Feeling Regret & Responsibility

People walkingRecently an organization sent me a survey. They wanted my honest evaluation of how they were doing in addressing very specific goals.  I care about the organization and I share it’s goals. I took the time to answer the questions as clearly and honestly as I could.

I feel the organization is failing completely in a certain niche. This niche is important to me, but it is a small niche. I seriously doubt that anyone but me would mention it. However, this is the point of polling everyone, right?

I felt an obligation to mention this flaw, even though it could be seen as nitpicking.  Because overall, the organization is doing extremely well. So why not just say that?  Hey! I’m satisfied!

I am satisfied! But I still felt obligated to communicate this one failing. It’s not me who is being failed, see? I am satisfied, but I can see the (small) group that’s falling through the cracks.

Let’s say I am the only person who perceives the problem. If that’s the case, the organization has the option to ignore my comment. Alternately, it might hit them very hard, because what I wrote was real.

I felt I had to do it, so I did it. I mentioned this to my husband, knowing he would not have written such a thing himself.  I can’t tell you why not, other than to say he’s not me. \

I thought of some other people-pleasing people I know.   Ass-kissers, you might call them. They might have gone on and on gushing about how wonderful everything is.

pisces pendantAnd then you have their polar opposite. People who are never happy. The organization just gave them the chance to list their unending grievances.

Bottom line, it takes all kinds.  But I still felt the need to apologize…

I told Pisces, satori, I’m just not that cool. It is a lot cooler to be a Pisces…and transcend the minutiae.  Nobody really likes a person like me, who will  point out the one flaw…the glaring flaw that turns everything on it’s ass.

I feel bad about this. I feel bad about being this kind of person, but obviously I was born – uncool and all. I was born to be the person who makes the remark you did not think anyone would make, ever. The remark that keeps you up at night.

But if people like me walk off the job, then what?  Circle-jerk?

So today I apologized for being pedestrian but intelligent. It’s not a good combo but it’s what I am. I don’t think I am meant to be less discerning.

Do you ever feel regret for your very essence?  Secondly, have you ever regretted asking a question, when the answers came in?

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Comments

Feeling Regret & Responsibility — 17 Comments

  1. Do I ever feel regret for my very essence? Yes! My “veneer” is nice enough & I can get along with most (I have Libra, after all!) but, if I open up & let people see the real me, they will either love me or can’t stand me. So, opening up increases my risk of losing someone I like. Which, in the end, is a blessing…I know that. But, that doesn’t stop it from sucking hard when it happens. I have a strong personality & it doesn’t take much for me to piss people off, apparently.

    And yes, I’ve regretted asking something & getting an answer I don’t like. But, the satisfaction of knowing the truth outweighs that regret every time.

  2. I’d like to get away with feigning blindness, but a direct question?

    And if I feign blindness, will I eventually become that way for real?

    It’s not worth the risk.

    • You’re right Elsa – feigning blindness is not worth the risk. As the saying goes, “What you resist will persist.” Better for the organization to know now that they can be even more inclusive so they can address the issue on their terms (if that are able to) rather than be forced to do it later due to dire circumstances.

      I know someone who feigns blindness to her “all about me” approach to life and then wonders why her life continues to go downhill. When she has complained to me about certain situations , I pointed out the truth of why the outcome was not to her liking. Let’s just say she prefers to “be right” than “do right”.

  3. It’s all about statistics I think.

    99% of the people are happy. And then 1% are not. Something must of been out of whack for that person become the 1%. But then what if there’s more people who realize that issue? Then it’s a 98/2 ratio. The ratios start changing.

    99% of people may be the satisfied status quo, compared to the 1% who isn’t because they see something the others missed. However, it’s the responsibility of the 100% to give truthful input.

    I don’t know if that sounds confusing.. I guess what I’m saying is that if you find value in your convictions, opinions or truths, it matters. It’s not whether you find it valuable, cause I’m sure those who wrote the survey do.

    I don’t regret my essence. I regret not learning from my mistakes. I ask uncomfortable questions at times, and say inappropriate things. I don’t regret it. I learn from it. If it never happened, I’d never learn.
    I don’t regret my questions. They have the choice to respond.

    • What I did was state that I felt the organization was going a great job, overall. I specifically said that my personal needs were being met, brilliantly.

      However, there is a minority of people, *very important to me* (and also to them) that is completely ignored, suffering and falling through the cracks. I stated this, the implication being, this occurs while the majority (which includes me) parties on.

