I know you’re supposed to always love your first love, but why can’t I stop thinking about him? I’m married with a child and happy. There’s no problems between my husband and myself. But I think of my old love often… sometimes more than others. I always have dreams about him too.
I feel it is unfair to my marriage but I can’t make it stop, especially the dreams. I feel like I don’t have control. It has been over 13 years. How do I stop this? It makes me crazy.
I admire your loyalty and devotion to your marriage and can see how this would disturb you. However, I think you need to cut yourself a break. For one thing, your dreams are out of your control. For two things, what you’re doing isn’t working – but most importantly if you will take another tack, you just may find your way out of this.
Are you familiar with the Hydra? The Hydra is a mythical beast with several heads. Threatened, the townspeople try to sever its head, but every time they cut off a head, three more grow in its place! And this is what is happening with your first love. The more you try not to think of him, the more present he is. And this may stop some day, but I doubt it.
You are far more likely to resolve this by turning towards it. Get yourself some space. Go for a drive or something. Wait until your husband is not around and resolve to thinking of this guy with all your might.
Try to establish a dialogue with yourself. “What is it about this guy?” Think down these kinds of trails. Feel your feelings. Allow your yearnings to surface, or whatever else might be in there. “Am I romanticizing him?” Ask yourself questions. Probe! “Does this have to do with my father…?” “What is it that I want, or think this guy could do for me?”
And wait for the answers and do not be afraid! I seriously doubt you belong with your first love! But there is something there and you need to get at it so you can get yourself free.
Hear that? FREE. As a double Sagittarian, surely you can relate. So just imagine yourself hooked and dangling like a fish. Want to spend your life like that? I don’t think so. So turn inward, towards the problem and see what you can find that might let you live with his memory in a way that is peaceful. And don’t forget to cut yourself some slack. What you are doing and what you are feeling are completely normal and totally okay.