Dropping Your Guard So Someone Can Get To Know You

mercury symbolI feel I’m in a process right now, with a number of people. I speaking with them in a candid way so they can get to know me.

“I think this,” I say. I feel this about that or here’s my idea with that…or what I am trying to do, or whatever it is.

Here’s my reasoning. Here’s what I’m trying to do…

I’m enjoying this. I don’t think it’s that rare and I know why. It’s risky to reveal your inner workings. My logic is X. It opens you up to be judged, that’s for sure. But this is exactly what I want.

Judge me! Please judge me, because if you find me unworthy or uninteresting, we’ll both know and nothing more need occur between us.

On the other hand, you might like the way I think. You might like my candor and if so, we’re going to be off and running.

I think this clarity comes via the Uranus / Pluto transit to my natal Mercury. Those transits stripped away all that was not essential.

What essential now is that time and energy (yours or mine) not be wasted.

Have you ever consciously revealed yourself to someone, for the express purpose of allowing them to judge you?

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Dropping Your Guard So Someone Can Get To Know You — 26 Comments

  1. YES, and it was a turning point for me in another critical relationship at the time. I had become close friends with this gal and she started dating this guy who came off as a real *sshole the first time I met him in passing. So we went to dinner together, the three of us, so that I could get to know him better. She was very concerned with what I would think of him and vice versa. I realize now that she knew we would never hit it off and that she would have to make a choice between us, so to speak. So I went into the dinner determined to be myself completely so I could see his reaction. It did not go well. She had told him previously that I was a student of astrology and a pagan. He, on the other hand, was a non-denominational Christian. He thought he could look down his nose at me until I made it clear that I was raised in a very fundamental, religious home and that my decision of a spiritual path was based on knowledge – not ignorance. So I began to question him about HIS knowledge of my beliefs….and HIS beliefs for that matter. He had very little. So I asked how he knew he had made the right decision if he only had a fraction of the information.

    So dinner was a disaster and my friendship with the gal was forever changed. It was for the best though. I agree with you there completely.

  2. I tried, once…it didn’t end well. Since then, it only ever happens by accident. I’m probably more guarded than most. I like it when I can trust someone enough to be myself. I guess I should try to open up more often. Too scary…

  3. That’s interesting you bring this up. This is something I have to force myself to remember to do when first meeting people; the concept of ‘just being yourself’ is very hard to grasp when you are a people-pleaser by nature!

    But the times I did or do ‘do it’ went fairly well. At least, I had the same attitude as you where if you don’t like me, fine, we won’t waste each other’s time, but if you do, then great.

  4. If I do this it is for transparency, to show that I am being fair as well as where I’m coming from. It opens the process to understanding. Some people don’t want that. They just want an answer. Others, when I feel like my position needs clarification, get the thought process. It is usually when I expect a give and take.

  5. Oh yeah. I do it all the time. I will hang out with anyone who’s accepting of who I am. Usually I like them too!

  6. Yes. Especially in love relationships. This is really a theme for me, with a 1st house Libra Sun/Pluto AND Neptune square Ascendant.

  7. I think that’s so brave, Elsa! I say that because it’s a quality I admire that I don’t have. I only ask when I am truly ready to hear the answers.

  8. Sounds like being authentically yourself,

    Most people don’t do this because they’re very immature and insecure and usually have things to hide, and don’t know to socialize with other human beings honestly

    if we don’t get along we don’t get along, if we do then great.

    Great subject

    • I would agree with the socializing part, at least in my case. Pretty much grew up by myself, no friends, and an only child til almost 10. I freely admit I don’t socialize well, nor do I want to at this point. It may be lonely at times but, it’s what I’m used to/comfortable with.

  9. Human beings are very scared of being judged

    People judge people all the time (ignorant,jealous,ego boost there are many “see through” possibilities)

    I think this is a very serious problem with society today.

  10. I really putting my ONE face out there, the only face I have. I’m sick to death of people guessing wrong about me. I’d rather put my cards on the table, face up!

    • Yes, with cards face up the game plays through. Jupiter is direct today. I used that influence to play with all my cards face up and in the process the morning revealed such clarity for all the people who share the five acres of land. It’s our five year anniversary together and over coffees we got to know each other, again.

