People Who Are Hard And Cold On The Inside

It seems to me, that some people are hard and cold on the inside. I mean, when you strip everything back, the core is hard and cold.

This may be due to depression or it might track to some traumatic event, or I don’t what.

I don’t think people like this are necessarily mean. On the contrary, they often go out of their way to be stay up around others, or to present some kind of veneer to make it easier on all involved. I find this pretty incredible.

I feel deeply for people like this. I sometimes complain about my life, but I shouldn’t do it. I was given the heart of a lion and problems that melt away. I don’t know how many could say the same.

Astrologically, I would give this situation to Venus and the Moon.

Do you recognize that cannonball?

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People Who Are Hard And Cold On The Inside — 42 Comments

  1. It looks like a magnification of something I sometimes have to remove from my old cat’s butt. Oh, Her Fluffiness the Queen would not like me revealing that detail.

  2. I’m hard…I like to protect my “moon” I’m not easy to crack for most. But I have more warmth inside then you can imagine πŸ™‚
    I understand Elsa…
    I just thought I will express my opinion πŸ™‚

  3. No I have Venus trine Moon (thought they are both in detriment)but I know someone who has NO aspects to their Moon/Venus and are like this. When I hug them they feel like a steel rod. They were traumatized but seem to have internalized it.

  4. I think I’m like this. My moon trines Jupiter Saturn conjunction in Libra, and opposes my sun in the 8th in Leo. My Venus in Virgo in the 8th squares Neptune Rx in sag in the 12th.

    I call it “having to always be *on* “. It’s very draining. I can’t just sit there, and listen. Whenever I’m around others, if I’m quiet for even a moment… all I hear is a bunch of complaints about how I’m in a bad mood, or “What’s wrong with you?” Honestly, doesn’t matter who I’m around or how long I’ve known them, this has happened since I was a little kid), the “What’s wrong with you?!” is typically followed by a mocking nickname: “Smiley”.

    It gets… tiring.

  5. And I guess the Capricorn Rising (and my chart’s ruler Saturn in socially polite Libra, conjunct jovial Jupiter – it’s routine for me to pretend to be friendly and happy), when I let that mask fade…yea, people send to see me as “hard” or “cold”. …aqua moon probably doesn’t help either.

    …I’m not hard, though. Or, tough. Or, cold. I just feel… beaten down. …and sometimes I need a break.

  6. StarF, that is the kind of thing I am talking about. People who would be more happy if they could but the measure only goes so high…and they know it.

    I feel for you, people telling you to smile. That would drive me nuts.

  7. Are you talking to me, phoenix? I think it has to do with the moon and venus as I stated in the post. Those are the planets I would look at for insight into this.

  8. Thank you for saying. I have to say, it’s nice to know that there are those rare people who understand this in others. I haven’t met anyone who has ever said that they, I guess, “get” this about me.

    The closest exceptions were two heavily Scorpio guys. They never said as much, but sometimes I would catch a fleeting look in their eye that made me feel like they saw through the mask. …and they never asked for any explanation. It was rather nice.

    Even my best friend of 20+ years, will loudly call me out in a room full of people and say, “What’s the matter with you tonight?! Tell me some funny stories.” She wonders why I don’t come around as much as I used to. I don’t explain. …if she hasn’t gotten it on her own after 20 years, she never will.

  9. :(StarF that blows. I have 1st House Cap Moon and had a very hard time smiling until I was in my Saturn Return because I had very, very bad teeth until then. I was bullied about it for years so I learned to hide them. Then people would have all kinds of opinions about that…jeezuz man what is UP with people who expect the world to entertain them like it’s the circus 24/7?? Why do you care if I smile or not? I can’t imagine what goes through the head of people like that. I once told a guy on the bus I was on my way home from a funeral. I have no idea what came over me. I just finally snapped about random people demand I smile at them I guess!!

  10. For a second, I was going to cop to this — but that’s lie. *smiles* I’d like to be a cannonball on the inside, but I’m just not. I’m the opposite, in fact: dolomite on the outside, pudding on the inside. It’s a front I put up to keep people from scooping out my smooshy goodness. πŸ˜‰

    My Venus trines my moon, plus I have so much lunar emphasis it’s obscene.

    @StarF,
    I really, really sympathize with you. I’ve got Leo sun with an Aqua moon, too, and I feel the exact same way; I call it the performing monkey syndrome. (“Dance, monkey, dance! I’m bored!”)
    I cut a 18+ year friendship out for this very reason. I have no regrets about it, either; not having to perform felt amazing. *smiles*

  11. I don’t have a moon venus affliction but I do kind of understand what you guys are saying I think. I have a Capricorn Sun in the 7th House. . My Sun can only go so “fast” in Libran matters. I’m not that great at Libra stuff and partnering. It’s work for me and draining to be Libra-like. Also having a firey extroverted moon like Sag come through my Cap Sun is draining. Sometimes I’m on and the life of the party, sometimes I just can’t find the energy for socializing and being funny because I am depressed or burdened or self conscious or seriously worried. I think this is when people start thinking I’m mean because of my “scowling” facial expression while I’m in my head. I’ve had people tell me that to my face. They thought I was this mean bad ass person with a chip on my shoulder. Just imagine a Care Bear wearing a Darth Vader costume. That’s me. I have a Moon Venus conjunction but that Cappy Sun puts a brake on my social action. On it’s best day it can’t adequately express all that fire energy. I do wear a veneer as to not be seen as a pariah or a bad person.