      It’s serious criticism. It’s extremely serious criticism. It’s ugly, it will probably cause someone(s) some pain, but it’s accurate.

      They are going to have to think about this. I don’t think it will be too comfortable. But I could not leave this part of my remarks out – isn’t it obvious?

      It’s like you plug up all the holes, but you’re leaking profusely from this one you’re unaware of. How can I see this and not say something?

      They can evaluate my remark and decide if it has merit. They can do or not do whatever they want. I didn’t make any demands.

      I’ve been trying to plug the hole myself, for months..for years now. That’s how I know it’s there. They asked how they could help me, well this is how! SEE THIS HOLE.

  4. Yes, I have. As a Libra, I’m often guilty of being an “ass-kisser” and trying to keep everyone happy. That’s what Libras do, and why people hate us so much! I’d much rather be an Aries or Scorpio.

  5. I felt the organization was sincerely asking for feedback. By my standard, any comments made in this circumstance should be honest, or not not made at all.

    But even saying such a thing makes me look like a pain in the ass.

    On the other hand, we all like Mary Poppins. Who knows.

    I just know my husband would never have made the remarks I made. This has been a theme, lately. I think what I think. I can’t help it, if I am in a tiny minority. Even if I have to stand alone, then I feel I have to stand alone!

    I guess this is Saturn in Sagittarius. These are my beliefs…even if they’re not cool or anything. I feel like the sour note, I guess you would say.

    However, why am I here, if not to play the note I have to play?

    • “I guess this is Saturn in Sagittarius …” I woke with that precise question: “What is Saturn in Sagittarius?” Standing alone in the collective?

      What Lilly wrote is keen, and I relate to it. My veneer is ‘nice enough’ but my opinions and writings shave off a lot of fluff folk; it’s not easy stuff to digest and fold in so many angles on a seemingly simple point. So ‘yes’ sometimes I regret not being popular with the masses, but, I was made with Chiron in the 10th House in Scorpio.

  6. See, I’m a born critic (even though Sun in Pisces). I think what you did, assuming it was in a reasonable tone, was just fine. It’s good for an organization to get a mix of feedback – you told them, as I read you, what they were doing well and also pointed out an area for improvement. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

  7. Glad to know theres more people in this boat!

    Not only I’m this umpleasant being, but I never get along with ass-kissers as well.

    I read somewhere that its one of the traits with Virgo Midheaven people, so I saw myself in it but then, I met a Virgo Midheaven man with Saturn in a tight conjunction with the MC. He also had a Leo moon, which made him a bon-vivant. The result? I found some 5 accounts of him in internet/mobile apps abt rating restaurants + a wine scanner/rating thing. His ratings date back since 2009. He took it to extremes haha.

  8. Oh yes with the sage ascendent my arrows of truth can inadvertently hurt at times. I have a lot in virgo too and almost all prohressed into virgo so aware of my perfectionism and critical nature although I don’t moan and I aiways mention and praise good stuff as well.
    I was recently at a new agey type thing and asked how we liked the session – it popped out and I saud I hated it, I embarrassed myself but it was the truth! But there were loads of nicey (prob passive aggressive) types there and I was like a pariah!

    I cringed my essence that night!

  9. Yes, i hate my essence sometimes. Some people mistake my Pisces indecision, lack of clarity, and confusion for stuoidity and my gentle nature as gullibility and naivete. But you know…we are whk we are for a reason and we all have something to contribute to the world. And no, i havent regretted asking anything, I’m totally open.

  10. I do not care for my essence the majority of the time. I have water trines combined with a Pluto and Uranus conjunction in Virgo. It is like a bomb going off into the ocean. It is not usually effective and abortive. I do not regret asking for input from others but in consideration of that input I usually see the merit in what is given to me. I do not like feeling so much, even since childhood, but I have accepted that that is who I am and ther must be a reason that I was made this way. Perhaps the collective was in need of a less hardened approach to feel what others do not feel. I do not really know but I have to feel that I provide for what has been lacking, otherwise I would feel myself to be a failure .

  11. “Do you ever feel regret for your very essence?”

    HELL YES, ALL THE TIME. I get so tired of being told everything about me is wrong!

    “Secondly, have you ever regretted asking a question, when the answers came in?”

    Yes, frequently, which is why I’m very careful about asking things.

    This kind of thing makes me think it depends on situation. Like I’ve learned at my work if anyone asks my “honest” opinion about something, keep my mouth shut because nobody actually wants to know that, especially if I am in the minority. Smile, nod, say nothing!

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