Hi Elsa,
A few months ago I started seeing this Aries woman who identifies as bisexual. I see only women. We had a few casual encounters but nothing came of that since she was seeing several other people at the time. When we did see each other, it was due to her persistence. I liked her but was afraid of getting too close.
This summer we both ended up living in the same city. We started seeing each other again and moved in together. Everything seemed perfect and we got along great. When I headed back to school, she confessed that she had fallen in love with me. At this point we had been rather exclusive for nearly three months, although technically we were in an open relationship.
Based on my track record of not doing serious relationships she predicted I’d be scared off, but I wasn’t. As a matter of fact I realized within the week that I was in love with her as well, though I never had a chance to tell her. Right around this time she started becoming more distant, calling and emailing less. The subject of whether we were exclusive or not came up. I wanted to be exclusive. She didn’t. We ended it over the phone but decided to still remain friends.
I visited her not long after the break up and we ended up hooking up. I thought we’d start seeing each other again but this didn’t happen. I was really confused and still am. One week she’ll call me multiple times a day, the next I’ll be lucky to get an email. Yet every time I see her in person she tells me that she really desires me and loves me. Last time I did see her in person I resisted her advances because this is not the type of relationship I want with her. I really love this girl but the mixed signals are driving me insane.
Sometimes I think she really does love me but is hoping to somehow persuade me to be in the kind of relationship she wants, one in which she has me but is free to see other people. I’m willing to stick it out if I somehow know that we’ll get back together when she is done sorting out her business. I hear ultimately Gemini and Aries are a good match. Is it worth it or should I just move on? Am I delusional?
Gemini in Love
United States
Dear Gemini,
Your gal pal told you she was bisexual and apparently she was not kidding. So yes of course she is trying to talk you into the type of relationship that will satisfy her needs, which is exactly the same thing that you are trying to do to her. Can you see this?
What you have here is a power struggle, or a struggle to control. You want her to cram her foot into your shoe and she wants you to cram your foot into hers. Is this ever going to work? Not comfortably.
As for her hot and cold business – Aries is notorious for loving the thrill of the chase but loathing the security and structure – which with Venus in Cancer and Mars in Capricorn is something you crave.
I think you’re getting the picture. Very hard to make this one work, I am thinking it’s not meant to but other may disagree and can let you know in the comments.
I am sorry and good luck.
Elsa is right and hit this one right on the head. This girl wants an open relationship. period. =( Find someone who can give you what you need, this girl is not it, but it sounds like you like chasing her just as much as she likes chasing you. I saw somewhere that you’re a commitment phobe? Your Gemini is in conflict with Mars(actions) and venus (Love?
But definetly, if you want a one on one relationship, you won’t find it here.
i know people who have gone from exclusivity to open relationships, and people who’ve gone the other way as well. anyone can decide to change the way they operate to adjust to the needs of someone else, but to make it work they still have to have their needs met to keep the connection from decaying. a hard balance to make, particularly if communication about the nature of the relationship is going on through the power struggles rather than open speech.
if there’s any way either of you could make accomodations for the other’s needs while still meeting your most important ones, it’s possible. but that requires clear communication and brutal honesty about what you need, don’t need, and are willing to live with.
most of the time trying to cross that bridge doesn’t work. and usually it requires one or the other person to convert, at least for a time, and the question of who can become a massive power struggle. you can’t really have a “semi open” relationship, but you can have one where honesty, communication, and respect for the power of the connection between the two of you is emphasized.
it’s hard. and it just plain doesn’t work for some people. and other people use these sorts of relationships to go screw around and generally be irresponsible.
it really depends on how much work both of you are willing to put into this, if anything is to be made out of it (open or exclusive.) without a commitment from both sides to actually making an effort there’s nowhere to go but elsewhere.
but, then again, all relationships take work to keep healthy.