I started writing about astrology in 2000. I started an official blog in 2001. For ten years, it was effortless. I could easily sit and write for a dozen hours a day. I wrote like a machine and I enjoyed myself. It was just a rollicking good time.
It was less fun when I had learn how to edit, but I still enjoyed myself. I was really happy, click-clacking and interacting. I don’t know when I started to get sick.
I think it must have been when I quit going to the gym. I was in the habit of working out about five times a week. I particularly loved the cross-trainer, which I kept on level 20! I could do tricks on that thing – really. I quit the gym, but I was still able to walk the neighborhood. Aggressively.
Over the last few years, I’ve not been able to make it around the block. There was nothing to explain the fatigue, but this is fact: I would get to the end of the block (two houses down). Standing there, I wished I could take a nap on the sidewalk. I would have liked to call a cab to get home. It was that bad.
The Plaquenil has restored my energy. It’s supposed to take six months to be fully effective, but I began to feel better within a month. Three months later, it’s undeniable. I can now wake up at five in the morning and work productively for twelve hours. It’s shocking, that I’ve recovered this kind of stamina.
The next thing I’d like to get back are all my happy feelings. I’m not unhappy. I don’t think I have an “unhappy” setting. But it sure would be nice to have back the “glee” that I’ve felt most my life.
I’m not too thrilled that so many kicked me when I was down and in fact, tried to destroy me. But in 8th house fashion, I’m back from the dead, yet again!
I have to get through this Uranus Pluto transit. It’s all about moving my family across the country. I’ve been in Colorado a long time. I’ve got to buy a house, sell a house, move my business, get my taxes done, find a truck, pack it, unpack it…then immediately establish myself in the new location (unknown to me at this time)…so my son can pay instate tuition…when he goes to college in 18 months.
This means, I have to immediately lose my CO driver’s license, re-register the cars (after I figure out how to get them moved). I’ll also need to furnish and decorate the new house, since we are moving very little. And keep this blog going of course!
What’s amazing, is I think I’ll be able to do it. Like the old days.
I used to come up with ideas like dealing aces from and endless deck, full of them. This is hard to do, when you feel like you’re dying and people are stompin’ on you, hoping to prevail and cause you so much harm you can never work again.
But before it was hard to do, it was easy to do. And this is my goal (Saturn) at this time. My goal is to enjoy (Sagittarius) myself! I want work (Saturn) to be fun again (Sagittarius).
My fifteenth year of blogging might be my best. This blog has a great solar return this year. I should be pretty well moved, by the time it rolls around. Really, if you’re going to work as much as I do, you might as well have fun.
That reminds me of something an old man told me, when I was nineteen years old.
“You sure work a lot, Elsa,” he said. “Are you greedy or poor?”
I was perplexed. I had worked hard since I was a toddler. I asked him to explain.
He said that in his experience, people who work hard are either greedy or poor. I told him I was not greedy so I guessed I must be poor. But I was still confused. I didn’t feel poor. I had a motorcycle, a place to live and gas money. That’s not poor. I just felt like working, and I still do.
Too much binary mindset. There are more choices than on or off, 1 or 2, this or that.
I wonder if that man ever stopped to consider that it is possible to love your work, and therefore working hard is actually a sense of fulfillment. And even if you don’t exactly love the job, there is a lot of satisfaction to be gained from a job well done. Throughout my life, I have worked at jobs that I loved and jobs that I hated. But I always worked hard at them. And like you, it wasn’t because I was greedy or poor, it was just because I figured it something was worth doing, it was worth doing right. At this point, I am fortunate enough to be doing work that I love. I can’t help but feel it was the earlier paths that led to this one.
Oh, I took no offense. The guy who said that to me was a WW2 vet. He shared many of his life observations with me. I benefited greatly.
The thing is, I was from the desert – just fell off the turnip truck, as they say. So I from a different land, no one knew existed.
I was trying learn about “town”. Anyway, he was a really fine man. Most of what he told me was correct…including this, for that matter.
I love that, greedy or poor. I was talking with my coworker the other day that was panicked that one of her investment checks hadn’t made a deposit and she was complaining that she didn’t understand finances, her whole life she just asked her parents for things and they gave it to her. She’s 35 and they still do. Bought her a house, a horse, and her mom brings her a hot lunch to work on a fairly regular basis. I commented that I have always had to be tight with money, started babysitting when I was 12 and have either worked a job while in school or worked two jobs steadily the last 40 years. She stared at me like I was an alien, lol! I like to work hard…I may not always like the work I am doing at the moment, but I like to work.
That’s the Capricorn rising. I have a Cap Rising and I was a hard worker — maybe a little bit of a workaholic — all my life. I was even a supervisor of a department when I was only 24 years old. And in my entire working life, it didn’t matter whether I was being paid well or paid poorly, whether I hated the work or liked the work. I worked the same, no matter what I was doing. For some of us, it’s just the way we are. The only thing I don’t understand is why, as I got older, I lost interest in working. So when I was laid off in 2012, I just gave it all up. I retired early. And I still have no desire to get a job. Maybe my Pisces Sun finally kicked in and I just want to lay around and daydream?
Good luck with the move Elsa. Always exciting, but always work. I think it is what keeps this Cancer planted. Every time I think of moving the work involved stops me…but I think a transit at some point will move me. I love your Blog. Love your perspective on things.
I can relate to wanting to work, regardless of monetary need or want. I have a Virgo Moon! Is it such a terrible thing to want to be of use? 😉
I’m so glad you’re “back from the dead”, as you say!
