I was thinking about pathology. It led me to pull up the video about breaking your psychological patterns in relationships. Have you ever seen a person who does nothing but run into the same issue, every day, in every way? Let’s say it’s a woman who does not trust men. All she seems to do is run into men she can’t trust!
Or how about men who meet needy women over and over and over and over? Or maybe it’s rejecting women, they can’t seem to dodge.
Some people have problems with authority. Everywhere they go, everyone they meet, stands in for daddy or mommy. It’s such a compromised way to live. “Curses! Foiled again!”
I’ve also seen people who are really mad about something, but they don’t know what so they’re just mad at everyone all the time.
To not address this stuff is akin to leaving a thorn in your foot, to fester and become infected. Why is this so common?
Psychological patterns are not always visible to the person exhibiting them, I think.
Even if such a pattern (a tendency to always attract X, a behavioural pattern to always blame Y, etc.), was made known to this person, who is to say that said person would listen? We’ve all got our patterns and tendencies, molded and solidified over the years, that change would entail too big of a deviation from ‘normal.’
I firmly believe that these patterns (to do this, to attract that, to criticize, to not take responsibility, etc.) was at one point a protection or buffer mechanism to things that are tough to deal with.
As twisted as it is, such buffers become the norm for the person, and so not removing the proverbial thorn in foot would almost be safer than to recognize and then remove this thorn.
Psychological patterns are hard to break; indeed I think it takes intelligence to recognize it, humility to heed the warnings of those who recognize it for you, insight to and a comfort with the uncomfortable to dig deeper into the issue, and perhaps a progressive, open attitude to self improvement… Haha but that is just my take on this :).
debdeb is right about this.
I understand the collective part of this as well. We feel comfortable with others who are like us, or familiar as Richard Bandler expressed. In this attraction, we’ve set the trap to relive all of those dramas. Like attracts like.
Well, that’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? That’s why we study astrology and other occult topics. To figure out why all this crap keeps happening! I’m staring at my chart trying to avoid making Mistake #3. I think I’ve learned something, and hopefully I’ll apply that to whenever the next time is.
Love this post and the comments! Thanks for the good and timely reminder.
I think it was Edgar Cayce who said we humans are ‘always meeting ourselves.’ So true!
Everywhere you go, there you are.
Sometimes when you are in the middle of something you can’t see what’s going on. That’s why I think it’s important to have people in your life that you can trust to ask them what they think of the situation.
I think this is common because the alternative is not the easy road. It was not easy to admit, hey I’m playing a part in this drama, and to stop blaming the other. Then I got all about there is something terribly wrong with me. That is not a good state to be in as you can imagine what that attracted. Well, I was not really any worse than anyone else, I’m just human with stuff like everyone else. And then I was sick of my stuff and the work began. The hardest part to accept as I got through stuff was accepting that people can really treat each other crappily. And in the end there is acceptance that that’s just the way it is. And I can excuse myself from unhealthy situations.
But working through it was not easy. I had to do all this big deep cathartic processing to rip it out by the roots. I began to notice that a friend was calling with “I got a problem” stuff. We talked for 15-20 minutes and she would get resolution on the route to take. I was amazed at the speed in which she could do this, as it takes me all that deep processing stuff to get resolution on issues for myself. And then I noticed that she had repeat problems of a similar nature. We were just putting band aids on the bigger problem(s).
I think that when a person gets tired of chasing their tail, they have no choice but to get down to work. I talked to “this friend” last week. She’s seeing a counselor and was proud to announce that she’s not crazy after all (relationship thing, damage damage damage “from her controlling mate” or so she says at present.) I knew when I saw her there was something different. She looked 10 years younger. Amazing.
I agree a lot with what DebDeb says. Also, sometimes people feel powerless or doomed to this. I’m destined to continue meeting this over and over and over never connect what behavior they are portraying that brings this type of thing into their life.
