine my Uranus and opposite my mercury so new ideas are my thing, I’m ready for the New Day. Aho.
I’m sorry for your loss, Terrie. 🙁
I too made a difficult decision a few months ago that I think about every day – one involving Sun/Mercury/Saturn/Moon/Neptune in Scorpio. It still saddens me. This morning, one of my grands asked me about making decisions and I went over (yet again) the time I thought I had made my biggest decision which, ironically, was 28 years ago. I told her how things have come full circle since then and I find myself repeating some of the things that happened my first Saturn return. But, I got to quote to her a great scripture, well I ad-libbed: Sit down and plan what you want to do. Think it through. Build a foundation. If you build your house on sand, it can’t withstand the storms. Build your house on a rock and you will be able to stand during the storms. Very Saturnian philosophy. Many relationships have ended. Some extremely painfully; some just withered away. One of my neighbors said that I seem so much more peaceful lately – even with the things that are going on. I told her that I decided to go with the Rock. As Saturn enters Sagittarius, it will cross my ascendant, conjunct Venus, conjunct NN, square MC/IC and eventually conjunct Moon. I will stand on the Rock and prayerfully find that little niche big enough to cover me during the storms.
thinking of leaving all my friends behind to be closer to family. and a better economy. sometime soon.
all my really good friends are far away, anyway…
I’m learning about.. how do deal with stress, not everyone is trying to get me and people skills.
I’m very awkward in real life. I don’t really get people, they really confuse me.
But I am taking steps to deal with this.
I too made a monumental decision to cut myself off from relationships that needed to be gone. I can relate to every single word in your post Elsa. It has been very painful and I have questioned the decision and sought proof for the justification of it and found none. I know there is a tremendous pain either way. There is no clear answer here and it is a no win situation. I think that it is just a decision that reflects standing up for myself which has been very difficult for me in this life. I have scorpio ascendant conjunct neptune and venus and mars in the eighth house. Saturn in scorpio has just been blowing the doors down. I did what I did, but it is sooooo painful to cut ties.I know that I will never have any new relationships. I have no ability to endure the lonliness of being in relationships. The lonliness is more acute than solitude. I do not want to be dissolved completely to have these ties anymore. I do not deserve that.
I am sending this to my oldest daughter. She is not a scorpio but her ascendant is conjunct with her pluto in scorpio and her mars is in her 8th house. So I find her very plutonian. As for me, saturn in sag will be my second saturn return and the first for my eldest daughter.
I really resonate to your idea that friendships are harder to form later in life. But I still don’t understand why this is so.
Is it because we harden ourselves and erect too many protective boundaries having been stung before? Or is it because we feel we have too much baggage to explain our story to someone new? I don’t know.
I feel calmer and more compassionate as I age. My relationships may be few but I have a renewed sense of kindness towards people at large. Maybe this the Aquarian element coming out.
I think it’s because there’s so much history / water under the bridge, you just can’t catch up.
People can love each other…I mean, I think you can connect with someone when you 92, because they resonate with you. So there can be a heart thing going on, for sure. But I don’t think you can catch up, really.
What I’m seeing is I am done talking about certain things, probably forever. These parts of me are…dropping off, in that I don’t think I will be willing to share them anymore.
I just very aware at this time, that most people are just passing through. So I don’t want to invest all that heavily…because of the pain, I wind up carrying.
I also wonder if there is a part of us as we grow older that just does not feel the need to share so deeply – or know all the details of another’s life. I think I’ve become like that.
We still make deep connections, but without the need to spell it out. It may just be intuitive, in which case the details don’t really matter, do they?
Just a thought…:)
That makes sense too…but speaking personally, I am so often mistaken for..whatever. In my case, I think people often resonate with their own imagination.
This is one of the reasons many of my relationships end so painfully. I am just not what people think I am, or want me to be…or I don’t feel what they imagine I feel, or they don’t think I mean things I say, or whatever. I present myself in what I think is a very direct and honest way…something is lost in translation.
So my thought at this time is connect IN SERVICE. And forget about being “known”. My own husband is confused as shit by me, and he’s known me for 30 years, sleeps with me, whatever. He’s not a stupid man. So what’s that tell me, yanno?
Anyway, I don’t feel bad. I accept these limitations. And considering the time I spent with the older women in my Woman’s Club, half of whom have died now, I don’t think I am all that unusual.
