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Tips On Finding The Love Your Soul Yearns For — 48 Comments

  1. I’m the first one to comment, and I’m not really sure if this is what you mean, seems strange to say my *soul* is looking for this, but I always go for really smart men who have a variety of interests and who have a strong internal life (thinkers, observers). I love that. Turn it upside down, inside out, any which way (blonde, brown, tall, whatever), that’s the thing that’ll attract me and hold me. I can’t seem to escape it. I’m trying to – because I wanna be a mom and time’s tickin’ away, and things don’t always work out with these guys, but I think no matter what, I’m gonna have to do it with a smarty pants. I love them!

    (My ex-fiance was a Yale scholar and my ex b-friend went to Oxford law and ended up a banker and spoke six languages – agh! It’s not like that kind of stuff impresses me; it’s just like – this is who I’ve been dating!)

  2. It’s your Venus in Leo, the drama πŸ™‚

    I really like those ideas, of the imprint and the bits of the ideal character found in life. Unfortunately I don’t usually see it that way.

    Venus-Saturn probably expects to find love in the most difficult situations, with the biggest of obstacles. And it really works like that because subconsciously I will keep attracting and feeling attracted to the biggest of challenges, to people who express some kind of energy that says: I’ll never love you back.
    Obviously this is all unconscious. In my right mind, I wouldn’t persist on loving people that will never love me back, give me some credit lol

    Venus-Pluto on the other hand probably makes me search for the tumultuous characters, people having real vulcanoes of conflict inside, people that have plenty of layers that I can investigate and peel πŸ˜‰

  3. I don’t think I could have ever worked that one out, because what I want isn’t necessarily what I NEED, far from it. The necessary stuff that being with someone else can drag you through, you’d run a mile if you knew it in advance. Which doesn’t mean you don’t recognise the right person when they show up, or even a few years after you’ve met them, if you’re slow like me. But it’s not always going to be the type of person you might have thought.

  4. DR – I agree. And the failed relationships are also very important. Every single one of them, imperative I’d say.

  5. I have Sag ASC. Neptune/Venus/Saturn trine. I accepted that I was a ‘seeker’ a long time ago (NN in 9th House).
    As for what my soul is looking for, I am baffled by the depths of my desire to seek out…what it seeks.

    I have a pretty well-aspected Neptune in my 12th House. Once my Pluto/Neptune conjunction passed (2002/3) I realized it wasn’t ‘someone’ that I was looking for. Less human(e) and more abstract.

    What I’m looking for is so abstract I have zero confidence that anyone would understand me if I tried to articulate it.

    I was obsessed with a man for years (truly obsessed; we have always been friends but I was %100 convinced we were meant to be partners for LIFE…until I met my lover/SO).

    Recently he asked me to look up his birth chart. He, like me, has Sag ASC/12th House Neptune and a grand trine, except his is in Air (mine is in Fire).

    All I can say is, no wonder we have fed off of each other over the years but have never had any kind of physical/sexual relationship.

    This post is interesting, because it makes me think: I used to believe this person was a soulmate in the run-of-the-mill heterosexual relationship way.

    I’m still not entirely sure what role my SO plays with my ‘soulness.’ The relationship I have with my lover is more profound than any other relationship I’ve ever had, except perhaps the one I’ve had with my mother.

    I feel blessed, but these things confound not only me, but the the people I share them with. I find them hard to understand…but one thing is for certain, they do feel destined.

  6. I would agree that your soul knows what it is looking for. I’m the pickiest person on the planet- I don’t find a single soul attractive to me sexually/partner-y for years and years at a time. They say there’s plenty of fish in the sea- not in MY sea, there aren’t. (Just seaweed and sharks, hah.) On the very rare occasions when I do find someone attractive I feel like I go nuts about it. It’s probably more because I go years in between and if ONE person shows up, that’s the one I have to go for, I don’t get to pick and choose between a selection of men as to which would be better for me- it’s either give this one a go now, or go another 5 years in between men. So far the few that have shown up had fatal flaws, so so much for my choices πŸ˜› I really wish I could change my tastes in men. I have tried and tried to find other ones I don’t like attractive!

    I suspect, given the rarity of my attractions, that I must be one Special Snowflake(TM) that doesn’t match with 99% of the population.

