Gemini Woman Loves Virgo Man But Feels Unworthy

Cancer charm crabDear Elsa,

I have met someone that I have fallen very in love with. It’s a love unlike any I’ve ever felt. As a matter of fact, I feel like the other times I loved someone are kids games in comparison.

The problem is, he’s a Virgo. He is stable, secure, no nonsense, responsible, not exactly spontaneous, gentle, caring, loving, and calm. I worry that I’m just too… I don’t know. Flighty. Scattered. Messed up by the past (as I was abused and raped multiple times during my life).

I have no confidence in my abilities to even keep someone as good as he is. I feel I’m just too messed up and not good enough for someone like him. Hell even at the old age of nearly 39, I don’t even have a damned driver’s license, because I’ve allowed others to tear down my self-confidence my entire life.

However since he’s come into the picture, everything has just… started fitting together somehow. I’ve started gaining some of the confidence to do what I need, and look past my utter fears of failure. And he has been instrumental in that. He tells me he wants me to be, and I quote, ‘”a strong independent woman”‘.

Since we’ve met, I’ve gotten my driver’s permit and am learning to drive. I’ve gotten a real job and started putting my life together. And I very much want him to be part of that life.

But my biggest fears are around our long term compatibility. I’m scatterbrained, unstable, insecure and an airhead at times. He’s down to earth, solid, serious and grounded. I feel I have nothing to offer someone like him and that I’ll just end up being a disappointment – even though I love him with all of my heart and he loves me, too.

I guess the question is, am I just being stupid here? Am I worrying for nothing by second guessing myself? Is there hope for a steady, solid Virgo with a messed up Gemini?

Signed,
Uncertain

Dear Uncertain,

Listen. Your man is human and so are you. He is a human Virgo, so he likes to help people and you are graciously allowing him the opportunity to help you. He is not complaining and why is that? It’s because he needs you as much as you need him. It seems to me that everyone is winning so this whole thing is looking pretty good from my perspective.

So are you worrying for nothing? Yes I think you are. And I know the cure. Well, I know of something I read that sure made sense to me. It was in Gavin DeBecker’s book, “The Gift of Fear ” and you might want to pick it up because you have something in common with him: trauma.

DeBecker had a traumatic childhood and it taught him a few things. He became sophisticated around “fear”, that’s for sure and besides writing a book (two of them) on the subject, he’s made a career out of this.

But anyway, in his book he distinguishes between ‘fear” and “worry”. He feels that fear is a physiological response to danger which should always be heeded. Worry, however, is bullshit. Worry is what he calls “manufactured fear”… and this is what you are doing.

You are making up things to worry about when none of it is happening and frankly, it probably never will. So here is my advice: get the book… and tell that Virgo man of yours what you are doing (manufacturing fear) and that you would like to stop. He will immediately move to help you, because this is in his blood.

Secondly, try a little harder to see him. By that, I mean try to see his humanness…where and how he is frail and vulnerable. Starting with the simple fact, if you leave and he has no one to “help” he will be absolutely bereft. He needs someone to heal. So I guess you’re pretty crucial after all, huh?

Good luck.

~~
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Comments

Gemini Woman Loves Virgo Man But Feels Unworthy — 7 Comments

  1. virgos love to be of service. they want to be needed and valued. they live to put order and help stablize. this comes as naturally to them as breathing.

    this being said, the most solid, dependendable, down-to-earth virgo man needs a little magic in his life, too. you can help him here! you may say flighty, but i say fanicful.

    and you’re missing the biggest gift you can give him anyway: thriving under the influence of his love and support. you don’t want to let him down? stay with him and keep basking in his love. love him back. value his contributions. grow. THIS is what will feed him.

    your best life compass is joy. sounds like you’re on the right track to me. you two can help each other fly.

    (from a gemini moon wife of a double vigro.)

  2. I’m quite the same as you. Flighty, no self confidence, scattered and messed up by the past. My fiance is quite the opposite, being stable, confident and secure. The difference is that I’m the Virgo one (he is a Cancer).

    I quite agree with Goddess. The greatest thing you can do for him is to accept his support and fly beautifully because of it. As a Virgo myself, I know that will give him the greatest pleasure.

    Soar high and proud.

  3. Another Virgo chiming in. I thrive on being needed. I scarcely know what to do with people who have their shit together. I need a problem to work through!

    So don’t think you have nothing to offer your Virgo. Your recognition of his influence and support will buoy him and give him reason to feel good about himself. He gives you a peaceful center and you offer him spontaneity, a view from a cloud. He can’t see that view without you.

    Best wishes! Thrive!

  4. I cannot thank everyone here enough for their kind words. I am the Gemini in question here. I just got so much flack from everyone about dating a Virgo and how incompatible he would be with me. Some even went out of their way to point out the bad parts of our charts that I had done. My rising is Leo, his is Cancer. My moon is Pisces, his is Taurus. My Mercury and Venus are both Cancer, his is Leo and Virgo. Apparently, according to friends, we are not compatible whatsoever.

    But he makes me feel alive. He makes me want to be a better person. Not just to make him and my kids proud of me, but to make ME proud of me.
    He pushes me. Challenges me to stretch myself past my “safety” zones. Rides me if I seem to be lagging or resting on my laurels. Encourages and praises me when I succeed.

    He is a regular gift from the Gods as far as I am concerned.
    He makes my heart happy:-)

  5. Sometimes you have to trust your gut, go with your instincts! Maybe if you weren’t ready to make changes, all the stuff the charts say might be true. But it sounds like you are truly excited about growing and want the challenge.

    My best life decision went against everything – advice of caring friends, what my tarot reading said, what my chart said, what my mom said, what logical thinking suggested – but my gut said otherwise at a time when I was willing to risk.

    Keep smiling and growing, Lysa!

  6. it sounds like you have a real man – one who wants to draw the goodness out of you – following your heart and ignoring astrology and friends is the only way to go here. this is very sweet to have this post….
    thank you Lysa,
    Don

  7. Harmony in mercury.? You sound more worry riddled Virgo style and he seems to be doing the Virgo service thing and having fun…not volunteering. Enjoy each other<3

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