      The years of ‘running’ (on empty) taught me and my husband what we are like under fire, or, on fire. To survive you become whatever and whoever you need to be. Slowly, we are dropping our guard and rooting in place. Wild and whacky, tough and tender, hermit and meddler.

      Uranus-Pluto square is molding my Capricorn Moon.

  11. I’m with allie120, and think it’s very brave of you Elsa. Ideal in fact. As long as one’s boundaries are being respected. Wish I could do it. I do however feel more like myself in male company, where I tend to feel more ingenuous, venturesome, and relaxed.

  12. No, but I think it is a grand idea and will look for an opportunity to do so! The past two years I was so shell shocked and broken from my divorce that I didn’t want anyone to see a weakness, but as the jagged edges heal and as I am now over 50, I really, truly do not want to waste my time with people who don’t like me or with whom I don’t connect. No offense to those who find me offensive, just no longer interested in trying to justify my existence or please them. As always, thank you for the succinct way you word things and the permission and inspiration to do something good for all involved!

  13. After I read a blog-posting of yours, Elsa, I agreed with you, and started consciously showing to people what’s uniquely me (you wrote that Annalisa advised you to drop presenting yourself as demure, even though you’re modest; people needed to perceive your… wild nature. Or something close-ish to that. Anyhoo, I decided on the spot to “show” my attributes, that matter to me, that others might not guess. So, thank you.

  14. Thinking about this post since I read it last night, because it really struck me. BOOM.

    I used to be open, like you: this is me! I think this! it was fun, and I made a lot of friends (and I lived in a number of great cities and overseas too), by being this way I think. When I married, though, I ended up in one city. My friends here all moved away one after the other. So now I am kind of alone with my husband and his friends, period (all other friends via phone/FB as they live far away and I am trapped here. I’ve learned over time my husband doesn’t like “me” after all, he’s been trying to remake me to match his friends and exes, and I’ve shut down, and shut down, and shut down merely to survive — w him, w his friends and family. Even with locals who are sort of….stiff, one dimensional They are not unkind people, just….. I have no kids, am not from here — so there is no interest. Travel, life, the world? No interest. (My friends who left were not from here either, and got fed up with this sort of social culture — it’s not just me. An old friend who moved here last year is already clawing to leave and on his way out.) I just live shut down the last three years, having trouble even writing. Reading this made me realize I don’t even know my voice, or who I am anymore. My guard is up, hard, the first time in my life, to “survive” — hide, bury, say nothing. to survive — but I feel a sort of anger roiling in me and my Sag Moon is starting to heave like an awakening volcano. Like…if I don’t return to myself I will burst badly. I have been dealing with illness and unemployment too (every interview – even to volunteer – “you’re not from here? we’re looking for someone local” though I have lived here eight years and have a resume that has companies on both coasts calling me)… like I can go to a party and people only talk to me as long as I say NOTHING about myself, life, where I am from, just nod. I dream of escaping this. Maybe tearing down my “guard” will have them me out of town. Maybe that would be good!!!

    • I should add as what I wrote sounds more woeful than I feel…..life felt worse the last few years, than lately. I felt I wilted to silence, for various reasons (husband, vile employer, cancer) but now….hmm… I am displeased! and have more energy about rejecting this state of being guarded, buried alive. I get more contact/approaches from “outside” this geo area lately, that all remind me I am still valuable and very okay as the long-buried “me” to others. Thus, I have found the energy to sort of stand up to deal with some stuff lately, item by item. It’s good.
      I have felt a shift. But — I think reading this post was sort of a confirmation of sorts, a real eye-opener, about things that have been unspooling sort of organically. Hence the wow and the BOOM and my too-long posts here. Virgo. (A close Virgo friend in Italy w a similar chart is experiencing the same thing, actually, and we’re sort of amazed by the twin-ness.)

      Reading this post you wrote, is good too — like, it’s almost destiny that I read this.

  15. Nope. Plenty of judgement without encouraging it. 😀 I put something out or somebody else puts something out there. Either there is a response toward going further or not. Sometimes I retract and sometimes the other does. And of course, further is always good. Seems like a jupiter saturn game to me. I think I am a person who quite possibly does not have anything to sell. Is that possible????