    Oh well, in the event that Mr. Special Snowflake exists and actually shows up, he’ll know I’ll never have eyes for anyone else and pretty much just sat around waiting for him to show up…how very princess in a tower of me :P~

  7. the greatest gift my father’s parents ever gave me was the example of their love.
    learning that i actually wanted something like that… or, more to the point, that it was a possibility in my life, really opened my eyes (and closed a few doors, it seems, but all to better see what i’m actually looking for.)

    i do have a type, quite. and it asks me to find saturn, pluto and neptune (at the least) apparently. an interesting quest to find those in positive expression. i guess perhaps i should have trusted my instincts on such things earlier, but maybe i had to screw up first to really get a better sense of how that works.

  8. DR,

    I really love what you said. I’m trying for this. I want a husband and father to my future children/not necessarily a lover/mirror/intense drama thing like I’ve had. So wants and needs are different. I’m going through some real transformations the past year and several months. Wow. (Of course with the help of Miss Elsa who has impacted me tremendously!)

    I just love “it’s not always going to be the type of person you thought.” Great! πŸ™‚

  9. Dammit, Elsa, you’re making me think again. Yes, I do have a type, but right now with Saturn in my 7th, I’m meeting all kinds of men with fantastic personalities I seriously click with but who, for whatever reason, don’t do it for me physically (too old, too young, too aging-greasy-hipster, too short, etc.). I don’t need validation that I’m lovable. I know I am, and they all want to see me again and I’m having to field all of these phone calls and e-mails asking for another date. I need to find someone I’m attracted to in kind, and that hasn’t materialized at all. I don’t think my standards are too high or too specific; all I’m asking is that the personality traits I’m attracting be packaged in something I consider even remotely appealing.

    And that would be a man taller than myself in pretty good shape with dark/graying hair, receding hairline or not, blue or light hazel eyes, generous nose, broad shoulders and a soulful countenance. Glasses are a big plus. Thanks in advance, God. Amen.

  10. Wow, that was such a great video Elsa P! I love these kinds of posts.

    I know I have certain type, I cant pinpoint what it is (besides that I love a music man with long hair) but I know what Im looking for and something inside me just recongises it. It doesnt happen all the time thou. I mean there’s lots of men out there to be attracted too but then a certain type that comes along and it hits you and you know. Well in my case I KNOW

    I think its interesting thou and a few others have commented here that maybe they havent found the right person because they’re being to specific or too picky and I do read this in lot of magazines where we are told to be more open and less picky and well I really dont know how I feel about that. I cant say I agree.

    There is a difference in being picky when its blocking you from having relationships and usually that goes hand in hand with insecurity or personal issues but I think there is no harm in being specific about what you want. I think we rarely hear that. Being specific and certain can be such a strength. If you like saltwater fish you dont go casting your net in freshwater to be more open especially if you dont like freshwater.

    Anyways loved your post!

  11. Obviously, I have a lot to say about this! πŸ™‚

    What if your “type” isn’t working for you anymore. Then what? I’m in total transition right now b/c I identified that the old type has *got* to go. But now I’m in no man’s land.

  12. It’s been so hard for me to look at or think about any of this love stuff, recently. “Oof. Ouch. Agh. Run away! Noooooo!”

    I found my type. He hung around just long enough to ruin me for anybody else. I don’t want to think about having a type ever again. How do you ever learn to be satisfied with less? Or with nothing at all?

  13. My old type isn’t going to work for me anymore either. I think because I love and respect myself more than I used to.

    I was on a blind date last night. My friend set it up, and from the way she talked about how great this guy was, I had to tell her that maybe They were the ones who should hook up. (even though she has to extricate herself from a bad boyfriend scene first)

    Well, later on in the evening she said to me, You were right, as they were having make out sessions back in the smoking room. So I said, no worries. I’m just sort of like shopping for shoes right now.

  14. Mari! This helped me SO much “My old type isn’t going to work for me anymore. I think because I love and respect myself more than I used to.”

    That’s excellent.