To borrow your phrase: go, baby, go!
Glad to hear the medication is helping. Really really glad.
Aww, here’s to you Elsa- wishing you all the joy and happiness your heart can handle. i know you can be happy like you once were. its like my dream- you live in a huge house with gold everywhere and can make boats fly and loop. its amazin’ he he. No really, don’t let those people take away your energy anymore. they don’t even matter. You’re the one blog i haven’t ever left because you’re pretty awesome. I hope you’re energy keeps increasing and you can shake off those haters-tehe- and never pay them a single thought again. wish you the best.
Your “poor” idea match with my idea. I never think I’m poor. I take it like, do I need it or not. If I can effort the thing I need, I’m OK, I’m not poor. I don’t need more than my need.
I’m really glad your health is better and your spirits are sparkling. But don’t wear yourself out – your body probably needs to keep some of the energy to process the meds and heal. Don’t overdo it. Contrary to your ill-wishers, the well wishers want you to be doing good for a long time!
As for greedy and poor, yeah, I’ve heard that before. Anytime a person works a lot, here it’s “Gee you must be making a lot of money!”. Haha.
Unfortunately that’s not always the way it works. But I like my work, and I try to be good at it. Was also rather workaholic for years, practically obsessed. This did not make me rich, but that’s not what I was looking for.
Thank you for providing such upbeat vibes and stimulating narrative! It’s great.
Thank you for the good news post filled with the details of your restored life, and the future that you commit to. That packed 8th House is truly a caldron of potency; I have benefited from your blog as a source of what can and does happen over and over again.
I learn from your experiences, feed my own life as a complement because of your constancy as an authentic Elsa. And your ‘old man advice’? Yes, we’re lucky when they shore us up with gems like that. Stories have many layers of meaning. Happy to hear of your rebound.
I’m definitely not greedy but I think I have a strong fear around being poor. Always worked hard, always wanted to work, ready to take on anything. Glad you’re coming back, Elsa. I think finding out one’s body isn’t working well is such a shock that it wrecks one’s confidence for a while. I had superb health all my life and then a major health problem about 16 years ago. I found it really hard to admit what was going on and felt shocked that my body had let me down. Physically I’m ok now, but psychologically I think I am more tentative that I used to be. Of course, that could also be The Aging Process!
Very “rich” post (again & again & again). Your sharing of your life, your experiences your plans, are the richest fodder about! Very rich. (NZ)
Thank you. 🙂
Love your honesty and realness…I personally think you’re f…ing brilliant. If I lived closer, Im in SC, I would do my best to hang out with you….
So glad that you are feeling better Elsa!!
Kudos and best of luck with striving towards that future you’re working on for you & yours! Your candid postings are inspirational:-)!
I am thinking it’s like being put in a freezer (for you @Elsa, almost literally- Colorado… brrrrr), because you have things you have to learn & you have to slow down/stay in place to learn them.
I have been through similar & coming out the other side, I often think about what I was supposed to learn. I was stuck in “sub mode” for about 15 years. I’m glad to have woken up again & like you, never realised just how flat I was until things subsided- a year or so ago. I thought I was just getting old =)
Anyway, I am so happy that you are on the mend. It’s something else- everything that’s happened!!!
I believe you can do it, Elsa!
I relate to loving to work, regardless of having or not having money. Money isn’t my ultimate motivator, with this kind of work.
There is one kind of poor, no food, no shelter, no clothes…. No one to help you, be there for you. There is another kind of “poor” too, relative to an unrealistic ideal of richness. This one is rooted in one’s perception of themselves.
If they view themselves as not having things, they feel poor. If they think they have a lot, they are rich. If a person doesn’t appreciate what he/she has, it is almost like not having it because they don’t value what they have. This also is a kind of poverty, meaning, a philosophical poverty that can be derived from constant desire for wanting more more more…. And never being satisfied and happy with what they have.
Cool ideas in this post. :]
Thank you Elsa. Thank you for being you. And for writing this blog. You have given me hope during this awful transit that squared me to the minute for the last two and a half years. It’s not completely over, by any stretch. But the road map you provided really has helped me get through the really dark tunnels I found myself lost within. No matter where I was. Or what I was doing. I’d always make time to check in with your blog. And, it put everything into perspective with an upbeat and positive spin to it. And what greater gift can one human being give to another, but the gift of hope? Again, thank you times infinity.
Regarding your ‘happiness’: I just read that altitude affects the level of dopamine that you recieve naturally, and no little pill augments whatever you do to change it. Many people become suicidal moving to Colorado! So, consider that- google it- whatever. It was interesting. Perhaps you will be moving to a lower elevation and your happiness will return!
Wow. Another inspiring post, Elsa! I wish nothing but the best for you during your move – a major life event, for sure – and improving health. I’ve followed you since 2006; have learned a lot here about astrology but almost as important, about life itself. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and wisecracks. You keep it real for me. Love and Light to you. ~ Lesley
Dear Elsa, I’m happy that the meds are working and you’ve got some energy again. I’ve heard energy is like money in the bank, conserve it, use it well and don’t let your account get depleted, is the idea. I hope you have some help when it’s time to move.
Would you mind saying something about who has tried to bring you down? Is it related to the blog? I’m sorry these detractors have hurt you. I’ve been reading your blog for 3-4 years and like how you tell it like it is with your unique and insightful take on things. All the best to you, Jeanne