You meet people, you like them and they like you, so that’s fine. Come over to dinner. Come spend the day. Let’s go have lunch.
But that’s it. I just don’t want to give blood anymore, if you know what I mean.
I offer this blog. I meet you here, in service, if you like.
“I just don’t want to give blood anymore, if you know what I mean.”
Yep. There’s only so long you can go on being anemic 😀
You’re growing, Elsa, you’re evolving. And that’s good.
“I don’t want to give blood anymore” is EXACTLY how I have been feeling for the past 2 1/2 years. I feel emotionally anemic–almost like I have some kind of psychic leukemia, or like I am a walking Zombie. So many people have used and abused me that out of self-protection, I have cut ties with my only 2 sisters and several friends who betrayed me after I stupidly let them walk over me. When I am done, I am DONE, and there is NO going back. Nothing any of them could say or do could make me change my mind now. I did my best to be a loyal friend and sister and they back-stabbed me, so it’s their loss. But I am also terribly raw from the pain too. When I hurt, I hurt to the core of my soul. I do not make ties easily for the very reason that I do not want to be hurt like this. So the few friends I lose make it that much harder for me to reinvest in anyone new on a deep level–it’s too much of a risk at my age (64 next week). My boundaries are very clear cut now and will be forever, I imagine.
Absolutely feel the same. Saturn in Scorpio cleared out so many relationships that were just hanging on. It was a brutal season, but going forward I know who my real soul circle is.
If someone is meant to stay in your life, and you treat them with kindness, they will be there. Otherwise, it just was meant to be for a time- not forever. I lost decade old friendships with these heavy transits.
Time to move forward. I am also joining a church for community connections. They are important, particularly with no extended family.
It is amazing how many people feel this way. I feel that same way too but I don’t see any circles or organizations that I want to be part of. It’s mostly just me now, with no one outside my immediate family for personal contact. I’d love to have face-to-face outside friends but it seems like many are keeping to themselves right now, same as me.
My friendship circle has changed a great deal in the past six months. It’s mostly been people drifting off and out, rather than any showdown. I had been watching Pluto moving into my 12th but the Saturn in Scorpio could have added to this. I do think it’s more difficult to make friendships as we age. When we are young we have activities in common, maybe children we raise alongside each other. I have friends going back many decades and by now we have seen each other through Life’s Best and Worse. It’s hard to find that deep knowledge of another’s soul with someone one meets later in life. However occasionally one crosses paths with someone to whom one feels a deep connection despite the lack of history. I hope that continues – for me at least!
For the last 10 years, I’ve though my IC/MC axis is on 19′ Scorpio/Sadgittarius. I only recently learned I’m born an hour later than I thought, placing my IC/MC axis to 3′ Sadgittarius/Gemini.
So, one of the first things happening when Saturn enters Sadgittarius is it hitting my IC. Which is very, very appropriate, because I’m absolutely through with my old job, which I started when Saturn entered Libra. I was through with it by the time Saturn entered Scorpio, really, but got pregnant (hello, NN/Venus/Uranus early in the sign!), which made it easier to endure. Now, I feel that I need to find a job that won’t be as trying for my family (better hours, chance to work from home), and is nourishing spiritually, not just materially. The economy here is horrible, but I just read Gemini MC will bring natives great intuition when it comes to career moves – and this has been true in many occasions.
This: ‘I am old enough now, I think I may go the rest of my life without forming another relationship, where I share myself deeply with another (new) person, over time’ really resonates. And it’s a conclusion to which I arrived about a month ago. I have a Scorpio moon, 4th house. Is not that I’m detaching, it’s simply that, at 41, I cannot be explained nor understood (nor can I others) over dinner and drinks, limited social contact which seems to be the extent of most ‘contemporary’ friendships. I’m just not into superficial anymore, haven’t been for about 2 yrs. I just now accept it as hey this is not bad at all. This post comes at the rrrrrrright time Elsa. Roaring!
Thanks, Elsa. This post makes a lot of sense to me and my life priorities sound very similar to yours. I too am very Plutonian and have been doing much of the clearing you describe. Painful, but necessary.
I had several intimate connections that have ended since Saturn’s transit of Scorpio, some through death. It was very painful to lose them and I don’t know that I’ll ever get over the heartbreak. Transiting Saturn will be heading towards a conjunction with my Sun in December. I feel pretty wounded about life in general right now and I’m hoping that the Saturn transit in Sagittarius will help me develop a new perspective on things. It will take place in my 3rd house.
