Avery writes on the Illegal Communication post:
“I envy the level of communication the two of you enjoy.”
Avery – We have a terrible time communicating. It did us in when we were kids but a Saturn cycle later, we work at this constantly, and I mean constantly and it’s all textbook stuff. Fear, control, quashing of communication, trepidation, deprivation… la la la
“I have to step on my voice all the time,” I said. “Constantly.”
“Why? What won’t or can’t you tell me?” he asked.
“All kinds of things. Any number of things. For example I can’t call you a sweet name, which I would like to do. It is in my nature. I am affectionate by my nature as you know but I have to watch myself with you all the time, this is just the way it is.”
“Why can’t you call me whatever you want to call me?”
“Same reason as always. I am afraid of your reaction. I call you a sweet name and then what? You already drive yourself crazy just being in love. You think you’re soft somehow. You think you have a balloon on your nose. You think all kinds of things… like I will turn you into a pillow or a bar of soap with the edges all worn off.”
He laughed.
“It’s true. You are forever concerned your edges will melt so I call you some sweet name and who knows what conniption fit will result? You may turn inside out because of it. How will you feel, all ruined and sugarcoated? You already complain constantly about the effects of your lovesick. I am pretty sure one sweet name will be the living end. It’s much safer to put my hands on the rhino when I can. I can love you that way and call you sir, or some other formal thing that does not tax you because if you get taxed, I get taxed. So as it is, I just be a little nice and leave you offerings now and then. Here. Have a donut. I’ll leave it here and I won’t look while you eat it. But routinely call you some pet name? I would anticipate a month long rant while you begrudgingly adjust… I just don’t like to see you uncomfortable so this is what I do. I keep the words in my mouth.”
Don’t do it, P.”
“Well, I’ll think about not doing it but I’ve only got so much stamina to watch you whiplash around due kindness I might offer. Because you will stomp around about it. I mean, it’s amusing but it also takes up the whole day so it just seems prudent to use your formal name and postpone otherwise and change in general.”
Is there someone you are afraid to talk to? How about people who may be afraid to talk to you?
But at least you two communicate about your communication difficulties! “…we work at this constantly.” So many people don’t bother to go beyond the most superficial.
I know people are alternately either too forthcoming with details or so tight-lipped they say nothing. There’s rarely a soul in the middle. And I think it has a lot to do with reaction, what I will do with the information, not so much that I’m a terrible secret keeper (I’m not), but that my insight is that double-edged sword? Stuff they need to hear but don’t want to?
As for there being anyone I am afraid to talk to…I would have to say whomever I’m intimately involved with. But that’s more because once I get started, I don’t know how to shut up or filter my thoughts so that 1) they understand where I’m going and 2) I don’t feel like I’m an open wound waiting for the impending salt.
Like right now, my bf’s getting ready to go to Germany for two years, where I know he’ll deploy. And I don’t know if I can do it again, even though I love this man dearly. But I can’t tell him, because I know all he’ll see is our relationship ending, and I can’t predict that my fears will kill our relationship, so I keep all those thoughts to myself.
Avery – you are right. Reason is we lost each other over this years ago. We spent our lives apart because we could not work with or around the (pronounced) impediment but we are older now and better know the value of things. This is textbook case of something “saturn” that gets better with age.
I won’t challenge certain people on their perceived “delusions.” Mostly because I don’t think they’ll hear me and they’re more likely to actually see things clearer if they figure them out on their own. I think. Perhaps I should be more direct but I’m not going to Momma grown men. Just say what I think and move on if necessary. And, eh… silvertongues turn everything I say backwards, always has a good answer, but never actually addresses certain issues. So I don’t bring them up. Haven’t figured if that’s a lack of courage on my part or not. But I’m done expecting any different.
I don’t feel like even talking ABOUT the people I can’t talk to!
I did meet a man when I was in Croatia this summer who said in the midst of a conversation: ‘You’re very foxy.’ I was like: ‘Uh, thanks, I’m very married.’
Turns out he meant CRAFTY. And sly! LOL! Here I thought I was a sexy lady and he was calling me snaky. We both got a laugh out of the conversation (eventually). He didn’t buy my personality. I’ve ran into this before.
I had an acquaintance snap at me ‘because I looked like I was trying to read his fucking mind’ when all I did was smile and look him in the eye and ask how he was.
12th House Neptune? Scorpio on my MC? You tell me! I’m sure as hell not snaky or interested in some random person’s inner mind at the bar.
I am, however, foxy for reals. Ha ha!
I have often found that the people with whom I *most* want a relationship to work…that there is some impeding Saturn aspect. For example, someone who I had great durability with who seemed out of my league had Saturn on my venus. And it made me want to try very hard even though it seemed awkward.
Another relationship I was/am in – his Saturn is conjunct my ASC to the degree. We met four years ago and date on and off, it seems like our communication has improved *a little* over time but not a ton.
The problem? Despite these restricting Saturn aspects – I’ve really wanted to be with these people. And I’ve really wanted to try despite the very uncomfortable challenge.
I am not afraid to talk to anybody, but there are a number of people that are afraid of me….they say I am intimidating. My husband sometimes doesn’t even like to tell me things he knows the kids have done because he doesn’t want to upset me. I have heard a get a look on my face that is pretty severe….this is not a good thing.
small talk bothers the shit out of me so I suspect there are plenty of people who have become cautious about approaching me at times. if I’m in a bad mood I hate being asked ‘how are you doing’ cos it chaps my ass that I don’t want to lie about it, they’re not actually asking for the truth, and I don’t feel like giving the chirpy, expected answer either.