PS I think what “this friend” taught me once and for all, is that a person has got to work through it themselves in their own way. I can be there, but ultimately it’s up to the individual to find their own uniqueness and okayness with it. I don’t want to hinder their process and detour them. Astrology has provided me with a base system with which to work.
PS I think what “this friend” taught me once and for all, is that a person has got to work through it themselves in their own way. I can be there, but ultimately it’s up to the individual to find their own uniqueness and okayness with it. I don’t want to hinder their process and detour them. Astrology has provided me with a base system with which to work my stuff.
”Psychological patterns are not always visible to the person exhibiting them, I think.”
I completely agree. There has to be a true willingness to look/work from the inside. These patterns are strongly attached to the personality(like habit) that it takes double the effort to notice and detach them from ourselves.
It might be psychological pattern is apparent to the person who has it, they’re aware of it, but just don’t know how to address it or begin to unravel it.
Haha I guess it pays to comment first – your comments are being read. 🙂
“To not address this stuff is akin to leaving a thorn in your foot, to fester and become infected. Why is this so common?”
I think it’s in human nature to try to heal itself. Seeking out similar types to solve the first issue. Again and again…
I think this works in a lot of cases. I do have some benefit facing my fears. But some things can’t be solved like that. There may not be a better possible outcome of the situation.
In my case:
I’ve got a long row of examples of how narcissistic people will treat me horridly and not change and give me love and respect. It’s gotten a lot better after I realised why and what they are (especially the fact that they usually don’t know, that there’s no evil masterplan motivating them). I’ve given up on solving those issues. Letting go was hard, but benefitial (thank you Saturn for messing through my 12th house).
Anyway… I think we screw up in the same ways as we’ve done before because we’re trying to do it right – this time.
I think for me it’s kind of two steps forward, a step back and a step sideways. I like seeing the good in everyone. Moon Neptune style, with mixed results…
and then sometimes I think unconsciously I’m afraid if I don’t accept what I have, and try to work with it, I’ll have nothing.Venus/Saturn. Very hard to let go, and Let God. I’m working on it and my life is improving.
I think it’s common because our society doesn’t offer many constructive ways to deal with the negative aspects of living and being human. People like this are attached to some heroic version of themselves, so it’s hard to see where they’re failing. Failure is such a loaded, stigmatized thing in our culture, and unless someone has a liberated mindset, chances are they are more afraid of trying and failing than not trying and sticking with the status quo.
And I’ll admit I have a problem with authority in my romantic relationships that is more my projection than anything else.
Boy, dorchid, I don’t know that I have ever disagreed with you but I see this very differently from you. I think we do nothing but excuse failure and allow people to place blame on others or even onto entities or concepts that aren’t even human. On top of that, we go so far as to reward failure while simultaneously denigrating people who are successful.
That’s how we know it’s a real pathology, sometimes with a simple cure to someone who has knowledge. But to the person, it’s just a part of them until they get a flash in insight or something uranian that shakes them up and opens their eyes.
I know a lot of people who feel that people are responsible for curing themselves, but sometimes we need help from other people to figure it out. And some people are wired in a way to go in a loop, so if they are going around in a negative way, they really can’t stop until something stops them.
@Elsa, I agree as you put it that people make excuses for their own failures. I see this as a character flaw, as in I think it makes people miserable to be this way and I would wish for everyone’s sake that people like this get past it. But I think it’s a character flaw that’s easy to get away with in the world we live in, unfortunately. I guess that’s my cynicism talking.
Lately, I’ve been doing “the opposite” of my typical inclinations (I think I’ve done this a couple other times as an exercise – I call it going into my discomfort zone) and it’s exhilarating!
And educational. You learn in high relief the impact your general nature has on the world, and the impact of the opposite. It’s hard to take your own temperature, see and feel your own nature extremely clearly (or it is for me, swimming in Neptune) but this is one way to do it.
I can’t speak for anyone else but ~some~ of the maddest people I know, are those who have been enabled the most. I think shame has a lot to do with it (with the specific people I’m thinking of).
Lack of life force.
