I had a client ask me an interesting question. She wanted to know who pinned who down in my marriage.
She’s observed herself and others, going around in what she called a “love circle”. Two people have an attraction, but when they get too close and their freedom is threatened, they bolt or act crazy…to get their space?
But then they come back and go around again.
Do you know anything about this? If you’ve made it off the merry-go-round, tell us how you did it. And also, what’s the commitment-phobic aspect in your chart?
Where should I start? Pisces Sun and Mercury, Sagittarius AC and a Venus – Uranus opposition, I’m an escape artist, I’m bolting before anything happens and never go back ? But yeah, tomorrow is my birthday Nr 45, so it would be nice to get off this crazy trip ?
Happy early birthday!
No circles. I pinned my wife down. I always wanted a blonde-haired, green-eyed college girl but when I met her (Mexican) all that flew out the window. I didn’t care how stupid I acted or looked (for the first time ever). I had to have her hand at any cost. Would this be obsessive Scorpio Sun and Venus, plus Mars in Leo? I proposed at a secluded beach in the moonlight, kneeling, ring and all. Ooh-la-la. No Mariachis though.
That sounds gorgeous.
Venus in Aquarius: “You rang?”
It’s to do with attachment styles – anxious or avoidant – and underlying fears of intimacy and abandonment.
– For the one who bolts – they have to step closer and start talking (face up to their fear of intimacy).
– For the one who acts crazy – they have to step away and give space until they’re calm enough to talk rationally (face up to their fear of abandonment)
OH MY GOD! 😯 Such succinct distillation of two people wallowing in absurdity, snd wasting time to love.
Bowlby isnt the end all be all. He blames the parents for an awful lot
Blames or explains? I’m not sure Bowlby ever tried to apply his attachment style work to adults but certainly later researchers have done so.
I’m sure attachment styles aren’t the complete picture to these problems but they explains thing very well for a starting place.
Whether someone acts crazy or bolts from a situation is a case of getting an emotional hijack and acting without thought. Learning alternative coping skills and how to process feelings to calm down will always help.
I’m both. Lots of water – Sun in Cancer, Mars Pisces, Scorpio rising = highly emotional/ bordering on needy, yet also wary (Scorpio).
Uranus/Sun- Sag Moon- Venus Gemini- Distinctly individualistic -needing of space.
SO I do the dance… lol! Need constant reassurance while I run away.
When I think of commitment phobia, Gemini/Mercury/3rd house and Aquarius/Uranus/11th house energy comes to my mind.
The only man I ever did the merry go round from hell thing with was the Capricorn. We both have Venus in Aquarius, tightly conjunct. His Venus sextiles his Saturn. My Venus trines my Saturn in Gemini. His Uranus in Leo opposes his Venus. My Uranus in Libra trines my Venus. And we both have Mars square Pluto so we fought dirty. I abandoned him on an island once.
Maybe a lifetime of coming together and bolting apart keeps things fresh? Some prefer angst and instability to boredom.
I would love to be bored with the Capricorn. Watching The Walking Dead, a show I hate, eating fried chicken which is really bad for me. Ain’t gonna happen. We’re both too stubborn to play nice with each other and grow old together.
I would also love to be watching tv and eating fried chicken with a Capricorn, preferrably a super hot one 🙂 like younger Patrick Huard or something. Then again they leave me after the second date usually.
Actually.. i have no attention span and eat fried chicken like a slob so.. maybe a web video and something the guy made 😉 or doesnt mind me eating slobby.
I know nothing about this. 😉
I tend to pull away when i catch one fish and when someone likes me, and obsess when they dont. It is hard. I have venus opposed to mars. In my few relationships, this tended to yield energetic arguing (over fun stuff like whether pork is healthy) rather than me yanking at the bit, thankfully.
Did you know that the average person will eat 28 pigs in their life?
Nooooo!!! Well. I do love bacon.
Wait like even if they dont eat meat??? Or pork?
I don’t know how I’ve managed to get married and stay married for almost 23 years! Aries moon / Venus in Aquarius just for starters. And it’s getting better with age. My hub is has an Aries sun and Capricorn moon conjunct my Capricorn merc. I also have sun in Capricorn. I don’t know how it works. Complete mystery. He’s got Venus in Aries. There’s so much need-for-freedom energy but we don’t leave one another. And we don’t cheat either. It’s not boring because we have family, work and hobbies. He’s got mars and Saturn in Taurus, great stamina, patience and reliability. My father’s an Aries too but he walked away. Perhaps that has something to do with it. My Aries moon is in 12th and my husband’s Aries sun is a 12th house one too. Ring any bells?
@Jimmer, Venus in aries loves Venus aquarius. 🙂 look at George CLooney (Aries venus/Leo mars) and (Aqua venus, Aqua sun) Amal Alamuddin, he said in one of the articles, that he chased her! for an older distinguished man, he loves the chase. lol
Wow jimmer. Thats nice to hear really
I think people who think they need space when they have the love of their life right in front of them (ready and willing) are spoiled shmucks. I think they need to be dumped a couple times in a cruel horrific way so they appreciate the blessings dropped in their lap. Makes me sick when I hear about cowards who jet when it gets real; when it matters most; When the real potential is finally there. But no…FAILED the final and most important test. I think what hurts most is knowing how much time you wasted on the wrong person. It’s never the same when they come back around..it’s like only pieces of the original trust.