  15. Thanks Cappy, sounds like you’re going through a Dark Night, like I have been, maybe a Saturn return?

    I’ve heard this well known doctor/medical intuitive talk about how we have to rewire our brain, either through cognitive therapy or a lot of self awareness and practice. Just because we have changed and grown, doesn’t mean that our hardwiring to be attracted to a certain type has also changed. It’s like new territory. To figure out who to be, and who someone else needs to be for your new vision of yourself.

    Why I’m trying on shoes…

  16. Always a foreigner. Always. Pisces Saturn in 7th. Big dark eyes. I have come out of every relationship having gained a new language, citizenship, cooking skills, religion, music or cultural knowledge.

    Maybe I want to merge with the entire world through its men? πŸ˜€

    And maybe I want them to know that magical love is real, and that they had it with me. Instead of just one, I feel like I don’t have enough time in this lifetime to love everybody who loves me/might love me.

    Picking one is my challenge. Doesn’t that sound crazy?

  17. This is interesting. I am going to be thinking about this all week now, wondering what my imprint is. I think it’s probably something grand and impossible. Also, Anne of Green Gables is amazing, so romantic. Anne and her Gil *le sigh*

  18. Listening to Elsa talk about Anne of Green Gables (my own childhood heroine!) just awakened me to something quite startling. My imprint is based on Mellors, the gamekeepeer in Lady Chatterly’s Lover! I became head over heels in love with this fictional character when I first read the book as a 12-year-old. My SO fits my imprint–he’s passionate, rugged, a little rough around the edges but poetic, and very forthright in the way he expresses himself. When I first met him as a teenager, there was this very strong feeling that he was the one for me. Now having reconnected 28 years later, and with our lives meshing so smoothly together (despite hugely different lifestyles, educational backgrounds and careers), I am more convinced than ever that some of us are only good–and can only be truly happy–with one other person during our lifetime. There had been other relationships with much more “suitable” men capable of working out–had I been committed to making them work. BUT my SO is the only person I have wanted, really wanted, to commit to and I realize that it probably has something to do with this childhood imprint and also that my SO does have more than just a few similarities to my father. I’ve met a couple of men who were “intellectual soulmates” but for whatever reason, my heart never connected with them. My SO feels more like my karmic soulmate–I feel as if I’ve finally come home.

  19. I believe you’ve hit on something with this soul imprint. I have heard that the people who help you grow the most are the ones who annoy you the most. I know that many relationships get to the point of annoyance and even beyond that to the point violence. When you describe yourself and the soldier in the truck and his verbally attack on you, you are both using each other to learn something about your own tolerance and personal weaknesses. The soldier is in your life and vice versa because you both represent what each other needs to grow in this lifetime.
    My husband and I have a lot of hard angles and opposition and we’ve had to grow immensely just to stay together. He is Cancer, me Cap; he is Virgo rising, me Pisces; Our charts mirror each other in complete opposition (and we both have our north node in pisces). Some days are head on battles, yet we have overcome incarceration, addiction, poverty, illness and infidelity. Today we live in a beautiful house, have a beautiful daughter and have a six figure income. I’d hate to think of were we’d be had we given up and not stuck it out and fell back into our old ways without learning our lessons from each other. Our souls were definitely meant to be.

  20. Gah. I think I imprinted on fictional characters very early. You know the bit in “Sleepless in Seattle” where Rosie O’Donnell says to Meg Ryan, “You don’t want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie”? I want to be in love in a novel. Preferably a really good historical novel by somebody like Dorothy Dunnett. Real men do not match my imprint.

  21. That’s a hot topic. I never know what my soul is looking for until I find it, and I always find it when I’m not looking for. I guess my soul likes to keep it as a secret until there’s no escape πŸ™‚ Venus-Uranus square Saturn-Neptune.

  22. hey Becca, at least your imprint is HUMAN! my first love was Kimba the White Lion (the japanamated precursor to Simba from the Lion King). yikes.

  23. JJJ – you’re new, right? You might be interested in blogs you will find searching “piss off mommy” here. Gay or no gay, they apply to someone like you – Hopefully you’ll be amused and if not, then I will duck!

  24. And now for something completely different: I have my Moon in my fourth house, and my seventh house is Cancer, occupied by Uranus. Moon is opposed by Neptune.