As for why it’s so common, I think humans are biologically inclined to avoid pain and the definition of pain is so skewed for some…there’s no perspective.
@Kashmiri – “enabled the most” … Brings to mind an ex-boyfriend who had an entitlement chip on his shoulder. He was drama and whenever he’d get into trouble his family would bail him out. Yet, he would complain how the world never gave him what he was “owed.”
This line though: “I’ve also seen people who are really mad about something, but they don’t know what so they’re just mad at everyone all the time,” strikes home. I was that person during my Saturn return. I put myself in therapy because I couldn’t figure out why I was so angry — I was having private rage-out sessions several times a week. It turned out to be *really* obvious why I was so mad, but while in my denial bubble it was mystifying.
May I ask catfishmass?… during the times you were having your rage-out sessions… was Neptune squaring your natal Neptune… or was Pluto opposing your sun?
I do see where i mess up – as with social anxiety. I’ve been meaning to write something elsewhere, about that, under a goal for SA, because it is so obvious, but when you’re experiencing it? totally different circumstances. It’s very hard to fight it, at times, and there is shame involved at times. I also know that I haven’t been outright enabled, and that I don’t have a feeling of entitlement in most areas of my life – I do feel that I’m owed something good in love, but then I feel that way for other people, too. I was in better shape, two years ago.
I keep running into people who talk about how great it is to fail, and I don’t agree. they keep saying that if you aren’t failing, then you aren’t trying enough. I know that I didn’t take enough risks when I was younger, but am more wary now. I’ve noticed how my mindset has changed since I hit 35; people seem to think that you can’t start over when you’ve reached a certain point, and being stuck in one place when you need to be out more, is crazy-making. I feel so much better when I’m out with others, and then get to come home and go to sleep.
So, I do see my mistakes, it’s living with them at a certain point, when it seems like everything is lost, that’s the hard part – and I will also call someone on their behaviour (like a certain man who was in my life).
Well.. how do you address it? My friend is going through a Venus/Pluto transit and attracting all types of intensity.. I don’t know what to tell her.
I would tailor something like this to the individual. The general thing to say is, “Let go”. 🙂
This is common when people dont take responsibility for their lives or the part their thought patterns. Its an unconscious way of living.
I started to figure this out about 5 years ago, the part I play in my pathology, and have been working on changing my story so I can stop attracting narcissists. Not an easy feat to begin with but has become easier as I start to see my patterns. Pluto in the 12th since 2008 and now conjunct my Sun.
I ran into unfaithful men or men I could not trust a lot of times when dating and in relationships.
First, I thought it was bc my dad had an affair when I was a kid. But it didn’t seem likely. Then I thought it had to be because I had been ‘unfaithful’ in my relationships because my Libra Moon likes to flirt a lot. But my Sun and Venus is in Scorpio so that didn’t quite add up either…
Then I figured it out. It probably was because I was so mad at my father for abandoning me when growing up. And my mother harbored a huge anger toward him and men in general, and for sure she didn’t trust them =control issues and cutting off her relationships. Including the one she had with me, she didn’t or would’nt let me in, didn’t share her feelings towards me and so on. When my sister was born, I had a pet, if nothing else to have some much needed love from SOMEONE or something at least.
When my last relationship ended, I set out to date a lot and learn to trust myself more. I knew I needed to trust men again, but more importantly, I needed to LIKE men again after being so let down. So I dated a lot of guys. I cut off contact with my mom’s controlling behaviour as much as I could. I got to like me again.
…. And yes, I DID find a man who actually liked woman, and didn’t have any anger towards them. Who trusted woman and trusts me.
Like I at long last liked men again.
It is really hard fighting this fight, but it is an opportunity to change some of your fears into gold.
This was when Jupiter was in Scorpio by the way…..
Man, that is one vindictive looking guy! 🙂 Haha!
Inspector Clouseau perhaps? ?
It’s like an opposition aspect. People and events show you that what is external is really internal. Maybe?