    (((Star F))) I walk down the street minding my business and strangers tell me to smile. I SO resent that.

  12. @Sadiablo: I totally LOVE your “dance, monkey, dance” comment. Some people have sh*tty boundaries, yes?

    @Kashmiri: Good for you! The problem has been for me, is that I hold in all the sh*t taken from others until I snap–at the wrong person. It’s that discernment thing I will be learning until I die, lol. Now, if I blow, I blow at the person who isn’t getting it. And I may look meek and mild (Cancer stellum) but I have a Leo Mars and damn it, I am going to use it in this lifetime. Enough deferment about others and their damn, bloody martyrdom. What about my damn bloody martyrdom, lol? I want equal time, damn it!, in the damn bloody martyrdom department πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    @Burned Bridge: Lord, have mercy, I can only imagine your emotional exhaustion. Are you an introvert? I am, and I need downtime, which in our insanely, outwardly-directed, on-24/7/4/12 extrovert culture, is considered evil. No introspection allowed..ever! It’s evil! Evil, I tell you (maniacal laugh)

    I have Venus conjunct Moon, Merc, in my Cancer stellum in the 8th. Saturn trines my Venus and my MC squares both Moon and Venus. The asteroid Isis conjuncts both as well.

  13. I don’t know if I am this way or not (swing from warm to cold), but I have had people occasionally tell me to smile (not as frequent as others have it). My friend asked me to once, so I smiled for one whole day just to shut them up. It felt so fake, and people probably noticed it was a fake smile too.

    I hate being disingenuous to myself (Uranus rising). Being *up* when you’re down is maddening. The disparity between how you feel and what you present is so ugh. Can’t do it. If you can do it, you have a lot of strength.

    (((Star F))) That sounds horrible.

  14. Saturn opposite moon. I’m not one to rush in and give hugs, and feel kind of stiff usually. Gemini Venus conjunct sun in 7th. This just makes it more awkward bc I’ll feel bad if the other person notices and is offended. People tell my Scorpio rising to relax and smile. 1st house Uranus makes me want to always be authentic, not fake, and just bc I’m not smiling doesn’t mean I’m in a bad mood. That is, until you make me self conscious about it! Plus my Gemini sun makes me naturally surface oriented and not so warm. My taurus mercury conjunct moon causes me to need to use my brain to interpret my emotions, and sometimes that takes awhile. Only the man I love sees my Scorpio mars unleashed (and I am very secretive about my passions). having been hurt by people I love hasn’t helped, but there’s nothing wrong with me, and I’m even capable of caring too much. But yeah, im pretty cold. Dont be concerned, I’m just complicated, aren’t we all??

  15. (((starF))) I feel for you. I don’t feel like you, I mean I don’t have the same problem but I’ve had it intermittently.

    My Moon and Venus are exactly inconjunct, the Moon is in the 10th house and Venus is wrapped up with Pluto. I’m distant and aloof at times, I think many see me as cold. But I am warm, emotional and overall happy.

  16. I don’t think I was born like this, far from it, but yes… I do recognise that hard cold cannon ball.

    I cry easily, I love animals, I’m moved by films and novels, and by stuff I read on here.

    But sometimes I wonder whether I really love anyone, any more. I’m not sure I can afford to. I feel so battered by life, I feel the love I’ve given to have been so much discounted, that I’ve become a virtual recluse. Now, even when I do relate to others, I keep a lot back. Quite often, especially in times of ill health and depression, I retreat so far into myself I’m unreachable. Even when my sister amputated me – we were in our late 50s and had been close in a sense though different in every way – I couldn’t weep, nor allow myself to feel much at all.

    And yes I know all about the “Give us a smile love! It might never ‘appen!!” syndrome. Argggh! My default expression is down at the mouth, now more than ever. It reflects my life experience, unless I consciously ‘put a good face on it’ – as I try to do.

    Venus opp Saturn, Moon square Pluto.

    A lot of the time, these trump my H5 Venus trine Moon – and that aspect makes my feelings so quick to blossom and so naturally intense, it sets me up for pain. I learned years ago to defend myself from that.

  17. Yep, I dunno how Saturn Moon/Venus people couldn’t recognize that image. But it’s less an absence of feeling than a difficulty staying connected to the emotion inside, and expressing it… Like the arteries are hardened and constrained… The density of the cannonball conveys that feeling very effectively.