    Now I’ve had quite a life, with many loves and some adequate-to-great/good sexual relationships. But I came across what you call (I guess) “esoteric astrology” a few years back. The basic interpretation of Moon in the 4th was that I would (first) really only be in love with my mother for as long as she lives.

    This would noramlly be hard for a guy to admit in public? No? I mean, don’t a lot of women end up complaining about being with someone who is actually somehow controlled by his mother? I’ve got no problem admitting it, especially in this forum. It is not quite so cut and dried, though. (As Elsa says, it’s more complicated than that!) After all, I’m gay, and mother was always jealous of my gay lovers too, if she knew about them. So it is a “soul thing,” I emphatically agree. After all: my mother had her part to play in this, too. That is, it isn’t just me doing this. My mother had nine children to choose from. And I got along with my father more or less well. I liked him and he was always “good for me” considering who I am.

    Sorry if this is “too” confessional: (TMI)

  25. Thanks, Elsa, I will check it out, but amused or not, I have to say that I don’t think the concept interests me much. I didn’t mention earlier that mom is just now leaving this world. Thus, moot issue, really. I was only just saying, saying things like: well it’s not really been a problem for me, one way or another; only just “in the chart.”

  26. this is a really nice piece Elsa, and when I find someone I want, I just know I want them for good or bad. Very strong unshakeable feeling. I do think that imprinting plays into it big time. this is something I have though a lot about, because not all my imprinting is good, far from it! It’s not all bad either, but the men I love pretty much have to be selfish artists, either loners, or just stand out from the crowd, and they are the men who are just going to do it their way and everything else be damned! Not always the easiest people to work with, but I can fix that, I’ve got neptune in the 7th and I just dream, and imagine every little thing about them is absolutely perfect.

  27. When I hit over thirty and per my aunts instructions I gave guys six months. That’s it. If at this point they weren’t the one, I was gone. It worked. I had no prob meeting guys, just the right one. I went online and went on a lot of dates and stayed focused. I centered myself, thought about what I wanted/needed, hoped I would met them and they were also looking for me. I questioned why my previous relationships had not worked out and really thought about what I was attracting and why. I paid attention to my intuition in guiding me towards the someone I could share/love/be with and I met him. He was shorter than any guy I’ve dated, smarter, kinder and sexier too. He just spoke to me and was what I needed and wanted. I needed to think and feel what I needed versus just thinking (and with four planets in air that is hard to do). We are married for three weeks now and are pretty freakin’ happy. We are not perfect but are soooo happy.

    xoxo

    ps. he is what my soul was looking for (as he w-for’s our screen door behind me. What a goof it’s 9:30 on a Sat night!).

    leo stellium, pluto/uran in 7H

  28. “I never know what my soul is looking for until I find it, and I always find it when I’m not looking for. I guess my soul likes to keep it as a secret until there’s no escape”

    Conny – Me too. I guess if you knew ahead of time what would happen…you would escape. You have to be ambushed, lol.

    My imprint is vague, can never really peg it with descriptions and qualities. But it is unmistakable when I see it. I may take a loooong time circling around it to make sure it won’t bite me – but I know it all along.

  29. Like Wyrdling, my parents left me with an imprint of what is possible if to people love each other deeply and work at keeping their relationship alive. My father was a Leo as was my husband – but his Leo ego was too much for my Taurus pragmatism to support. I’m now with a Cancer Leo rising and he not only has all those wonderful Leo characteristics I need and willingly support, but they are coupled with the Cancer tendency to “mother’ so he spoils me right back.

    So I really was looking for my Father and I found him – and, hey, it only took 58 years…. but is ia well worth having what I need.

  30. Man, I recently was made aware of this theory that made so much sense. This guy was talking about how we’re looking for our imago. Which is an amalgam of the positive and wounding traits of your parents. So, the conscious me is looking around for the positive traits, but the unconscious is steering me toward the wounding traits because it seeks healing.

    So the entire point of marriage or long term relationships (romantic) is to heal childhood wounds (or, you could say, past life wounds). So we find that the traits that attracted us to someone are eventually the same traits that drive us crazy! Because we like those traits because they are traits we were cut off from experessing, but then we try to shut those traits down just like they were shut down in us.