I can’t say that I will never share myself deeply with another person in the future, no matter how painful it is to lose them. I might miss out on something great if I do that. Plus, anytime I’ve ever tried to have hard and fast rules for how I live my life, it never works out that way anyway.
Saturn (in Scorpio) has been in my 4th house and will remain there until about 9.53 Sag.
Shortly after it enters Sag it will be conjunct my Juno (2.28), my Pallas (2.32) and my Lilith (whichever one astro.com uses)(4.07)
Don’t know what to expect or when it will hit these points.
Saturn will be conjunct my natal Neptune soon. With the Sun and Venus moving to conjunct my natal Sun,Venus,Pluto,&South Node in Virgo! Then Uranus,Mercury,Jupiter in Libra! (Yeah I have cluster *%#@ Sept 22 cusp chart) Any wonder I have been getting the urge to just pack it all up,or nothing at all and leave this crazy rat race. The Gypsy Life is calling me Home. I know it’s not realistic at this time in my life but I can Dream a wonderful dream of escaping to the rabbit hole.
I really am doing my best to keep my nagging Virgo mouth shut and spend some time in solitude exploring my own dark soul. I spent an afternoon going through my wardrobe letting go of statement t-shirts that no longer speak for me and recreating outfits that represent more of the person I have become. So I guess you could say I am letting go of my toxic personalities traits that no longer work in my life. In the meantime, my hubby has one foot out the door, which I am fine with. Sometimes even those that know us can’t keep up when we are going through growth spurts.
And Yes, I will be gifting myself a Natal Chart for My B-day.
Solar Return chart. Obviously I have a Natal chart.
Your post has really resonated with me, Elsa. The steps are simple; ‘entrance is given only to those who love and respect me’, to quote another astrologer. Anyone else stays out of my space, and I have excised a few people from my life. Saturn has given me a lot of insights and clarity, and the strength to build the boundaries to accomplish it. Once I’ve made a decision, that’s it! My 8th house is loaded, and with Saturn square to my 8th house sun, has been great for growth and self-discovery.
I have no idea how I’m doing so far… but I think the worst of it was when it passed over my natal Pluto placement, and it hasn’t been too bad since. It’s very hard on me to break relationships too. I tend to take my take before putting my guard down and letting somebody into my life, but once I bond, I bond deeply. If I sever the relationship, it’s cos I’m beyond the point of no return, and though the cut will be permanent, I also tend to hold on to the memories and cant ever actually forget that person. I do still like making new relationships though. I don’t feel the need to catch up on each other’s history to form a new relationships, sometimes it’s nice to start fresh and not have all that baggage. You just kind of meet each other where you are and move forward together. Im still open to it, but maybe some years down the line my opinion will change. Saturn in Sag will be my first Saturn return. I just hope it wont be brutal.
take my time*
It’s been a difficult 11 months. I have walked away from the door between myself and my best friend of 22 years, but I left a wedge holding it open just in case there is something I don’t know that may be revealed when Mercury moves into Scorpio, but I may just be deluding myself. It was a huge investment of heart, time and soul though. I’ve cried a river, but who cares other than me.
On one hand it would be hard to invest that much in a new person at this point, but I hate to think it’s permanently over for me, never to have a best friend ever again. I have Venus in the 11th house and I’m not ready to give up the dream yet.
But there are stories that I don’t want to talk about again either which are key to understanding me….so….I guess to answer your question I’m moving forward begrudgingly.
As the wheel turns,I find myself questioning my worth.
It’s natural to feel this way when you’ve gone through big changes, however, sometimes relationships come into our lives very unexpectedly, even when we are trying to avoid them. When they appear like this, when they come knocking at one’s door or the volume goes up somehow, I think perhaps we’re supposed to learn something from that person, maybe to trust again, or just to enjoy the moment. When you pull up stakes and move, this may happen in your new surroundings after a little while.
I agree. It’s not that I am closed off. I’m just looking, in all likelihood, at outliving my husband and most of my friends. This happens to some people…I saw it at my woman’s club. One reason for that might have been to prepare me.
It’s like I have said up there ^^^ or on a thread in the forum where part of this discussion is taking place. I do think people grow together, over time. I don’t have that much time. So what if I am the last one standing? I think it’s worth it (for me) to consider this.
