I was amazed to read the comments on the “What Do You Like About This Blog” blog. They are so flattering I am afraid is looks as if I were digging for compliments or something which was not the case. I really do lose the plot at times and I thought after the comments, I would elaborate.
I don’t know where the edge is and I have this in common with the soldier by the way. We both have and have had such extreme lives we don’t know when we cross into territory other people cannot understand or relate to. And I bet some of you Scorpios out there know what I am talking about. Everything is okay and then all sudden – whoosh. You cop to something you know or you feel and someone’s eyes bug out or you see them jump back.
They become repulsed… which of course ultimately attracts them, which repulses them and so on. But if you’re the person who steps in it like this you just wonder why you had to do it. Why did you have to fart on your blog? Why? Why could you have just avoided that but noooooooooooo.
So anyway this happens to me. I am old so understand it and I can cope pretty well. But I definitely go through times like this and current episode came on after I revealed I would like to be with the killer. It’s my preference.
Now this is true and if I could talk to you like I do my inner circle, I could get you to understand it I’m sure. But as is I have no idea if I am understood or not… if that is a fart or not.
Now I know some people get it. I am just sure of this but when I write something like that and no one (or very few) react to it then I get to wondering if I have gone too far. And it is not that I question my thoughts or my feelings because I don’t. I question my choice to reveal my thoughts and my feelings because if people cannot understand what I am saying or relate, then what’s the point? It’s like speaking French to the English or something.
Saturn in Virgo asks if I could have better conveyed my meaning or if I should have waited or edited or been more vague. And this is what the conversation with my friend last night was about.
“Do you think people know what I mean?”
“I don’t know,” she said.
So here I am knowing my movie is solid but wondering if I might have mixed up the episodes or something. So that’s what I mean by “lost the plot”. And my question today was designed to help me find it and it worked so thanks for that. Thank you, thanks to everyone who took the time to share their thoughts and feelings. It much safer not to, huh?
Hrm. I guess the trine my moon gets from Pluto in Scorpio serves me well around here, because I’ve yet to be repulsed by anything you’ve posted. And for the bit about being attracted to the killer, I’m extremely thankful you posted that because it really helped me understand what’s going on in my own life. (in that I’m married to a guy with some of the same stuff going on. Different venue for training, but same sort of thing. I love him so much it astounds me sometimes, and nobody else seems to get it.)
Anyways, what I’m meandering around to saying here is, I don’t really care if there’s a plot here or not. I’ve been a regular reader since you were posting on Xanga and keep coming back for more because no matter what you post, it’s guarenteed to be interesting. (how to keep a gemini hooked) It may be out of left field sometimes, but that’s part of the goodness of this blog. Personally I encourage you to keep developing this blog however you see fit, cause I’m confident whatever you decide to do will be worth keeping up on.
I actually like it when the episodes are mixed up! Just because I cannot follow the plot does not mean that i do not enjoy the cinematography, the actors, the soundtrack, the writing, the lighting, the extras. All of it is enjoyable! If I have to cover my eyes through a few scenes or laugh or cry or miss a few scenes because I went back to get some licorice. It is all part of the experience and all and all it is a very good movie, the kind that I would watch more than once and find some subtle nuances that I missed the first time. Roll the credits. Elsa- you are a star!
I see what you mean. Sure. Well, I am not in love with the soldier, so in my life, I am not thinking about wanting to be with a killer and that may simplify my life because I think it is taboo to want to marry a killer. It’s not really “in” at least in my circles. On a completely different topic but it has one tiny thing in common which is Provocative Style, I am referring to how Eric Francis has brought talking about masturbation in detail onto his day to day housekeeping over at planetwaves.net. Like I said, different topics, and both register raised eyebrows on my forehead, and I am 48 years old and this is a new topic. In my Capricorn style, I will just be innocently grazing over here, but I will be thinking about killers and masturbation and hey, this energy raises our consciousness and thats what we are all about!
I hear you… I am a bit like this, too. Not shocked very easily (to give you a reference frame, I’ve been asked ‘Well are you intimidated by Milosovic?’ or ‘Well what if I told you I was a necrophilic? Would you be shocked THEN?’ Ha ha…
Your style is very organic and it does work for you, so I’d love it if you stuck with it. People love when things aren’t obviously laid out…are you kidding me? Hitchcock, man! You’re a Lady Hitchcock!
Oops. I think I just projected onto you 😉
here’s hoping you get my gist…
Bleh. And what I really meant was…I totally relate to people doing a little cringe by some things that come out of me (Sag craves honesty but Capricorn desires dignity…and Pluto effs with both).
None of your posts have fazed me one bit. My first marriage was to a former Green Beret with serious mental issues (not to say your soldier has those – he seems to have worked through whatever trauma he was exposed to just fine), but no subject in and of itself really shocks me, ever. What does shock me is when some people have the audacity or balls or sheer courage to come right out and say it. I know I’ve elicited reactions of shock from others just talking about what I consider regular stuff, realizing later that a lot of people simply don’t share my past intensity of experience, so here I come and pop that pleasant little bubble of theirs, what do I expect?? So to see someone be that candid about things like this is really admirable because I know I’ve toned it down A LOT. I would like to say it’s out of respect for everyone else and their comfort zones, but that would be a lie. It’s because avoiding others’ reactions makes life easier on me.