    It made a lot of sense to me, that marriage/LTR is really not meant to be romantic, at its core it is a spiritual healing journey. Venus in 12? Capricorn 7th house? I dunno.

  31. What if we can be happy chilling out and being ourselves for a while? Do we always have to be looking for just one person?

  32. I’m looking for Captain Von Trapp. Where are you captain? minus all those kids. but I’ll take the estate in the Austrian mountains. Everyone else will pale in comparison. Thanks Elsa, for forcing me to be conscious of this fact. Either I need to redefine what I am looking for as an adult instead of a child or just keep looking for the Captain.

  33. Mr. Spoc from the original Star Trek Serious.

    He is logical, he would make decsions based on logic and not ego and if he did not know what I was thinking he could do I mind meld and figure it out…LOL

  34. I think I’m nearly ready to throw off my bad imprint. you know what? I don’t think I can make Daddy– er, whatever man I’m dating– respect and value me. what a concept.

    gah, it’s gonna be another loooooooong sex-winter. shit.

  35. I have lots of air in my chart (Aquarius sun and venus, Gemini moon, Saturn, Jupiter in Libra)I tend to be spontaneous, get bored easily, always looking for the next adventure.

    I think what my soul is looking for is someone to ground me.

    My parents have a very loving relationship and I think have been the best example of two people loving each other I’ve ever seen in my life. (don’t know their birth time but my mom is Libra sun/dad Virgo sun)

    In all 4 of the significant relationships I’ve had in my life, my partners had a significant amount of Virgo and Capricorn. I also have moon opposition neptune so I guess that I tend to have lots of illusions (or delusions lol) about my relationships. I am starting to think that this deal with my neptune has led to me not really seeing how much I DO need to be grounded. I’ve always rejected others’ attempts to ground me… and now… well, now I think I am starting to see how much I really do need it.

    I am in this relationship now where me and this guy have romantic feelings for each other that we have both acknowledged, but he currently lives out of state. It’s hard to try and categorize but we’ve become best friends.

    Anyway, he’s Aquarius sun, too (birthdays are only a day apart, different year) and he has quite a good deal of air but he’s got a lot of earth, too (Virgo, Capricorn.)

    When I did a consultation with Elsa she said we were like mirrors to each other, that we both have qualities that the other has but has not quite developed. He definitely has a calming effect on me, and for once in my life, I appreciate it. And I think that I really help bring out the “airy” qualities in his personality.

    I don’t know if we’ll be together when he moves out here, but I know for sure that he is someone I will probably always be close to. I’ve shared myself more with him than with anyone else, probably.

    Now my previous relationships, they taught me a lot. My last one, the one with my husband, if I had known the things about myself then that I know now, it would have worked out, but sadly the process of our seperation has made me learn and face a lot about myself. Seeing those things has made me a better person for my next relationship (which I hope is my last) Sadly, I guess it wasn’t meant to be with him (or who knows, I am the type of person who things happen to at the last possible minute)

  36. ah dolce, if only you’d been there the day I fell head-long into the bathtub, pants around my ankles, taking the shower curtain with me ring by ring: plink plink plink…

    or maybe that’s not the kind of laugh you’re referencing.

  37. I agree with you, your husband and your sister in that our souls are in fact looking for the right combination of traits that speaks to them as this is the person for me. Sometimes I think we find a person and that person speaks to our soul enough that we think hey this is the one. Then a sometime latter we wake up and that person has changed or is not exactly who we thought they were so they no longer speak to our soul. Our soul goes on the hunt for the one that does. Weather we are still legally attached or not.

    I have been married 3 time the 1st marriage doesn’t really count as it was a deal between me and that man to redirect our permanent duty station when we were active duty military. Which did work so not a bad deal really

    Husband #2 was a Virgo Man and for 7 years his soul spoke to mine. He however has sever PTSD and that took over and the soul language changed we no longer were compatible.

    Then I took a long look at what my soul was looking for and realized that I wanted many of the qualities that my father has but none of the qualities he has that I find irritating. That would describe my present husband who has Sun in Aries in the 8th house, Leo on the AC and a Sag Moon. I love to watch his mind work it is fascinating not only that he can fix nearly anything but is not a micro manager which is the most irritating trait my father has.