So I have considered it…and this is what I’ve come up. It’s quite personal.
I’m not even sure it’s about trust. It’s about priorities. All my life, I have lacked religion. I’m not too happy about this, at this point in my life. So that’s the lack I want to fill. And I want to serve of course. I don’t ever want to stop serving, or become isolated.
Um…Saturn in Libra…Saturn in Scorpio…now Saturn in Sadge. This is a textbook progression for a Saturn-ruled person. My next job (Saturn) is Sagittarius (higher learning). So I am going after a real (Saturn) education (Sadge). Formal…serious…all the Saturn stuff.
If you run back on this blog, or if you’ve been reading awhile, I always do the Saturn stuff to the BONE. I don’t know that I could *not* do the Saturn stuff to the bone…or why I’d want to avoid it, for that matter.
I just have to say, Elsa, thank you for “So my thought at this time is connect IN SERVICE. And forget about being “known”. That is exactly how this Scorpio 12 H Sun/Saturn at 0 Scorpio/Saturn AC feels as my drawn out 2nd Saturn Return comes to an end.
I had not thought about being in service as “enough” connection to others till you wrote this post. Letting the service BE the connection. Fantastically clarifying and liberating, thank you.
Oh, and so with you on where to emotionally invest. People don’t get that the Scorpio “joint resources” and “money” thing is at core about how much Scorpios emotionally “invest” in everything. My new mantra from this 2nd Saturn pass is “ROI – Return On Investment” — in every relationship and every creative project.
I have a question: how would you feel if you met the self you were 35 years ago? Personally, I would not have given her the time of day. The people I meet now who are that age are so much more together than I was then… I don’t even want to share all that history with anyone I meet now. It’s water under the bridge, and no one’s life was like mine but they are survivors just like me. So kindness is what we offer…
Is your husband upset about the move?
No, my husband can’t wait to move. We are moving where he wants to go…this has been planned for five years, but we’re going a year early. The idea was to not disrupt my son’s school, so he’s been sticking it out here (he hates Colorado) for all these years, for that reason.
As for my self, thirty five years ago, I’d have loved her. I was a funny, son-of-a-bitch.
Sorry, but I have always liked myself, most days. 80% of the time, anyway.
Read my book. I think I’m quite terrific. I don’t think I’d have survived otherwise.
I can relate to your reluctance to establish new deep relationships, Elsa. As a Scorpio Sun, Venus, Mercury which squares Pluto in the 8th house, I am very cautious now about who I let into my life on a deep level. My Sag Moon has gotten me into so many relationships that I later regretted and had to figure out how to slip out. I am a counselor by profession and people find it easy to give me their life stories and intimate secrets, usually unsolicited and, being a Scorpio, I tend to listen and want to help them. This can create a lopsided relationship where I wind up being dumped on if I don’t set firm boundaries right up front–and then wind up feeling that I have been taken advantage of because I do all the giving (with Cap rising, I don’t usually feel comfortable taking about myself). I have found that it is much easier for me to have a few quality relationships and not go for quantity. In the quality relationships, I have the same problem many times–I do most of the giving, and get depleted because I put my heart and soul into helping the friends and family I have, and they do not really reciprocate to the same degree. With Saturn in Scorpio right after Pluto passed over my Asc, I had to amputate several people, and most of them were due to them betraying me or using me to such a degree that our relationship was no longer viable–I reached the point of no return and just would not be able to put myself in the position of being hurt or used by them again. It is definitely a self-defense mechanism in my case. I am have major issues with the concept of “Forgiveness” now as one of my (wealthy) sisters conspired with my Father’s caregiver to steal the famiy trust and all of his prized possessions right before he died. I was the Executor and had been very ill and he was blind and deaf, so he and I found out 2 weeks before he died when I went down to take care of him on Hospice. I have read about 10 books on Forgiveness and still cannot “get it”–the betrayal is still raw. I will check into EFT and see if they have anything on it. I am not a vindictive Scorpio. I just want peace. BTW, I will never seek a relationship with any of these people, even if they begged for forgiveness. I seek the forgiveness for my own peace of mind.
You make a lot of sense, cindi. I relate to a lot of what you say.
Forgiveness comes easy to me. I give this to Neptune (transcendence). You might want to think along those lines, for a way out.
