Gemini Woman Has Absolutely Had It With Her Porn Addicted Husband – What Now?

gemini twins denicola pin vintageHi Elsa

I have 3 kids and have been married for almost 7 years. Hubby has been looking at and hiding porn from day one. I told him how it makes me feel (alone and alienated) and how I despise people who lie. Over the years, I caught him with porn at work and at home. I have cried, begged, pleaded for him not to do this to me, that I was the one who needed him. I wanted <em>us</em> to have a great sex life.

Of course every time he got caught, he apologized and promised he wouldn’t do it again. Just this year alone, I found all kinds of porn he had ordered on DirectTV. Over $100 a month. I am miserable with him. I feel that I am not bad looking at all and I don’t have a weight problem. I just asked him a couple of months ago if there was anything we can do to make our sex life more interesting. Making our own movies, getting toys, whatever. He said everything was great just the way it was.

My mom passed away in January this year. I found out while my poor mother was in the hospital on her death bed, and he went home to grab some clothes for me, he was “with himself” often. I don’t want to be married anymore. He has completely broken my trust forever. I have tried and have given him the benefit many times over. This is something that he does when I am home on the weekends, out getting a coffee or taking my son to a play date.

I love sex and I am willing to have it. I just don’t understand him and he offers no answers. “He doesn’t know why” he does the things he does. I am tired of this. I feel justified to walk, but to where? Where do I go with 3 small kids? How do I get back what I have invested in him, my life???? Please help me.

Had It With The Porn And Broken Promises
United States

Dear Had It,

You do not get back your “investment” in relationships and thinking in these terms is what is keeping you stuck. You want to come out okay, or “even” somehow and while you sit there thinking about this, you lose another day, another week, another month, another year. The only way to win is to cut your losses! And if you want out of this, you absolutely have to stop thinking about him.

How about you sit him down in front of his computer, put his dick in his hand, and leave him there. Let him play with himself to his heart’s content… until the end of time if he likes and while he does that, you go think about what you’re going to do about the rest of your life. Because he’s going to beat off, okay? That’s what he is going to do, so what are you going to do? What do you want to do?

I am sure you have no idea. I am sure you’ve spent all these years thinking about him and thinking about your kids but if you want get out of this mess and make a life for yourself then you are going to have to do this. THINK ABOUT YOURSELF.

Think about what you would like to do. Think about where you would like to be in five years and then start to take whatever steps you need to take to manifest your goals. Stop focusing your energy on how bad it is and start putting your energy towards finding your way out and you will feel better almost immediately. Because see, here’s the trick:

Your husband makes you feel bad. Never mind why or how he does it. You feel miserable thinking of him so why think of him? Why not look away? Why not look towards a brighter horizon and head there?

Will it be hard? Sure? But not as hard as staying where you are. There is a path to happiness you know. Get on it and once you get on it, stay on it and don’t you look back. Because if you do, all you’ll see is “you know who” doing “you know what” and didn’t you say you’ve had enough?

One step a time and don’t look back. Try it and I think you’ll be very surprised how far you can get.

Good luck.

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Comments

Gemini Woman Has Absolutely Had It With Her Porn Addicted Husband – What Now? — 3 Comments

  1. Looking at porn does not make someone un-loveable, and it doesn’t mean that they are not attracted to their mate. We all have different needs and expectations that don’t always match reality; escapism is a part of everyday life for all of us. Telling this woman to ditch her marriage because her husband is into porn is idiotic to say the least. Did you get your “credentials” from a cereal box? Further, no one MAKES you feel one way or another-it’s all how we take it. Anyone who thinks otherwise will live life as a victim.

  2. Oh, Jeez, Will. Though doth protest too much. . .

    This thoughtful reply is certainly not idiotic advice for someone who is miserable in the relationship.

    Trolls. . .::eyeroll::

  3. Your husband has an addiction. This has nothing to do with you or your sex-life! If he is not willing to do a 12-step program for sex addicts, he will NOT change. He will only get worse. I agree with the first person’s response. Cut your losses and make a decision. If he doesn’t get some help, you need to leave him. You will not regret this in the long run.

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