My last serious relationship grew out of a friendship. After two years, we suddenly realized we were in love with each other. This relationship ended abruptly after just eight months, when he decided it had gotten too serious.
About a year later, I started dating another man. We’ve only been dating for about three months, and usually by now I’ve fallen in love – in the past I’ve fallen quite fast! But while sometimes I adore my new beau, there are times I feel quite detached from him.
I’m concerned about these feelings. Sometimes I feel that I should know right away and have strong feelings like I did in my last relationship. But I also realize that it took two years for those feelings to grow out of our friendship.
Is my detachment due to fears of being hurt again… or is he truly not the one for me?
Dear Unsure Lover,
You’re detached in relationship by your nature. You’re commitment-phobic! I don’t mean that in a nasty way. I am commitment-phobic myself.
People with Venus tied up with Uranus in their chart are prone to sudden attractions – relationships that start on a dime. It’s all very thrilling and then BAM. They end the same way they start, in an instant. “Whoops, changed my mind! I’m out of here!”
People who operate this way find each other because they have something in common. They don’t want to be tied down! They work both sides of this – and you have. Sometimes you detach. Sometimes the other person does it for you, but the result is the same. You’re FREE! And this is what you really want.
There’s a great astrologer, Stephen Arroyo, who writes about this aspect in his book, “Relationships and Life Cycles: Astrological Patterns of Personal Experience”. He once set up practice near a military base and 7 out of the 10 women he saw have Venus tied to Uranus in their chart. Know why? Because these women were free from their husband for seven months a year! PERFECT! Perfect, if you’re wired this way, that is.
So just think about this. You hook up with someone and here comes the day-in-day-out drudgery of it all. Is that really for you? I’m not sure it is. Venus/ Uranus loves on-and-off relationships and relationship with “friends”. Distance is the point. And freedom.
You can do anything you want, but getting a conscious grip on what you want in a relationship is probably a good place to start .
Are you trying to overcome your commitment-phobia?