Some things that have been bothering me for a long time now have finally come to a head this week, and I feel like the Dead Girl.
Literally. I feel like my life is over, and that it ended badly. At some point in my childhood (I even remember the day), I felt so incredibly hurt by the people around me that I decided then and there that I would NEVER deliberately hurt people the way I was being hurt. It became the meaning of my entire life.
I feel I have hurt people this past year, and I just… can’t… get past it. My life feels meaningless. Everything is just a motion I’m going through. I can’t figure out how to let it go. And the relationships in question have been cut off, not by me.
There are plenty of people who love me and want me to be happy, but none of that seems to matter. I am the Dead Girl, I have been for months now, and it’s really exhausting being here.
You’re depressed! Saturn is transiting your Moon in Pisces which is a classic signature for this type of feelings. I would go as far as to say you can’t have a Saturn transit to your Moon and not feel depressed to some degree, so the first thing to know and to keep in your Gemini mind is the fact that the things your are feeling are transitory not permanent in spite of their intensity.
Beyond this, I would suggest you go very easy on yourself and try to put the people who would like to see you happy aside in the short term… because this is one of things that exhaust a depressed person. Trying to stay up for the peanut gallery that is. You’d do better to spend your time alone sorting through your feelings or talking to a close friend who knows what it is like to feel “dead”.
Seeing a counselor who can help you sort through this childhood (Moon) stuff that’s got you down (Saturn) would also be a good shot, but bottom line I think you will get through this just fine. Yes it’s dark but it is not going to stay that way. I would be willing to bet your mood lifts once the transit passes and just knowing it is going to pass on its own accord can do a world of good as can a bout of depression for that matter. Because you are by nature a compassionate person and having gone through a time like this, you will be that much more equipped to be compassionate and we need all the people like that we can get.