There is an old video (on this site) about how everything is resolved through the 12th house. I am on the run or I would look for it…but this might be your answer?
although we do not have so much the same chart, our stories, along with elsa’s, are very similar.
i have never thought of being alone as being lonely but there is something about being alone when you felt compelled to make yourself alone because of others’ taking and taking and never giving. you can have lonely pity party moments and thats no fun – or fair!
thankfully my moon is in sag and i comprehend saturn’s purpose so i expect my Self to ‘find a way where there seems to be no way’. after all, i am on a mythic journey: the scenery HAS to change at some point!
A good book is called “the heart and soul of eft”. There is a chapter on forgiveness that’s great. There is also a book called “how to forgive when you don’t know how” Don’t mean to hijack the thread.
I have 4 planets in scorpio (jupiter, mercury, venus, pluto) and I felt that these last years were THE HARDEST. Face depression, I had ZERO friends, literally (all these planets are in the 11th house), university, etc.
I remained unnemployed during the my whole time in university, I had several interviews and none succesfull. They always involved “group activity”. This is my last semester (we follow a different callendar here down equator line) and during these first 10 days of this month, I had 3 job oportunities already. The first interview involved “group activity” and as expected, I didnt get it, but today it was only face to face interview and I have A REALLY GOOD FEELING about this.
For me, I’m feeling kinda relieved, feels like a huge burden is off my shoulders. I’ll graduate, I’m close to get a real job in my desired field, I’m free to go anywhere. Saturn here wasnt easy.
I’m not really comited to a “person”, I’m commited to my career. I guess when you “marry” your career, what some people are experiencing in the relationships field, others will experience in career.
BUT my sun and mars are in sagittarius 12th house. So I don’t think I should be relieved at all hahaha. I don’t think these will be smooth times, but surely it’ll be easier than saturn transiting all those scorpio planets of mine!
I got the opposite from Saturn in Scorpio 🙂 Its in my 7th. I don’t let anyone close, but that has changed a LOT during Saturn in Scorpio. I finally am starting to think that maybe it would be worthwhile to make lasting friendships, instead of dropping my friends every time I move somewhere new like I’ve always done. I also share a lot more private things with people than I have before.
Not too long ago I said to a woman I know…
‘I have no interest in telling my story to another soul. Should my marriage or friendships end, the story will end with them’
You get to a certain age and just know that there is just too much to tell and there is no way for another person to catch up on 40-50-60 years worth of your life.
When I do speak of the past I find it amusing that I can tell some things that seemed devastating at the time like they were just things that happened one day …. When those things happened (if they were bad) I was probably horrified and crying my guts out. Today some of the things I have been through happened so long ago that I could never tell them with the conviction that would be needed to make a person understand how horrible they were. So, they sound like made up figments of my imagination. Or, like I may be exaggerating something that wasn’t as big as it actually was….if that makes sense.
I don’t really tell anyone anything anymore. So much is on the surface these days. I think I have climbed down so deep and into so many holes I am just exhausted. I don’t have energy to give to the past. It was bad, it was good, it was just my life. I cant imagine anyone wanting to hear some of the things I’ve lived through.
And, I feel the same way. There isn’t enough of me left to get that close to anyone else. I hope this isn’t final…and I hope if I were unmarried or widowed I would find a soul to live out the rest of my life with…(I guess) but I sure wouldn’t have much to offer in the way of a deep personal connection. Not anymore.
“You get to a certain age and just know that there is just too much to tell and there is no way for another person to catch up on 40-50-60 years worth of your life. ”
This is exactly what I realized when I met the older women at my Woman’s Club. Pretty much all of them had 6-10 kids…many grand kids…jobs, thoughts, their past, their future. It learned that it’s not realistic a person could catch up. This is where I am headed, as opposed to going back to 25. It makes sense to me, to comprehend this and adjust my expectations of relationships in general.
I am glued to a desktop computer day after day after day, taking online continuing education courses and exams to renew my real estate license so I can get paid for work already done.
I finally finished them today and am able to go to the Division and renew the license with all my certificates. I discovered that there’s still ONE MORE to do, NEVADA LAW. I could kill!
If this isn’t Saturn nailing my ass to a chair and forcing me to learn about the American Revolution, and Civil Rights, and Fair Housing, and the Homeowners Bill of Rights, and BLUE STATES VS RED STATES, and Lindon Johnson and John Kennedy, then what the eff is!
Oh man, 100 years have done zip-squat for Civil Rights. Is this Saturn’s lesson?