  18. I think about this sometimes, too. And I wonder if it has to do with the idea that a heart repeatedly wounded just has a lot of scar tissue built up around it. Maybe it’s not that these folks are truly cold and unfeeling, just that it’s a lot more difficult for them to access those feelings.

  19. It’s not accessing the feelings that’s the problem, it’s more a refusal to allow the feelings to penetrate any more. It’s a kind of refusal to feel, rather than an inability to feel or to access feelings.

    Imagine the still beating heart imprisoned inside that cannonball, so nothing can get in or out any more – that’s what it’s like. In time, the heart becomes almost incapable of beating – and that’s a comfort: it makes life bearable.

  20. I act emotionless and hard to protect my moon. My bad luck,I’ve got my Scorpio moon in the first house. Which makes my emotions “visible” to everyone. I’ve learned to hide them with a neutral expression.

  21. Astrologers write the moon is people. In that vein I would say the trick is not to let people negatively affect my self worth. Can’t let em get to me so I suppose I am not as apt to let em in anymore to do so and that may seem cold. Air is supposed to be cool and my libra mercury, if I use it, probably allows me to stay cool and not get emotionally wound tight. Cancer moon is in a loose, but waxing square to merc.

    I am a big laugher. Moon sextile Jupiter. But for a long time now have felt laughing is illegal. And now, I feel that smiling has become illegal, too. So I find myself alone in my digs or the outdoors laughing like some kind of hyena. And no one is the wiser.

  22. Perhaps I know someone like this. It would be easy to dismiss him as cold and hard. I recognise him though; I feel him, I don’t see him as cold and hard. I can feel the longing. Yes the measure only goes so high, but that measure is full of feeling…it just has to struggle too hard against what feels like a heavy burden, and has done so for so long. A body gets tired. Saturn/Moon conj in Cap and Venus/Uranus conj. I think he’s incedibly strong to just keep going and be civil and hold it together on so little heart nourishment. He’s deep and alone in there. I like to sit in his cave with him. To me, really cold and hard is someone shallow and undeveloped; who doesn’t have the capacity for compassion.

  23. Thanks everyone for all the nice comments.

    That one friend of mine…she’s something, alright. Just in case anyone was wondering, I’ll give a quick rundown of her chart (she’s cool with it). I’d post the chart, but I’m on my phone.

    She is a Taurus Sun, Leo Rising
    Moon in Leo in the 2nd House
    Node in the 1st.
    Venus, Mars, and the Sun all in Taurus in her 10th.
    Mercury in Gemini, in her 11th. (all of her personal planets square her moon)
    Uranus in Scorpio in the 3rd — squares her moon and opposes her Sun, Mercury, Venus, and Mars.
    And Neptune in Sag opposes Venus in Gem.

    “(((Star F))) I walk down the street minding my business and strangers tell me to smile. I SO resent that.”

    After I wrote that yesterday, I realized that this does happen – constantly – with strangers, too. No matter where I go, random people will come up to me and say stuff like, “Smile! Life is good!”. I used to make snide little remarks when that happened. …God, I just don’t have the energy for even that anymore.

  24. StarF, I can’t. STAND. it. when people tell me to smile. It’s a hostile thing to say, imo.

    Need to acknowlege that perhaps I’m a little like this myself…I don’t see myself as cold and hard though. Feel too terrifyingly much, need a mask. Mask got too hard at one point and I got trapped behind it. I’m learning how to chip it off now. Air moon and venus but they don’t aspect. But moon is sq Cap Mars and aspects Sat.

  25. FWIW it has stopped. I have no idea what’s changed but I suspect because I am no longer a young woman. Let’s face it: this is primarily a female problem.

    Do MEN have random men, walking up to them and ordering them to smile?

    Exactly.

  26. I can be pretty cold, but only after I’ve had the shit kicked out of me enough. I can twist myself in knots of angst and passion and so forth but if you cross me far enough, it’s like a lightswitch that goes OFF FOREVER.

    Then I truly, truly do not give a rats ass what happens to the person. The well is dry. That might not be what you’re talking about but you wonder if a person who is like that all the time has the same feeling — just all the time.

  27. Interesting topic. I was CONSTANTLY being told to smile as a teenager. Now a few years past that, it happens occasionally but not nearly as much as before.

    The funny thing is that I actually have a (wide) trine between my moon and Venus, which both sextile Mars. It’s actually a kite formation if you count my ascendant, so you’d think I’d come as super friendly and sociable.

    And actually I am a very warm and loving person with those who I know, but I am definitely aware of coming off as aloof and occasionally intimidating to strangers. I think the key players here are the signs: Venus in Aquarius (conjunct MC, so I think that adds to the “visibility” of this) and moon in Virgo.

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