  16. I don’t think I can ever truly drop my guard in this type of situation – It isn’t because I’ll be judged, it’s more of my personal need for privacy. I can reach out to others and “be there” for them, especially through a life changing event or crisis. I cannot open myself up to a stranger I’ve never met. It will likely take me years to be able to truly open up to someone -mate, friend, whatever. Sexual intimacy does not equal true intimacy with me. It’s the Scorpio, I know — For example, I enjoy talking here. I have enjoyed Elsa’s blog for years, but after a few days I feel over-exposed and have to sit back for a few months and just read…
    P.S. I can be nice and kind, and bring snacks and treats to a new neighbor – but go meet & greet??? please, no…

  17. I began to respond to this when it was first posted and decided to think about it before I added my two cents. Funny thing is, I don’t think I am so much like this when I first meet someone who could potentially be a friend. I hold back. I don’t think I do it deliberately. I think its a normal Scorpio behavior.

    Try to imagine being in grade school, having a Scorpio Stellium and parents that caused you to go to 8 schools. I had no rooted friends. As a little girl I had to go in, access the situation, and find someone (or hope they found me) that would talk to me. It was one of the hardest parts of my childhood.

    I don’t think I show all my cards to potential friends. But back when I was making an effort to date (which I hated btw) I was pretty clear with men. This is who I am. I am what you see. Don’t waste my time or yours. Nothing about me is going to go gaga over you, make me head over heals and change a hair on my head so come to stay, or stay away. I was horrible at dating. Didn’t give two shits if they liked me or not, and threw it all out there.(and some extra too) Looking back I truly have no idea how I was ever married to anyone. I never once was that girl that made the extra effort to impress a guy to get his attention. In fact, I think I did what I could to be an asshole. Maybe on purpose. If they stayed then….alright! If they flew, good for me.

    I think I had more dates because I was like that. I didn’t go. I didn’t usually like them. But, there they were. Calling this woman who didn’t care if they called or not. I never would have called me. If something happened to my husband I would never date again. And, I don’t have much occasion to make new friends now. I am just not going to make the effort at this age and I probably work too much.

    (smiling girl) ^^^ I don’t think I can ever truly drop my guard in this type of situation – It isn’t because I’ll be judged, it’s more of my personal need for privacy (I agree with her and everything she said 100%) I will donate money, I will definitely go way out of my way for my g-daughters and animals, but that is the extent of it. Makes me sound pathetic, but its the truth. I don’t have anything to sell either notch……

  18. Hello everyone! 12`th house Sco/ Sco ascendant here, whose 1st house chatty / forthright sag moon has everyone (well, most casual acquaintances anyways) thinking “what you see is what you get”….hm, not necessarily so 😉
    I see a few other Scorpios posted here, and I really resonated with what they’ve expressed.
    Elsa, I see what you mean by wanting to lay it all out there, and indeed being verbally forthright about your beliefs and ideas is an important filter in weeding out people who don’t respect your point of view. I do this to a good extent – moreso as I age. I just don’t really give a sh!t anymore about what people think (unless I find myself shooting myself in the foot professionally, for ex. -I am not that masochistic ;-). And it feels empowering, and right. However,for the Scorpio that I am, words are only part of the equation – it is much harder for me to deal with people gaining access to my EMOTIONAL world, allowing them to witness me in a moment of deep fear/ANGER/sadness, for example. I can express controversial or sensitive thoughts to others, have that mental rapport, but sharing the emotional rapport is a true test of authenticity/intimacy for me. And VERY few (like less than the fingers on one hand) people in my lifetime have passed that particular test, although it is fair to say I have a decently wide circle of admiring/sympathetic acquaintances and friendly folk around me, and I don’t feel like I am lying or being disingenuous with them. They are definitely getting access to a part of me – just not the whole spectrum of me. And that can be a bit lonely sometimes, but it’s ok.
    Do other water-heavy feel that way or is this sort of a Scorpio special?

  19. Tolerance. Screw that. If anyone has a need to exercise tolerance regarding ME, go shit in your hat cuz I’m not going to tolerate THAT!

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