My experience has been different
I think saturn in Libra was the time i lost a lot of friendships
these previous two years for me have been about learning to deal with oppressive pressures, manipulations, politics at work and a lot of conflict at home. I think I’ve learnt to stand up for myself much more and really found the confidence to trust in the universe once more. In general I’ve also calmed and started to accept people as they are flawed, unable to give you what you expect or need, and just human.
I think the only thing i’m actually grieving is the absolute demolition of my ambitions. Saturn in Libra was way harder for me
I don’t think that I ever cut out anyone in my life, if they have had any important significance to me, I have perhaps gone on distance but I alwáys truly believed that time wóuld allow us to find the way we should connect. I have an empty 8th house but it is certainly ruled by my 2nd house Scorpio Mars. Somehow he thinks that it is totally ok to feel and act like this, as long as it isnt about money…
It’s my Saturn return (3rd and final time in October) and it’s been very easy. Saturn in Libra was a nightmare (stellium in Capricorn & Moon in Aries). This just feels like nothing in comparison. Well okay, I feel unattractive and I’ve aged considerably in the past six months, but feeling unattractive is not exactly a new thing. I haven’t had sex in ages. On a more positive note I don’t fret over finances half as much as I used to. Money just isn’t the be-all and end-all of life. I’ve also been working on self-worth issues by developing my previously abandoned skills.
When Saturn leaves for Sagittarius I hope to be in a place where I can trust myself to finish things I’ve started (I’m talking to you my two unfinished uni degrees). In a place where I can trust myself to see things through even when I’m not going to be the best (I’m talking to you classical singing). I would love to be able to make travel/study/writing my career.
I really like where I am at right now, but realize I am starting a new phase with Saturn in the 1st. My life could change. It’s like when Saturn was in the 12th and I knew I would be starting a new phase. I guess the thing I have to do is not to get drawn into the inkling of the future and enjoy where I am. Elsewise, this will be over and I will have missed it. If that makes any sense.
I think, too, this transit through Saturn’s natal placement and all the comments and input I’ve read, has made me realize why I live close to the bone. It’s about using what I have, what is available rather than striving for more. It’s making it work. I don’t have much in the way of the material. Nothing that anyone would be impressed with, but yet I feel extremely rich because I have enough to create with. It’s something about utilizing resources and the joy of that process. If that makes any sense.
And I sure hope I keep developing my spidey sense. I love vibrations at the moment.
i always thought it was weird to not want to make friends, or have many, and i only have my close family and one gf i keep in touch with. I do have close relatives keep in touch here and there. And i have a couple of hobbies and work at home. But, weirdly i’m very happy like this. People seek out friends when they are lonely, and that fills their world. The only organization/club I’d love to join is a woman’s club of married women who are sharing their daily lives talking about the funny things their husbands and their children did. I know that sounds ridiculous but that’s a club i’d join. I did try joining something very close but not quite…but i found clashes there too. LOL! Just different types of husbands, and that’s fine. But if my husband wasn’t a certain way…like if he didnt cater to me as did their husbands, they were kind of preachy. lol jeezzz! i hope i check myself and i dont do that.*sob!!* 😀 Anyway that’s going into saturn in sag, i hope. Been a week of meditation and quiet.
Q: “Where are you, as Saturn leaves Scorpio for Sagittarius. Where are you headed?”
A: Sagittarius is trying to murder me.
Nevermind… It’s not in Sagittarius yet, it’s still in the middle of Scorpio.
Saturn’s not in on the things trying to kill me.
Saturn’s now in my Third House… The only thing noteworthy there is that I stopped using profanity online, and am working to quit in thought, and speech, too.
And… People of the majority group are taking over my neighborhood while not welcome as my neighbors (being honest – no, I don’t want more & more “white” neighbors, I’m sick of being surrounded by that group everywhere online, and offline, with them replacing all non-“whites” in the English speaking portion of the Earth)
By that, I mean… There’s clearly genocide happening. And, racism’s through the roof. And, I’m tired of it. I have a right to live, and a right to pick who I keep company with. “White” company is fine, as long as I’m not under attack for being different, and as long as it’s not ALL they let me be around! But, it IS all they allow! And, I’m tired of it! It’s continuously being intensified, and I’m on the list to kill off, clearly, and I am sick, and tired of it!
I will now have the worst birthday in my life from NAZI efforts to murder me!