  38. Interesting, Elsa. I have Venus conjoined Pluto and conjunct Mercury in H1, and sextile Neptune and Jupiter – so I’ve thought about this long and imaginatively! My Moon/Uranus/Ascendant has different needs. Saturn on my H5 cusp something else altogether. North Node in Libra had to figure all this out to make my life feel worthwhile. Sheesh. Not easy to find someone that can bridge all that. And boy have I tried, and been through hell and back many times. Took me 50+ years, but I may have found my Someone. Together almost 2 years and I always feel at home with him. He’s totally not what I would have expected. For his part, almost all my personal planets land in his 7th house, if not his 8th, so I think it feels pretty right to him, too.

  39. *BRAVO* I love this video- and glad that it wasn’t only 1 minute! I soooo agree with the Soldier. I can’t go into the whole story here, but I’ve been convinced of this ‘first hand’…. And, it’s so magic!

  40. I’d been searching for long. But how could I find him, I didn’t know who I was in the beginning. That probably explains the number of failed relationships. Then I met this man, and we shared common projects (ideas) of building a family, growing together… I “believed” this could be the one. He seemed responsible to my Saturn 7th sextile sun in 4. His moon in Libra was appealing to my moon in Aries – seemed to create emotional appeasement. I was attracted to his intellect (Venus in Gemini), was that love? Well sex wasn’t the sparks I yearned for, but did it matter that much, as all my previous passionate adventures seemed to go nowhere? (hum, should have know better, sagittarius asc, moon in aries, mars in pisces…) I thought I should give it a go, we had affection for one another, I thought, this could turn into love. If I don’t engage, I will never know. So I did. 5 years on, two kids later, the disaster. Well, maybe I knew from the begining it was coming, but didn’t want to see…or I just denied myself, in a last attempt to please someone I was still seeking recognition/love from… This failed of course.

    He doesn’t love me for who I am, and probably me neither. How can I, all I give he rejects. And he doesn’t know how to give. I’m unhappy. There is no emotional connexion, we barely touch each other. I can’t touch him. He says, I’m frigid lol I knew I wasn’t..so he is projecting…He says he cannot transmit to his children. He says, he’s not interested in his second child – “well you know, I’ve experienced what a baby is like with the first one, so I know this now, won’t be any different with the second”. The illusion is breaking away and I have to face reality. He is not the one I will be happy with, not the father figure I had in mind for my kids, not the family ideals I had – not the Love. I can’t go on like this, I need to get out of here because I’m dying inside. And I need to do it for my kids too. He’s sucked out all the energy out of me in our 5 years together.

    So I leave and he gets back his freedom. We manage to come to an agreement for the kids custody and visiting rights. He is their father, and will always be. I’m taking the responsibilities he cannot.

    What now? This is the failure that I have to learn the lessons from! And circumstances are giving me the opportunity to make the greatest leap ever into knowing who I am. I have time for once. Maybe it’s the time I need to get to know more about astrology…I find elsa’s blog. I find lots more. I’m getting back the basics – what do I NEED. I started the real introspection back in January 2010.
    Well, if I can share with you any good news, it’s that there is someone out there for everyone! I’ve found him, he’s found me πŸ˜‰
    I probably would never have recognised him if I’d met him before today! Because I’ve learned the lessons and I’ve only become conscious of who I am today. Because I know who I am so much better, that I know what I need, and what is important to me, I can recognise he is the one for me. And no other. And also, I’m able to stand up to what I am (I could not pin it down before, but it’s Uranus – makes me do “crazy” stuff), and not care if this will not be understood,or lovalbe to others. Because I’ve confronted some of my deepest fears, and doing so, I’ve come to self-sufficiency. And so I know I love this man for who he is, and not for any wrong reasons.

    BTW, this is the present Jupiter trine Uranus has given me this year but also Saturn in Libra, after all the hardships of the past. To know he is the one, and to be able to envision the future life I want to live with him that fulfills all my dreams and make it come true.
    Yes, I will be happy, and this is the second chapter of my life!!

    Thanks again Elsa!

  41. I think I imprinted on Jesus at a very early age – you know those pictures of the Sacred Heart? Not a bit of wonder I’m single πŸ™‚

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