The thing is, even when dumped in a cruel and horrific way, it may be in a person’s nature to forever feel resentful and cheated out of their freedom even when WITH the love of his or her life. Spoiled may be only part of the equation. And I can understand how that personality quirk could be just about impossible for someone else who doesn’t have it to live with.
Some people forge an unbreakable bond with and life partner out of their inability to be satisfied no matter how good they might know they have it on an intellectual level.
Make a life partner out of their inability to be satisfied, rather. The resentment, as twisted as it sounds, will always come first.
Then again…maybe that’s my Venus Neptune square talking. Lol Last night I watched an episode of The Mick. She had like 4 guys all professing their love for her. She was treated like a queen but was miserable so her maid gave her medication saying that was the American dream; to have everything and still be unhappy. At the end of the show she is high on the medication her maid gave her and all the men are outside asking her to choose. She gets on a motorcycle in her bath robe and says “I don’t know what I want. But I’m sure it’s out there somewhere.” She then drives off on the motorcycle, but her robe gets caught in the wheel, and all her clothes rips off as she drives away naked 🙂 lol
“Two people have an attraction, but when they get too close and their freedom is threatened, they bolt or act crazy…to get their space?”
It this to say that these two people should get married or spend all their time together?
Maybe it’s true for some, because they have other projets attached, such as wanting children and/or a family – but even that, you don’t have to be with the other person all the time.
If you’re not into that, why force yourself?
Maybe it even doesn’t have anything to do with love, but just feeling “valued”, interseting, important, or just not being able to say no.
I’ve never been interested about the merry-go-round, but got on it by stupidity = great loss of time and energy.
When you have two people meeting up, it helps if they have the same goals, even vaguely. If not, forget about it!
I don’t know if I’m commitment-phobic, or just not interested (not the same thing). Moon in Aqua, opposite Sun, Saturn and Pluto. Venus square Neptune.
You’d have to be nuts to insist, with that combo. Took me a long time to figure it out, thanks to astrology!!!
The post wasn’t about whether people should commit to each other, it was about why two people will get into a relationship (get on the merry-go-round) then break up (get off) then get back together (get back on) then break up (get off) then get back together and on and on. That’s a pretty self-destructive pattern to keep going through.
I think for some of us, the only real cure for getting off the merry-go-round is realizing we’re getting older and less likely to attract another partner we want if we walk away again. It’s a practical decision to have some instead of none.
Warren Beatty, when asked why he finally settled down with Anette Bening, didn’t give loving her as a reason. He said he married because he didn’t want to be an eccentric lonely old fool. I forgot who said love is the most subtle form of self interest but that’ll do it.
If you consider that commitmentphobia is partly about keeping your options open than that makes a lot of sense. Once you see your options declining, it becomes easier to pick one.
Exactly. It’s got nothing to do with love.
Until the past 50-100 yrs, relationships had very little to do with love.
Arranged marriages for money or status were much more the norm hence why the father gives the bride away in the marriage ceremony.
If you lived in a small village or town as most did, you’d meet prospective partners through day-to-day living and the pool of eligibles was very small.
Films and culture have romanticised our notions of what relationships of the past were like.
And if the all the people you want to be free to sleep with are less likely to want you anyway, monogamy suddenly seems far more appealing. And you won’t resent your partner for feeling trapped because it’s a moot point. So romantic…
SFS, i get the sense that you still live in NY sometimes 🙂 cause it’s a tough city
I’ve dodged the marriage bullet many times, even after an 8 year engagement when I switched careers! Pisces ASC, Gemini Sun, Sag Moon and Pluto exact my Descendant. I guess it just wasn’t in the cards for me! I thought my North Node at 9′ Libra would have been my saving grace.
NEW to this astrology stuff,but i love it..trying to figure out the charts kinda suck and confusing…messed around with about 15yrs ago..and just something was telling me to start up again..glad i listened to my instincts…Its helped me understand alot about my relationship with my 5yr old daughters dad..Off and on for about 20years..yes i wake up some days thinking that i am and have wasted lots of tears,fears,and my young years with him…I have pluto/venus/uranus you name it in my chart and i can feel the changes of planets coming over me…he has pluto to,but i think i am worse…or was i should say..I think i have came to a point in my life to where I need to just cut the ties and move on..because i know he is going to do it to me as he always does:(….When i seen in my solar return chart that i was just his mistress from juno/venus and no emotional attatchment it made me open my eyes and plus i had return venus opposite or square uranus..meaning not going to last long just a fling.now he is going to have pluto in his 12th house solar return here in a few weeks..and it is conjuct ascendent….been there done this with him…lol…so yes i have a sick merry go round love for a guy that doesnt see that i am still here..
I’m doing the round and round with an Aries. We both have our suns in each others 7th house (I have an Aries descendent and he has a Scorpio descendent). So the house of Libra who is indecisive and rules with velvet gloves is not even great. He told his cousin that I’m not ready for a relationship with him, but yet when I asked what he wanted he kept saying ‘I want what you want’… Like that was even answers my question. He spoke about giving me a child, fine… But do you want the same? ‘If that’s what you want, Empress’. Like that even answers my question either.
This is tiring to my soul and going around and around, where simple communication shall suffice with someone who acts like they’re doing me a favour and I’m dragging them along for the ride is so fucking boring and way too much pressure. I keep walking away because it just seems to be all on my shoulders and any decisions they make seem to be down to what I want whilst blatantly acting like they have no say at all.
If they want to commit, then they should just say so. If they don’t, then they should just say so also. But they have to be able to say it from themselves and not hide behind me.