So, kudos to Elsa for talkin’ smack. 🙂 For those of us who won’t.
I haven’t read the other blog you refer to receiving “compliments”. In my business that is a very good thing to do….ask for recognition, ‘strokes’ for not having a better word. I must admit today is where Chiron is exactly conjunct my Moon and Black Moon Lilith.
I am looking around for the terrible things to happen and there is zilch! Perhaps years of work transcending this natal aspect has paid off? I am definitely attracted to the strong intense and overt kind of women in life. Its funny what goes on internally for any one person. I have been waiting for something bad to happen or perhaps and invitation to step into something bad so that I can be rejected again (Chiron Moon Scripting). I don’t wish that to happen.
Once again I am talking about myself and all the time others around me, have stuff going on in their lives. Me me Me and I. I love your blog Elsa and the way you express yourself, the way you let us in on your life so to speak. That is worth holding and protecting and recognising. Keep up the great blogging.
About editing to be vague, remember when one of your friends said you are raw? You think you can be vague and keep your integrity? It seems to me that you prefer not to pull punches, Elsa. I don’t think people get “repulsed” from your blog, I can’t imagine it really, especially not the people who comment. Your explanations/stories are powerful partly because you tell them as clearly as possible, I think. Kind of like how you said during astrology conferences you try to pack as much into the time people are paying for.
max – on the “hitman” it is a reference to how he was characterized back in the day as I outlined on the other blog. “Assassin” is the word that was used by my peers and the people around me and “hitman” comes from the Italian angle.
I am from the desert and they know about Italian people there is what was shown in the Godfather and so this tie gets made.
On the term “psycho”, you are right – I should quit using it and I will.
I’ve never been repulsed by anything you have ever written. I have been caught off guard a few times by some of the comments. But I don’t view that as negative either. A few times I thought maybe I didn’t understand what you had meant after reading other’s comments.
Usually if I don’t comment it’s because I just really have nothing to say. Not because I didn’t understand or agree with what was written. Also, I will never notice that you have lost the thread! 😉
Keep doing what you’re doing. You are a blessing just the way you are!
That first picture happens to be from my favorite scene from The Thing. (“You gotta. Be. Fucking. Kidding me.”)
We both have and have had such extreme lives we don’t know when we cross into territory other people cannot understand or relate to. And I bet some of you Scorpios out there know what I am talking about. Everything is okay and then all sudden – whoosh. You cop to something you know or you feel and someone’s eyes bug out or you see them jump back.
All the time, hon, really. I have plenty of ugly stories. You just learn not to tell people shit, no point to it. They freak out or they try to be nice nice but they do not understand. Going metaphorical, when you have through the Gate of Acheron there is no coming back, even if you return.
Anyways, I wanted merely to add that calling him ‘The Soldier’ is the correct appelation. All soldiers are (trained) killers, and not a few police are as well. Calling him a hitman or an assassin just isn’t quite right (unless he’s been sent to do certain kinds of wetwork which they usually reserve for different sorts of people. SF has their own knitting to tend to.).
(You didn’t ask: FYI, psychopathy and sociopathy are two different things and in fact are not correct technical terms, so they tend to get misused a lot. (There should a link on wikipedia to a prototype psychopathy inventory, that’s a candidate for inclusion into the DSM.) Anyways, soldiers generally are not psychopaths (most psychopaths would wash out and they make poor soldiers) and they usually are not particularly sadistic. Serial killers and the sort of people who make Mafia hitmen are special types of psychopath. Unless there are some really gruesome details of a certain type you’ve left out, he’s not the type.)
[‘People get a little overexcited, eh?’]
“And I bet some of you Scorpios out there know what I am talking about. Everything is okay and then all sudden – whoosh. You cop to something you know or you feel and someone’s eyes bug out or you see them jump back.” Hehe, my Scorpio friend who has a poor private to public filter certainly knows what you’re talking about. People shoot the shit with her in the library and come back asking, “Her family did what?”
when i used to work at detox, i remember standing outside with a client many a night, maybe 3am, in the dark while they smoke a cigarette and told their tales of their personal trip to hell, y’kno? and you listen. you absorb. but you may not say anything.
you just witness their truth.
sometimes, there isn’t something to respond to, but it doesn’t mean nobody gets it, or that you metaphorically farted.
you stay true to your voice, and people who can hear that frequency will. those that are repulsed will tune in to a different station.
you said everything that really needed saying about that. in my eyes.
or. i could say. one of my best friends was that sort of killer. and. it was in service to the people who can’t help themselves because they are A)powerless of B)dead.
if someone thinks that the ability to kill another human being makes someone a monster then there’s little you can do to change their mind, i think. except maybe show them the difference intention makes and the consequences of letting certain kinds of people do what they want to do without restriction.
but you’ve said all that already 😉
oh, yeh, and the “oops, did i say that?” issue certainly does come up. i try to be circumspect to not freak people out but. it still happens. part of not lying. can’t avoid letting it out from time to time.
some people even think it’s natural.
good old spinner
Is this a Saturn in Scorpio in the 8th house thing? Happens to me on a regular basis. Can’t seem to help myself. I’m old, too 🙂 and one would think I would wise up . . . but I never see it coming until I get that “look in the eyes” and then I know I’ve stepped in it—again.