When I say, “unpopular”, I mean my husband, really. My friends supported my decision.
My husband was not against me, but he didn’t understand. He struggles sometimes,to comprehend how people act and feel differently then he does. They act illogically, from his perspective.
Because he questioned me, I’ve questioned myself since. I don’t question myself incessantly. But we do tend to agree on most things. So if he’s confused by a choice I make, I do wonder if there is something I’m missing.
I would like to justify my decision to my husband, in a way that he can understand. Or I’d like to find out that I’ve made the wrong decision…in which case, I would try to un-make it. But enough time has passed, I don’t think either thing will ever happen.
I wrote all this for this reason, that I am sure the Scorpios out there, and people with packed 8th houses like mine, will understand. It’s to say that I’ve come to a point where I’m going to be very cautious who I interact with, closely and personally. Because when I have to break connections, it hurts for a long time. Ten years, at least.
People call Scorpio, “cold”, but they’re anything but. When I break a connection, I will think about it for years and years…decades in some cases. But this doesn’t mean I want to reconnect. I do not want to reconnect. I don’t ever, ever, ever want to reconnect. It’s way too painful. I just can’t take the heartache.
I am old enough now, I think I may go the rest of my life without forming another relationship, where I share myself deeply with another (new) person, over time. I don’t specifically want it to be this way. I just think this is likely.
The older you get, the harder it is for a person to catch up or really come to know you. It’s just a fact. There are also very few people who really want to know another person, so I’m just looking at the odds.
It’s not that I am cut myself off. I am going to continue to meet people in service. I’ll do consultations. I’ll bring communion to the hospital. I’ll teach classes and whatever else I come up with. These interactions are very powerful and they are enough.
This is where Saturn’s transit through Scorpio has taken me. A lot of my intimate connections with others have ended, permanently. With Saturn in Sagittarius, I intend to work on my spirituality. Literally, I am going to God class – it starts in two weeks.
I feel really good about this. I know I’m on track, because it’s textbook astrology, isn’t it? Religious (Sagittarius) formation (Saturn). How cool is that?
Where are you, as Saturn leaves Scorpio for Sagittarius. Where are you headed?
pictured – Jan Lievens – The Young Draftsman, 1630