Meanwhile, most “whites” are oblivious! Living carefree, and not noticing the changes, not even in themselves from propaganda in the media influencing them, making many of them more, and more racist!
The United States has become NAZI Germany.
It even has death camps in the mix of the FEMA camps!
And, since a PC error caused me to submit that piece, why not!? Here it is!
This is reality! But, “whites” aren’t interested in seeing it.
I would point out that whites will soon, in the coming decades, be a minority in the United States. So… claims of genocide by whites might be exaggerated… But I am sure there is very much something to what you’re feeling. Peace.
That’s a pretty broad brush you’re painting there. As with everything, including Saturn in Scorpio, there are many nuances.
Thank you, Elsa and Tam for the 12th house link you mentioned above. And also GTO for the book on EFT chapters on forgiveness. I have been hiding under a rock this week and will remain there until the end of the month for the most part. Saturn is EXACT on my sun and venus and in exact square to my pluto. BTW, my 12th house contains moon and chiron, so the reads will come in handy….
Saturn in Scorpio: One of my friends, age 62, descended rapidly into early onset Alzheimers and is about to be institutionalized. Another dear friend who was still very activ ein her business at age 73 had a stroke and is now housebound.All her retirement plans are shot. About 8 months ago, we left the town where we lived for 30 years, we sold our business, we left a lot of familiar places and people to live quietly in the woods.I’m feeling a little scared about that decision! As S. moves to Sag. I am trying to focus on my spirituality, grow in service to others also (volunteering) and developing a very small Aromatherapy/Healing practice. I gave up doingAstrology/Psychic readings–just can’t give blood anymore! Don’t really wanna hear people’s heavy “stuff..” I cut an “old friend” out of my life who had been bringing me down with her negativity and judgements for 15 years. DONE! Relief! Just so much dramatic plutonian shift , during this Scorpio cycle..am steel reeling, trying to synthesize it all and figure out what’s next!
Boy, that seems like a lot, Madeline. Good luck, navigating.
I went through the wringer with Saturn in Scorp. I’m just really looking forward to a change. My mind has been reeling with so many revelations lately that I feel highly impressed to do something with them. We shall see. 🙂
I met/dated someone who has Saturn in Scorpio natal, just had second return. His Saturn conjuncts my Mars (4 degrees), Sun (1 degree) and squares my Uranus (4 degrees) and Chiron (6 degrees). He also has an 8th house stellium (Virgo) with his Mars conjunct my Pluto. Very difficult situation. Couldn’t take it (coldness and control, especially) any longer. Hoping to be friends at some point. Looking forward to Saturn in Sag!
I went thru a major psychological death/rebirth process with Saturn transiting Scorpio in my 6th. As Saturn nears the end of the sign, I’m having recurring dreams about my wallet being stolen which symbolically, I’m interpreting as an identity crisis around issues of personal value, personality, and/or security. I need to build a whole new identity. I’m not sure if Saturn thru Sag in the 7th will help with this, but I’m looking forward to the change in energy.
I guess we will never know, but now I am so curious about what you decided to do!…lol I hope you enjoy your class Elsa. It does sound very appropriate for this upcoming Saturn in Sagittarius for sure.
I have been doing all along what my 12th house sun should have been doing but when Saturn in Scorpio came along, I got a good dose of “if you aren’t going to go there yet, well I will set it up so you will…ready or not”. I experienced intimately my mother’s passing, and went deep into looking at myself and who had she left in her place (she was a double Scorpio with a Scorpio Moon). We were so different. But she taught me to be open hearted and open minded at least to the degree she was able to be herself. And also she taught me about the mysteries of Eastern Religions and I find myself gravitating towards meditation, yoga, chanting and Ayurveda. With Saturn in Scorpio, I cut a swath for myself. I dumped people who had no real depth in connection with me or who crossed the line with me, and was also dumped by someone I thought I would die without. But I survived and I am better than ever. So going into the Saturn in Sagittarius realm, for me will just be a continuation of not only my spiritual explorations, but also of my own natal Saturn in Sagittarius.
interesting posts. my mom passed this last week end. 91. Vowed to not let it get to me the way my dad did at 64 but its off and on emotionally. My friends are taking heavy hits in health but being resilient and I feel closer as we share our knowledge of the spirit way to buoy one another.
My heaviest blow came from a scorpio. I would love to retreat to the woods. I expect more before it leaves in sept.