This is another common scenario. A person is in crappy marriage but struggles to move from awareness of such to actually solving the problem. They get caught in a depression or a power struggle or whatever. To a client:
“…For example, my husband and I got married, understanding our vow was for real. This meant that when there was a conflict we HAD to work it out. We’re stuck with each other, see? You and your husband are also stuck with each other. My husband and I do not want to be miserable. It’s not acceptable to us. WE CAN’T LEAVE and so we fix the problems when they come up.”
“…You wish this and you wish that that but deeper down, you realize this is not going to get you anywhere. If you focus “X” and use that as a reason to fail, then the die is cast here. But if you will embrace fact you really are BOUND, then maybe you can get back to getting along.
What if you were on a desert island? Could you get along then? How about it your happiness depends on getting along with this person? Would that make you see things differently?”
This frame has been very productive in my marriage. Since we can’t get out, we may as well fix problems that come up, the best we can, as fast as we can. If there were less a commitment; open doors all around, it would cause more problems then it would solve.
What do you think of this?